by M. D. Cooper
“I’m getting the hang of covering your ass, sir.” Mia frowned.
He sat forward and placed his elbows on the table and made a pyramid shape with his thumbs and forefingers. “About that. You stated that you planned on reporting my behavior to command, correct?”
“Yes, sir, I did.” Mia leaned forward and placed her elbows on the table. Instead of mimicking him, she crossed her right forearm over her left forearm.
“Do you think I volunteered to captain a shit bucket like the HMS Falderal because I like the smell of garbage, Commander?” He crinkled his nose at the mention of garbage.
“I never really considered how you came to command the HMS Falderal, Captain.”
“You and I aren’t all that different. I had command of a beautiful, new cruiser once upon a time. On my second mission, I discovered a new race of humanoid. I was an eager little officer and couldn’t wait to share my discovery with Colonial Command. I loaded up a dozen of them onto my ship and we headed home. I was so proud of myself. I cracked open a bottle of bourbon my great-grandfather had given me when I assumed command of my sparkling new ship.”
“I take it things didn’t go so well?” Mia asked, tilting her head and finding herself unusually drawn into his story. Although it involved intoxicants, as did all his stories, the idea of discovering a new race of humanoid intrigued her.
“You could say that. When I awoke from my drunken stupor, a third of my crew had been eaten by our guests. Another third of my crew contracted some form of weird disease that mutated them into flesh-eating barbarians. By the time the ship made it back into Colonial space, there were a dozen of us left. We had barricaded ourselves on the bridge and only managed to survive because a passing Colonial Battle Cruiser was on maneuvers in our sector.” He sat back and crossed his arms again. “I never stopped to weigh my decision. I was more interested in furthering my career and making a name for myself. Well, I made a name for myself, the Cannibal Captain, but it’s not exactly the one I had planned on when I signed up with the Colonial Navy, you can bet your sweet ass.”
Mia struggled to comprehend the weight his poor decision had on so many innocent lives. “What happened after that?”
“My great-grandfather pulled some strings, called in some markers and maybe bribed a few officials to save my ass from being thrown in the brig for the rest of my life. Truthfully, I would have deserved it. But I think having to face each day free and clear, but relegated to a garbage scow for the rest of my life is a far worse fate than wasting away in some dark hole.”
“Why are you telling me all this, sir?” Mia sat back and mindlessly picked at the cuticle on her thumb.
“Because I don’t want you to end up like me. Sure, you screwed up your first command. But you can redeem yourself. Don’t throw your second chance away by breaking regulations and putting the ship in danger.” He rapped his knuckles on the tabletop.
“If it were anyone else, sir, I wouldn’t give a flying turd. But it’s Tefeau.” She pursed her lips with a hint of disgust.
“OK, spill it. Why are you so willing to put all of our lives at risk for this friend of yours?” Reese put his elbow on the table and rested his chin on the back his hand.
“She’s llamanian. We grew up in an outer colony orphanage together. On my very first day there, I was five or six, a couple of boys cornered me and tried to make me eat their buggers. Out of nowhere, this scrawny, peach-colored llamanian plowed into them, stomping their asses with her huge hooved feet and head-butting them with her big head. It was like that almost every day for the first year. I’d get my ass in a jam and she’d appear out of thin air to rescue me. When I turned legal age, and couldn’t stay there anymore, I decided to join the Colonial Navy. Tefeau and I drifted apart. But I heard the occasional rumors that she’d bounced around, getting into trouble, disappearing for a while and then doing it all over again.”
“Huh.” Reese put his hand down on the table. “I’ve never, personally, met a llamanian. The only things I know about them are from bits of stories here and there. Like, how fierce they are in battle. That they were almost wiped out by a genocidal maniac. And that they mate for life. Wait, you two aren’t mated, are you? ‘Cause, you know, I was kinda hoping...”
“Sir, that is highly inappropriate!” Mia sat back, appalled.
“Inappropriate is my middle name.” He winked. “But you still haven’t really explained why you have to rescue her.”
Mia sighed. “Fine. She has a copy of me doing something extremely embarrassing and illegal in several sections of the system. If it got out, it would probably do more damage to my career than what’s already come to pass.”
