by Mia Ford
He laughs, a musical sound that sounds really genuine. It makes me realize that all the other times he’s been happy it’s been veiled with agony. “I know, Lola is a bit excitable, isn’t she? She was very enthusiastic in the doctor’s office, especially when he gave us some new ideas. He’s a great doctor, one that I’m sure is out of Lola’s price range, but she keeps insisting that she’s fine.”
I nod silently. I did ask her to keep my money a secret from her father because if he’s a proud man, like Lola keeps telling me that he is, then it’ll be a bit weird. He’s not an idiot, I’m sure he knows, but it works out better for us all if we just keep things on an even keel. I like helping him, I don’t want him to feel like he owes me anything. That isn’t why I’m doing it at all.
Huh… I like helping people. I wonder if that’s something to focus on…
It’s a bit of a revelation, but not one that I can deal with right now. That’s something that’ll take a lot of thought. Now I just want to focus on this right here.
“Well, Lola is sensible. I’m sure if she’s said that, then it’s fine…”
“Yeah, maybe.” He nods. “We’ll see. I do have to admit that I’m feeling more positive myself. I’ve now got access to stuff that I wouldn’t have before.” He pauses for a moment before he starts again. “I do want to get better for Lola. She’s done so much for me, you know taking care of me and looking after the farm to keep us going. I think if it wasn’t for her, I would’ve given up a long time ago. Maybe even when my wife died.”
“Who’s looking after the farm at the moment?” I ask. “I didn’t think about that!”
“Oh a young lad who lives a few doors down. Tim is his name and he’s just finished school and he needs something to keep him busy. It isn’t a hard farm to look after since we don’t have much there anymore.”
The thought of Tim taking some of the responsibility off of Lola’s shoulders makes me want to smile. I hope that’s giving her more chance to play her music. Maybe. Although it does seem like maybe she’s just taken on more work to pay for her father’s treatment instead.
“Oh well that’s good. I know this isn’t exactly a vacation for you guys but I hope you’re getting some time to relax as well.”
“Well, we are right now.”
He leans back in his seat as Lola comes over with the drinks and cakes. As I glance up at her I can’t help but join in with her very infectious smile. She looks more beautiful than ever now that she’s happy. It makes me realize that she isn’t just my cowgirl fantasy and that she never has been. She’s so much more. Now, she’s in much plainer clothes, but with that happiness shining in her gaze she’s gorgeous. All I want to do is kiss her.
God I wish I could kiss her.
“This is so awesome isn’t it?” she almost squeals as she sits down. “I really feel like things are going to go well from here.”
Her hand falls onto mine, almost as an automatic reaction and as it does I notice her father giving me a look. A happy look actually, like he approves of our union. He seemed happy to see us together before though, and I can’t help wondering if he’d still feel the same way if he knew the truth about how I left last time. It makes me want to sit down and explain to him why I did what I did. I want to make him see that it was all just a mistake and that I understand that now. I was an idiot, and I won’t make that mistake again, but of course I can’t do that here and now.
“You know, you two should really go out to celebrate tonight,” he shocks us both by saying. “Maybe go to dinner and have a few drinks.”
Lola snatches her hand away like she’s been electrocuted. “But, Dad, I can’t. I have to look after you.”
“Kid, I’m tired,” he tells her in a slightly weary, probably put on, tone. “I need my rest. You two need to have some fun. How often are we in the city, Lola? How often do you go out? I want to see you finally have some fun. You’ve always been looking after people. First your mom and now me…”
“But I don’t mind…”
“I know you don’t, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to enjoy yourself too.”
“I would like that,” I tell her in the hope that it’ll make it easier. “I know some great places to eat and drink. I could show you around a bit.” She looks at me out the corner of her eye and bites down on her bottom lip. A pink blush tinges her cheeks which makes me assume that she’s at least considering it. “What do you say?”
