3rd World Products, Inc., Book 4

by Ed Howdershelt

"You could handle that while we get clear, couldn't you?"

  "Yes." One word. One flat syllable. Steph wasn't pleased.

  I shrugged. "Okay then. Places, everybody."

  Once I'd quietly opened the left rear door of the Crown Vic and gotten into the car with Tiger, I closed it just as quietly and got flat on the seat.

  When Steph removed the illusion field, I sat up and looked around as if just waking up, then opened the right rear door and got out backwards, as if trying to keep Tiger inside the car.

  Tiger got past me, of course, jumping to the ground and running. I pretended to chase him briefly toward the store's glass doors without noticing what was going on inside. He ran through the glassless door, zipped around some shelves, and hauled ass at high speed to the back of the store.

  I kicked curiously at the broken glass on the concrete and looked through the doorway, apparently only then spotting the people inside.

  Martin said, "Get your ass in here, Sleeping Beauty."

  Pretending vast shock, I asked what was going on. Martin had the uncocked revolver in his right hand and the canister in his left, and that arm was around the clerk's neck as he held the gun to her head. He repeated his order to get inside.

  Looking down as I entered, I started to kneel next to Collins and said, "Andrea!"

  "Goddammit, forget her!" yelled Martin. "I told you to get your ass over here!"

  "Why? You've got her. You don't need either of us. Let me put her in the car, okay?"

  Martin briefly aimed the gun at me and said, "Buddy, if you don't do what I say right now, you ain't gonna be worryin' about her much longer."

  I stood up slowly and walked over there as ordered. Martin told me to turn around and he put the gun to my head, then let the girl go and told her to wave a phone at the cops.

  She picked up the phone behind the counter and waved it in the window. A few seconds later it rang and she answered it.

  "Hello? Yes, he's right here."

  "No shit I'm right here," said Martin. "Hold the phone for me, honey. No tricks."

  She held the receiver up to his ear. As Martin tried to bully a deal with the cops, Andrea Collins moaned softly and seemed to be coming around a bit.

  Andrea stirring. The clerk standing to his right. The phone conversation. The cops outside. Me. Martin's attention was being split half a dozen ways when I said, "Tiger."

  Tiger yowled as if someone had stepped on his tail and startled the hell out of Martin, who glanced back over his shoulder and almost lost an eye to a small furry fistful of claws.

  Tiger hadn't just yelled. He'd also leaped onto Martin's back to securely attach himself and hang between Martin's shoulderblades, kicking his hind feet as if to disembowel Martin from behind.

  I didn't know that at the moment, of course, but I heard Martin's shriek and the gun pointed at the ceiling instead of me for a moment.

  Grabbing both of Martin's wrists, I shoved them out and ahead of me as I rammed backwards and lifted his feet off the floor. He shrieked again, but he didn't let go of the gun, so I let him fall to the right between the coffee kiosk and the snack racks and put my knee under his elbow, shoving down hard on his forearm. When his elbow broke, his hand opened wide and the gun clattered to the floor.

  But he also let go of the canister. I slipped a cushioning field under it and grabbed for it at the same time, but it floated away and out of the store. Stephanie had already taken possession of it. I picked up the gun and looked for Tiger.

  The cat looked like one big bottlebrush, arched up and prancing like a boxer as he danced in close and took a screaming swat at Martin's face.

  Martin yelled and unthinkingly tried to swat back at Tiger, but the motion jarred his broken elbow and made him freeze and gasp in agony.

  I sent a field tendril to stun Martin and he relaxed considerably, but came out of it again when his injured arm slid off his chest and hit the floor. Damn.

  "Elkor, please tell Tiger he did a great job and then contain him well away from the doors. I don't want the cops stepping on him or shooting him."

  "Yes, Ed."

  Elkor's cat golem popped into existence and Tiger nearly attacked it before he realized who'd joined the scene. Whatever Elkor said to Tiger seemed to calm him some and he began prancing off his combat high in a side aisle as his fur settled and the arch in his back began to flatten.

  Martin sat up and made a grab for the gun with his good arm and I swatted him hard in the temple with it. He toppled over on his side, out cold.

  It was only then that I saw what Tiger had done to his back. Martin's shirt was shredded and he was bleeding rather profusely from what seemed to be hundreds of scratches.

  "Damn," I said, "He looks as if he met a real tiger."

  A flat field about two feet wide with Linda's face in the center appeared before me.

  She said, "Steph says it's over in there. How about a sitrep?"

  "Yes'm. Steph has the canister and Martin's sleeping on the floor 'cause I hit him with the gun. Collins seems to have a bad head wound. No other casualties. All clear."

  Linda nodded. "Okay. Good job. Yell if you need me."

  Martin was coming around a bit as I said, "Will do."

  The field screen disappeared and everyone but the still semi-conscious Collins was staring at me, even Martin.

  "What?" I asked them. "That was my boss, people. She'll get pissed if I don't take her calls."

  The store clerk rather tentatively waved her hands through the air where the screen had been and asked, "Who are you? What the hell was that... that thing?"

  I didn't get a chance to answer because several cops in full swat gear burst into the store. One took the gun from my hand and Tiger got all fuzzed up again, but Elkor said something that made him start to defuzz, then Tiger jumped up to the coffee counter and sat down to watch the show.

  As the cops ID'd everybody, relaxed a bit, and called in the medics, I patted Tiger and told him that he'd done a great job, then picked him up and said, "Three suit on."

  The clerk and some of the others were staring right at me as the three suit began bending light around Tiger and me. A minor hubbub ensued, during which I quietly began easing my way toward the doors.

  "Oh my Gawd!" muttered the clerk, backing away from the counter in big-eyed amazement. "Oh, Jeezus! He's gone! He just up and damned disappeared! Oh, Jeezus!"

