Helios Crowns His Mistress

by Michelle Smart

  ‘Not yet.’

  Her eyes bored into his as her words hung in the air between them, then she turned sharply and pulled a bottle of white wine out of the fridge.

  ‘Glass?’ she asked.

  ‘You’re drinking already?’ A trace of his bemusement cut through the darkening atmosphere.

  ‘Right now I need it.’

  She leant against the work surface and closed her eyes briefly, then poured them both some wine. When she passed his glass to him she snatched her hand away before there was any chance of their fingers brushing.

  She went to take a sip from her own, but as she brought it to her mouth her face crumpled.

  Stepping quickly to her, Helios took the glass from her shaking hand and placed it with his own on the counter, then wrapped his arms around her.

  At first she resisted, but then she gave in to it, almost burying her head in his chest. Within seconds his shirt was wet with her tears.

  ‘Don’t cry, matakia mou,’ he whispered, stroking her hair. ‘It will all work out. I promise.’

  ‘How?’ she asked between sobs. ‘How can it ever work out? We’re breaking her heart.’

  ‘No, we’re not.’

  ‘We are. Maybe she doesn’t love you yet, but she wants to. She wants your marriage to work. Have you even seen her since you got back from America?’

  ‘I’ve been busy.’

  Disentangling herself from his hold, Amy grabbed a handful of tissues from a box. The tears kept falling.

  ‘Helios, the Princess is your fiancée. She’s come all this way to see you. You should be with her. This time before your marriage should be spent getting to know each other...’

  ‘We do know each other.’

  ‘Do you?’ She raised her shoulders. ‘Then tell me this—what are her dreams? What are her fears? Can you answer any of that? You’re going to be spending the rest of your life with her.’

  ‘Yes,’ he agreed tightly. ‘The rest of my life. But the rest of my life hasn’t started yet.’

  ‘It started the minute you put an engagement ring on her finger.’

  The engagement ring. He’d told Catalina to choose her own, with the excuse that she would be the one wearing it and so she should have something that was to her own taste. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to do the deed himself.

  He knew she coveted his mother’s sapphire ring. Growing up, he’d always known that ring would be given to the woman he made his wife. He’d had the ready-made excuse that it was a feature of the exhibition to stop him sliding it onto Catalina’s finger yet, but he’d promised that when the exhibition was over it would be hers.

  ‘I can’t do this any more,’ Amy said, her voice choking on the words. ‘What we’re doing to the Princess is abhorrent. She’s a princess but she’s real, not a fairy-tale creation. She’s human, and the guilt is eating me alive.’

  He moved to take her back into his arms but she held up a hand to him and shook her head.

  ‘We can’t. I can’t. I won’t be the cause of someone else’s misery. How can I when I’ve seen first-hand the damage it causes?’ Wiping away a fresh batch of tears, she swallowed before saying, ‘When I came to Agon and I wanted to find my birth mother, it wasn’t because I wanted to form a relationship with her. I wanted to know my other family and my roots, yes, and I was desperate to see what she looked like. But what I really wanted from her was to know why.’

  ‘Why she abandoned you?’ She had told him on the phone about the meeting. How she had left within minutes, abandoning the mother who’d abandoned her.

  ‘Partly. What I really wanted to know was how she could have done what she did to my mum. She was her au pair—Mum had trusted her with her child and welcomed her into her home. My mum is the most loving woman in the world. There is no way she would have treated Neysa with anything but kindness. How could she sneak around behind her back with her husband? What kind of evil selfishness makes a person act like that?’

  ‘Did you ask her that?’

  ‘No. I was so desperate to get away from her that I didn’t ask her any of the questions I’d been storing up for seventeen years.’ She gave a half-hearted shrug. ‘And now I don’t want to know. I don’t want to hear her excuses because that’s all they’ll be. I don’t think she feels any remorse.’

  ‘Amy, our situation is very different. How Neysa and your father behaved...it’s not like for like.’