“She says yes,” her dad replies on her behalf. “Trust me, Lola, you say yes. You have to do this for me anyway. I’m asking it of you. You can’t refuse your old man, can you?”
She sighs loudly as if it pains her, but finally she nods. “Fine. I’ll go.”
And with that, my heart soars.
Chapter 23 – Lola
What have I agreed to? I think with a head shake as I pull my dress over my head. I’m supposed to be avoiding Brandon, not spending more time with him! I’m also really concerned that I might have given him the wrong end of the stick by being all touchy feely with him today. That was just an accident, I was all happy about seeing the doctor and grateful to him for helping that happen.
“You look nice,” Dad calls out from behind me. “That dress looks awesome on you.”
I spin around and give him a glare. “Dad, I really feel like this is your fault.”
“What? I encouraged you to go out for a night of fun.” He rolls his eyes and tries to act all innocent. Does he honestly think I don’t know what he’s doing? “You need it.”
“A night of fun? Just funny that it’s with Brandon. Are you trying to encourage something?” I might as well dive right in and find out the truth. “What do you think will happen tonight? You do remember what happened last year, don’t you?”
Dad blushes a little and looks away from me. “Okay, I’ll admit it, I might be trying to push you and Brandon together.” I cross my arms angrily across my body. “But that’s because I really think there might be something there between you. Of course, I haven’t forgotten what happened last year, I know how sad it made you, but I’m also one for second chances. It’s obvious he knows that he’s made a mistake and it seems to me that he wants to make it up to you.” I roll my eyes in a dramatic fashion, but that doesn’t stop him from continuing. “I think you should give him a chance.”
I blow out a deep breath of air and let his words wash over me. “I don’t know, Dad. It isn’t that simple, is it? He broke my heart when he left before and I don’t know if I can trust him not to do that again.”
Dad leans onto his knees with his elbows and he holds out his hands to me. I don’t have a choice but to go and hold them so I can really listen to what he has to say. I might not want to hear it, but my father has no intention of letting me get away with that.
“Love never runs smooth,” he tells me simply as if it’s completely obvious. “Anyone that tells you their love story was a smooth one is lying.”
“But what about you and Mom?” I whine a bit pitifully. “Didn’t you just see one another, fall in love, and make a long distance thing work?”
He shrugs. “Maybe that’s how I made it sound, but I was lying. I didn’t mean to lie, but now that Denise has gone is easy to see things through rose tinted glasses. We went back and forth for a bit, both of us were unsure about whether or not it was worth it. We even dated other people in between.”
I’m stunned. I can’t believe that. I thought Mom and Dad had the perfect marriage. I suppose they did, but they just had some road bumps to get them there. I haven’t dated anyone else in between the times that I’ve spent with Brandon, but I don’t know about him. If I fall into the trap of believing what that guy in the drug store said then he’s been with lots of different skanks.
“Wow, Dad that’s… I didn’t know.”
“Look, we both made mistakes. That’s why I’m telling you that you shouldn’t turn your back on Brandon just because he made one mistake. You know that I’m here to protect you, you know
that I don’t want you to get hurt and I’m telling you that I don’t think he’ll do it again.”
“How do you know?” I ask him breathlessly. “Seriously?”
“I know because I can see it in his eyes.” My dad’s tone is so matter of fact that it takes me back a bit. “I can tell.” He leans forward and kisses me on the cheek. “I just want you to be happy, that’s all. Now.” He takes his hands from mine and pats them on his legs. “I’m going to bed so you can enjoy your night out. Have fun.” He winks at me. “And I’ll see you at some point tomorrow.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I gush. “Dad, what are you saying?”
“I’m just saying if you stay out all night long drinking, partying, and having fun, then I don’t mind. I will be absolutely fine and I’ll just see you tomorrow.”
