After Reed

by Blythe Stone

  “That whole warning system thing is a good idea. We’ll have to set something up. If Reed can move things- a loud bell would work fine,” Nora said.

  “I think she heard us talk about Daniel.”

  I felt Reed’s limbs touch my legs and knew she was moving to lay her head down in my lap.

  Not thinking much of it, I began to play with her invisible hair.

  The strands felt so familiar on my fingertips and when I pulled my fingers down enough I felt the skin of her neck and rest my tips there a second to see if she still had a heartbeat.

  She shouldn’t have one but I felt it.

  “She’s like a pet,” Nora smiled.

  “If you can see her you better tell me,” I said.

  “I can’t see her but I know where she must be. Your body reacts to her in so many ways.”

  “I want you to feel her,” I said. “I’d like to know I’m not crazy.”

  “I’ve already heard her,” Nora said. “I believe you. That bite mark was enough.”

  “Yeah but this is so surreal.”

  “Mmm, I think it’s real,” Nora decided. She’d been watching me pet Reed in ways, watching my hand act as it would if there had been a real live form on top of mine.

  I heard a door crack and knew that Nat must be up.

  Her feet made soft familiar noises as she came around to sit on the couch.

  She sat without looking and then jumped up and looked down on me.

  “What is it?” I asked, smiling.

  “Umm…”

  I hadn’t told her and I didn’t want to give it away.

  She looked to Nora and then to the empty chair at Nora’s side.

  I watched her go over there and sit.

  Nora and I both tried not to laugh but it was hard. Reed had been so real even Nat felt her now.

  I kept my hand on Reed’s side. It didn’t look too strange there. I didn’t want to freak Natalie out.

  “Why are you both being weird?” Natalie asked.

  “What’d you feel just now when you sat down?”

  “What? Nothing,” she lied.

  I smoothed my hand over Reed’s back and rubbed.

  Nat was watching me, her eyebrows scrunched.

  “What are you doing?” She laughed.

  “You sat on Reed,” I said.

  “Did not,” Nat said.

  “No, you totally did,” Nora said.

  I felt Reed move away from me.

  Seconds later Nat went stiff just as Nora had done.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Nat

  I accidentally fell asleep for about an hour. Pushing Nora off sexually, watching Leah act like a lunatic, and learning of Lily’s soon-to-come arrival pretty much drained all the life I had left.

  I envied Leah her Reed fantasies. I’d love to dream of Reed like that- have an escape. Even when I tried to make it happen I couldn’t. My control wasn’t the same.

  My eyes would close and when I woke up it would just be like nothing had happened at all. No one was waiting for me. Nothing had changed.

  I shifted on the bed and looked around.

  Nothing was off. Everything was as I left it.

  I went and checked the mirror. The word from before was gone and there was nothing but my reflection in the way.

  As soon as I opened the door I heard talking. It sounded like Nora and Leah were hanging out together in the living room.

  When I saw the back of Leandra’s head I smiled and felt a small spot of relief. For whatever reason she was the only human I could really let myself trust.

  I walked around the couch and moved to sit by her.

  My body was shocked into movement though by what felt like a body beneath mine.

  I jumped up out of habit. When I looked down there was nobody there.

  “What is it?” Leandra asked. She looked like she knew though and I hated that. Before this sickness of hers she had lots of fun playing games with me.

  I couldn't answer her but I also couldn’t sit there again. I moved to the open chair across the table and sat down. Nora and Leah both stared at me like they knew something I didn’t.

  They told me I sat on Reed after that and I scoffed at them for being assholes but then I felt a hand push my body back and soon there was pressure on my legs.

  “Whoa!” I said, just letting it happen.

  I only tried to push the invisible body back a tad but I heard Reed’s familiar teasing laughter as she straddled my form and leaned in close to my ear to whisper: I’m here.

  Heat flushed through me. I swallowed awkwardly and I really hated that she was turning me on.

  I felt her hands on my neck and her lips dragging up the side of my face.

  “Reed?” I asked, wanting it to be true.

  “Did you miss me?” She asked.

  I shook my head. “Of course,” I said, moving my hands up her back and feeling her skin.

  “Hey!” I heard Leandra shout. “Knock it off!”

  Reed started to laugh and so did I as she moved herself off of me.

  When my eyes opened I looked around dazed and thirsty.

  Eleanora held my hand and checked to make sure I was alright.

  “So rude,” Leah said.

  I saw her push something invisible away and I knew she must’ve been pushing Reed.

  “This is so fucking crazy,” I muttered.