“Please tell me it’s a naughty vid! Please?!” Reese perked up like a little kid getting a sweet treat.
“No, I won’t tell you what’s on it. I would rather die first.” Mia shot back at him.
He sighed. “You know, the crew said you were no fun. And I’m starting to believe them. But I’ll tell you what. I’ve already destroyed my career, so let’s go on this little adventure, rescue your friend, and go out in a glorious fireball.” Reese slapped the top of the table and smiled like a madman.
“Are you serious?” Mia looked stunned.
“Sure. Why not. We’re almost to Deztian anyway.” He shrugged. “I hope you have a plan for getting down there and retrieving the Phinkies.”
Mia shifted uncomfortably in her seat and averted her eyes from the captain.
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’?” He shook his head at her. “How do you expect us to embrace the pirate life if you don’t have a plan?”
She darted her eyes back at him. “Pirate life?”“
“Yeah. You essentially commandeered a Colonial Navy ship, hijacked its crew and now you’re embarking on highly illegal activities. I’d mark that as piracy in my book.”
Mia’s shoulders slumped. “My father was a pirate. It’s how I ended up an orphan.”
“Looks like the coconut didn’t fall too far from the palm tree.” He snickered.
“That’s not funny.”
“That’s not funny, sir.” He grinned.
“That’s not funny, sir!” The corners of her mouth twitched then formed into a tight smile.
“OK. Here’s how I think we should attack this problem. I’ll take a small armed away team down to the surface in one of our shuttles. You stay up here and monitor our progress and provide cover fire if we get into trouble with chase ships on our way back. Have the navigation computer ready to go so we can scurry out of there before the bay doors close. Sound like a plan?” He drummed his fingers on his leg as he looked at the ceiling and spit-balled his idea.
“Why do you get to go?” Mia looked hurt.
He dropped his gaze from the ceiling to meet her eyes. “Because I’m the captain and when I was a little boy, I dreamed of being a pirate. That’s why. And I used to break into the bakery down the street from my house to steal Phinkies. The shop owner never reported the break-ins because he wasn’t supposed to be making them. Ha!”
“So, on top of being a drunk, you’re a Phinkies addict?” Mia closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“You left out ruggedly handsome and incredibly fun.”
She opened her eyes and looked at him. “If we don’t get killed before all of this is over, we need to talk about your bloated ego, sir.”
“That ain’t the only thing about me that’s bloated,” he smirked.
Mia groaned and pushed her chair back. “We probably ought to return to our stations. We should be coming into Deztian space any moment.”
Reese stood. “After you, Commander.”
Chapter Six: All My Exes
“Captain, the Deztian Planetary Council requests our purpose for violating their space.” The day shift communications officer, Ensign Carter, turned in her chair and flashed Reese a worried look. “How should I respond, sir?”
“Tell them,” Reese looked over at Mia as she sat at her station, monitoring s
hip’s activities. “Tell them that we seek to open lines of trade with them. We have mazumah and are interested in 100 tonne of Phinkies.”
“Aye, sir.” Carter turned back to her monitor and responded to the hail. After a moment, she turned back around. “They give permission for you to proceed to the planet. An escort will guide you in. And, Captain? They said you can only bring a party of four with you. And no deadly weapons. It’s standard practice for all Colonial ships.”
“All Colonial ships? This sector is off limits. What are other ships doing here?” Mia looked wary as she voiced her concern to Reese.
He shrugged. “I dunno, but we’re about to find out. Remember what we discussed earlier.”
Mia nodded as Reese crossed the bridge and stood in front of the lift, waiting for the doors to open. He turned to the communications officer. “Have O’Neil, Jakeson, and Anderson meet me at shuttle one immediately.”
“Aye, Captain. O’Neil, Jakeson and Anderson to shuttle one immediately. Orders have been sent.”
Reese gave her a left-hand salute then stepped into the lift, turned around and threw Mia a wave as the doors closed.
“Now we wait,” she breathed. Mia jumped from her seat and dashed across the bridge to the lift. A moment later, the doors opened.