  ‘You might not be married yet, but the intention and commitment are still there. The agony my mum must have gone through... She never got over it. She forgave my father but she’s never forgotten, and she’s not been able to trust him properly since.’

  More tears fell, harder now, turning her face into a torrent of salt water.

  ‘I can’t live with the guilt. I’ve spent my entire life, through no fault of my own, being a person people point at and whisper about. I’ve had to work so hard to make myself believe that I didn’t deserve it and that I was innocent. But how can I be innocent when I’m the one now causing someone’s misery? I don’t want to be the selfish woman Neysa is. I don’t want to hurt anyone. The Princess is a good and lovely person and she doesn’t deserve this—no one does. Whatever she’s been raised to be, she’s still human.’

  The depth of Amy’s guilt and misery stabbed at him, right in his guts, evoking a wave of shame that came rushing through him, a wave so powerful that he reeled and held on to the small kitchen table for support.

  ‘Listen to me,’ he said urgently. ‘The very fact you feel such guilt proves you are nothing like Neysa, so put such thoughts from your mind. You would never hurt anyone, not on purpose.’

  ‘But that is what I’ve been doing!’ she cried. ‘I’m exactly like her.’

  ‘No! All you inherited from Neysa was her looks. Everything else came from Elaine and the rest of your English family and the goodness that is you. You are a good person—the best I know.’

  She didn’t look the slightest bit convinced by anything he’d said. Helios’s mind worked frantically as he tried to think of a solution whereby Amy’s guilt could be obliterated. But nothing came to him. He had to marry someone of royal blood to secure the Kalliakis line.

  He was hurting her, the last thing he’d ever wanted to do. Not Amy. Not her. Not ever.

  His father had done more than hurt his mother physically; the destruction had been emotional too. Helios had always known he would never follow his footsteps on the physical side, but to discover he was guilty of an emotional destruction every bit as great...

  Something that felt suspiciously like panic clawed at him, biting and contracting through every part of him, converging in his stomach into a pain so acute he wanted to shout out with the agony of it all.

  His relationship with Amy was long past being the light, playful interlude it had begun as. Along the way it had developed into something so deep he feared he would no longer be able to see the light if they went any further.

  If he had the slightest ounce of decency he would let Amy go before he destroyed her completely.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  FOLDING HIS ARMS across his chest, Helios stared at Amy, wondering how he was going to cope without seeing her beautiful face every day and making love to her every night. She was so much more to him than just his lover. She was his best friend, the first true friend he’d ever had. She’d been brought into his life not through her own wealth or social standing but simply by being Amy.

  Amy gazed back at him with the same intensity and attempted a brave smile. ‘Do you think there’s a parallel world out there, where we can be free to be together and love each other?’

  Love?

  She must have registered the shock in his eyes at her use of the L word for she laughed wanly. ‘Oh, I do love you. Very much. More than I ever knew was possible.’

  He stepped out of her reach, backing himself against the kitchen door. He didn’t know how to answer. He couldn’t think.

  His private phone buzzed in hi
s pocket. He pulled it out and rejected the call without looking at it.

  ‘Love is not something I have ever required,’ he finally said, his brain reeling as much as his body.

  ‘I know that.’ Her chin wobbled and she took deep breaths, raising her eyes to the ceiling.

  ‘Theos, Amy, you...’ He blew out a long breath as his brain scrambled to unravel itself. ‘I’ve always known I must marry for duty. Love isn’t something I’ve ever expected or thought about. It has no place in my life, you must see that?’

  ‘Yes, I do.’

  Of course she did. Amy knew his full ancestral history better than she could ever know her own.

  ‘If you love me then how can you leave me?’ he asked, still shell-shocked at her declaration but grasping at straws.

  ‘Because I want to be able to look at my reflection every day and not throw darts at it,’ she answered with a choked laugh. ‘And my leaving isn’t just to do with Catalina.’