  But she’d finally touched me, I finally felt her and I knew she was real.

  I went over to where Leah was sitting and moved my hands around in the air to try and find Reed.

  After a second I felt her. My hand froze where it was and invisible fingers pinched at my side and made me jump.

  “Whoa!” I said, going back to my chair.

  After a few seconds Leah had moved in such a way that she was probably holding Reed against her body, it was so strange.

  “We should make a meal,” I said, trying not to feel awkward. It’d be one thing if I could see Reed. Feeling her was good though, at least it made me know Leah wasn’t off in her head.

  “What’d you have in mind?” Nora asked.

  “Lily is coming,” I said. “Maybe salmon and vegetables. I just don’t want her thinking we don’t feed little miss sleepy.”

  “I’ll tell her it’s my fault,” Leah said. She had those love-drunk eyes. She only looked like that when she’d had too much of Reed, like a drug.

  I swallowed awkwardly, feeling a rush I hadn’t felt in a very long time. The heat of lust and jealousy; a finely crafted brew I could only feel with regards to these two.

  “Salmon sounds good,” Nora said, standing up and tugging my hand.

  We left the lovebirds alone and I rubbed my hand across my neck where Reed had touched me.

  It was just like her real hand. I couldn’t see it but I felt it, like a strikingly vivid memory come to life.

  “You seem shaken,” Nora laughed. She pulled out a salmon plank and began to look through the spices.

  “She was on me,” I mumbled.

  “I’ve no doubt,” Nora laughed. “And I’m glad you’re letting someone touch you.”

  “Hey, what the hell?!” I asked, bothered by her. I’d grabbed her wrist out of instinct. When I noticed though, I let go. “Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t ask her to touch me.”

  I kinda did. I don’t think she heard me though. Unless, maybe… Could she read minds?

  “Well, I didn’t mean that as a dig,” Nora sniffed.

  She was avoiding my eyes and I noticed it.

  “I am sorry about before.” I’d spent a lot of time trying to guess her motives. I’d been abusive, accidentally.

  I leaned back on the counter and crossed my arms under my chest. This wasn’t easy for me. No one had tried to touch me like that in a long time.

  Used to be, I’d always just go with things.

  Living with Leandra in this caregiver state sort of messed with me. I was a person and I had choices. Somewhere along the line I�
�d forgotten about that.

  I could say no if things didn’t feel right. I could ask for the things I wanted. I could recognize when my stomach stirred and my heart hurt and my head was saying: please no.

  “Yeah? Which part exactly?” Nora asked. “Are you sorry you couldn’t kiss me or are you sorry I tried to kiss you in the first place?”

  She opened the oven and looked inside of it before slamming it shut.

  “I haven’t thought about anyone touching me in a long time,” I confessed.

  We’d already done a little. She’d woken me up. And we’d had sex before. But something was wrong inside and it had nothing to do with Nora, it was all me.

  When Reed sat on me back there I felt so alive again. It was like I was back to my old self before any of this bad shit happened.

  “You’re not telling me things,” Nora said.

  “I want to tell you,” I realized, looking up at her. I felt I had tears hanging in my eyes. It was frustrating not to know what was going on with my mind or my body.

  “I know it’s not fair of me to want you to say you love me back,” Nora said.

  I moved over and tugged on her pant loop until she came close.

  “I’m just all fucked up inside,” I whispered sadly. I didn’t want Leah to hear. Nora’s form was so close now, the urge to fall into her and be held, it nearly suffocated me.

  “When Reed touched me back there, I felt like my old self again.”

  “Did your old self, love me?” Nora squeaked, still trying to get me to say it. Sexy and feminine as she obviously was, Nora wasn’t exactly a big softy. Her downtime hobbies included learning how to kill any man, so that gives you a good idea of how rarely she chooses to show vulnerability like this. I moved her to lean her body on mine. There was no doubting how I felt about her. Leah was the one true love, the unattainable, the one that got away, and Nora was… I’d always had this sort of kick inside when it came to wanting her to love me. I’d seen what could happen to myself if I let myself fall, and that scared me.

  This time, I wanted to live. Nora’s cheek pushed into mine and she inhaled, fingers tangling in my shirt. Enough was enough. I wanted her, so I kissed her. Taking care with her soft skin and her hidden vulnerability. My lips found hers and it felt right.

  Her mouth opened slowly and I could feel that growing heat inside, that one about Reed and about Leah. Only now, it was about Nora, about us.

