Letters from Lighthouse Cottage

by McNamara, Ali

  ‘Yeah, yeah, I get it,’ Danny says, laughing. ‘Who appointed you Little Miss Positive?’

  I shrug. ‘I don’t know. I just feel quite optimistic right now, that’s all.’

  ‘Good, I’m pleased to hear it.’ Danny pulls his chair to a halt as we arrive outside the shop. ‘How was that for you, milady?’ he asks Ava as she hops down from his lap.

  ‘Great!’ Ava says, her cheeks flushed with excitement. ‘Granny!’ she calls, as Mum comes to the door. ‘I had a ride on a grown-up pushchair!’

  Mum looks with interest at Danny.

  ‘Wheelchair,’ I remind Ava as she pushes past Mum into the shop.

  ‘Is it elevenses time, Granny Harper?’ I hear Ava call from the back room. ‘Can we have biscuits?’

  ‘Takes after you, I see.’ Danny grins. ‘You always loved your food, if I remember rightly.’

  ‘Still do!’ I smile back. ‘Can’t you tell?’

  ‘No,’ Danny says, looking appreciatively at my figure – now a good two sizes bigger than it was when we’d been a couple. ‘I think you look great.’

  I feel myself blushing.

  ‘Danny, why don’t you stay for a cuppa?’ Mum asks. ‘I’m off out now, but I’m sure Grace will be more than happy to look after you.’ She gives me a knowing look.

  ‘That would be lovely, Mrs Harper,’ he says. ‘OK with you, Gracie?’

  I jump at his use of my old nickname.

  ‘Er, yes, of course. I’ll go and put the kettle on. Can you manage getting into the shop?’ I ask, then immediately regret it. ‘I mean… there’s a slight step and —’

  ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about me. I’ve conquered bigger mountains than your shop step.’ He smiles, and suddenly I’m cast back to my school days and the effect a Danny Lucas smile would have on me.

  ‘Sure… I’ll just put that kettle on then,’ I say, and I hurry off to the back room, my cheeks flushing furiously.

  Mum has now departed to her auction, her first in many months, and I’m pleased to see her go. It’s been good to see Mum so excited about something; she used to love auctions when Dad was here, and I’m hoping this will help her get back into the swing of things again.

  Danny is currently colouring with Ava; they’ve balanced one of her books on his lap, and while he helps her choose coloured pencils, Ava stands in front of him concentrating hard on adding colour to a picture of a teddy bear with a bunch of balloons in his hand.

  I’d been quite shocked at the effect Danny’s smile had had on me earlier. But should I have been? I’ve always had a soft spot for him, ever since our schooldays. Even when we broke up and he went away, I still thought about him every day, hard as I tried not to. There had been the time we almost resurrected our relationship when we were both home from university at Christmas. And when Simon and I had attended Danny’s fundraiser soon after our engagement, I’d felt that strange twinge when I was talking to him, guiltily pushing it aside because I shouldn’t have been feeling anything at all when we both had partners.

  I’ve always felt guilty about Danny’s accident, even though he seems to have become a better person as a result, helping so many people with his charity. Could it be that I’m confusing my constant guilt with feelings of a different kind?

  Danny is still a good-looking man. Though his dark mane of hair has been invaded by the odd fleck of grey at his temples (which, unlike me, he chooses not to cover), his face is handsome as ever. The smooth, almost movie-star perfection of his teenage years has given way to a more rugged look. He may be confined to a wheelchair, but he obviously keeps himself fit; his upper body in particular is very muscular. His eyes are the only part of him that haven’t changed in the slightest; they still twinkle like naughty sapphires when he’s up to mischief. Which is most of the time.

  Danny notices me watching him, and he smiles.

  ‘Remember when I flicked a pencil at you in registration?’ he asks, his eyes shining. ‘And it missed and hit Donna Lewis?’

  I nod. ‘She screamed and said she’d been stabbed. Tried to make out she’d get lead poisoning.’

  ‘I was only doing it to get your attention. I quite fancied you, even before that party.’

  ‘Is that what you do now to get the girls?’ I ask, grinning. ‘Throw wooden objects at them? Bit caveman, isn’t it?’

  ‘Doesn’t that work these days, then?’ Danny asks with a straight face. ‘I’m a bit out of practice.’

