If she didn’t have her son, what was there to live for? Having Luke here wasn’t enough, no matter how much she loved him. She needed them both. She needed a whole family, a complete family, because, truth be told, right now she was terrified and she didn’t think she could go through all this again on her own.
Her breath caught in her throat. What was happening to her? Was she losing her mind? She’d never had thoughts like this in her life. She had to focus. She had to concentrate. She had to get through today.
Luke pulled into the car park and breathed an audible sigh of relief. Ninety minutes of almost complete silence. Not a word, just the easy-listening tunes on the radio as background noise.
He opened the door and stepped out, hearing the loud crick in his neck as he arched his back and stretched his cramped legs. He opened the back door, unclipped Reuben and lifted him out. The little boy didn’t even wake up, just snuggled into the nape of his neck. And this time Luke didn’t pull away. This felt natural.
Abby stepped out the other side, her eyes fixed on the large metropolitan building in front of them.
‘Okay?’ he asked. She nodded and walked back around the car, her hand reaching up and stroking Reuben’s sleeping head.
There was something strange about being in a hospital where nobody knew who you were—you were just another face in the crowd. None of the usual nods of recognition or waves or greetings that usually happened. No one searching for you to consult on a patient or provide medical expertise.
It was strangely disconcerting. Luke rarely told people outside the workplace that he was a doctor—a safeguard mechanism against them listing all their medical complaints for him. But this time he wanted people to know. He wanted them to know he was a doctor, he understood the language, the jargon and to appreciate the knowledge and skills he must have.
He smiled to himself. Was this what happened? Was this the type of feelings that swamped you when you wanted to be an advocate for your child?
Abby was obviously familiar with the place. She wove through the endless white corridors until they reached a set of lifts. Luke moved inside and waited while she pressed the button. The lift moved upwards silently. The doors swooshed open.
And then it hit him. Like an assault. That smell. The smell that could only be associated with this type of ward. Paediatric oncology.
It assaulted his senses in a way he’d never expected, bringing with it an onslaught of unexpected memories. Tests, procedures, medications, dressings. And waiting. Endless and endless waiting.
He must have flinched. ‘Luke?’ Abby’s face was wary. She pressed the button to stop the lift doors sliding shut again. ‘Are you getting out?’ she said pointedly.
He nodded and quickly stepped out of the lift and into the ward. They walked down the corridor, passing open doors showing kids of all ages, sleeping, playing, crying, eating, all at various stages of disease and recovery. For Luke, he’d just stepped back in time. His fingers tightened around Reuben’s sleeping form. He didn’t want to let him go.
The brightly coloured murals on the walls passed by in a flash. A woman in a bright pink tunic walked over and kissed Abby on the cheek. ‘Hi, Abby, how’s he doing?’ She walked around to Luke’s shoulder and smiled at the sleeping boy. She held out her arms. ‘How about I take him while you go in and speak to Jonas?’
Abby nodded at Luke and he reluctantly handed over the sleeping bundle. A sandy-haired man opened the door to the office in front of them. ‘Hi, Abby, I thought I heard Toni’s voice. Come on in.’
His eyes fell on Luke as he held the office door open for them both.
Abby sat down in one of the nearby chairs. ‘Jonas, this is Dr Luke Storm, he’s a … family friend.’
Jonas’s eyes narrowed slightly at her hesitation before he extended his hand towards Luke’s and shook it firmly.
‘Pleased to meet you, Luke. Jonas Bridges. I’m glad that Abby has someone here to support her.’
He sat down at his desk and pushed some forms across the desk towards Abby. Reuben’s blood test results. Did that seem cold? Luke wasn’t sure. But Abby had obviously been seeing this doctor regarding Reuben’s care for a long time. Maybe it was just the professional mutual respect of them both being doctors that led him to be so straightforward?
Luke leaned across the desk and peered at the result. It was just as they feared. Not good.
