Cassandra Clare: The Mortal Instruments Series

by Cassandra Clare

  Clary tried to stand, but her legs buckled under her. Her veins still felt as if fire were shooting through them, and pain was darting across the surface of her skin like the touch of hot pokers. She pulled herself forward, bloodying her fingers, hearing her ceremonial dress rip, until she reached Jace.

  He was lying on his side with his head pillowed on one arm, the other arm flung out wide. She crumpled beside him. Heat radiated from his body as if he were a dying bed of coals, but she didn’t care. She could see the rip in the back of his gear where Glorious had torn through it. There were ashes from the burned rocks mixed in with the gold of his hair, and blood.

  Moving slowly, every movement hurting as if she were old, as if she had aged a year for every second Jace had burned, she pulled him toward her, so he was on his back on the bloodstained and blackened stone. She looked at his face, no longer gold but still, and still beautiful.

  Clary laid her hand against his chest, where the red of his blood stood out against the darker red of his gear. She had felt the edges of the blade grind against the bones of his ribs. She had seen his blood spill through his fingers, so much blood that it had stained the rocks beneath him black and had stiffened the edges of his hair.

  And yet. Not if he’s more Heaven’s than Hell’s.

  “Jace,” she whispered. All around them were running feet. The shattered remains of Sebastian’s small army was fleeing across the Burren, dropping their weapons as they went. She ignored them. “Jace.”

  He didn’t move. His face was still, peaceful under the moonlight. His eyelashes threw dark, spidering shadows against the tops of his cheekbones.

  “Please,” she said, and her voice felt as if it were scraping out of her throat. When she breathed, her lungs burned. “Look at me.”

  Clary closed her eyes. When she opened them again, her mother was kneeling down beside her, touching her shoulder. Tears were running down Jocelyn’s face. But that couldn’t be—Why would her mother be crying?

  “Clary,” her mother whispered. “Let him go. He’s dead.”

  In the distance Clary saw Alec kneeling beside Magnus. “No,” Clary said. “The sword—it burns away what’s evil. He could still live.”

  Her mother ran a hand down her back, her fingers tangling in Clary’s filthy curls. “Clary, no . . .”

  Jace, Clary thought fiercely, her hands curling around his arms. You’re stronger than this. If this is you, really you, you’ll open your eyes and look at me.

  Suddenly Simon was there, kneeling on the other side of Jace, his face smeared with blood and grime. He reached for Clary. She whipped her head up to glare at him, at him and her mother, and saw Isabelle coming up behind them, her eyes wide, moving slowly. The front of her gear was stained with blood. Unable to face Izzy, Clary turned away, her eyes on the gold of Jace’s hair.

  “Sebastian,” Clary said, or tried to say. Her voice came out as a croak. “Someone should go after him.” And leave me alone.

  “They’re looking for him now.” Her mother leaned in, anxious, her eyes wide. “Clary, let him go. Clary, baby . . .”

  “Let her be,” Clary heard Isabelle say sharply. She heard her mother’s protest, but everything they were doing seemed to be going on at a great distance, as if Clary were watching a play from the last row. Nothing mattered but Jace. Jace, burning. Tears scalded the backs of her eyes. “Jace, goddamit,” she said, her voice ragged. “You are not dead.”

  “Clary,” Simon said gently. “It was a chance . . .”

  Come away from him. That was what Simon was asking, but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. “Jace,” she whispered. It was like a mantra, the way he had once held her at Renwick’s and chanted her name over and over. “Jace Lightwood . . .”

  She froze. There. A movement so tiny, it was hardly a movement at all. The flutter of an eyelash. She leaned forward, almost overbalancing, and pressed her hand against the torn scarlet material over his chest, as if she could heal the wound she had made. She felt instead—so wonderful that for a moment it made no sense to her, could not possibly be—under her fingertips, the rhythm of his heart.

  EPILOGUE

  At first, Jace was conscious of nothing. Then there was darkness, and within the darkness, a burning pain. It was as if he’d swallowed fire, and it choked him and burned his throat. He gasped desperately for air, for a breath that would cool the fire, and his eyes flew open.

