Damaged (Damaged Series Book 1)

by J. Benson

  "Wait, wait. Let’s talk first..." He took my hand lightly. "You're in a better mood than this morning..."

  I nodded. "I've decided you were right... I'm probably going to regret it, but I think maybe I should give her a chance."

  Surprisingly, his smile faded. "I didn't mean to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. That wasn't what I meant to do at all. I was trying to help you decide what’s right, not to talk you into doing something that's going to make you miserable..."

  "You're not." I assured him. "If my mother wants to see me... I guess I owe her that much. Maybe I can make a difference... maybe. Or maybe I'll make things worse when I get out there... but I guess I have to at least try."

  Taylor smiled. "Good... do... do you want me to go with you?" He asked hesitantly.

  I chewed my lower lip. "I... I don't think that would be a good idea. If things haven't changed it will be really embarrassing and it could be walking into a huge fight."

  "Okay. I just thought you might like some moral support." He shrugged helplessly.

  "It's okay." I smiled. "Thank you anyway."

  "Sure." He shrugged. "I just wanted to help."

  I smiled. "Let's go to the cafeteria." I slipped my hand into his and let him lead the way.

  We were barely in the cafeteria when someone shouted "T-man! Over here!" I glanced around, but it was impossible to tell where the voice was coming from.

  Taylor laughed and waved politely. "I think they want us to sit with them again..."

  "Okay." I agreed. "Sure."

  "Do you want to sit with them while I get my lunch? It would save you from the smell..." He tried.

  "That's okay. I'll come with you." I said a little too quickly. I dreaded the thought of being alone with his friends, even for a few short moments.

  He smiled, his hand tightening around mine. "Alright. Quick and painless. It's a good thing I already know what I want." He teased.

  I followed him into the galley kitchen, staying close to him. I found that when I was with him, I was easily distracted from the memories that cafeteria food brought flooding back.

  He must have sensed that I wanted to be closer to him, because he released my hand and moved his arm around me, tucking me under his arm. I smiled to myself and dug my fingers into some spare fabric at the back of his t-shirt.

  "You know, the smell isn't so bad." I murmured near his shoulder. "I could probably eventually get used to it."

  "Yeah?" He laughed softly. "Do you want anything?"

  "No. Absolutely not." I said a little too quickly.

  He laughed again, and handed his money to the woman at the counter. He scooped up his tray and released me, instead picking up my hand. With my hand securely in his, he led the way out of the kitchen and into the main part of the cafeteria, where his friends were.

  "Are you sure you want to sit with them? It's up to you; I won't feel insulted if you want to sit together somewhere else."

  I smiled, "Yes, I'm sure." I insisted.

  We approached the tables full of his friends, once again two tables had been shoved together to accommodate everyone. One of his friends moved to another chair to allow two seats together.

  I recognized Tara and Lisa at the table; both girls were sitting together and chatting eagerly.

  When they saw me, they both looked up and leaned toward me. "Did you find a dress yet?" Lisa asked eagerly.

  I nodded unable to hide a huge smile from my face. "I did."

  "Where did you get it?" Lisa inquired.

  "Umm... actually, my grandmother made it for me. It's really lovely." I smiled.

  "Oh." Tara seemed appalled at the thought, but was attempting to hide it. "I thought you would have gone for something... I don't know... designer. You know, being from New York and everything."

  "Actually, her grandmother used to have a dress store, where she designed and sold her own dresses." Taylor interrupted.

  "It's really quite beautiful." I smiled at him. He returned my smile.

  "Okay... oh! I got my dress online from this adorable little designer boutique in Arkansas. My father paid a fortune to have it shipped here overnight." Lisa said proudly. "It's pink and it has hand-beaded stitching all along the top. It's strapless and it kind of flares out at the waist in all kinds of layers and stuff."

  Together they launched in to a detailed conversation about the dance. The boys were talking about an impromptu hockey game, but both Taylor and I stayed out of the respected conversations.

