by Mia Ford
She mutters under her breath about me, but I don’t care. I roll my eyes and ignore her. Gloria will have to make shit up about me rather than knowing the truth. It pisses me off, but I’d rather know that she’s not discussing the reality of what happened. Instead of focusing on it, I log onto the Internet and I look at these online college courses. I should have gone to college, I know it, but I saw the financial stress that Brandon put on Mom, unintentionally of course, and I didn’t want to do the same. But this I can do myself. By the looks of it, with a payment plan, I can fund it, I can work it around my life, I can change my life for myself.
I grow excited as I look through the courses, seeing things that I hadn’t even considered before. Creative writing, business management, fashion design… the list is endless. It all thrilling me and unleashes a spark in me that I didn’t know was there. I want this, I actually want to do this. It’s bringing me to life again. I can feel a stirring inside me that won’t be tamed, no matter what. I could even do one of these courses around this job too, if I wanted. But I have the desire to move forwards so badly that I don’t even want this. I don’t want to remain in this horrible toxic environment for another second longer. I can get another part time job as I work.
I push myself up from my chair and stalk towards the manager’s office with a determined look on my face. I need to get this done now while it’s fresh on my mind so I can’t go back on my choice. I need to hand my notice in so I know that I’m leaving this job because that will inspire me to keep on going. If I know that I have to do something, then I will. I’ll shake off the laziness, I’ll stop being settled and calm, I’ll start pushing myself. I don’t have anyone to push me, but that’s fine I can push myself. I can make myself better my life. It’ll be better if I do it anyway. It’s always preferable to boost yourself up because I know I can rely on me.
I knock on the door and make my way inside with a smirk on my face. I feel good about my choice. I’m going to do an online college course, I’m going to get a new job, I’m going to change everything. Maybe Zane turning up at the door wasn’t the worst thing in the world after all…
***
As I walk through the front door, I feel the need to decompress. That was intense, it wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be to hand in my notice. They actually tried to persuade me to stay, like I’m an integral member of the team or something. To be honest, if I hadn’t just suffered all that unpleasantness with Gloria, I might have been convinced but she has made it obvious for me that I need to get out.
Unfortunately, I’m not going to get any time alone because I can hear Brandon and Mom in the kitchen. As soon as I hear Zane’s name I give up my plan to escape up the stairs to hide away in my room. I know that I’m keeping my distance from him but I still want to hear what’s going on in his life.
“…so, yeah, he has his own custom bike shop now, that’s crazy, right? After all that education?”
I don’t hear Mom’s reply, she mumbles back to Brandon, but that doesn’t matter. I’m about to interject myself into this conversation and maybe even bring up my amazing news. I’m so excited that I’ve let go of the past and that I’m finally moving forwards. It’s scary but I feel really positive about my decision. I’m happy.
“Hi guys,” I say a little too brightly. “How’s it going? Who has a bike shop?”
“I’m talking about Zane,” Brandon replies with a sigh. “I can’t help worrying about him. I mean, he keeps saying that he’s really happy, but it’s strange, isn’t it? He is trained in medicine.”
I can’t imagine Zane doing something medical. Even thinking about him in college studying that was weird, but having a custom bike shop… that I can see. I can picture him in his leathers with rock music playing in the background, spraying and creating some incredible artwork on a ride. It’s his passion, it’s what he wants out of life, I get it. Brandon doesn’t but he has a level head on. He would rather do what’s smart than what he loves. That’s why he’s working towards law and is why him and Jenny work out so well. They are pragmatic together, it’s nice to see. But that isn’t Zane, he’s wilder and much more free spirited.
“Oh well, that’s nice,” I reply blandly, trying not to sound too interested. Brandon never mentioned it when he caught us almost doing… well, nothing really, but I’m sure it’s still there in the back of his mind. “And he must have done it alone too. Where did you say he has a store? Is it here, in town?”
“The old scrap metal place. And I think he has too. I know for a fact that his dad wouldn’t help him out with this, but that’s because it’s crazy, isn’t it? Wouldn’t he be better using his education? He’s trained to do something really important, really special, something that will make him a whole lot of money, you know?”
“It doesn’t really matter what he does,” Mom finally interjects, using the same tart voice she always used to use when it came to Zane when we were teenagers. I guess she hasn’t let go of her less than pleasant feelings for him, which is a shame. We’re all much more grown up now. “That boy has no hope. As soon as he started to go off the rails, his father should have done something about him. I mean, he has all the resources in the world.”
I roll my eyes and turn away from her, unable to listen to her bad mouthing him. It’s as if she doesn’t even realize the positive effect that he’s had on my life. I did intend to tell them about my plan if it came up, but now I’m not so sure that I should. I might end up chasing a creative dream too and apparently that’s not good.
“I don’t know, Mom, he’s a nice person,” Brandon tries to defend his friend. “He isn’t like that.”
“This shop is probably just a front for his gang. The gang that I always told you to keep away from. It’s just good that you’re working in the law now and you won’t get mixed up in any of it.”