  ‘Try it next time you see a woman you like the look of and see what reaction you get!’ I laugh. ‘But don’t come…’ I hesitate. Damn, could I have picked a worse saying? ‘Don’t come to me if she throws something back at you – like a slap!’

  ‘Point taken,’ Danny says, winking at me. Then his face turns more sombre. ‘You don’t need to tiptoe around me, Gracie,’ he says earnestly. ‘I’ve been like this almost twenty years now. I’m not a delicate little flower that needs protecting from anything that might upset me.’

  ‘Sorry, it’s still difficult sometimes, seeing you like that. Even though it’s been so long. I can’t help feeling guilty.’

  ‘You feel guilty – why? The fire wasn’t your fault.’ Danny passes Ava a blue pencil and she continues to happily colour in the bear’s bow tie.

  ‘I know, but if it hadn’t been for me, you wouldn’t have been there that evening.’

  Danny nods, acknowledging my point. ‘Perhaps, but think how many people Charlie and I helped that night. If we hadn’t been there, some of those people might have died from their injuries or been trapped inside the burning building. And if you hadn’t been there, who would have rung the fire brigade? These days everyone has mobile phones, but back then, Grace, someone had to run to the phone box, didn’t they? If you hadn’t, Christ knows how long the place would have burned before someone summoned help.’

  I nod. He was right, of course. Remy had said something similar in a letter to me afterwards. But why did Danny have to suffer when he’d been so heroic that night? It didn’t seem fair.

  ‘Anyway,’ Danny whispers, leaning away from Ava, ‘do you know how many women I was able to bag using my chair as a pulling point before I met Rebecca? Loads! It’s awesome. Best babe-magnet ever. You might even have done me a favour!’

  I shake my head reprovingly. ‘And there was I, thinking you still threw pencils!’

  ‘Ah, I save that for the special ones.’ Danny winks.

  ‘You never change, do you?’ I say lightly, standing up from my chair. I lift our empty coffee mugs, intending to take them to the little sink in the office. ‘I think the word that best describes you is incorrigible!’ I call, turning away from them and walking towards the door.

  But as I do, I feel something hit the back of my head.

  I turn around and find Danny concentrating hard on his colouring with Ava. I look down at the floor and see a pink colouring pencil lying at my feet. When I look back at Danny, he’s watching me out of the corner of his eye.

  ‘Only the special ones,’ he whispers.

  Thirty-Two

  We’ve been in Sandybridge for three weeks now, and I’m quite enjoying myself. The shop is almost back to normal – well, as normal as it’s going to get without Dad. Mum seems much happier, and is taking an interest in the antiques business again, which is of course having an impact on the shop’s success. The place is going great guns right now. Even Ava seems to be flourishing here. Her little face, which is usually pale when we’re in London, has a healthy glow these days, and her brown eyes seem to shine that little bit more.

  Ava loves the beach, just as I did as a child, and we seem to end up visiting the sandy one near the lighthouse nearly every day. Sometimes we walk, sometimes we stop and build the odd sandcastle, and sometimes we have a picnic with Mum – which is one of Ava’s favourite things to do.

  Every occasion we’re there I look for Charlie, hoping he might emerge from the lighthouse and see us. But both the lighthouse and the cottage next door seem to be empty
most of the time. The only sign of life I’ve seen is the occasional visitor to the Lighthouse Bakery’s exhibition.

  ‘Does Charlie never come back these days?’ I ask Mum one afternoon as we’re picnicking on the beach. ‘I haven’t seen him since we’ve been here.’

  ‘Charlie comes and goes,’ Mum says, passing Ava a cheese sandwich. ‘He was here the day you went to London for more clothes. He called at the house to see you, but when I told him you weren’t here, he said he wasn’t staying. Apparently he had to rush up to Northampton that evening.’

  Northampton was home to the distribution company that delivered the Lighthouse Bakery’s wares around the country.

  ‘Oh…’ I look forlornly at the lighthouse. ‘It would be nice to see him again. I hope he comes home while we’re here.’

  Mum purses her lips a little. I’ve said the wrong thing.