  His arm moved around my shoulders, and his other hand pushed his tray closer to me. I slipped a french fry from the stack on his tray and chewed on it slowly. It wasn't the worst french fry I'd ever eaten in my entire life, but it wasn't the best either. I was honestly starting to worry if I might possibly be able to eat a full cafeteria meal someday.

  Taylor grinned.

  "I can't wait for everyone to see my dress tomorrow!" I overheard one of the girls saying.

  I froze entirely. It couldn't be so soon before the dance. I was sure I had more time to get used to the idea that I was going to a high school dance with my high school boyfriend. I thought I had more time to mentally prepare myself before the dance, but I was wrong. How had I lost track of time so quickly?

  I had to blink a few extra times to make sure my eyeballs didn't fall out of my skull. I felt like I couldn't breathe at all.

  "Umm... come on, let’s go for a walk." Taylor stood and helped me to my feet. I needed it; I was too distracted to get myself into a standing position. Taylor gently hoisted me out of the cafeteria by the arm.

  "Emma, what's wrong?" He asked me as soon as we were out of the cafeteria.

  "I just... wasn't expecting the dance to be so soon... I thought I had more time to prepare...." I mumbled. "I know it seems trivial, but I still don't know how I'm going to wear my hair, or how to do my make-up—not that I particularly excel at make-up..." I clamped my mouth shut to silence the incessant babbling that was coming out of my mouth.

  "We don't have to go." Taylor said quickly. "If you're not comfortable... I mean, it doesn't matter to me. We can go out for dinner, and do something low key. Just you and me."

  I shook my head. "I have a dress, and shoes and everything. It would disappoint my grandmother if I don't wear her dress... and you want to go."

  "We can get together at one of our houses and you can even wear your pretty new dress if you want." He smiled, lightly brushing my hair back behind my shoulder. "Don't do this for anyone else, Emma. It's all about you. If you don't want to go, then I don't want to go either."

  "I want to go." I smiled. "Just the time freaked me out. I'll get used to it, okay?" I paused, swallowing thickly. "I've never been to a dance before, and listening to everyone talk about it just kind of... freaked me out."

  "Emma." He said, gently taking my hands in his. "We don't have to go. Really, it doesn't matter to me, if we go or not. It's just a silly high school dance. It's nothing to get worked up or upset over."

  I chewed my lip. "I'm not upset." I said quickly.

  He eyed me suspiciously. "You're chewing your lips, Emma. You only do that when you're worried or upset."

  I promptly released my lip from between my teeth.

  "Why don't you think about this? We have until tomorrow to decide if we want to go, so just let me know. If we don't, we'll make other plans." He shrugged lightly.

  "But you want to go." I mused.

  "It doesn't matter what I want. It's entirely up to you." He insisted.

  I pursed my lips tightly. "I think I'm just freaking out over that stuff with my mom." I mused. "She does this, she gets me all worked up over nothing. I still want to go to the dance. I want to wear my new dress and relax and have fun with you." I reached up and lightly laid my palm along his cheek. "I want to forget about everything else and have a good time with my boyfriend." I added with a smile.

  "You're sure?" He worried.

  I nodded. "Yes. I'm absolutely sure. I'm actuall
y a little excited."

  Chapter 38:

  Winter Formal

  Thursday afternoon and Friday's classes seemed to drag on forever. I found myself getting more excited as the dance drew nearer. And before I knew it, I was sitting on the stairs with my shoes on, my coat on and my beautiful dress on. I was ready to go almost a full half hour before Taylor was scheduled to pick me up.

  I wore my hair pinned back in glossy ringlets that my grandmother had fabricated with a curling iron and almost an entire bottle of hair spray. I had never been one for make-up, but I used what little supplies I had. Grandma helped me apply the make-up; and I was grateful to have someone helping me get ready who actually knew what they were doing.

  When I stood in front of the mirror, I hardly recognized myself. For the first time, I looked beautiful. I looked grown up and mature for my age. And my curls weren't frustratingly unruly. Every part of me had come together in one stunning package.

