by Lucia Ashta
That, I knew, was true. Even without memory of this, I understood that I didn’t love Dolpheus. From the start, there’d been a certain recognition with Tanus, of something special shared.
“That you and he kept your affair from me because you wanted to protect me. And even though I don’t agree with how you did it, and I would never forgive it if you did it again, I understand why you did.”
I nodded against his chest, tears starting to come because this was all too much. It was too damn much for me to take in. The multitude of layers of understandings and situations and betrayals. I couldn’t contain it all. I couldn’t hold onto it all long enough to piece it together and then hold the pieces together. It was like a damn puzzle that I kept laboring to put together until some fucker of a giant came by and blew the pieces back into a jumble just to mess with me.
I couldn’t even address this betrayal to the man I loved right now. I didn’t possess the emotional reserves to do it, if I ever would. “I’m sorry,” was all I could come up with to say, something not nearly sufficient, given the circumstances. But my voice shook when I said it.
Apparently, he didn’t have the sufficient words to continue this discussion of betrayal either, for he didn’t say a word. He just kissed the crown of my head, laid his scruffy cheek against it, and ran a hand along my hair from the crown of my head to my waist, where it ended. Over and again, until what was meant to be soothing began to irritate me and I wanted him to stop.
I tried to be subtle about it. I shook my head, an inch to each side, just once. He stopped. His hand stilled completely, lying against my head like a dead weight. It seemed he knew me as well as he claimed. It was I who didn’t fully know myself. Not the Princess Ilara.
“So…” My voice faltered and I had to start over. “So my father, the King, made me have sex with people to advance his political purposes? He used me as a piece on his gameboard of power?”
“Yes.” Tanus’ reply was firm. It didn’t allow me to shy away from this startling truth.
Just when I didn’t think it could get any better, it did. I’d just transformed from a princess into a glorified prostitute.
“Ilara,” Tanus said, “let’s not focus on all this now. Let’s just get out of here. We can figure out the rest later.”
It was a little late for that. How did one just forget her father was a pimp, willing to use the man she loved in some sort of bribery scheme, when her life was at stake? Even as I asked the question, I understood I didn’t really want to hear the answer. But the words slipped out anyway. “Were you the only one trying to bring me back here?”
“Aye. With Dolpheus’ help.”
“I see,” I said for what felt like the umpteenth time since I landed into chaos. The way up and out of the rabbit hole was beginning to look more and more like an impossible feat.
He kissed my crown again. He moved to lead me outside the hut, where a bunch of people could witness the defeat and vulnerability plastered all over my face.
I resisted as he tried to pull on my hand. “I can’t.”
“Of course you can.”
“No, I don’t think I can. Really.” I wasn’t ready to face the consequences of my actions, even if I didn’t remember them, and even if some of them seemed to violate my will. But in the end, don’t we all have free will? Even if that free will only allows for us to make bad decisions or be punished for not making them?
Tanus held my hand even more tightly and squared his shoulders to face me. “Ilara, I’ve never known a woman as strong as you. I’ve barely known anyone fiercer, and I’m a soldier who’s spent a great part of his life surrounded by trained warriors. Whatever it is you’re afraid of doing now, I know you can do it. I believe in you. I have for far longer than I realized it.”
I stared at him until I became impatient with myself. I was sick of it. Sick of all this… feeling I wasn’t used to, especially the bad. I wasn’t sure I could be sick of the good kind of feeling I’d experienced with Tanus not long ago. But already, it seemed like days, months had passed since then.
“All right,” I said, angry now, though it wasn’t clear even to me who or what I was angry at. “Let’s do this.”
I released Tanus’ hand and ducked through the entrance to the hut ready to do whatever it was I’d need to do, without much of an idea of what that might be. But how could things possibly get worse than they already were? It seemed unlikely that life would push me that far. Certainly, life knew I would crack.
