Prove Me Right

by Anna Brooks

  “And thinking back, I started saying ‘see you soon’ from the fucking beginning because I couldn’t stand to say good-bye. Going to the airport was too hard. For me! Because once again, I’m a fucking weak bastard!”

  “No, you’re not.” I hop off the counter and pull a chair next to him, putting my legs underneath my butt to give me a little boost so we’re face to face. “You’re not weak. You’re strong and sexy. You’re funny and charming. You’re the kindest man I know. You’d sacrifice anything to make someone else happy, and that includes your own happiness. You have so much to offer and I’m so incredibly lucky that you chose me. You are a good man, Liam. This thing, this addiction that you’re fighting. You can beat it, you’re stronger than that. I know it. You just need to prove me right.”

  He takes in my words and leans forward to kiss me. “I love you, Meara. And I swear I’m doing everything I can to fix this.”

  He stands and picks me up, then carries me to my bed. We undress each other and while he’s on top of me and inside of me, I look at my blank ceiling. He stops moving and I whine in protest. When I turn my head to see what he’s doing, he sticks his tongue out and makes the same face as the poster I took down. I laugh and pull him down to me as we continue to make slow, sweet love.

  * * *

  Liam’s arms tighten around my belly. “Are you sleeping?”

  “No.”

  “Me either.”

  I roll over so we’re facing each other. The sun is almost up, and aside from dozing on and off for the past few hours, I’ve just been lying here. Thinking. I want to tell him about the baby so badly. I want to share my struggle. He should know that he was a father, even if it was for such a short time. I want to let him know that those messages of his, the ones I listened to every day, were what kept me going. When I thought my world was vanishing before my eyes, his words brought light into the darkness.

  “Why did you take down all my pictures?”

  “I took down everything that reminded me of you because it was too hard. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you. I would have flashes of every part of our lives. When we were kids … especially in the treehouse.”

  “I loved that treehouse.”

  “You loved being the prince.” I nudge his shoulder a little with my hand and he grabs my wrist, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss to my pulse there.

  “I loved imagining you as my princess. Saving you from all the terrible things in the world. I felt invincible back then. My ten-year-old brain didn’t comprehend all the shit there is in the world. It used to be monsters and villains trying to attack the castle. I’d chase away the zombies at night, not yet realizing that all I had to do was open my eyes and look in the mirror to see a demon.”

  When I was in track, I tried to do the pole vault. I failed miserably and strained my muscles so bad I could hardly walk the next day. Every time I took a breath, my back ached from the swollen muscles. Every nerve in my body burned whenever I moved. That’s how my heart feels right now.

  “I’ve never looked at you as this … this evil man you’re describing. It’s not you.”

  “Because of you. I’m not when I’m with you.” He rests my hand back on his side, and I trail my fingers along his tattoos. “Bart tells me it’s not healthy. I argued with him at first, but after a couple of weeks, I realized he was right. He wanted me to stop calling you and to do this on my own. But the truth is you’re the only one I care about enough to make myself better.”

  “Don’t say things like that,” I whisper.

  “He’s right. It’s not healthy. I shouldn’t need you as much as I do. I want you and I love you and I can’t imagine my life without you. But I shouldn’t need you to stay sober. That’s putting way too much pressure on you. If something ever happened to me, you would blame yourself, and that’s not fair.”

  “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

  He cups my face in his hands and slides his fingers to the back of my scalp, resting his hand between my head and the pillow. “I’m just telling you how I feel. Things I should have said a long time ago. Realizing these things and saying them out loud are helping a lot.” He yawns. As much as I want to talk about this more; as much as I want to beg him and plead with him and make him realize he is not this horrible person he thinks he is, I tell him to go to sleep.

  “We’re both exhausted. We can talk in the morning.”

  “Okay. Night. Love you, princess.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Chapter 19

  Liam

  “SINCE WHEN DO YOU cook?” I kiss Meara’s neck as she scoops two pancakes onto a plate.

  “I wouldn’t call adding water to a shaker jar and pouring it on a pan cooking.” She turns and gives me a peck on the lips and I grab the plate from her and set it on the table. We eat breakfast, and while she’s concentrating on pouring the exact amount of syrup on her plate, I stifle a laugh at the absurdity of our situation—that my old man dying is what brought her back to me. It also hits me just how fucking much I want this with her, just like this … how badly I want pancakes with her every morning, even if they come out of a jar.

  “Do you have anything you need to do today?” she asks after swallowing a rather large bite.

  “I did all the paperwork and everything yesterday, so the only thing left is to pick up his ashes and talk to a realtor about the house.”

  “I can give you the name of the one I was using.”

  The guilt that was beginning to ebb away has returned full force. “Meara.”

  “No. Don’t even. It’s fine. Things happen for a reason, and they may not be happening as we thought, but they’ll happen eventually.” Her words are positive, but there’s a hint of disappointment in her voice that churns my stomach.

  Meara has always had a very positive outlook on life. She sees the good in people and chooses to be happy; one of the many things I love about her. But I know something about pretending to be happy when you’re really not. I don’t want to be the cause for that any longer. I want her to understand that the future we were supposed to have is still going to happen.