  The longer I waited for Taylor, the more I was starting to panic. I had never been to a dance in my life. I didn't know what to expect at all. I wondered what the other girls would be wearing, and if I would fit in or if I would stand out too much. I wasn't much of a dancer, but I wondered if the people here in Oklahoma danced differently than they did back in New York City.

  I wondered if I would recognize any of the music. I'd been so caught up in my father's illness; I was completely out of touch with people my own age; including music and movies. Even sitting in Taylor's car as he sang along to the radio, I was unfamiliar with the songs playing. I was going to look and feel so lost.

  My grandmother had taken several pictures of me, before leaving to get to her bridge game. I was completely alone and left with my own panic to dwell on.

  The doorbell rang, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. My heart beat sputtered, and was suddenly beating in my throat. I sprang from the stairs and pulled open the door.

  Taylor was standing with his usual coat on, and the biggest smile on his face.

  "Hey," He grinned broadly. "You look fantastic. Do I get to see the dress?"

  "Not yet." I smirked.

  His face twisted into a small pout.

  I giggled. "Patience is a virtue, right?"

  "Okay, I guess I can wait a bit." He laughed.

  I followed him out onto the porch, pulling the door closed behind us. I locked it before sliding the keys back into the beaded clutch purse my Grandmother had lent me for the evening. I had a feeling that the clutch was vintage and priceless, but grandma trusted me with it.

  He took my hand again, and led me down the stairs toward the driveway. I slid on the ice in the driveway, but managed to keep my balance.

  I laughed nervously. "I'm going to kill myself in these shoes."

  "I'll watch out for you." He smirked at me.

  He held open the door and I slipped into the passenger seat, struggling to pack my skirt into the car.

  Taylor laughed and tried to help me. Finally he was able to close the door. He jogged around the car and jumped into the driver's seat.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked.

  "It's too late to back out now."

  "It's never too late." He smirked.

  "It's okay. We're going to have fun, right?" I asked, but the catch in my voice told me that I wasn't sure.

  "Of course." He chuckled.

  "Then let’s go." I leaned across the front seat of the car and gently kissed his cheek.

  He leaned toward me and turned to kiss me properly.

  I giggled. "You're going to get make up all over you."

  Taylor shrugged. "So? Let’s just stay in the car and do this." He leaned forward and kissed my lips again.

  I smiled. "You promise to take me to the dance, now you want to keep me in the car?" I pulled a fake pout.

  He laughed, and started the car. He backed from the driveway and turned down the street.

  "So, what should I expect from tonight? Dancing and music? Or is there something else..." I asked, still trying to mentally prepare myself.

  "It's pretty much the same as any other dance..." He backed out of the driveway.

  "Right..." I muttered.

  "You've really never been to a dance before?" He asked in disbelief.

  I shook my head. "No, never. I can't dance either... I'll probably be bad at it."

  "I highly doubt that." He grinned.

  I smoothed my hands over my skirt, nervously. I chewed at my lips anxiously. If I continued worrying, I wouldn't have any lipstick left by the time we got

  Taylor practically sped through town, barely hesitating at stop signs. He sang along to the radio and tapped his hands on the steering wheel. We arrived at the school in record timing, only to find the parking lot increasingly full.

  He managed to find a space almost immediately. My hands clutched tightly in my skirts. I was almost afraid to move. There was no turning back now.

  I climbed out of the passenger seat before he had a chance to open the door for me. I awkwardly adjusted the skirts of my dress, untwisting the fabric from around my legs and holding it up just enough that I wouldn't trip over the skirts.

  I stumbled in my shoes again, but Taylor's arms were around me immediately. "Whoa!" He chuckled. "Don't twist an ankle before we have a chance to dance." He mused, his breath ruffling the hair at the base of my neck. I felt my skin ripple into goose bumps.

  I smirked. "I'll try, but I can't promise."

  "I can carry you to the door, if you like." He teased.

  "Yeah, because that's not embarrassing at all." I rolled my eyes.