  He saw darkness and shadows—a dimly lit room, known and unknown, with rows of beds and a window letting in hollow blue light, and he was in one of the beds, blankets and sheets pulled down and tangled around his body like ropes. His chest hurt as if a dead weight lay on it, and his hand scrabbled to find what it was, encountering only a thick bandage wrapped around his bare skin. He gasped again, another cooling breath.

  “Jace.” The voice was familiar to him as his own, and then there was a hand gripping his, fingers interlacing with his own. With a reflex born out of years of love and familiarity, he gripped back.

  “Alec,” he said, and he was almost shocked at the sound of his own voice in his ears. It hadn’t changed. He felt as if he had been scorched, melted, and recreated like gold in a crucible—but as what? Could he really be himself again? He looked up at Alec’s anxious blue eyes, and knew where he was. The infirmary at the Institute. Home. “I’m sorry . . .”

  A slim, callused hand stroked his cheek, and a second familiar voice said, “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.”

  He half-closed his eyes. The weight on his chest was still there: half a wound and half guilt. “Izzy.”

  Her breath caught. “It really is you, right?”

  “Isabelle,” Alec began, as if to warn her not to upset Jace, but Jace touched her hand. He could see Izzy’s dark eyes shining in the dawn light, her face full of hopeful expectancy. This was the Izzy only her family knew, loving and worried.

  “It’s me,” he said, and cleared his throat. “I could understand if you didn’t believe me, but I swear on the Angel, Iz, it’s me.”

  Alec said nothing, but his grip on Jace’s hand tightened. “You don’t need to swear,” he said, and with his free hand touched the parabatai rune near his collarbone. “I know. I can feel it. I don’t feel like I’m missing a part of me anymore.”

  “I felt it too.” Jace took a ragged breath. “Something missing. I felt it, even with Sebastian, but I didn’t know what it was I was missing. But it was you. My parabatai.” He looked at Izzy. “And you. My sister. And . . .” His eyelids burned suddenly with a scorching light: the wound on his chest throbbed, and he saw her face, lit by the blaze of the sword. A strange burning spread through his veins, like white fire. “Clary. Please tell me—”

  “She’s completely all right,” Isabelle said hastily. There was something else in her voice—surprise, unease.

  “You swear. You’re not just telling me that because you don’t want to upset me.”

  “She stabbed you,” Isabelle pointed out.

  Jace gave a strangled laugh; it hurt. “She saved me.”

  “She did,” Alec agreed.

  “When can I see her?” Jace tried not to sound too eager.

  “It really is you,” Isabelle said, her voice amused.

  “The Silent Brothers have been in and out, checking on you,” said Alec. “On this”—he touched the bandage on Jace’s chest—“and to see if you were awake yet. When they find out you are, they’ll probably want to talk to you before they let you see Clary.”

  “How long have I been out cold?”

  “About two days,” said Alec. “Since we got you back from the Burren and were pretty sure you weren’t going to die. Turns out it’s not that easy to completely heal a wound made by an archangel’s blade.”

  “So what you’re saying is that I’m going to have a scar.”

  “A big ugly one,” said Isabelle. “Right across your chest.”

  “Well, damn,” said Jace. “And I was relying on that money from the topless under
wear modeling gig I had lined up, too.” He spoke wryly, but he was thinking that it was right, somehow, that he have a scar: that he should be marked by what had happened to him, physically as well as mentally. He had almost lost his soul, and the scar would serve to remind him of the fragility of will, and the difficulty of goodness.

  And of darker things. Of what lay ahead, and what he could not allow to happen. He strength was returning; he could feel it, and he would bend all of it against Sebastian. Knowing that, he felt suddenly lighter, a little of the weight gone from his chest. He turned his head, enough to look into Alec’s eyes.

  “I never thought I’d fight on the opposite side of a battle from you,” he said hoarsely. “Never.”

  “And you never will again,” Alec said, his jaw set.