THIRTY-THREE
I SUPPOSED with how things had been going for me lately I should have assumed things would somehow get worse. But even if I’d guessed at it, I wouldn’t have been able to predict what happened next. I doubted anyone could, on any planet.
We didn’t even manage to leave the village before my world—either one of them—blew wide open. Again.
Some of the guards had already mounted their horses, others were about to, and Tanus and I were headed that way, with Lila on our heels, after expressing our thanks to our hosts. Our goodbyes took longer than we expected. The villagers’ genuineness captivated me. I’d never met anyone quite like any of them. Kindness radiated from their eyes. They were open to the experiences of life—all of them. They took both the good and the bad in stride, finding blessings in both.
As unexpected as it was, I discovered that I envied them. Even though I was a princess, supposedly graced with all the ease that came with that status, I was beginning to realize that I lacked much of what these people had. They were richer than a king could ever be. They were content with what they had, even when I imagined they had less than most upon this planet.
When it became clear that I could remain with these people all day, Tanus nudged me along, whispering reminders that now that I’d revealed myself, I was in danger until he stashed me away someplace safe.
But even once I agreed to leave and lifted a leg to my stirrup, danger found us anyway.
I felt Tanus, with his hand against the small of my back, tense behind me before I realized the source of danger had arrived in our midst.
Even so, I continued to lift myself up into my saddle. Tanus put a hand to either side of my waist and pulled me down. He pulled my body back against him so that I was wedged between a massive mare and a large, solid soldier.
“What is it?” I asked, trying to turn to look at him. But he didn’t answer, and he didn’t look like he was going to.
His eyes were trained ahead of us and I swiveled again to discover who could have this effect over Tanus. Up until a moment ago, he’d been cool and in control. The situation was far from ideal, but he’d manage it. He’d been confident we’d figure this out, or at least that’s what he led me to believe. Only now did I wonder if perhaps his show of assurance had been for my benefit.
I noticed Dolpheus running down the hill, abandoning his post guarding Billius and the others, before I spotted the other man. I saw Kai waver, looking between the Royal Guards he and Dolpheus had been guarding and the urgent speed with which Dolpheus descended the hill. He hadn’t even spared a moment to give Kai orders. I watched Kai come to a decision, say something to Chauncy, who still appeared to watch over Billius, and then tear down the hill after Dolpheus. Orange hair flopping, Kai wasn’t nearly as elegant as his heroes, but he was fast just the same.
When Dolpheus joined us, immediately he flanked my left side, his hand on the hilt of his sword. He didn’t draw it, but he was ready to.
Kai skidded next to me on my other side.
“Guys, what’s going on?” I tried again.
Dolpheus’ stare ahead was as intent as Tanus.’ I’d receive no answer from him either. His attention was, apparently, better placed than in explanations.
I looked to Kai. He only shrugged.
I scanned the horizon ahead of me, in the precise direction Tanus and Dolpheus were staring, and came up empty.
Then Kai spoke. “Oh,” was all he said.
Instantly, I realized what he was referri
ng to, but in my mind I was cycling through versions of What the fuck? How the hell? and No way!
Perhaps thirty feet ahead of us, in a small open space where there was neither horse nor rider, a man materialized out of nowhere. One moment there’d been nothing more than air. And the next, poof.
In retrospect, I suppose I shouldn’t have been that shocked by it. After all, hadn’t I traveled from one planet to another in much the same way? Regardless of the logic behind this argument, I was having none of it. I gawked.
Tanus tightened his grip on me, and Dolpheus and Kai took a step closer.
As if unaware of the tension my defenders radiated, the man approached. His gait was casual. It was only once he drew close enough to us that I could really make out the details of his face that I realized his casualness was a practiced deception. This man was dangerous. For anyone paying attention, the glint in his eye announced this more loudly that I expected he realized. But I always paid attention to the eyes.
When he stopped walking and started studying me, I realized my mouth was hanging open. I quickly shut it and tried to pretend that I hadn’t just had my mind blown, for like the gazillionth time. I wondered if perhaps I’d suffer some kind of mental overload or meltdown. I mean, how much could a human brain take? There had to be limits. No one and nothing, especially not life or the fates or whatever, seemed worried about passing my limits but me.