  He took my hand. "You ready to go in then?"

  I nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be." I drew in a deep breath.

  Holding onto his hand for dear life, I followed a mere step behind him as we walked into the school. Someone had lined the main hall with thousands of tiny Christmas lights, which led to the cafeteria. One of the nearby classrooms had been turned into a coat check.

  Taylor led me toward the classroom and I watched him remove his coat, handing it over to the teacher who had been assigned to supervise the coat check.

  I paused before slipping off my own coat, and passing it to the same person. The teacher handed me a small ticket so I could pick up my coat later.

  "Want me to hold onto that?" Taylor offered. "I've got pockets."

  "Thank you." I smiled, surrendering my ticket. He pocketed it immediately. He was wearing a white dress shirt with faint gray pinstripes. His shirt was tucked into a pair of black dress pants, and the sleeves were bunched up around his elbows. A simple black tie hung down from his throat, making him look fantastic. Even without the suit jacket, he looked like he belonged in a movie instead of standing right next to me.

  "You look beautiful." He smiled at me, leaning down to lightly kiss me.

  "You look good too." I couldn't hide a grin.

  Still holding my hand, he held my arm up and turned me in a small circle. I laughed, spinning slowly. My skirt fluttered out around my legs.

  His grin broadened to a sly expression I recognized immediately. He pulled me close, his hand falling onto the small of my back. His hand was warm against my bare skin. It felt like such an intimate and personal touch, I felt my cheeks turn to a soft shade of red.

  "I hope you're not expecting me to control myself tonight..." He whispered in my ear. I blushed brighter in response.

  I giggled and moved my arms around his neck, standing on my toes to look into his eyes. "Actually, I kind of hope you don't."

  I released him and began walking toward the cafeteria. He let out a tortured groan behind me.

  I grinned to myself. I wasn't sure where this side of me was coming from. Normally I wasn't this comfortable and brave around other people; especially men. But Taylor seemed to bring out a dormant part of my personality that I didn't know I had or that I had forgotten existed.

  And it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

  Chapter 39:

  Dance With Me<
br />
  I was hardly able to recognize the cafeteria. The tables and chairs were moved out entirely, leaving a large, open dance floor. Someone had covered the walls in crepe paper streamers, balloons and paper flowers. The front of the cafeteria was sectioned off for a DJ, while bright, multicolored lights scanned the dark room. They seemed to make everything sparkle. Bright white twinkle lights bordered the walls, making everything look magical and breathtakingly beautiful.

  "Wow," I breathed. I glanced around the room and noticed people were already looking at us. "Taylor..." I murmured, looking up at him finally.

  "Let them look." He spoke, his arm moving around me. His warm fingers lightly brushed the bare skin at the small of my back. "They're probably just thinking about how sexy you look right now."

  I laughed. "Right. I highly doubt that." I replied with thick sarcasm in my voice.

  He shrugged. "It's what I'm thinking about." I saw him smirk. "Well, not entirely what I'm thinking about..."

  I blushed, and moistened my lips. "Taylor? Will you dance with me?" My voice sounded small and shy.

  "Of course!" He agreed immediately. "Come on."

  His hand lightly sitting on my lower back guided me onto the dance floor. I let him lead me to the middle of the dance floor, catching an angry glare from Nissa who just happened to be dancing nearby with someone I didn't recognize. I tried to push everything out of my mind and focus solely on what Taylor and I were doing. I tried to remember this moment in case it never happened again.

  Taylor immediately pulled me close for a slow song that I didn't know. He took my left hand in his right one, and his hand fell gently on my hip. I ran my right hand up his arm and finally rested it on his shoulder. The movement felt natural and organic, as if it were something I'd done a thousand times. Or perhaps something I was meant to do for some strange, cosmic reason that I couldn't explain.

  "See? It’s not so bad is it?" He smiled down at me. The dim lights obscured the striking blue of his eyes, but the lights made his eyes sparkle just the same.

  "No. This is actually kind of cool... so far." I laughed softly.