‘What kind of doctor are you, Luke? Is this your field?’ Jonas was obviously trying to feel his way, to see how much explaining he would need to do.
Luke shook his head. ‘No, this isn’t my field. I’m a cardiologist. But …’ he glanced back at Abby, whose eyes were still fixed on the blood results ‘…I’ve probably got a better understanding of these than most people. My brother had ALL fifteen years ago.’
Jonas nodded slowly, obviously digesting the information. His steady gaze held Luke’s. ‘And now?’
Luke gave an imperceptible shake of his head.
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ His hands reached across the desk and clasped Abby’s. ‘You know what I’m going to tell you next. We need to do another bone-marrow aspiration today. I know that you’ve probably prepared Reuben for that, but I want to take some time to speak to him myself before we do the procedure. Is that okay with you?’
She gave a weak smile. ‘I thought you might.’
‘I’ll be honest with you, Abby, and I think you know what we will find. Depending on what the bone-marrow aspiration shows, it’s likely we’re going to have to look at another round of treatment for Reuben.’
‘What kind?’ Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper.
Jonas’s voice was steady and calm. ‘We’ll discuss the options. We might go for another round of chemotherapy, we might look at chemotherapy with stem-cell transplant, I might also recommend that Reuben takes part in one of our specialised clinical trials.’
Luke was nodding slowly. Dr Bridges was laying out the options so that nothing would be a surprise for her. Just like any reliable physician should. Just as he would. He could see that from a professional perspective. But this didn’t feel like his normal professional consultations. All of Luke’s emotions were heightened. This was Reuben they were talking about. But they might as well have been talking about Ryan—because this felt personal.
Jonas pushed a consent form in front of Abby with Reuben’s name and the procedure listed on it. ‘I know you’re a doctor, Abby, but today you’re a parent—like any other. Do you want me to talk you through this again?’
She shook her head silently and scribbled her name on the consent form.
‘I take it you haven’t given him breakfast this morning Abby?’
She shook her head again. The words just wouldn’t come to her lips right now. She’d already fasted him, knowing the strong likelihood of the procedure taking place. ‘I woke him extra-early and planned to give him something light, but he wasn’t hungry. He couldn’t eat.’
Jonas took one last look over his notes. ‘It will only be a really light anaesthetic, Abby—just like last time. And you’ll be able to take him home in a few hours as long as his pain is under control. Do you want to come in with him again?’
Abby nodded then stood up, pushing her chair backwards. ‘Do you want to speak to Reuben first, then?’
Jonas nodded. ‘Give me a few minutes then come into the room. Toni, the nurse, has everything set up for us.’
Abby folded her arms across her chest and moved sideways to let Jonas past. She didn’t speak. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even turn to face him.
Luke stood up and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Her head naturally leaned against him. ‘He hates this part,’ she whispered.
So did Luke. He’d been with Ryan four times when he’d had a bone-marrow aspiration done. It wasn’t a pleasant experience for a teenager, let alone for a child. ‘He’s a good kid, Abby, he’ll get through this.’
‘But will I?’ The question hung in the air between the
m.
Had she meant to say that out loud? Was that just another random thought that was circulating around her brain? Luke wasn’t quite sure how to respond.
He felt his shoulders tense, a ripple of fear dancing along the edge of his stomach. Memories of his own mother’s actions. What had happened to steadfast Abby?
This was hard. This was difficult. But she was Reuben’s mom. Of course she would get through this—no matter how hard it was.
The door creaked and Toni appeared at their side. ‘Do you want to come through? Jonas has spoken to Reuben and he’s a little upset about the test.’
Abby nodded swiftly and turned, striding out the door. Just as she should. So what had happened a few seconds ago?
Abby couldn’t think straight. She was a doctor. She was used to these things. She’d had to have numerous conversations like this with parents over the years. She hadn’t even needed to see the blood results—because she’d known what they would show.