My mare’s thick body blocked much of the dangerous man from view. But I tried to return the favor of his scrutiny just the same. He was tall and lean, like a predator who surprised his victims by revealing his agility only once it was too late and he’d already pounced. His features were angular, his nose long, his hair dark and close-cropped, unlike Tanus and Dolpheus.’ But his eyes, his eyes were both beautiful and terrifying. They were the gray of steel, and they were acutely intelligent and indifferent. A fearsome combination.
It was only when these steely eyes deviated from me and traveled far off to the side that I realized Lila stood there too, completely unmoving. The Lila I’d met was cocky and at times surly. At this moment, she looked like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. I never imagined Lila would look mousy, but she did, and her mousy brown hair, petite frame and facial features, and startled brown eyes reinforced the image.
Several beats passed in which the steely-eyed man looked at Lila oddly. Eventually, he raised black eyebrows at her, which based on the sudden shiver of her shoulders must have meant something.
Then he finally turned to face the three soldiers huddled around me like a human shield. For a long while he just looked at them, which made me desperate to find out what the hell was going on. But if these people, who seemed far more skilled and braver than I was, obviously feared him, it seemed wiser to keep my mouth shut. But not saying what I wanted to say had never been easy for me. I resisted the urge to squirm and turn to look at any of the men protecting me, to see if I could glean some clue from them.
I fully expected everyone to wait until the commanding man on the other side of my mare spoke. But, as usual, things were different than I expected. Tanus broke the tangible silence. But that wasn’t the biggest of my surprises. The universe had a whammy in store for me.
“Aletox,” Tanus said, his tone dry.
Ah. So this was the infamous Aletox. The man who was maybe Tanus’ father, an unpleasant discovery for Tanus, and now I could begin to glean why that might be.
“Tanus,” Aletox said, free of all paternal intonations. This wasn’t a friendly man. I doubted he was even capable of being friendly. “Dolpheus.”
“Aletox,” Dolpheus said.
Men, I thought. There was so much going on in the air that I could nearly reach out and touch it, and this was all they had to say to each other?
Aletox moved his gaze over to Kai for a moment but said nothing to him. He returned his stare to his potential son. “Is this the princess then?”
I felt Tanus grow even more tense behind me if that was even possible. “See for yourself.”
Again, those cold, steel eyes landed on me. This time, however, I squared my shoulders and tilted my chin up. I didn’t care for bullies. And this guy seemed like as much of a bully as any I’d ever had the displeasure to meet. I refused to cower before him, especially since that’s what he seemed to expect.
He looked at me, up and down and around my mare, for so long that I almost caved. But I didn’t. Ha!
“Hmm,” he said, and I nearly popped from exasperation.
“How did you know to come here?” Tanus asked.
“Oh, a little birdie told me the princess might be here,” he said.
Without taking his gaze from Aletox, Tanus asked Dolpheus, “I thought you confiscated all their comms?”
“I did. I took a comm from every single one of them.”
Aletox shrugged his lack of concern. “Perhaps one of them had a second comm tucked away somewhere.”
My stomach sank, even though I wasn’t sure it should.
“Who?” Tanus asked of Aletox.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
Aletox’s face underwent a curious transformation I couldn’t make much of. When he spoke, it was apparent the man he was throwing under the proverbial bus meant nothing to him. “Billius,” he said, nonchalant. “The lure of pure sand is enough to sway most men. You should know that.”
“You promised the Royal Guard sand in exchange for information on me? Or the princess?”
“Either. They’re to report anything curious.”
“To you? Or my father?” I sensed Tanus realize his slip the moment the word “father” was beyond his lips and could no longer be retracted.
Aletox grinned, a most unpleasant expression. “Your father.”