  There. She’d finally uttered the Princess’s name aloud.

  ‘I might have been made from a dirty secret but I don’t want to live my life as one. You’re right that I’m not Neysa, and I will not allow myself to be like her. Even if you wanted it—even if you loved me—you’re not in a position to give me the commitment and fidelity I need. I want to be yours. Just yours. Openly yours. With the whole world knowing we belong together. I can’t make love with you while you’re sleeping in the bed of another, and I can’t make love knowing I’m good enough for sex but not good enough for for ever.’

  What she didn’t say was that Helios had lodged himself so deeply into her heart she doubted there was room left in there for any other man to find an opening. Her heart belonged to him now.

  She should have left weeks ago. The physical pain she’d experienced when he’d told her of his intention to marry as soon as possible should have acted as a warning. If she’d gone then she would have left with her pride intact and her heart would still have enough room for someone else.

  His face contorted. ‘Don’t you ever say you’re not good enough.’

  ‘But that’s how I feel,’ she said, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. ‘I know that’s not your intention, and that you don’t think or believe that—I know—but I’ve spent most of my life feeling like a dirty secret. For us to carry on, even if it’s only until you marry, will make me one.’

  He didn’t say anything, just stared at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.

  ‘Helios, when you marry the Princess be faithful to her. Give your marriage a chance. She deserves that and so do you.’

  ‘You sound like you’re planning to leave now...’ A strange look flashed in his eyes and suddenly he sprang to life like Galatea, the statue created with such love by Pygmalion.

  He strode out of the kitchen and into her bedroom, taking in the suitcases on the bed, half-filled with clothing.

  His face contorted and he shook his head. ‘No.’

  ‘Helios...’

  ‘No.’ His hands clenched into fists.

  She could see him fighting the urge to throw her cases out of the window.

  His phone buzzed again, the third time it had rung in as many minutes.

  ‘Answer it,’ she insisted. ‘It might be important.’

  ‘This is important.’ After a moment’s pause he swore and pulled the phone to his ear. ‘Yes?’

  After a few moments his demeanour changed. As he listened he straightened his neck and rolled his shoulders, breathing deeply. His only contribution to the conversation was a few short words of Greek.

  ‘I need to go,’ he said when he’d finished the call. ‘My grandfather’s suffering from a mild infection and is fighting with the doctors over his treatment.’

  ‘I hope it’s nothing too serious,’ she said, immediately concerned.

  ‘Just my grandfather being a stubborn old man.’ He rubbed his chin and glared at her with his jaw clenched. ‘I’ll be back later. Don’t even think of going anywhere.’

  She didn’t answer.

  ‘I need to hear it, Amy. Tell me you won’t go anywhere or do anything until I get back. Promise me.’

  Knowing even as she spoke them that her words were a lie, she said, ‘I’ll be here.’

  His shoulders loosened a little. Pacing over to her, he took her face in his hands and crushed her lips with his mouth, kissing her as if he’d been starved of her kisses for ever. And then he dropped his hold on her and walked out of her bedroom.

  She heard the slam of the interconnecting door as he left.

  * * *

  Theos, his grandfather had to be the most stubborn man alive. He was refusing the intravenous drugs his doctors wanted to give him.

  What could he do? He couldn’t force him. The King wasn’t a baby to be coaxed into doing his elders’ bidding.

  That hadn’t stopped Helios from trying to make him see reason. Now he wanted to tear his hair out, to claw at his scalp and draw blood.

  ‘At least he’s not in pain,’ Talos said quietly.

  Their grandfather hadn’t resisted painkillers for the pain racking his body. The cancer, kept at bay by months of chemotherapy, was making another, deadlier assault on his body. No one would say it, but time was slipping away from them.

  One good thing to come out of the mess this day had turned into was the news from Theseus, who had gone tearing after Jo, the mother of his child, a couple of days ago. The fool had realised when it was almost too late that he truly did love her, and luckily it seemed Jo loved him too and had agreed to marry him.