But somehow it made it all worse. They were real. Her son’s leukaemia was back. The maintenance phase was over—it hadn’t worked. And in the cold, hard light of day, having the figures in front of her in black and white just … sucked.
A word she hadn’t used since she was a teenager. But right now it was the only way to describe how she felt.
She didn’t want to think of any of the other descriptive words. Terrified. Shocked. Traumatised.
She took a deep breath and walked into the treatment room.
‘Mommy!’
Reuben was sitting on the edge of the examination couch, his arms extended towards her. She walked over and enveloped him in a bear hug. His eyes were watery. ‘I need the big needle again, Mommy,’ he whispered in her ear.
She knelt down before him. ‘I know, honey. But Mommy will stay with you and Dr Jonas will have it all over in a flash. Just think about those lovely wrestlers you want to pick later today.’
Toni came in with a brightly coloured robe in her hands. ‘I brought you your favourite one, Reuben—with the monkeys on it.’ She turned to face Abby. ‘Do you want to get him changed or shall I?’
Abby lifted the robe from her hands. ‘I’ll do it. Do you know if they will be long?’
Toni shook her head. ‘Less than ten minutes. Jonas is away to scrub and the anaesthetist will be through in a couple of minutes. I’ve brought some scrubs for you and your … friend,’ her eyes ran up and down the length of Luke. ‘Do you both want to be here?’
She turned and gave Luke a smile. ‘We try to make this as informal as possible. Parents are encouraged to stay with their children throughout, so they can better understand the procedure. And the anaesthetic is very light, just knocks them out for fifteen minutes or so.’
Luke smiled and took the scrubs from her hands. Toni hadn’t been in the consulting room. She’d no idea he knew this stuff like the back of his hand. And she still hadn’t asked about his relationship to Reuben. Was she making an assumption because of their looks?
‘We’re both staying,’ he said decidedly.
Toni gave a nod and left them both to change. Abby ducked into the nearby washroom and came out with her hair tied back from her face and the pale blue scrubs on.
‘Go and get ready,’ she said quietly as she bent over Reuben and started dispensing with his jeans.
Luke came out in time to meet the anaesthetist and listen to her laugh and joke with Reuben as she explained about the little mask she’d use to make him sleepy. Luke wondered how it must feel to have to do this every day. To have to look after sick children and their parents.
Jonas Bridges appeared back in the room, scrubbed and ready to start. He gave a little nod to the anaesthetist, who lifted the mask above Reuben’s face. Seconds later, his hand still ensconced in Abby’s, Reuben was fast asleep.
The staff moved seamlessly and like clockwork. Reuben was turned on his side, positioned so the posterior iliac spine of the pelvic bone was revealed. A few sweeps with antiseptic and they were ready.
Abby swallowed the enormous lump that had appeared in her throat. Reuben was sleeping and she watched as Jonas injected some lidocaine into the area around the site to help with Reuben’s pain control later.
His gloved hands removed the needle from its protective covering and prodded Reuben’s skin to determine where to insert it.
She felt something wash over her. The same feeling that had swept over her in that room in Pelican Cove when the First Lady had had her baby. Like a warm summer heat enveloping her skin. But it wasn’t comforting. It was restricting. It was clawing at her throat and her lungs. She gave a little cough as she tried to pull in some air.
But it wasn’t working. The nausea from earlier returned with a vengeance. Gripping at her stomach muscles, making her retch. She lifted her hand to her mouth. Luke’s eyes turned to her, narrowing instantly.
The room was closing in on her. How could anyone breathe in here? There was no air. It was suffocating. Tingling sensations started in the palms of her hands and crept up her arms towards her chest. Her heart was racing, liked a trapped butterfly beating frantically inside her chest.
Her eyes darted around the room. Why was everyone else okay? Didn’t they feel it too? Were the anaesthetic gases leaking?
The voices inside her head started playing automatically. Calm down. Calm down.