I roll my eyes and smirk at him. There’s no way I won’t be back here tonight. No matter what happens, I’ll be back at this motel. This is only dinner and drinks. Nothing to worry about at all. Even if I feel like I might want to go that far, I won’t…
No, stop it! For the past year I haven’t been the dreamer that I once was. I don’t sit around and day dream about being famous and I certainly don’t fantasize about men anymore, but now with Brandon here I can feel my mind wandering. The only problem is my imagination tends to get the better of me and it makes me do crazy things. I really don’t want to do anything crazy, I don’t want to regret him again.
“Right, come on, let’s get you into bed and then I can finish doing my hair and make up.”
I grab hold of Dad and I take him towards the bed like it’s second nature to me. I’ve spent so long doing this that it’s just a part of me now. Getting his body to work in certain ways is just ingrained within me.
Once he’s in and tucked under the sheets, I lean down to give him a kiss on the head. “Thank you for all your advice, Dad, but I’m going to be honest I don’t know if this is going to work out like you think it is.” I need him to be prepared, just in case. He might have this idea of a nice guy in his mind, but I’m still reserving judgement.
“I know,” he agrees. “I just want you to give it a try. I just want you to see. And just so you know, this isn’t because I know he’s paid for the treatment.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know he knew that. I can’t deny it if he knows. Brandon might even have told him, even though he told me to keep it secret. “Right, well…”
“I worked it out, Lola. Come on.” Dad laughs at me. “I’m just saying this has nothing to do with that, just go out there and have fun. You deserve it.”
I nod and breathe deeply, feeling even more terrified than before. This is so damn scary, I feel like it’s a night totally loaded with meaning and pressure. I wonder if Brandon is feeling it too. I wonder if he’s sat at his house wondering where this night will lead.
I grab my make up bag and start brushing it onto my cheeks, trying to make myself look more beautiful than I have done in a very long time. This reminds me of last year when I used to play about being the cowgirl for Brandon. But this time I’m not playing a game, I’m just being me. A slightly prettier version of me. I lighten my already pale features, and I highlight my blue eyes, then I start on my hair. I grab all my equipment, planning to do something to style my hair but in the end I simply run a brush through it and I leave it hanging loose.
Right. I nod at myself in the mirror. Panic coils like an ice cold snake through my system. Just get through tonight. Just… have fun. It’ll be fine.
I don’t know if I will be, but I have to give myself some sort of pep talk or I’ll never get myself out the door. I’ll never go to see Brandon and find out what it could be between us. Much as I’m not sure if it’s a good idea or not, I don’t want to never know. I need closure one way or another. I can’t keep wondering either way.
“Right, Dad. I’m off…” I spin around, ready to say goodbye, but he’s already asleep. I watch him for a moment, unsure whether or not I’m going to be grateful to him once all of this is over. I suppose either way I’m going to get an answer, and that’s what I need. “Okay. Bye.”
As I walk out the door, my heart hammers in my rib cage. He’s supposed to be meeting me outside in about five minutes but I need a moment alone just to calm myself down. I never really had a date with Brandon as such, we just sort of fell together in a really natural way. The chemistry pulled us in, it connected us, it clamped us together and wouldn’t let us go. Now, things can’t be so natural, we have all this history holding us back. If we’re going to do this, if we’re really going to go in, then it needs to be with our eyes wide open.
I bounce up and down on my feet and I swing my arms idly by my side. I want that carefree side to me back, I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.
Come on, Lola. You can do this.
I hear a car in the distance which only heightens all of the terrifying emotions. My eyes scan everywhere and soon I see a black, flash looking vehicle pulling up. It looks silly outside this dirty motel, it really doesn’t fit in, which means it has to be him. I suppose it reminds me of us in a way, he’s much too flash and over the top for me, I’m just a simple country girl, but somehow we made it work once. Maybe we could do so again.
The car pulls to a halt in front of me and I curl my fingers around the hem of my dress as I wait for him to get out. My palms feel sweaty, my heart hammers violently, I feel shaky all over. This is too mush. The door open much too slowly and a leg comes out. One that’s wearing expensive looking trousers. I already know that in my cheap, high street dress that I won’t fit in with him, but I don’t think I mind. I certainly don’t feel self conscious.
