Lost In You (The Soldiers of Wrath MC)

by Jenika Snow

  She could see the definition on his chest through the cotton of his shirt. She wanted to run her hands over the tattoos that she knew covered his flesh, over the hard dips and lines that made up the definition. Lowering her gaze to his crotch, she felt her heart pick up at the massive-looking bulge pressing at the fly of his jeans.

  That’s all because of me.

  “Touch me, Nerd.” Yes, Hanna wanted this like she wanted to breathe. She felt this power move through her, pushing back her unease over her own insecurities.

  “We’re really doing this, aren’t we, baby?”

  She nodded, not able to find words. He used his body to push her back until she was lying on the ground. She tried to get as much air into her lungs as she could, but she felt so damn lightheaded. She felt how hard he was and the vibrations from low grunts he made against her mouth. Hannah didn’t know if Nerd was aware of the fact he was pushing his dick against her inner thigh, back and forth, harder with every passing second. But she wasn’t going to stop him, because feeling Nerd like this had everything else fading away.

  “Touch me,” she said again, and Nerd groaned before moving his hand between their bodies, pushing it down the waistband of her leggings, and sliding his fingers to the area she wanted him to touch the most. He used his body to push her thighs open even wider, and although she felt tense, her past, and the memories associated with it were not going to ruin this moment.

  “Fuck, Hannah. You’re so wet.” He slid his fingers through her folds and she gasped at the sensitivity, of how good it felt.

  He teased her for several more seconds, rubbing her clit every time he stroked his fingers up her cleft, and teasing her hole on every down stroke. He was slow and gentle, kissing her as he touched her until she felt like she was going to fall over the edge. She’d never look back, though.

  And when he removed his hand, pulled his head back slightly, and brought those glistening digits to his mouth. Holding her gaze with his, he spread her wetness across his lips. Before Hannah could say anything, or even make a sound of deep-rooted need, Nerd had his mouth pressed to hers, kissing her until she was breathless.

  She stroked his tongue with hers and moaned at the musky flavor of her wetness on his lips.

  Nerd broke the kiss and started moving his mouth and tongue down her neck, along her collarbone, and stopped when he was right above her breast. The small, hard, and hot pants of his breath bathed her flesh, caused her nipple to harden even further, and had her clenching her thighs together almost painfully.

  “You’re so damn gorgeous, Hannah.” He looked up the length of her body until their gazes locked. “You have the power, baby. You tell me when to stop and that’s what will happen.”

  She nodded.

  “This is about you and making you feel good, making you feel safe.” He smoothed his hands on her belly. “You’re my world, and everything I do from this point on is for you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  There was no pressure. Even as Nerd kissed her with her own cream on his lips, Hannah knew at any moment she could say stop. This was what she’d been wanting for a long time. Nerd kissed down to her neck, sucking at her pulse. She gasped out, arching up, wanting, needing a little more.

  The flutters in her stomach only seemed to be getting harder. She wanted him so much. Her pussy was on fire, and she wanted his fingers back between her folds. Nerd was still fully clothed, and he made no move to remove his clothing either. Any doubts she had disappeared as she looked at him.

  This man would never hurt her.

  His kisses didn’t stop, gliding from her neck to her chest, and she couldn’t help the deep breaths she was taking as his lips hovered over her left nipple. She couldn’t take the anticipation anymore, and gripping the back of his head, she pulled him down to suck on her breast.

  The heat of his lips had her moaning. Pressing her thighs together, she tried to create that amazing feeling that Nerd had started. She was on fire, and there was no way to stop it.

  “I’ve got you, baby. Open your thighs. I was going to taste you next time, but I’ll play until you’re ready for me.”

  She opened her thighs, and he stroked his hand up, cupping her between her thighs. One finger slipping against her, running from her clit to her entrance. He didn’t penetrate her but he teased her.

  “You can trust me, baby,” he said. “You’re so damn wet. I’m going to make you feel good.”