  She pushed me for more, trying to show me how much she felt but it was too much all at once. My hand came to her collarbone and I stilled her, pushing her back sadly, resting my forehead on hers. “I just need a little time,” I whispered, hating that it was true. It hurt to feel so much after feeling completely dead inside for months. There was no control in this.

  I thought I’d lost Leandra.

  Nobody seemed to understand that but me.

  No one went through it but me.

  I needed to make myself process all that or else I’d never feel good.

  Nora moved to leave but I pulled her back. “And, for the record, my old self loved the shit out of you.”

  She moved her hand to my neck and stole a deeper kiss.

  Instead of feeling wrong, or pushing my buttons, all it did was make me smile. I’d been missing happiness. This feeling was foreign now but I remembered it and I liked the sprouting seeds of what could soon be, given time.

  “Take your dumb time,” Nora scoffed after moving away from me. She sniffed and turned the oven on.

  “Should we barbeque?” She asked.

  “Nah, not today,” I said. “Let's stay inside.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Leah

  When my mom called, fifteen minutes out, Nat and Nora told me to go to my room and change. They said I should at least try to hide my skinniness.

  It made me grumpy and sad. If I was skinny, I was skinny. It was just me. I didn’t want to make excuses or hide the truth. I had every right to look a wreck. I’d lost my wife for all my parents knew. They didn’t really know that Reed was still all over me, delighting in loving me, reminding me of what we had.

  Soon as I got in my room I felt my body being pushed back to the wall. Reed turned me real carefully and then she was kissing me like she used to.

  My body filled up inside with pleasure and I felt butterflies.

  She pushed on my ribs a little too hard and I cried out and pushed her off.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I’m not as strong as I used to be. Not that I ever was strong.”

  It made me sad. I know she’d feel bad if she knew she had hurt me.

  I felt softer kisses on my skin.

  Her hands went down the underside of my thighs and I felt my body being lifted.

  I moved my arms around her neck and when she kissed me this time it was just the right amount of pressure and I felt so loved it made me certain I might break.

  I closed my eyes in the kiss and when I opened them I could see her there.

  My breathing sped as I stared at her eyes. “You’re so beautiful,” I gasped.

  “Can you really see me right now?”

  I could hear her loud and clear. She was real and she was here.

  “Yes,” I said, eyes traveling over her face. My breath had caught but I was alive and so was she.

  I brought my hand up and touched on her perfect cheeks and her plump wet lips.

  I kissed her again. It hurt to feel her so much now. She made me so sensitive just like our first times. I kept opening my eyes and staring. I was her baby again, completely lost in her, nothing else could matter.

  “I can tell you can see me,” she smiled, a huff of air escaping her as she touched my lips with her finger and watched my eyes flicker at her touch and her sight.

  Slipping my tongue out, I stole her finger inside my mouth, sucking a little hard as my eyes shut and I felt her like before.

  Her body pushed into mine and I whined releasing her finger, squeezing her body tightly with my legs.

  “That’s my girl,” she breathed, feeling me.

  “This is so much better than a dream,” I whined, scratching her back with my nails.

  “I’d say we’re making good progress,” she smiled.

  “Huh- I think I have to agree,” I said, swallowing. It was hard to talk or keep my eyes open. I loved seeing her but to feel her like this was so strong after thinking I’d never…

  “I’ve been wanting to come in this room for hours now,” Reed confessed.

  I felt her fingers in my hair as they twisted and tugged just a small bit and she stole the perfect kiss again.

  “Why do you always do things like this when we don’t have time?” I whined, remembering. This was always her way.

  My mom would be here any second. All I wanted was this. Her body and mine.

  “We have time,” Reed said lovingly. She ran her thumb up my neck and placed small pressure there as she pushed against me and kissed me again.

  “Never enough,” I said, shaking my head.

  “I’m kinda glad your mom’s coming,” she confessed. “I can rest up for an hour or two and then later we’ll be back here like this.”

  “Don’t you want to see my mom?” I asked, surveying her.

  It was a stupid question to ask while she was flirting with me.

  “I can see her without touching things,” Reed said.

  “Oh, can you?” I teased. “You mean you can go a full hour without touching me?”

  “Well, I didn’t say that,” she smiled, finding my hand and holding it as she kissed me.

  I heard commotion on the other side of the door and just knew.

  “One more kiss,” Reed said.

  I pushed my hands onto her face and stared, stretching time, before obeying her wish.

  When I broke away I felt her hands letting me down as my feet met the ground and I had to carry myself again like a normal human on this stupid stupid Earth.

  I walked to the dresser and pulled a dress out.
<
br />   Reed still helped me undress and I smiled when her hands touched me again.