As Brandon starts to argue with mom, the same row that they used to have all the time when we were kids, I stalk from the room and make my escape. I don’t want to go back five years, I want to move forward. I want to start looking into courses and to also look for another part time job. I still have two weeks until my notice runs out where I am, and I want to have something lined up in the mean time. I want to do that rather than worry about Zane and what he’s doing with his life. Even if he owns a sexy ass custom bike shop and he’s living his dream. Even if his touch was so electrifying that he made me feel things that I forgot I could.
No, I’m not thinking about Zane at all. I’m focusing on myself and the future for me. Right now, it’s time to be selfish and to remember that nothing else matters.
Chapter Twenty Two – Zane
As I finish waxing off the latest job I’ve completed in what has actually been a pretty steady line of work for someone who’s new to the business, I feel an intense sense of satisfaction. The first thing I did was do my own bike up so I can leave it out the front as a point of advertising, then I created a strong online presence, and because of that I’ve definitely made enough cash to pay my bills for the next couple of months which is awesome.
And most of all, I’m happy. That’s all I’ve really cared about from the start. The money is to keep me going, the pride and happiness that I feel when it all comes together cannot be beaten. I absolutely love it.
I wipe my hand across my forehead, trying to get rid of the sweat but probably replacing it with a smear of something else instead, but I don’t care. Luckily for me, this isn’t a position where image is everything and I have to make sure that I look good all the time. It’s absolutely fine for me to be a bit of a grease monkey.
Now that I’m done, it’s time to make some calls, to let the owner of this beautiful machine know that I’m done with it, and to sort out some more business too. I’ll also have to do some paper work which is the part of this that I’m not so keen on. But that’s okay. Once I’m really established I’ll be able to hire someone to work in the office side of the business with me, taking care of all the admin. Hell, I might
even have a couple of people working in the front with me to keep up with demand. They’ll need a lot of training to get to my standards, but I’ll make it work. I’m confident now, even more so than before, that this is what my life has been missing. It feels good. I’ve found a way to fill the hole and nothing else matters. It really doesn’t matter what my parents think anymore.
“Hello?” As soon as I step inside and I take a deep sigh while I try and work out where to begin, a beautiful soft voice grabs my attention. My body immediately suspects who it might be, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. “I hope it’s okay that I came to see you. I had a job interview just around the corner and I wanted to say hi.”
I turn slowly, trying to brace myself. I haven’t seen Leah since I heard that she broke up with Patrick, and to be honest I’ve been too busy to think too much about it. Of course, she’s always been there in the back of my mind, she isn’t going anywhere in that respect, but I haven’t made any effort. Yet now, she’s here to see me.
Leah looks breath-taking as well. Her cropped hair is straightened smartly down the sides of her face, she has a natural looking make up on that really makes her eyes pop, and she’s wearing a white blouse and a smart black pencil skirt. She looks like a damn wet dream come to life right in front of me.
“Oh, hi, Leah.” I try to keep my tone neutral, but it wavers a bit. “You had a job interview, huh?”
“Yeah, I did, at the printing factory around the corner. They’re looking for someone to man the phones.”
“Oh, I see.” I don’t see at all. “But don’t you already have a job? I thought you were in an office…”
“I was, but I quit because it was a toxic environment. I started to realize that it didn’t excite me anymore and that I want more from my life. I can’t stick around those gossipy bitches forever, it drives me mad.”
I wonder if she’s partly talking about Patrick as well as she says this. He didn’t excite her, I told her that the first time I saw her again. She didn’t have any spark in her eyes, there wasn’t a fire in her belly, she had been dulled. I don’t think it’s fully back yet, but I can see it creeping up through her and it’s nice.
“So, printing? That’s your new passion is it? I don’t know if I see it myself…”
“No, no.” She giggles and shakes her head. “No, that’s just another part time job. I’m actually taking an online college course since I didn’t get to go the first time around.” I wonder if this is because of Brandon and the family’s lack of money. Leah certainly had the smarts to go to college so there must have been something major to stop her. She won’t say that though. “I’m trying to make things better by playing the long game.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to study?”
“I have actually.” She smiles to herself, her eyes filling with a happy sparkle. “Creative Writing.”
“Wow, that’s really something.” I’m a little blown away by this. “That sounds awesome.”
“I haven’t told Brandon or my mom yet, so please don’t say anything. I don’t know if they’ll understand that I want to do something creative, but I really feel like this might be right for me. I didn’t just make a snap decision, I thought about it for ages, agonizing over my choice, and this is the one I landed on.”
“I’m sure Brandon will understand…” I start, but will he? He doesn’t really get what I’m doing and I’m not even related to him. He feels responsible for Leah. It’ll be different for her. “In the end, anyway.”
“Yeah, I hope so. I just want to keep it all to myself for a while until I’m settled, you know?”
I nod, silently agreeing with her that actually that’s probably the best plan. Once she’s in the middle of her decision, there isn’t anything that anyone can say to take it away from her. Plus, hopefully when they all see how happy she is, they won’t want to. Creative writing might really be the thing to bring her to life.