  He was making her feel good.

  Glancing down, she watched as he tongued her nipple, using his teeth to bite on her tit and then soothe the sting. He moved to her other breast, sucking her nipple into his mouth. She cried out when he bit down a little harder but also teased her clit at the same time.

  “Oh yes,” she said.

  He slowed down the strokes on her clit, and it only served to have her panting for him.

  “Do you want more?” he asked.

  “Please don’t stop.”

  “You like it?”

  “Yes.” She never thought she would, but she did.

  Hannah didn’t want him to stop, not now, not ever.

  “Please.” She wasn’t afraid of begging.

  “I’m about to make you feel a whole lot better.” He left her breasts and kissed down her stomach. She shuddered as he took little nips of her flesh just above her pussy. “You smell so fucking good. My mouth is watering for a taste of you.”

  Taste?

  What was he going to do?

  Going to her elbows so that she could watch him, she saw him open the lips of her pussy and swipe his tongue across her clit. She gasped out as millions of mini explosions went off inside her body, creating a riot of sensation.

  “That’s it, baby. Come apart for me.”

  Nerd didn’t stop there. He kept stroking her pussy, sliding his tongue across her clit, around then down.

  Hannah couldn’t take it and collapsed onto her back as he teased her pussy. Not once did she feel the fear. He sucked her clit into his mouth, taking his time to drive her body up to the edge of climax, keeping her poised.

  Her body was on fire and desperate for that end, that pleasure.

  Nerd didn’t keep her waiting long as he thrust her over the edge into a mind-shattering orgasm that had her screaming his name, begging for more.

  He didn’t stop, teasing her clit and sucking it into his mouth, prolonging her release. Only when she couldn’t take any more did he sit back. He leaned over her, pressing a kiss to her lips, and she didn’t mind tasting herself.

  “You’re amazing.”

  She made to reach for him, but Nerd took her hands. “Not tonight.”

  “What about you?” she asked.

  “Tonight was all about you. I can wait.”

  Biting her lip, she found him charming. “Thank you.”

  “Come on, I want to get you home so that you’re not too tired for tomorrow.”

  “I don’t want the night to end.”

  Nerd pulled her to him. “This is never going to end. You’ve given me your heart, Hannah, now I’m going to show you how good it can be to give me a chance.”

  Later that night Nerd sat at the bar. Most of the club had gone to bed as had Hannah. He’d brought her back home, and he’d seen the concern that everyone had. None of them trusted him to do the right thing.

  “How are you doing?” Demon asked, surprising him.

  He jerked around to see Demon holding his son. “You’re up late.”

  “I could say the same for you. This guy didn’t want to sleep, and Deanna’s so exhausted lately. I don’t want her getting ill.” Demon kissed his son’s head. “I think he wants feeding. I’ve already changed his stinky, smelly diaper.”

  “The joys of parenting. Let me guess? He didn’t even say thank you?”

  “Nope. Parenting sucks if you expect thanks. Deanna has told me not to even expect it when he’s older. Believe me, he’s going to be showing respect.” Demon took a seat, and he already had a bottle in his ha
nd. “Tell me what is bothering you?”

  “Nothing’s bothering me.”

  “Didn’t your date go well?”

  “My date went perfectly.”

  “Is that a problem?”

  “No.”

  Demon frowned. “Okay, so what is the problem?”

  “Nothing’s the problem, the date went perfect. I’m just ... thinking.”

  “What about?”

  “If this is the life I want her to have.”

  “The club life?”

  “Yeah, it’s not for everyone, and I don’t want to be a selfish prick by making her stay with me.” Nerd rubbed at his temple. “Tonight was my first ever date, and it was amazing. I don’t want to fuck her up, or do something that’s going to make her hate me in years to come.”

  “You’re right, the club life is hard, and there are times I know Deanna hates it. She hates the club whores and the fights. She stays for me, because I love her more than anything. She knows I’ll never step out on her, and that she owns me, heart, body, and soul. The club life may not be what Hannah deserves, but she deserves you. There’s no one else that will treat that girl right.”