  No coercion, no thoughts of duty. They were marrying for love. Helios had never heard his brother sound so happy.

  Both his brothers were marrying.

  As Talos—who was marrying his violinist—had chosen someone not of royal blood, any child he had would not be in the line of succession to the throne, but Toby, Theseus’s beautiful son, had already secured the throne for the next generation. Until Helios’s own children were born.

  Helios sighed and got to his feet. ‘I need to change for dinner.’

  He wished he could pull out of it, but it was a matter of honour amongst his family that personal matters never got in the way of duty. And this dinner was duty.

  Nausea fermented in him as he remembered that Catalina would be attending. She was already there in the palace. He still couldn’t bring himself to call her.

  As much as he wanted to, there wasn’t time to make a diversion to Amy’s apartment and check that she was okay. Instead he fired off a quick message to her before showering and changing into his dinner jacket. He put his cufflinks on during his walk to the designated dining room for the evening, his courtiers struggling to keep up with his long strides.

  Forcing bonhomie, Helios plastered a smile on his face and entered the dining room, where the delegation was waiting for him. Catalina was already there, holding court like a professional. When she saw him she excused herself to join him.

  If she really did suspect him and his relationship with Amy, she covered it well.

  ‘I understand your grandfather is unwell?’ she said quietly.

  ‘He’s been better.’ It was all he could bring himself to answer with.

  Why couldn’t he feel anything for her? Here was a beautiful, compassionate woman of royal blood and all he felt when she touched him was cold.

  He tried again, using a milder tone of voice. ‘He has an infection.’

  She smiled sympathetically. ‘I hope he recovers quickly.’

  ‘So do I.’

  But he didn’t hold out much hope. These past five months had been a battle to keep him alive long enough for him to see the Gala. That was all his grandfather had been focusing on. Now, with the Gala over, his grandsons all paired off and the succession to the throne secured, King Astraeus was preparing to die.

  His duty was done. His grandfather wanted to be with the woman he’d loved for his entire adult life.

  And Amy had said she loved him.
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  Helios wished he could unhear those words.

  What kind of selfish monster was he to tie her to him when he knew doing so was destroying her?

  It was possibly the longest meal of his life. For once, the power of speech had deserted him. He couldn’t think of a single witty remark or any of the tales that usually had guests enthralled.

  Throughout the meal disquiet grew within him, a foreboding which came upon him from an unseen direction.

  As soon as the coffee had been cleared away he cleared his throat. ‘My apologies, ladies and gentlemen, but I need to retire for the evening. I know I haven’t been very good company this evening—I think exhaustion has crept up on me—but be assured that I am very impressed with everything you’ve told me and will give my recommendation to the committee early next week.’

  When he’d finished speaking he glanced at Catalina. She was staring at him with a cool, thoughtful expression.

  It took fifteen minutes, time spent saying goodnight to everyone individually, before he was finally able to leave the dining room.

  Catalina made no effort to follow him.

  The disquiet in his chest grew with every step he took towards his apartment. By the time he reached his door and was able to shake off the courtiers, perspiration had broken out on his brow and his pulse had surged.

  He headed straight down the passageway and rapped on Amy’s connecting door.

  No answer.

  He banged again, louder.

  No answer.

  ‘Amy?’ he shouted, pounding on the door with his fist.

  On impulse he tried the handle, even though Amy always kept the door locked...

  The door opened.

  His heart thundering painfully beneath his ribs, he stepped into her apartment.

  ‘Amy?’ he called into the silence.

  His heart knew before his head could comprehend it.

  On legs weighted down with lead, he stepped into her bedroom.

  The room was spotless. And empty.

  All that lay on the dressing table, which was usually heaped with cosmetics and bottles of perfume, was a large padded envelope he recognised as the one he’d given to her all those weeks ago, containing the jewellery he’d bought her. Next to it lay a scrap of paper. Written on it were two words.