She looked at Carter before she crossed the threshold into the lift, “You have the ship, Ensign.”
The doors closed before Carter could respond. Several moments later, the lift opened on the main corridor as Mia bolted out of the lift. Crew members threw themselves out of the way as she charged down the hall to the shuttle bay.
Breathless, she slowed to a stop in front of a confused Captain Reese.
“Commander Cochran, I distinctly remember leaving you in charge.” Reese put his hands on his hips and looked down at her with a stern stare.
“You did, sir. But this is my party and I don’t want to miss it.” She smiled.
“So, you have a touch of pirate’s spirit after all,” he grinned at her. He looked at his team. “Anderson, take a hike. We don’t need you this trip.”
“Dammit, Captain, I was really looking forward to some cream-filled snack cakes,” Anderson pouted and sulked off.
“Thank you, sir,” Mia said as she watched Anderson stomp down the hall.
“Don’t thank me yet. We still have to acquire the Phinkies and rescue Tefeau without getting anyone killed.”
O’Neil opened the hatch to the ship and clambered aboard, followed by the rest of the mission team. Once everyone was inside, Reese closed the door and took his seat next to his pilot in the cramped cockpit. Mia and Jakeson took their seats across from each other in the troop compartment. After strapping herself in, she gave her companion a visual inspection to make sure he was secured in his seat.
“All strapped in back there, Commander?” Reese called from the front of the small vessel.
“Affirmative, Captain,” Mia assured him.
“Prepare for launch in 5, 4, 3, 2, and launch.” O’Neil announced over the ship’s communication system.
The force of the drop ship being ejected from the HMS Falderal pinned everyone to their acceleration seats. Mia closed her eyes and choked back the start of an anxiety attack. And then they were free from the main ship and weightless. Finally! Months in space and this was her first away mission off their ship. She opened her eyes, expecting to find Jakeson staring at her. Instead, she found him snoring softly.
How the hell can you sleep through that? she wondered.
“Commander, check this out,” Reese’s voice called to her from the cockpit.
She turned on her small display built into her chair. On the screen were two Colonial Navy frigates in orbit on the opposite side of the planet from the HMS Falderal.
“What the hell are they doing here?” she hollered back.
“Your guess is as good as mine. There’s no way Command could have had time to send them to intercept us.” Reese’s voice floated back to her.
“I would advise we attempt to avoid any and all contact with their crew on the surface,” she suggested.
“Good call, Mia. Let’s make this trip a quick in-and-out without bringing any attention to ourselves. You hear that, Jakeson? No barroom brawls this time.”
“He’s asleep, sir,” Mia reported.
“Of course, he is. If he’s not sleeping, he’s getting into trouble.” Reese laughed.
Shocked, Mia asked, “Then why did you bring him?”
“Because he can find the best food and cheapest drinks in any backwater planet. And he’s good in a tight spot.”
Before Mia could ask about the tight spots they had gotten themselves into, an alarm went off in the cockpit.
“Here come our Deztian escort. We’ll be landing in a few. Try to look innocent when we meet the welcoming committee. But not too innocent,” Reese instructed.
Moments later, Mia felt the uncomfortable sensation of re-entry pushing on her body. The feeling of weightlessness was replaced by a heavy feeling in her extremities. Across from her, Jakeson snorted and swatted at an imaginary bug. The floor beneath her feet began to vibrate as the engines strained against the powerful force of gravity.
After a few deep breaths, Mia noticed the sound from the engine whine leveling out and the vibrations returned to normal. She watched as pitch black turned to deep purple and then muted blues through the small portholes running down both sides of the ship above their seats. Sunlight began to stream through the windows, waking Jakeson.
“Are we there yet?” he yelled towards the cockpit.
“Don’t start that shit, Jakeson!” O’Neil yelled back. “I’ll turned this ship around, I swear to Odin!”
Jakeson smirked. “I’m hungry. Can we get something to eat?”
“Jakeson, don’t make me come back there! I brought my belt and I’m not afraid to use it!”