Then the rest of him comes out the car and my heart leaps up into my throat. He’s devastatingly handsome, the best looking man that I’ve ever seen in my life, and I really do think that my dad might be right. It does seem that he wants to make things up to me. There’s such a love shining in his eyes that it’s almost irresistible.
“You look nice,” he says as he gets closer to me. “Beautiful actually.” He leans down and kisses me on the cheek which sends butterflies flapping everywhere inside me. “Are you ready to go?”
No, it’s too much, make an excuse, don’t do it! My brain is frantic, almost out of control. It’s screaming at me so loudly that I almost can’t ignore it. I could make an excuse, I could use my father as a way out of this… but is that what I want? Do I want to ignore the churning in my stomach, the warmth in my chest, the feelings that I haven’t ever had before?
“Erm, yes,” I reply, following my heart instead of my head with a desperate hope that it’s the right thing to do. “Let’s go.”
Chapter 24 – Brandon
I can’t stop looking at Lola out the corner of my eye as we whizz along the road towards the restaurant where I’ve managed to get us a last minute booking for tonight. Actually, it isn’t the sort of flashy place I would normally take a date, but that’s because I’m not trying to impress Lola with my money. The sort of girls I take to dinner at stunning, expensive places are the ones I need to impress a bit before I get into bed with them. I want to sleep with them, but that’s it. I am never interested in them the way I am in Lola.
No, tonight I have gone for a nice Italian place with little booths where we can have a private, intimate meal together, just me and her. I’m trying not to have any expectations for tonight, but I do think that it’ll be when we find out either way what’s going to happen between us. I really want things to go a certain way, but I don’t want to pressure Lola.
“So, how’s your dad?” I ask her smilingly. “Is he feeling better?”
“He’s in bed now. Getting some sleep. He’ll be fine until morning.”
I don’t know what she means by that, but it gets me excited. Is she trying to tell me that she’ll be free all night long? Does that mean there’s a possibility of anything happening between us? I haven’t been with anyone for a year because I haven’t wanted to, but now t
hat intense spark is back inside of me and I know that only Lola can quell it.
“Oh well that’s good news,” I rasp back, hardly able to keep my emotions inside. “So you can have fun for as long as you want.”
Lola nods but doesn’t say anything else. She keeps her gaze firmly fixed out the window as we continue moving. I desperately want to ask her what’s going on through that mind of hers, but I don’t think I can. I don’t think that’s appropriate.
“Right,” I say as we pull the car up to a halt right outside the restaurant where I have a table booked. “We’re here now. Are you… are you okay to go in?”
She turns in the chair to face me before we make our move. “Brandon?” she asks quietly. “Can I just ask you something before we go in?”
My heart leaps. I don’t know how to feel about that. What if she asks something that blows all of this apart before we even start our night out? “Erm, yeah sure.”
“What is this?” She cocks her head to one side and examines me closely. “Tonight, I mean? Are we just hanging out as friends or is this a date? I know that might be a bit heavy since it was a night that was thrown upon us by my dad, but the anticipation is killing me. I don’t think I can be myself if I don’t know.”
I purse my lips thoughtfully. I need to answer this delicately so I don’t freak her out at all. “I’ll be honest with you, I would like it to be a date. I would like to think that there’s still a connection between us that can turn into something real and new, but I know that I did you wrong. I can give you all the excuses in the world, but I still treated you badly, so if you want nothing more than to be friends, I understand that.” It breaks my heart to say it, but I’d rather have her in my life in some way rather than not at all. “It’s entirely up to you.”
She nods slowly as she processes this. “Okay,” she drawls. “I see. I think…” She sucks in a deep breath of shaky air. “I think I would like to give us a chance. I think I would like this to be a date. I think we should see… where this might go.”