  “Jace,” Isabelle said. “Try to stay calm, all right? It’s just . . .”

  Now what? “Is something else wrong?”

  “Well, you’re glowing a bit,” Isabelle said. “I mean, just a smidge. Of the glowing.”

  “Glowing?”

  Alec raised the hand that held Jace’s. Jace could see, in the darkness, a faint shimmer across his forearm that seemed to trace the lines of his veins like a map. “We think it’s a leftover effect from the archangel’s sword,” he said. “It’ll probably fade soon, but the Silent Brothers are curious. Of course.”

  Jace sighed and let his head fall back against the pillow. He was too exhausted to muster up much interest in his new, illuminated state. “Does that mean you have to go?” he asked. “Do you have to get the Brothers?”

  “They instructed us to get them when you woke,” said Alec, but he was shaking his head, even as he spoke. “But not if you don’t want us to.”

  “I feel tired,” Jace confessed. “If I could sleep a few more hours . . .”

  “Of course. Of course you can.” Isabelle’s fingers pushed his hair back, out of his eyes. Her tone was firm, absolute: fierce as a mother bear protecting her cub.

  Jace’s eyes began to close. “And you won’t leave me?”

  “No,” Alec said. “No, we won’t ever leave you. You know that.”

  “Never.” Isabelle took his hand, the one Alec wasn’t holding, and pressed it fiercely. “Lightwoods, all together,” she whispered. Jace’s hand was suddenly damp where she was holding it, and he realized she was crying, her tears splashing down—crying for him, because she loved him; even after everything that had happened, she still loved him.

  They both did.

  He fell asleep like that, with Isabelle on one side of him and Alec on the other, as the sun came up with the dawn.

  “What do you mean, I still can’t see him?” demanded Clary. She was sitting on the edge of the couch in Luke’s living room, the cord of the phone wrapped so tightly around her fingers that the tips had turned white.

  “It’s been only three days, and he was unconscious for two of them,” said Isabelle. There were voices behind her, and Clary strained her ears to hear who was talking. She thought she could pick out Maryse’s voice, but was she talking to Jace? Alec? “The Silent Brothers are still examining him. They still say no visitors.”

  “Screw the Silent Brothers.”

  “No thanks. There’s strong and silent, and then there’s just freaky.”

  “Isabelle!” Clary sat back against the squashy pillows. It was a bright fall day, and sunlight streamed in through the living room windows, though it did nothing to lighten her mood. “I just want to know that he’s all right. That he isn’t injured permanently, and he hasn’t swollen up like a melon—”

  “Of course he hasn’t swollen up like a melon, don’t be ridiculous.”

  “I wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t know because no one will tell me anything.”

  “He’s all right,” Isabelle said, though there was something in her voice that told Clary she was holding something back. “Alec’s been sleeping in the bed next to his, and Mom and I have been taking turns staying with him all day. The Silent Brothers haven’t been torturing him. They just need to know what he knows. About Sebastian, the apartment, everything.”

  “But I can’t believe Jace wouldn’t call me if he could. Not unless this is because he doesn’t want to see me.”

  “Maybe he doesn’t,” Isabelle said. “It could have been that whole thing where you stabbed him.”

  “Isabelle—”

  “I was just kidding, believe it or not. Name of the Angel, Clary, can’t you show some patience?” Isabelle sighed. “Never mind. I forgot who I was talking to. Look, Jace said—not that I’m supposed to repeat this, mind you—that he needed to talk to you in person. If you could just wait—”

  “That’s all I have been doing,” Clary said. “Waiting.” It was true. She’d spent the past two nights lying in her room at Luke’s house, waiting for news about Jace and reliving the last week of her life over and over in excruciating detail. The Wild Hunt; the antiques store in Prague; fountains full of blood; the tunnels of Sebastian’s eyes; Jace’s body against hers; Sebastian jamming the Infernal Cup against her lips, trying to pry them apart; the bitter stench of demon ichor. Glorious blazing up her arm, spearing through Jace like a bolt of fire, the beat of his heart under her fingertips. He hadn’t even opened his eyes, but Clary had screamed that he was alive, that his heart was beating, and his family had descended on them, even Alec, half-holding up an exceptionally pale Magnus. “All I do is go around and around inside my own head. It’s making me crazy.”