Mia couldn’t help but smile as the two continued to pick at each other until Deztian space command came across the ship’s speakers and issued landing coordinates. Everyone in the drop ship grew silent to allow O’Neil to concentrate on landing the ship without killing them all. Moments later, the ship touched down with two soft thuds.
O’Neil powered down the engines and gave the all-clear to unbuckle. “You are now free to move about the cabin. Please dispose of all food and beverage containers in the waste container on your way out. Thank you for flying the mostly friendly skies.”
Mia and Jakeson unbuckled themselves and were joined by O’Neil and Reese.
“You ready for this?” Reese asked Mia.
“Nope. Are you?” Mia asked as she tugged at her uniform.
“It’ll be a cake walk. I promise.” He beamed and made his way to the back of the craft to the troop hatch.
“I haven’t been on many away missions, but none of them have ever been a cake walk, sir,” Mia disagreed.
“When this is all over, we’ll have to sit down and share war stories over some rum punch.” Reese gave her a sideways glance as he palmed the control to open the exit. O’Neil and Jakeson nodded in agreement. “Oh, stunners only. No blasters. Don’t wanna get into any more trouble than we already are.”
The large hatch swung down, creating a ramp from them to walk down. At the bottom of the ramp, half a dozen serious looking guards pointed their long weapons at Reese’s crew. Each of the guards wore the tanned hide of their spirit animal, the unicorn, draped over their left shoulder. Under their pelts, they wore black satin uniforms to highlight the unique rainbow patterns in each skin. Atop their matte black helmets, was attached the unicorn’s horn. The largest of the guards had fastened a sparkly, pink pompom on the tip of his horn.
Mia tried hard not to stare at the guards as Reese held up his hands and descended the ramp. Mia, Jakeson and O’Neil followed his lead.
“Howdy,” Reese waved, stepping from the ramp. “I hear you fellas are open for a little negotiation. We’ve come to do a little under-the-radar trading. If you know what I mean.”
From the behind of the wall of weapons, a petite female wearing sensible shoes and dressed in a light brown skirt and matching vest over a bright white blouse stepped forward. “Will? Is that you?”
“Mogdah? What in creation are you doing here?” Reese lowered his arms into a hug and engulfed the small, baffled woman. “I can’t remember the last time I saw you!”
“I do. You left me at the alter on Tezra Delta. My last memory of you is the flare of your engines as you blasted off and streaked away towards the heavens,” she recalled, struggling against his excessive embrace.
Reese released her, took a step back but held her by her thin shoulders. “Your father explained to me it was either choose to leave you or mutilation of my manly parts. He didn’t leave me a whole lot of options, my love.”
“My love, my bak-tah!” She spat. “Why are you here?”
He dropped his arms to his sides and looked into her cat-like eyes. “We’re here to trade mazumah for Phinkies. Can you help us out?”
She put her hands on her slender hips and tapped her index finger against the front of her knee-length skirt. “With the other two Colonial ships also bartering, we don’t have a lot of stock available. If you give us two solars, we’d be able to meet your needs.”
“I’m afraid we don’t have even half a solar, we’re on a tight time line.” He held out his hands, pleading.
“The other two captains are in my meeting room, perhaps you would care to join us and we can all negotiate?” she offered.
Reese rubbed his chin, thinking. “I’d rather avoid that and just turn and burn.”
“It’s always ‘turn and burn’ with you.” She grinned. “Come along. The others will be impatient soon.”
Mogdah turned and motioned for them to follow her across the landing pad to the waiting transport. Mia fell in next to Reese.
“Sir, we need to avoid the others,” she whispered.
“This I know, Commander.” Reese shot her a serious look. “But we don’t have much of a choice right now.”
The guards followed behind them, their unicorn horns glistening in the bright midday sun. Mogdah, Reese and his crew followed closely by the guards, came to a stop in front of the double doors on the side of the rectangular transport. The doors slid to the sides and Mogdah stepped in and moved to the side. Turning to face them, she made a sweeping motion. Reese nodded and entered, followed by Mia then Jakeson and O’Neil. Behind them, the guards remained outside as the doors slammed shut, guarding the landing pad and their empty ship.