  Mum refuses to discuss what will happen when we return to London in September for Ava to start school. We’ve been here three weeks already, and I know I’m pushing it with work. The gallery had been supportive about me taking extra time off when I’d explained about Mum’s problems, but we needed to go back sometime, and that sometime would have to be soon.

  ‘I wish you would reconsider, Grace,’ Mum says, casually rearranging the items on the picnic rug, ‘about staying on in Sandybridge. You know how much I love having you here, and Ava loves the seaside so much – don’t you, dear?’

  Ava nods furiously. She’s in the middle of chewing a bite of her sandwich, and she knows I’ll scold her if she speaks with her mouth full.

  ‘Mum…’ I give her a reproving look. ‘You know we can’t do that. I have my job, for one thing —’

  ‘You can work with me at the shop! We’re doing so well now, I’m sure we can afford a wage for you.’

  I just nod. Mum’s right, we could afford another wage, but I’d prefer it if that wage went to someone else. As much as I’m enjoying being here in Sandybridge and helping Mum at the shop, I don’t want it to become my permanent career. I studied for too long, and gained too much experience in the field, to use my history knowledge to run an antiques shop, lovely though ours was.

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ I reply, hoping this will keep her off my back for a while. ‘I’m making no promises though,’ I tell her when I see her face light up.

  ‘I would have thought you’d want to stay, now you and Danny are stepping out together again,’ Mum says with an innocent expression.

  I roll my eyes. ‘Mum, there are two things wrong with that statement. Danny unfortunately doesn’t step anywhere these days.’ I raise my eyebrows at her. It’s as if our roles have reversed lately, and now I’m the one always doing the chastising. ‘And even if a miracle did take place, and he was able to walk again, you wouldn’t find me stepping alongside him in the way you mean!’

  That’s not entirely true. Danny and I have been out for a drink a couple of times, leaving Ava in Mum’s care, and last time he’d suggested that we have a meal together sometime soon. But Mum makes it sound like we’re dating, and that’s certainly not the case. More like two friends catching up after a long time apart.

  ‘Whatever you say, Grace,’ Mum says, winking at Ava. ‘Whatever you say.’

  I shake my head and look away from her down the beach, and it’s as I do that I see a familiar silhouette walking towards me along the sand, with a smaller, four-legged silhouette next to him.

  ‘Charlie!’ I call, scrambling to my feet. I hold my hand up over my eyes so I can see him better. The bright sun is so strong that I can barely make him out, but I’d know that figure anywhere. Walking next to him is his beloved and now quite elderly Labrador, Winston.

  I run towards them both, and as I get closer Winston barks and Charlie holds out his arms to me. We embrace as we reach each other, and that wonderful familiar feeling of being close to Charlie engulfs me, like a soft warm blanket being wrapped around my body.

  ‘I thought that was you sitting on the beach,’ Charlie says as we loosen our hold and stand back to see each other’s faces. ‘I was looking out of one of the lighthouse windows and I spied you on the sand.’

  ‘Uncle Charlie!’ we hear a small voice call, and we turn to see Ava running along the beach towards us, still carrying her sandwich.

  Charlie reaches out his arms and sweeps Ava up in them, spinning her around in the air.

  ‘Hello, Pumpkin,’ he says, using the nickname he’s had for her ever since she was born in late October. ‘Gosh, you’re getting a big girl now, aren’t you?’

  Charlie puts Ava down on the sand, and she immediately slips her hand into his, while I crouch down to fuss Winston, who happily licks me in greeting.

  I stand up again and smile at Charlie. ‘I didn’t think I was going to see you while we were here this time.’

  ‘I haven’t been in Sandybridge that much lately,’ Charlie says. ‘I’ve got some stuff going on at the moment – business stuff. It’s keeping me quite busy.’

  He doesn’t volunteer any information about what that business might be.

  ‘How long are you here for this time?’ I ask, hoping I’m going to be able to spend some time with him again. It’s been ages since we’ve seen each other properly.

  ‘I’m here for the weekend,’ Charlie says. ‘Will you be around?’

  ‘Of course I will! Oh, Charlie, we’ve missed you! And you, Winston!’ I say, ruffling the dog’s ears again. ‘It’ll be great to spend some time with you and catch up.’

  ‘I’ve missed you both too,’ Charlie says, watching me. ‘More than you know.’

  Thirty-Three

  Charlie and I spend as much of the weekend together as we can.

