by Mia Ford
I hate to admit it, but my dad is older than me and he’s had a very successful life. Maybe he knows more than me after all. Maybe, after everything that we’ve been through, he does only care for me and want what’s best. Maybe, I should give his idea a go then if it doesn’t work out I can at least tell him that I tried.
“Okay fine,” I eventually say glumly. “I’ll go. I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.”
“All I want you to do is try, son. That’s all I’m asking of you. Now come on, let’s get this car packed up.”
I feel uneasy as we do so, I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing, but I know that I might end up regretting not seeing what my potential could be. I just hope that I’m not be throwing away something incredible here by doing so. Then again, if fate is a thing then it’ll happen if it’s meant to be. I just need to be patient and hope that the life I want finally catches up with me.
Chapter Eleven – Leah
I keep staring out the window waiting for Zane to appear. He’ll be here soon, I know that he will. He promised me and I know for a fact that he’ll keep that. He wouldn’t lie to me, Zane just isn’t like that. I feel like I know him now, I have a closeness with him that’s an unbreakable bond. It’s utterly unbelievable.
I barely slept all night long, but as I did I dreamt of him. Of me and Zane and the wonderful future that we could have together given the chance. I know it won’t be easy to get there, but it’ll be worth it.
“Urgh,” Brandon groans as he staggers into the room, looking pale and sallow, like he might throw up at any given moment. I” think I’m going to die. I haven’t ever had a hangover like this before.”
I smile and stand before walking over to the coffee pot to pour him a mug. Hopefully, this will help with his self-inflicted pain. “You look like death. But did you have a good night? That’s the main thing.”
“I did, I did.” He slumps into one of the chairs and gives me a look. “Was I well behaved? I can’t remember much so now I’m scared that I might have acted like a crazy person. I’m dreading the flash backs.”
“You did sing some Disney songs at one point, but that was just before Zane put you to bed. There weren’t many people here by that point anyway so I don’t think it matters. No one filmed you anyway.”
Brandon flops his head down onto the table in despair, leaving his coffee untouched. I feel bad for him, I really do, but he did get a little bit carried away. Then again, I can’t judge. I did too. I got really carried away, but it led to one of the best things in my entire life. It led to me and Zane finally hooking up and getting together.
“Where is Zane anyway?” he asks in a pitiful tone. “He was supposed to be staying here last night.”
I can feel an instant blush filling my cheeks. This is something that I’m desperate to discuss but that I’m also afraid to. I’m scared that Brandon might pick up on what’s going on between us. “Oh, I… he left last night. I don’t know why but he did say he’d be back in the morning to help with the clean-up.”
Brandon raises his head and takes a look about. “But there isn’t anything to clean up, is there?”
“No, I’ve done it,” I admit. I couldn’t sleep so I figured that I might as well get it clean. “I didn’t want Mom to come home and see it after a night shift. To be honest, it wasn’t that bad anyway.”
“Is Mom back yet? Has she seen the house?” Brandon looks panicked. “Is she mad at me?”
“She’s in bed,” I chuckle. “Don’t worry about it. She isn’t angry at you anyway, she knows that it was your birthday. She was expecting it to be a mess so it was good that I had it all done. Now, do you want food?”
Something about the word ‘food’ causes Brandon to pale even more. His cheeks get wide and he slaps his hands across his mouth. He’s going to vomit, I can tell even before he leaps to his feet and he runs to the bathroom.
I laugh to myself, knowing that I definitely won’t be making the same mistake for my birthday, that’s for sure. It might be fun at the time, but the aftermath really isn’t worth it. It looks awful.
My heart stops as I notice something unusual. Brandon is so ill that he’s left his precious cell phone on the table which is something that he never does. He carries it around with him everywhere like it’s an extra limb or something. But now he’s throwing up and it’s up for the taking. I could look into it and get Zane’s number…
Without allowing myself even a second to panic, I do the worst thing and I grab the phone. I don’t like to dive into anyone else’s privacy, but today it feels like it’s necessary. If me and Zane are going to end up together, I’ll have to have his number anyway. I can’t be a girlfriend without it. This is fine in the long run, I’m sure.
I grab out my own phone and I copy down the number at the speed of light with my heart hammering in my ears the entire time. I feel shitty about myself, but I suppose I’m going to have to get used to being secretive. Me and Zane will have to keep things private between us for at least a while.
I’m tempted to text him right away, but I can’t. I don’t want to the ‘that girl’. I want to wait until he gets here first so I can see how he feels first. I want to get a clue from him that everything will still be the same as last night. It’ll kill me if it isn’t, but I suppose it’ll be better for me to know one way or another. I’ll have to try and keep myself together for a little while later. It shouldn’t be too hard, should it?
I stare out the window again, waiting for him to arrive. I cannot wait until I hear that rumble of the bike engine, the one that sends a deep and powerful thrill right through me. My heart is racing, my nerve endings are on fire, I can’t stop myself from hoping that everything will go the way I want. There’s a happy ever after forming in my mind, and I so desperately want it to become real. I’ll even wait if I have to, as long as I know that Zane is in this just as much as I am. I need that security, after all this time, I need to not be in this alone.