  “Soon.”

  “Soon,” she agrees.

  After helping her clean up and taking a shower together to conserve water, I leave Meara to open up the pub and I go take care of the last thing I need to with my dad. Instead of taking his ashes, I decide to pay to have the company store them until I make a decision. I don’t really know what I want to do with them and honestly feel like I’d make a bad decision with my frame of mind right now.

  I’m so angry with him. Of course, there’s the blame I place on him at the forefront, but I know it’s not his fault. I’ve used his addiction and his lifestyle as a catalyst for my own problems for far too long. With many late and lonely nights these past couple of months, I’ve tried to come up with a reason for why I am the way I am. Why did I lie to Meara about my problems? Why do I have these dependencies when I’m alone? These weaknesses that have unknowingly but positively destroyed me.

  I guess that’s something I have to work on a little more because I can’t really come up with an answer. There is one person who I haven’t talked to about all of this who might be able to help.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Liam. How are you? I’ve been trying to call.”

  “I know. I saw. I’ve just been ...”

  “Yeah, I’m so sorry, baby. What can I do to help?”

  A quick glance at the clock in the car states that it’s a little after noon. “Lunch?”

  “Sure. Want to meet at Muffin Top?”

  I actually laugh out loud. She knows it’s my favorite restaurant, and the food is amazing, but every time somebody suggests going there, I laugh my ass off. Can’t help it. And honestly, it feels good to laugh. “I’ll pick you up.”

  “No, it’s all right. I’m already out running errands anyway. See you in twenty?”

  “Yup.”

  I arrive about ten minutes ahead of
her. Before I get out of the car, I slide on a pair of shades and grab a hat from the glove box and put it on, pulling it low. I ask for a table in the back, and the hostess leads me to a booth toward the other side of the restaurant.

  “Thanks.”

  “Can I get you anything to drink while you wait?”

  “Water, please.”

  She walks away and I pull out my phone to send Meara a text, but it looks like she beat me to it.

  Love you.

  God, my heart actually pulses when I read that. I text back that I love her too and then scroll through some other texts I haven’t read yet. Messages from band members, our manager, Meara’s family—each sending their love and support. I wonder if they knew the real me if they would still treat me the same. If they’d want me around their precious little girl. Eventually, I’ll have to come clean and fess up to the loser that I am, if they haven’t figured it out already. But for now, I just need my mom.

  “That him?” The waitress’s voice breaks my thoughts.

  My head pops up when she appears with my water and my mom.

  “That’s him.” She smiles and I stand up to greet her.

  “Can I get you anything to drink?”

  “Iced tea, please.”

  Once seated again, Mom grabs my hands across the table and gives them a reassuring squeeze. We talk about stupid shit until our food is ordered and arrives, avoiding the inevitable conversation that needs to happen. I hand the waitress a hundred dollar bill and tell her to keep the change and kindly leave us to have some privacy. With wide eyes, she nods and scuttles away.

  “What’s wrong, baby?”

  And like I’m a little boy again, it all comes out. I tell her everything. About the drinking and drugs. Explain how when I was home I didn’t need them ‘cause I had Meara. Of course, Mom knows about the OD, and she too didn’t realize how bad I truly was. Am? Who the fuck knows.

  She wipes her tears and I do the same, admitting that I have this … this problem. God, it sounds so fucking cliché, so typical. I don’t understand it.

  “Please don’t be mad at me, Ma.”

  “I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me. I’m mad at myself for not noticing.”

  I chew on a piece of ice and shrug. “What can I say? I learned from the best how to be a lying, manipulative asshole.”

  “You are not him, Liam John.”

  “Pretty much. What I did to Meara, it’s—”

  “It is not the same as what your father did to me.”

  “You divorced him because of drugs.”

  “Yes, but there was so much more to it.”

  She twists her straw wrapper in her hands, and if her head was transparent, I’m sure I’d see wheels spinning right now.

  “Don’t know how much more there can be.”

  “Liam, your father couldn’t provide for himself let alone a family. Your father cheated on me. Your father almost got me killed driving drunk. I gave him chance after chance, but I had to draw the line somewhere. You admit your mistakes and try to be better. Hell, I had to force your dad to get help, and you called for help on your own.”

  About another twenty minutes goes by of her lecturing, assuring, and supporting me. When we finally part, I acknowledge that maybe I’m not as bad as I thought I was. When I get back to Meara’s place, I sit in my car for a few minutes and reflect on the last thing Mom said to me. You may be his son, but you are your own man.

  * * *

  Kelly’s Pub has a smell that makes you feel at home. It’s clean and woodsy with a faint hint of onions.

  “Hey, man,” I say to Nik as I walk up to the bar.

  He looks up but ignores me until the customer finishes paying. Then he puts the money in the drawer and walks away without actually looking at me. “She’s in the office.”

  “’Kay, thanks.” He doesn’t hear me ‘cause he’s already gone to the other end of the bar. I suppose I should get used to people treating me like shit for being a dick to her.