“So, the printing job thing is just to keep you going? I hope you get it then.”
“Actually…” An adorable looking blush fills her cheeks. “They liked me so much that they offered me the job on the spot, and I know they can be pretty adaptable with hours too, so it works for me.” She bites down on her bottom lip making me wish it was my skin beneath her teeth. “So, I guess we’ll be seeing more of each other.”
My heart stops dead, of course, we will! If I’m here all the time, living and working here, and Leah is working just around the corner, then we’re bound to spend time with one another. In a totally innocent, friendship way that no one can get mad at. It’ll give us a chance to really get to know one another again…
“You’ll have to come and have your lunch break with me when you are working,” I say with a chuckle. “It gets pretty lonely here working all by myself, no one in the world to talk to…”
Leah rolls her eyes, knowing that I’m joking about the last part. “I think I will, you know. But I can’t imagine you have time to get lonely here. You’ve got everything that you ever wanted. This is your dream.”
“Shall I show you around?” I grow excited by the idea of actually showing the place to someone who seems to have nothing but enthusiasm for me. I know most people understand why I’m doing this, but Leah does.
“Oh, yeah that would be awesome. I’m free for the afternoon now so I have all the time in the world…”
Her words cause a funny stirring within me. Why has she told me that? She must want me to know that she’s got nowhere to be. Could that possibly be because she wants to spend time with me? I don’t want to push her into anything before she’s ready, but if she wants me… well, who the hell am I to resist? A giant smile spreads across my lips and I feel a stirring in my underwear. Me and Leah can feel like we’re alone here, even if we aren’t. no one can really see us unless they’re trying to. It’s like having our own little world.
“Come on, then. Let me show you. This, obviously, is the office area, but I do wish that it could be tidier. I guess eventually one day I’ll need to hire a receptionist to sort it out for me…”
For a brief second, I put Leah in the role in my mind. My brain immediately drags up all sorts of fantasies of us turning this into our private little sex dungeon, but I immediately toss the idea out. Talk about pushing things too quickly! Also, I can’t really afford to pay her at the moment, and it would quickly get very intense.
“Erm, let me take you out into the yard. I’ll show you what I’ve just been working on.”
Leah is the right level of impressed as I show her my creation. I can tell that she doesn’t fully get it, not being a biker chick herself, but that doesn’t matter. Her words of praise are like music to my ears. I like her thinking that I’m something worthwhile, especially because she’s seeing the real me, the person who I want to be. She doesn’t care that I’m not out there changing the world, I’m just making my world comfortable and happy.
It doesn’t take long before I take things up a notch and I invite her up to the apartment to see it. Now it really has become home, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else in the world. I am happy to give up all the space in the world for here. My parent’s mansion is nothing compared to this.
“Oh, my goodness. I love it!” Leah declares enthusiastically as she steps inside. “It’s really awesome here. It’s how I want my home to be once I get a place of my own.”
She hasn’t mentioned Patrick yet, and although I know that I shouldn’t, I can’t help myself. I guess I just want to address it to see if I can get anything from her. Maybe I can get an inkling of what she’s thinking about me. As she takes a look about, I find a seat on the couch, and soon she sits next to me.
“By yourself?” I ask, innocently enough. “Not with that boyfriend of yours?”
I watch her expression fall, immediately feeling bad. “Patrick already has a home of his own, but it won’t be one that I’m ever sharing with him.” She breathes out a deep huff. “Since we aren’t together anymore.”
It’s really hard, but I do what I can to keep my expression neutral. “Oh, that is a shame. Sorry to hear it.”
“No, you aren’t.” Her temper flares a little, very unexpectedly. “You were the one who told me that I didn’t want to be with him because he bored me. You were the one who made me realize that I want more.”
Oh… I don’t know if she meant to say that, but it came out regardless. The words flew out of her mouth like accusatory bullets and I’ve caught and relished every single one. If I’ve made her do anything, it means my opinion is important to her or she wouldn’t take any notice of me. She really does give a shit.
“I am sorry that your relationship ended,” I reply coolly. “Even if I didn’t think that it was right for you. The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy. You don’t deserve that. And I’m also sorry if you blame me. Even if it came off that way, I wasn’t ever trying to be a dick. I just saw that you were flat and that you needed more from life.” I give her a one shouldered shrug. “I suppose I’ve never been great at keeping my opinion inside, that’s all.”
Leah looks at me suspiciously. She’s breathing heavily, almost as if she has no control over herself anymore. I brace myself, half expecting the worst. Then all of a sudden, she leaps on me…
Chapter Twenty Three – Leah
I don’t know what I’m doing here, I don’t know why I came, I just know that I’ve completely lost all control of myself. A big part of me wants to smack some sense into Zane, to make him see that he’s done me wrong in a whole lot of ways, but I can’t. Deep down, I know I didn’t have to come here after my job interview, even to see the place, I wanted to, and that’s because I want to see him. I want to know how Zane is.