***
‘Hi, Zane, it’s Leah, I got your number from Brandon’s phone, I hope that’s alright. Is everything okay?’
‘Hey, Zane, just letting you know that the clean-up is done. Brandon is a mess! I think he might need you x’
I stare at the two messages that I’ve sent today, hating myself for sounding so needy. I’m sure I wrote the number down right, I checked it a good number of times, but he hasn’t replied as yet. I’m scared that it’s me and that he doesn’t want to know me. I’m terrified that I’ve seen this all wrong.
What if I’m just another notch on his bed post? What if Zane gives all the girls the impression that they’re going to be with him? That would certainly explain why Rosa freaked out so much…
All of a sudden, I’m distracted by Brandon shouting and yelling down the stairs. He’s been sleeping on and off all day, trying to recover from his mad night but it seems that he’s finally come around. Does that mean Zane is here? Even if he hasn’t replied to me, I need to see him. I can’t stand all these unanswered questions.
I fly down the stairs with my whole body electrified. I don’t even care about looking foolish any longer, I don’t even think I’m that bothered if everyone knows about me and Zane, I just want the truth…
But it’s quickly obvious that he isn’t here which causes everything in me to sink.
“Oh my God, this is horrible,” Brandon yells, not really at Mom, but in her direction. She looks tired, like she can’t seem to get enough sleep at the moment, but she’s listening anyway. “He’s gone now, already.”
“Well, Brandon, you’ll be going off to college yourself soon anyway, so what does it matter?”
I dart my eyes between the pair of them, trying to work out what I’ve missed. There’s a lot of anger floating around them both, well mostly over Brandon’s head, and I need to know why. “There is supposed to be a goodbye, we should have a party, we should have this summer together. It shouldn’t end like this.”
Mom again tries to be overly
patient. “I understand that, Brandon. I know how you feel, but you’ve done better at school than him, haven’t you? You have focused on your studies whereas he hasn’t. You have given yourself options and he has not. If he wants to get somewhere in life then this is what he needs to do.”
Brandon rolls his eyes as if my mother doesn’t understand him. I can see that he’s seething, it’s rolling off of his shoulders in waves, it almost hurts me to see. Still, my brain is too foggy to get this situation.
“You haven’t ever liked him, Mom, and that’s why you’re being this way about it. I’m upset. Can’t you see that? I just got off the phone to my best friend and he’s gone to college already. He’s done here.”
Best friend… Shit. “Do you mean Zane?” I ask desperately, clutching at my chest. “Has he gone?”
Brandon turns to see me as if for the very first time. He looks relieved to have someone that he presumes to be on his side. It’s best that he doesn’t know why I feel that way! That would kick his ass even more.
“Yes, he’s left. Can you believe it? He went last night. He said some bullshit about his father sending him away because the course that he’s doing has to start now, even before he does his high school exams. That’s mental, isn’t it? He left right after my party and didn’t even tell me that he was going.”
I feel like I’ve been gut punched. Zane must have known that he was leaving for college when he walked out of here last night and he said nothing. He lied to me and pretended that he would be back for me. He treated me like I’m special, like I meant something to him which was a lie. Everything he said to me was a lie.
I’ve been here, texting him like an idiot and he’s gone. He’s off somewhere else entirely, ready to start a brand new life while I’m left here without him, with nothing. I almost fall backwards as that really hits me.
“Oh my God,” I gush. “That’s terrible… for you Brandon. You must be really hurt.”
“It does hurt, it sucks to be honest! I’m so mad that he’s just gone and never coming back.”
Over his shoulder, Mom gives me a strange look, almost as if she suspects more, but I do what I can to ignore it. I don’t want her to be able to see how I feel, this really isn’t the time for me to deal with it. For now, I need to focus on acting like I’m not dying inside while I have to work out how the hell I’m going to get over Zane.
I really have to let him go now, I have to say goodbye. Zane doesn’t want to know, he’s made that perfectly clear, and unless I want to spend the next sixteen years of my life pining after a man that doesn’t want me. If Zane doesn’t want to know me after that wonderful night, then I don’t know what I can do. He’ll never want me now. I’m a fool for falling into bed with him. I’m simply going to join all those other girls who have fallen foolishly for Zane Morris. And there’s a big long list of them, I’m certainly not alone here.
I wipe a tear that leaks out of my eye, hating myself for feeling so emotional. I should have known that this would happen, I should have guessed this would end this way. Now I’ll never tell anyone about what happened, not even Mandi. I don’t want any embarrassment. I just want to forget about this and move on.
Chapter Twelve – Zane
Five Years Later…
Being back here is weird, really weird. It’s been five long years since I set foot in my home town and it’s odd to return. There’s the sense that I belong here and that it’s familiar, but also that I don’t anymore. I have been in California for so long that it’s almost like that’s my home now. This is the vacation for me today. I glance my eyes around in wonder, drinking it all in. it’s the same, but different, it’s mine, but it isn’t. it’s the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. I thought it would just feel normal, like this is somewhere I’ve always belonged, but I don’t really get that sense. I think I’m going to need to take some time to adjust first.