  “Just be myself?”

  “Be the man she deserves. Love her with your whole heart, and you’ll never regret a single thing. That’s my advice, and I’m happily married with a kid.”

  That was exactly what Nerd wanted as well.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Hannah sat in the waiting room of the therapist’s office, not sure why she was so nervous but feeling like her skin was tight and she couldn’t breathe. Although Nerd had told her to find another therapist but never actually explained why he’d felt that way, she decided to talk to Jamie and see what was going on. She might have told Nerd she would see someone else, but Hannah felt this newfound strength, and she wanted to be able to figure things out on her own.

  She hadn’t made an appointment, because the circumstances around why Nerd didn’t want her seeing Jamie had rubbed her weird. She wanted to find out what was going on, and Hannah had worried telling Jamie she was coming might have had the woman denying an appointment. Although that was all speculation, because she had no clue what was going on or why she felt weird speaking with Jamie.

  “Maggie, please cancel my two-thirty for next week.”

  Hannah lifted her gaze and stared at Jamie. The therapist was looking down at a file and didn’t notice Hannah right away. But then she stopped and lifted her head to look right at Hannah. Their gazes clashed together, and Hannah felt that tightening in her belly intensify.

  “Hannah,” Jamie said, her voice bland of emotion. “I didn’t think we had an appointment today.”

  Hannah stood and shook her head. “We don’t, but there are some things I’m confused about.” They didn’t speak again for a moment and then finally Jamie nodded.

  “I have a few free moments. Follow me to my office.”

  Hannah followed Jamie, and once inside and seated in the chair in front of Jamie’s desk, the two women stared at each other, neither speaking nor moving.

  “I didn’t think you’d be back after you ended our session early last time.”

  No, Hannah hadn’t planned on coming back.

  “What is it that I can help you with?” Jamie asked, her voice emotionless, her expression blank.

  Hannah looked down at her hands, twisted them together in her lap, and breathed out slowly. “Aside from how you offended me during the last appointment, and the fact I really had no intention of coming back, Nerd doesn’t want me seeing you. I can’t understand why it would bother him if I saw you again, seeing as I didn’t tell him about why I didn’t want to come and see you again.” She lifted her gaze to stare at Jamie. The therapist didn’t speak for long seconds but finally exhaled and stood. She turned around, and Hannah felt her brows knit low in confusion. “What are you...”

  Jamie lifted her blouse top up and showed off the small of her back. Tattooed on her flesh were the words, “Grade’s Pussy On Demand.” Jamie let her shirt fall back down and turned to face her again. “I know what it’s like to be in the MC world. But my appetites, and demands for what I wanted, ended up getting me booted.” Jamie shrugged, not elaborating, but also not seeming apologetic for whatever she’d done.

  “You were a...” Hannah thought of the term the club called the women that were basically there for sex alone.

  “A club whore, and proud to be one,” Jamie said with that very pride in her voice. But her expression became darker. “And then I was too much for them to handle.”

  Hannah didn’t think that was all of the story, but she didn’t really care about hearing any more. And then it clicked in Hannah what was really going on. She stood, and for the first time in a long time, she actually felt rage fill her. “You wanted to be with Nerd? You used me to get to him, to the club?”

  “At first no. I didn’t know much about you aside from the bare minimum of information you gave us. But then hearing what you had to say, it made me want that life again.” Jamie stood. “It made me want that club attention again.”

  Hannah pursed her lips. “You can’t have Nerd.”

  “Believe me, your biker made it clear for me to stay away.” They stared at each other for long seconds. “I think it goes without saying our professional relationship has to cease.”

  “No shit,” Hannah found herself saying, and before Jamie could respond Hannah left the building, feeling as if she was going to claw out of her skin.

  She loved Nerd, and the very thought that someone else wanted to tear them apart, or at least take something she loved and held dear, had this power surging through her.