Though I couldn’t be sure, I thought he was referring to himself. Only Tanus (and anyone he told of Aletox’s suspect revelation) would realize this. The question still remained: Was Aletox Tanus’ father or wasn’t he?
“The birdie isn’t important though,” Aletox continued. “She is.”
Again, he studied me with his unnerving gaze that seemed to undress me to my bones. Perhaps he had x-ray vision or something. I didn’t know. After what I’d experienced since arriving on O, it certainly seemed possible. Maybe he was studying my DNA to determine if I was truly the princess. I almost wished he was. I’d like to know, once and for all, before my brain exploded from the lack of certainty and the seemingly limitless nature of possibilities upon Origins.
“Are you certain she’s the princess?” he asked again.
“Of course I am,” Tanus growled. “Look at her.”
“Does she behave like the Ilara you knew?” Aletox asked, unperturbed, revealing that he had his hand in everything. He seemed to know of our love affair, when Tanus had indicated to me that no one other than Dolpheus had. Now Lila and Kai did. And Aletox. And all these people in the vale.
Tanus hesitated and my heart leapt to my throat, as if I could possibly anticipate what was coming.
“She has no memory of who she was,” Tanus said and was quick to add, “But the memories will come back. She’s obviously the princess. Who else would she be?”
“Another version of Ilara.”
I stopped breathing and I was sure my heart stopped beating as well.
“What do you mean ‘another version of Ilara?’”
“There are parallel worlds to ours, nearly identical holograms in many cases. There are as many Ilaras as there are parallel dimensions. Are you certain you hold the right one in your arms?”
Tanus didn’t answer. I certainly didn’t. No one said a word. Aletox’s words had echoed through the vale.
Everyone there knew it. I wasn’t the Princess Ilara.
I was another Ilara. One now lost to her own world.
PURPLE WORLDS
Tanus and Ilara’s story continues in Purple Worlds, Book 4 of the Planet Origins series, available at a special low price during the pre
-order period.
Turn the page for a preview of Purple Worlds!
PURPLE WORLDS PREVIEW
Chapter 1
I pulled Ilara more tightly against me, refusing to believe what Aletox said. This wasn’t the right Ilara, he said. This wasn’t my Ilara, he said.
It was bullshit, that’s what it was. I’d touched or licked every single inch of her body, and it was precisely the same body I’d longed for all that time she was away from Planet Origins. Her eyes, those eyes that had only occurred two other times in the entire history of the Andaron Dynasty, were identical. Their irises revealed the swirling of the cosmos as they always had. They sucked me into their eternal depths just as they’d done countless times before.
“You’re full of shit,” I said to the man in front of me, the one I’d never talked to this way before. Probably no one had ever talked to him like this before. But I wasn’t in the mood to mind my manners. Who did he think he was, coming out of nowhere to tell me he was my father, and now to materialize in the middle of the village to tell me this woman I held—and loved—wasn’t the princess?
The look Aletox gave me, with gray eyes as cold as the dead, was meant to intimidate me. But I wouldn’t allow it. Not today. I’d had quite enough of his nonsense to last me a long while. I wasn’t Aletox’s tool, nor was I Brachius’ or the King’s.
When I didn’t cower, Aletox relaxed the punishing fury in the steel of his eyes and returned to indifference. With unease, I wondered how much of what Aletox did was a show. What was the real man like? I really hoped he wasn’t my father because I had no desire to find out. Having Brachius as a father was bad enough.
Once Aletox spoke, he did so without reference to my lack of respect. “As an open ended accusation, I can say that it’s undoubtedly true that I’m full of shit sometimes. It happens, however, not to be the case this time.”
Ilara fidgeted in my arms. I was grateful she didn’t turn to look at me then, to see the fear I couldn’t completely manage to hide. Weren’t my loyal friend, Dolpheus, and I the ones who were continually disappointed in the people of O because they were all too ready to believe in self-imposed limitations? Weren’t Dolpheus and I the ones who’d managed to transcend most of the limitations we’d been told applied to us?