Strangely, I’m back here with a bunch of medical qualifications under my belt. I never thought that would happen. When I first went away, I was determined to make it short term thing that I would try for my dad’s sake, but surprisingly I liked it a lot. I enjoyed finding my own way in life and learning some new things. I did better at it all than at high school anyway which is a plus. I feel like it’s made me grow a lot as a person. I am glad that I’ve taken this step, especially as I’ve managed to do it in a way that I’m still me. I haven’t lost my identity. I think at first, I was really afraid of that, but I just about managed to cling on to me.
I still look similar, although my hair is cut a little shorter now and I have a few more tattoos, but I’ve definitely developed and grown up. I feel much less like a child now. At twenty three years of age, I’m finally an adult and it feels good. The only thing is my dreams haven’t changed at all. I might have the medical qualifications, but I still want to work with bikes. I want my own custom bike shop, which is something that I’ve also been working towards for the last five years. I’ve taken on work experience to help me get better, I’ve had part time jobs to earn myself some cash of my own, and I’ve practiced on my own bike. All of that means I’ve had to cut myself off, I haven’t had much of a social life and I haven’t been back here, but it’s worth it. A short sacrifice to make the rest of my life better. At least I’m back here now, ready to make this place home again, ready for my life.
I drive past my house, not wanting to stop there for even a moment. My parents are probably expecting me, but I don’t want to go there yet. Maybe not even ever. I still don’t get on well with them, I don’t know if that’s going to change. Instead of heading there, there is someone else that I want to see first. Someone that I’ve neglected while being away and that I want to make amends with. I know that Brandon came back here when he finished college last year and that he’s been here ever since. From what I’ve heard through the grape vine, he has a good job now and a girlfriend too. All seems to be going really well for him. I’m proud, I’m happy for him. My best friend from all those years ago deserves to have a good life, I’m glad that he’s got it now.
I smile to myself as I imagine his shock when I turn up at his home. Because I’ve been so busy and I’ve cut myself off a lot, I’ve pretty much lost contact with him. He’s still my friend, that will never change and I hope that’s the same for him, but we’ve just gone our separate ways. Now that we’re both back in the same place, we can rekindle our friendship. I can’t wait to get out on the town again to catch up on our lives. Luckily, I’m aware that he still lives in his mother’s home – probably while he saves up money to buy a home of his own – so I can find him easily. I don’t know what I’d do if he was someone else.
Just before I get to Brandon’s home, I skid past the store that’s for sale, the place that I just know will be perfect for my custom bike shop. I’ve been doing some negotiations on the phone, I’ve talked to a few people about this, the ball is rolling, soon it will all be mine and I can’t wait. There’s even an apartment above it which is great because my dad won’t like what I’m doing. He’ll go mad that his control only worked so well but it’s okay. I know that I’m doing the right thing for myself. I have tried things his way and it didn’t work. Now I know what I want to do with my life for sure and it’s going to be awesome.
I smile to myself as I go past. I have some meetings coming up soon to finalize everything and I can’t wait for it. That’s when I’ll start to feel like my life is back on track again. That’s when I’ll feel at home. I breathe out a sigh of relief and I continue driving along the road on my bike towards Brandon’s home.
As I pull up outside, I stare at the unassuming building for a moment, thinking about the last time I left here. It was Brandon’s birthday, things got wild, I did many things that I shouldn’t, things that I’ve done my best not to think about since, but now it’s hard to push it back. It floods my brain and makes me feel things.
I don’t like to think about Leah, it’s a hard memory for me, but I had to move on and let her go. As I dro
ve away from this place I came to the realization that we were too new and there were already too many dangerous things surrounding us to make it okay. I couldn’t keep in touch with her because we couldn’t ever be real. Even now, all these years later, it isn’t a decision that I one hundred percent agree with, but I did what was best at the time. Brandon was already so pissed with me leaving in such a way that I didn’t want to make it worse for him. In some ways, I feel like that’s the first adult decision I made, but in another way, I can’t help wondering if I just ran. For a moment, I bask in that, wondering what would have happened had everything been different.
Anyway, there’s no point in getting stuck in the past. A one night stand from five years ago really shouldn’t affect me as it does. It’s crazy and I need to forget all about it. At least for the time being.
I slide off my bike and I march down the garden path with determination in my footsteps. I used to only come to this door when I knew that Brandon was in so I didn’t have to face his mom and her hatred of me, but a long time has passed now. She can’t honestly still be worried that I’m in some non-existent motorcycle gang. I’m sure she must have heard what I left to study and while it might not be where I’m pursuing my future, it has to count for something. It would be nice if just for once, she would actually give me a chance.
Despite all my bravery, which might well be more fake than I’m letting on, I lean my ear against the door to see if I can hear any movement inside. There are definitely footsteps, and possibly humming, I’m not too sure. If I really strain my ears, it sounds like it might be someone female. I glance down at my outfit, knowing that the ripped jeans and the leather jacket isn’t really going to help me right now. But if I jut my chin out and I hold my head high, surely everything will be fine? I have to hope so, at least.