  “And that’s where we’re in agreement. You know what, Clary?”

  “What?”

  There was a pause. “You don’t need my permission to come here and see Jace,” Isabelle said. “You don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything. You’re Clary Fray. You go charging into every situation without knowing how the hell it’s going to turn out, and then you get through it on sheer guts and craziness.”

  “Not where my personal life is concerned, Iz.”

  “Huh,” said Isabelle. “Well, maybe you should.” And she put the phone down.

  Clary stared at her receiver, hearing the distant tinny buzz of the dial tone. Then, with a sigh, she hung up and headed into her bedroom.

  Simon was sprawled on the bed, his feet on her pillows, his chin propped on his hands. His laptop was propped open at the foot of the bed, frozen on a scene from The Matrix. He looked up as she came in. “Any luck?”

  “Not exactly.” Clary went over to her closet. She’d already dressed for the possibility that she might see Jace today, in jeans and a soft blue sweater she knew he liked. She pulled a corduroy jacket on and sat down on the bed beside Simon, sliding her feet into boots. “Isabelle won’t tell me anything. The Silent Brothers don’t want Jace to have visitors, but whatever. I’m going over anyway.”

  Simon closed the laptop and rolled over onto his back. “That’s my brave little stalker.”

  “Shut up,” she said. “Do you want to come with me? See Isabelle?”

  “I’m meeting Becky,” he said. “At the apartment.”

  “Good. Give her my love.” She finished lacing her boots and reached forward to brush Simon’s hair away from his forehead. “First I had to get used to you with that Mark on you. Now I have to get used to you without it.”

  His dark brown eyes traced her face. “With or without it, I’m still just me.”

  “Simon, do you remember what was written on the blade of the sword? Of Glorious?”

  “Quis ut Deus.”

  “It’s Latin,” she said. “I looked it up. It means Who is like God? It’s a trick question. The answer is no one—no one is like God. Don’t you see?”

  He looked at her. “See what?”

  “You said it. Deus. God.”

  Simon opened his mouth, and then closed it again. “I . . .”

  “I know Camille told you that she could say God’s name because she didn’t believe in God, but I think it has to do with what you believe about yourself. If you believe you’re damned, then you are. Bu
t if you don’t . . .”

  She touched his hand; he squeezed her fingers briefly and released them, his face troubled. “I need some time to think about this.”

  “Whatever you need. But I’m here if you need to talk.”

  “And I’m here if you do. Whatever happens with you and Jace at the Institute . . . you know you can always come over to my place if you want to talk.”

  “How’s Jordan?”

  “Pretty good,” said Simon. “He and Maia are definitely together now. They’re in that ooky stage where I feel like I should be giving them space all the time.” He crinkled up his nose. “When she’s not there, he frets about how he feels insecure because she’s dated a bunch of dudes and he’s spent the past three years doing military-style training for the Praetor and pretending he was asexual.”

  “Oh, come on. I doubt she cares about that.”

  “You know men. We have delicate egos.”

  “I wouldn’t describe Jace’s ego as delicate.”

  “No, Jace’s is sort of the antiaircraft artillery tank of male egos,” Simon admitted. He was lying with his right hand splayed across his stomach, and the gold faerie ring glittered on his finger. Since the other had been destroyed, it no longer seemed to have any powers, but Simon wore it anyway. Impulsively Clary bent down and kissed his forehead.

  “You’re the best friend anyone could ever have, you know that?” she said.

  “I did know that, but it’s always nice to hear it again.”

  Clary laughed and stood up. “Well, we might as well walk to the subway together. Unless you want to hang around here with the ’rents instead of in your cool downtown bachelor pad.”

  “Right. With my lovelorn roommate and my sister.” He slid off the bed and followed her as she walked out into the living room. “You’re not just going to Portal?”