  The door is cracked open and I lean against the molding to watch her work. She’s concentrating on something on the computer screen and doesn’t see me. Her eyes scrunch together and she licks her lips. God, she’s so sexy. I love her hair best like this, too. It’s black and she grew it out a little, so I can actually grab it. I clear my throat and her head pops up.

  “Jesus, way to scare me!”

  “Sorry. You’re just so cute.”

  She rolls her eyes and shuts her laptop, then rounds the desk to sit on it. I walk and stand between her legs while she automatically leans up to kiss my cheek. “I have to go in an hour.”

  “Oh.” She sighs.

  “Do you have some time to spare? I’d like to spend it with you.”

  She looks at her watch and bites her finger. “I think I can manage that.”

  We lean in toward each other at the same time, and our lips meet in the middle. She’s so soft and sweet, but then her tongue ring swipes against my mouth and I remember how naughty she can be. My hand slides up her back and grabs onto her hair while the other presses her against me. Her tits smash against my chest and I grind my hard-on between her legs.

  She pulls back and bites on my lower lip. The opportunity to stick my hand up her shirt presents itself, so I pull her boobs out of her bra and lean down even further to suck on a nipple. Her soft moan spurs me on and I nip at it before standing up and slamming my mouth against hers again.

  “Lisa’s on the phone. She wants to know if she should still come in for you tonight.” Nik’s angry voice scares us both, and we pull apart, laughing like a couple of teenagers who were just caught in the back of a car. I tuck my shirt back in while she runs her fingers through her hair.

  “No, tell her thanks, but I’ll be back soon so I can work.”

  “All right.”

  “Just gotta run to the bathroom then I’m all yours for an hour.” She hops off the desk and Nik smiles at her as she passes.

  Once she’s out of earshot, Nick turns to me. “You’ve got a lot of balls. I’ll give you that.”

  “Come again?”

  He shakes his head and lets out a humorless chuckle. “You have no fucking idea what you did to her. What you left her with to deal with on her own.”

  “I know, man. I feel like shit, but I’m—”

  “It isn’t about you, Liam, don’t you fucking get that?”

  “Of course, it’s always been about her.”

  “I know you think that, but man … just. Don’t fuck this up again.”

  As much as I want to say that I understand where he’s coming from, he’s starting to piss me off. “Dude, I get it.”

  “No, you don’t.” He steps in closer to me. “You don’t have a fucking clue what she—”

  “Nik!”

  His mouth shuts, and I can hear his teeth grinding. Without a word, he turns and walks out of the office as Meara shoots him a death glare, and then her face becomes panicked as she looks at me. “What did he say?”

  “Nothing I didn’t already know. That I’m an asshole.”

  “No …” She steps toward me and wraps her arms around my waist. “You’re not an asshole, Liam.”

  Instead of arguing with her, I lead her out of the bar and toward the lake. “I thought we could go to the beach for a little while before I leave.”

  “Sounds great.”

  We’re not that far and arrive less than ten minutes later. “God, what is it about this place?”

  She hums in agreement as she sits in front of me on the sand, her toes barely touching the water. “I don’t know, but it’s so serene. It always makes me feel so small, but so peaceful at the same time. Kind of hard to put into words.”

  “Not really.” I kiss the side of her neck, and then rest my chin on her shoulder. “Because it’s how I feel when I’m with you.”

  I had this big speech planned to tell her again how sorry I am and how hard I’m trying. That I was never going to give up on us for as long as I lived.
But right now, I don’t think we need to say anything else. We just need to have this moment.

  Chapter 20

  Meara

  I NERVOUSLY RUN AROUND my apartment one last time and make sure everything is in place. In about five minutes, he’s going to be walking through my door for good. And I’m a nervous wreck. Liam has been absolutely amazing since the last time I saw him. He calls and texts multiple times throughout the day. His sponsor has even called me a couple of times to tell me how well he’s doing. In fact, Bart left two months ago and Lee has been on his own and staying sober with no problems.

  Jamie called to check on me one night months ago, and I confessed to having the miscarriage. He was furious with me for hiding everything, but once I explained my reasons, he calmed down and promised not to tell Liam as long as I swore I would do it soon.

  I like to think that when Liam comes back, things will go back to normal. The ultimate wish is that we could pretend the past six months didn’t happen. No drugs, no miscarriage, no heartache. Unfortunately … or maybe fortunately, I guess it depends on how you look at it, all that shit did happen. We’ve been through it, came out on the other end, and I hope that we will continue to do nothing but grow together.

  Metal scrapes as the lock clicks and I stop pacing since my feet become cement. Liam opens the door and seems just as frozen as I am because he’s just standing in the doorframe with a look of fulfillment.

  “Hi.” I awkwardly wave and he smiles, the left side lifting just a tad higher than the right. “Hey, princess.”

  And there it is … everything’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.

  I laugh as he steps inside and closes the door. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”

  “Me, too.”

  The day after he left last time, I got everything from the basement and put it back where I could see it, where it belonged. A weight lifted off my shoulders when I could walk in and have him surround me again.

  “Cool.”

  He drops his bag on the floor and tosses his jacket on top. In the middle of my apartment, he walks up and kisses the top of my head, then steps back. “I need to take a shower.”