  We take walks along the Sandybridge beaches with Winston, both with Ava and alone. We have a pub lunch at the Sandybridge Arms on Saturday, then on Sunday evening Charlie offers to cook me a meal at Lighthouse Cottage, which I gratefully accept.

  It’s as I nip into the little supermarket on the high street, for a bottle of wine to take to Charlie’s, that I bump into Danny.

  ‘Whoa, slow down!’ Danny laughs. ‘What’s the hurry?’

  For some reason I try to hide the bottle of wine behind my back.

  ‘No hurry,’ I reply, smiling. ‘Didn’t see you, that’s all.’

  Danny looks at me suspiciously. ‘What’s behind your back?’

  ‘Oh, this?’ I retrieve the wine and hold it in front of me. ‘Just some wine.’

  ‘You and your mum fancy a tipple tonight, do you?’ Danny grins. ‘Nice.’

  ‘Something like that – yes.’

  ‘Why don’t I bring round a couple of bottles and we can make a night of it? We could even order some Chinese in from that takeaway you love so much, and I’ll hire a DVD. What do you say?’ Danny looks up at me expectantly.

  ‘Ah… it sounds lovely, Danny, really it does. But I’m not actually going home right now. Perhaps another time?’

  ‘Oh, I see… right, yes, of course.’ Danny’s cheeks flush pink. ‘My mistake.’ He looks up at me curiously. ‘So who is the wine for, if you don’t mind me asking?’

  I can’t lie to him. Not that there’s any reason why I should.

  ‘It’s for Charlie, he’s cooking me dinner tonight at his cottage.’

  ‘I didn’t know he was back.’

  ‘Only for the weekend. He’s off to London on Monday for a few days.’

  ‘Ah, I see.’ Danny nods thoughtfully. ‘Perhaps we can get together again next week instead then? I know from past experience that when Charlie’s around he always comes first.’

  I’m surprised at his tone. Danny doesn’t usually make sarcastic remarks. Witty ones, yes, but sarcastic wasn’t his style.

  ‘Danny, that’s not fair! I hardly see Charlie these days. It’s been wonderful to spend the weekend catching up with him, and Mum said she’d baby-sit Ava tonight, so we thought we’d have dinner, that’s all.’

  Danny looks thoughtfully up at me, as if he�
�s considering something. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I only wish I had a friendship with someone that was as close as yours and Charlie’s. We’ll get together next week then? Go for that meal I suggested?’

  ‘Yes, of course, that would be lovely.’

  ‘Great. Well, have a good evening with Charlie, and I’ll call you next week.’ He nods abruptly, spins his chair around, then wheels it hurriedly down the aisle and back out of the shop.

  I sigh. What was that all about? It wasn’t like Danny at all.

  I pay for my wine and begin walking towards the beach and the lighthouse, still thinking about Danny’s behaviour.

  He’d seemed almost jealous that I was spending the evening with Charlie. But why would he be? It wasn’t as if we were together any more. We might have been out a few times lately, but only as friends. Danny had offered a pleasant distraction from the shop and my concerns about going back to London. I enjoyed his company – nothing wrong with that. But was Danny reading something else into it that I wasn’t?

  No, I tell myself. A memory flashes into my mind: the night of the auction, and Danny trying to persuade me I had feelings for Charlie! Why would he have done that if he still had feelings for me himself?

  But that seems a lifetime ago, and a lot has changed in our lives in the meantime. Maybe Danny’s feelings have changed too.

  I shake my head, unable to deal with this now. I have too much other stuff to contend with at the moment to worry about Danny. I’ll have to deal with him later. Tonight I just want to enjoy dinner with my best friend.

  Instead of walking across the sand towards the cottage, I keep to the path that runs above the beach next to the woods. I don’t want my pumps to be filled with sand by the time I get to Charlie’s.

  It had been a struggle deciding what to wear tonight. I didn’t want to over-dress; after all, this was Charlie I was having dinner with – my mate. But at the same time I wanted Charlie to think I’d made a bit of an effort, since he was cooking me dinner. So I’d chosen a pair of blue cropped jeans, teamed with a white shirt and red pumps. It was casual, yes, but not scruffy, and seemed perfect for dinner with my best friend.