But she couldn’t. She was going to die in here. Her skin was covered in sweat, she could feel rivulets running down her spine and catching in the waistband of her scrubs.
Her eyes fixed on Reuben lying on the examination couch. His short white-blond hair and pale skin. Such an angel. Reuben looked like an angel.
Angel. Death.
She had to get out of here. She couldn’t be in here. Whatever it was, it was going to kill her. She dropped Reuben’s hand from hers and pulled back from the side of the couch. Try as she might, she couldn’t get a breath. She couldn’t fill her lungs with air. Her head swam. She was dizzy. She was going to be sick.
Luke placed his strong arm on hers. His voice full of concern. ‘Abby?’
It didn’t sound right. His voice sounded distorted, as if it belonged to someone else. She tried to take a step backwards and staggered, reaching out behind her to grab hold of the wall.
‘I have to go,’ she muttered as she stumbled towards the door.
‘Wait a minute, Abby. What’s wrong?’ Luke’s arms gripped her shoulders, his face directly in front of hers. But it was swimming. It wasn’t staying in one place. And he was right in front of her, stealing the air that she so desperately needed to breathe. She pushed him with all her might, sending him backwards towards Reuben.
She grasped at her throat as she pulled at the doorhandle. What was happening to her?
The last thing she saw was Luke’s eyes, looking at her with pure venom as she wrenched open the door and headed for the clean, fresh air.
CHAPTER TWELVE
LUKE couldn’t believe what he’d just witnessed. Abby—the person who loved her child more than anything—had just run out on him.
She was just his mother all over again. Running out on her child when he needed her most. What kind of parent did that?
His reaction was instantaneous. He moved over towards the examination couch and put his hand in Reuben’s. He was still anesthetised, still sleeping. He would have no idea what had just happened. The little boy’s skin was cool, so he brought his other hand over and gently rubbed some heat into him.
He was aware of the guarded looks around him. The unspoken messages passing between the various members of staff.
Toni, the nurse, touched his shoulder. ‘Do you want to go after her?’
‘No.’ His voice was brusque. He wasn’t going anywhere. His job was here, with Reuben.
Jonas looked up from where he was extracting the bone-marrow aspirate. ‘I’ll be finished in a few minutes. Then we can wake Reuben up again.’
Luke captured the look in his eyes. The knowledge, the expertise.
‘People run out on their kids?’
Jonas arched an eyebrow at him, before he looked downwards again, slowly removed the needle from Reuben’s hip and pressed down firmly on the site.
‘No. Parents panic. This might seem like a relatively simple procedure. But the results mean a whole lot more. Sometimes the magnitude of the situation doesn’t hit a parent until they’re in here. And they realise that the result of this test could be the difference between life and death for their child. You said you’ve been through this before. You should understand.’
Lord, the man was brutal. He didn’t mince his words. Should he really be working in a place like this?
Luke bit his lip. He lifted his hand and stroked Reuben’s fine blond hair and ran a finger gently down his cheek. This little boy needed someone. This little boy needed him.
Jonas covered the area with a dressing, snapped off his gloves and walked around the bed towards Luke. He pressed a firm hand on his shoulder. ‘Once she’s calmed down, Abby will be distraught about what just happened. If you know her at all, you know that about her.’
Something twisted inside him. He was a doctor. He knew the signs. He should have recognised them quicker. Abby had had a panic attack. She hadn’t run out on her child. She would never run out on her child. So why was he so furious?
Luke ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I can’t leave Reuben. I need to be here for Reuben.’
The anaesthetist gave him a nod. ‘We’re done here. I’m just waking him up. Why don’t you wait until he comes to, then go and find his mom?’
He nodded as she removed the anaesthetic mask. ‘He’s had some local anaesthetic in the site and he’s been given some pain relief so hopefully he’ll be quite comfortable when he wakes up. You can let us know if he needs anything else.’
The Boy Who Made Them Love Again Page 16