  Nerd was in the Soldiers garage working on a bike that had been sitting in the corner dismantled for the last year. He just needed something to do, something that would help keep his mind off what he wanted to do with Hannah ... to Hannah. Having her come for him had been so fucking arousing that when she’d left he’d jerked off twice. But he wouldn’t force her, wouldn’t push her, not even if she wanted to wait years. Yeah, for Hannah Nerd would be the most patient motherfucker around.

  He worked on tightening some bolts and heard the sound of a car door shutting. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Amy drop Hannah off before pulling away from the MC and leaving. Hannah glanced at the clubhouse but then looked toward the garage. Nerd stood and turned around, grabbed a rag, and cleaned his hands off.

  “Hey...” He stopped speaking when he saw the focused look on her face. When she was in the garage, her eyes wide, her hands balled into fists at her sides, all instinct rose up. “What’s wrong, baby? Are you okay? Did someone fuck with you?”

  She was in front of him only a second later, had her hands clenched around his T-shirt, and looked into his eyes.

  “Baby girl, you’re scaring the shit out of me.”

  But she didn’t speak and instead rose on her toes and kissed him. After a second she pulled away, breathing harder, heavier. “I saw Jamie, spoke with her. She told me what she did, what she tried to do with you.”

  He clenched his jaw. “I hadn’t wanted you to see her. She’s a conniving bitch.”

  “I know,” she said softly.

  He cupped her cheek and stroked her soft skin. “I love you so fucking much.” She smiled, and that one gesture could light up the whole fucking room. “I thought you were hurt, that someone really fucked with you. I was ready to hunt them down and slit their throat.”

  “Jamie won’t be in my life anymore. I wish you would have told me you went to speak with her though.”

  He exhaled and nodded. “Yeah, I should have. I don’t want to keep anything from you.”

  “I don’t want that either.”

  Nerd wanted to be honest with her, wanted nothing between them. She’d already had so many obstacles in her life that he wanted to make things easier for her, smooth. But a part of him knew he’d probably fuck up somehow. He was cold and hardened, and all he’d ever known was how to be a hardcore bi
ker. Would Hannah be able to still love him when she really understood that was who he was, no matter how gentle he was to her?

  Chapter Seventeen

  Over the next few weeks Hannah continued to see Nerd, go to classes, and she ceased all counseling. Amy offered to go with her for her first session but it wasn’t something she wanted to do. None of the Soldiers forced her, which she liked. Amy kept encouraging her to go, but she had made a decision, and that was final.

  She sat outside of the clubhouse as a party was going on full swing, and she stared up at the stars. Nerd had to go on a beer run, and he’d be returning soon. She hoped when he got back, she’d be able to go on a nice long walk with him to just talk. That was what she wanted. Parties at the clubhouse were still large and boisterous. No one tried anything with her, but they made her uncomfortable ... life anymore made her uncomfortable.

  “What’s wrong?” Weasel asked, coming to sit beside her. He kept a careful distance from her.

  In the early days of her being at the clubhouse she would scream the house down with a panic attack if anyone came near her. But she knew she was making progress, if only a small amount, when she felt calm around others.

  “I’m waiting for Nerd.”

  “He’ll be back before you know it.”

  She nodded and looked back at the stars. “It’s a beautiful night,” she said.

  “Yeah, it is.” A moment of silence passed between them. “You and Nerd, it’s the real deal?” Weasel took a sip of his beer, and she looked over at him and thought about his question. In the elemental and basic sense she knew they were, but she also knew she had a long way to go before she could be a decent partner to anyone.

  She nodded, though, not wanting to talk about that to anyone.

  “It’s the real deal. At least, I think it is.” She kept the rest of her thoughts to herself. “Even to my own ears that sounds crazy.” She ran fingers through her hair, brushing out the knots as she did. “He’s a really sweet guy.”

  “Only with you,” Weasel said.