  The girl blankly stared at one of the cops for a moment, then turned to stare at the space where she'd last seen me. I waited until the cops propped the glassless door frames open for the medics and gurneys, then strolled outside with Tiger.

  "Steph," I whispered, "Where am I going?"

  "The flitter is where you left it, Ed."

  "Thank you, milady."

  As we neared the flitter I felt Steph's field engulf us. Once we were inside it, I could see the flitter. Steph stood by the pilot's seat, smiling as Tiger leaped aboard and began telling her all about his adventure.

  The virus canister rested on the deck. The fact that the containment fields were visible at all made me look questioningly at Steph, who held up a hushing finger for a few moments of quiet from Tiger.

  "Yes?" asked Steph.

  "Why dual harmonic fields and why are they visible? Is it leaking?"

  "No," said Steph. "Linda wanted them to be seen. We're waiting for orders to move. I was waiting for you to get here before I made the canopy field transparent."

  "Ah. Leave it opaque until Linda gives the word, okay? If you drop it now, they'll be all over us."

  "Okay."

  I stepped aboard and pulled a beer out of the cooler before sitting down. Tiger had taken his usual place on the dashboard and continued to regale Steph, complete with feline facial expressions, sounds of fury, and bared claws.

  He had to know that she'd recorded the event, but his story continued for some moments, then he appeared ready to reiterate key events. Steph grinned and nodded and seemed appropriately impressed, of course.


  The console chimed to announce an incoming call and ID'd the caller as Angela. A second chime sounded. Alexis.

  Steph gave me an odd, questioning look as I tapped the comm console and closed all comm links except Linda's, then punched up the book I'd been reading.

  "Why did you block general comm access, Ed?"

  Placing my finger on the bookmark symbol, I said, "I don't want to do a post-game wrap-up with anyone, Steph. I'm off-line for now."

  A screen popped up and Linda said, "Sociable as ever, eh, Ed? I'll tell Alexis and Angela that you're offline by order. Good going, everybody." With a grin, she added, "I've seen the replay. Tiger, you were a real tiger this evening."

  Steph translated her compliment and Tiger didn't even try to fake humility. His smug little face looked back at us for a few moments, then he started bathing as if to get the blood off.

  Linda laughed, then told us to let everybody get a good look at the canister in the containment field before we headed back.

  "How good a look, ma'am?" I asked. "One minute? Two?"

  "Don't be difficult, Ed. Let them see it -- that is, make sure they see it -- before you lift."

  "Yas'm. Stephie, time to go to parade mode."

  "Parade mode?"

  "All ahead slow. Very visible. That's parade mode, milady." I looked at the screen and added, "Would drifting past the brass and press on our way out be good enough?"

  Linda nodded and said, "It would. See you in a few."

  She tapped off her pad.

  As soon as her image was gone, I said, "Three suit on," and turned to Steph. "Do you want to be seen, ma'am?"

  Steph said, "No, I think not," and vanished.

  Tiger gave his ear-flick equivalent of a shrug and turned to gaze ahead from the dashboard. Steph dropped our concealment screens and we cruised the lot as far as the exit as cameras flashed, then she lifted us upward past a couple of news helicopters and headed us westward.

  As soon as we were above and beyond it all, I said "three suit off" and sipped my beer.

  A studious look from Steph made me ask, "Yes, milady?"

  "Has it occurred to you that T-I-G-E-R may want to accompany you on other assignments, Ed?"

  "Yes, it has, Steph. Are you absolutely sure he can't spell his name?"

  "Yes, I'm sure. Aren't you concerned about his safety?"

  "If you and Elkor were unavailable, I'd say no to bringing Tiger on assignments. If Elkor's covering Tiger and you're covering me, we'll be as safe as we can possibly be."

  Steph regarded Tiger for a moment, then said, "I'm not sure he has any real concept of injury, death, or danger, Ed."

  "Oh, I think he understands injury, at least. Have you asked him about that?"

  "No. I've had no reason to do so." She gave me the raised eyebrow she'd learned from Linda and added, "Until now."

  I nodded. "Well, before you do, remember the first few months he was with us, Steph; before he'd learned to communicate effectively with you and Elkor. Remember the times he woke up screaming on full alert or whined in his sleep and made sucking motions, then moped around all day. He was very likely dreaming about his mother and what happened to her in that dumpster. And possibly about the rat that had him trapped inside that bag when I found him."

  Looking at Tiger, I said, "Kittens aren't like human babies, Steph. They don't take four or five years to become minimally functional. Once their eyes are open, they're fully aware and soaking up the world around them, good or bad."

  I reached to pat Tiger and said, "Pet him and tell him that his mother would have been very proud of him today."

  Steph gazed at me for a moment before she complied. Tiger turned to look at her, then at me. I nodded. Tiger said something, then stepped down to curl up in Steph's lap.

  Looking at me, Steph said, "He said 'I know. My mother was strong, too'. I think he used the term 'strong' because he didn't have another term for what he wanted to say."

  "Try giving him definitions of 'fierce' and 'loyal'. Those would probably fit what he had in mind."

  She did so and Tiger seemed to brighten as he looked at us. I nodded again and smiled as I reached to pat him.

  I said, "Your Mom was like that and so are you, you little furry Klingon."

  Steph translated. Tiger beamed up at us from her lap.

  "I left out the 'little furry Klingon' part," said Steph.

  Chapter Nineteen

  We began a barely subsonic descent toward the Carrington complex to avoid popping windows and scaring people and farm animals. Lights moving through the gathering darkness below caught my attention. Two cop cars were chasing another vehicle south between towns.

  "Where are we, Steph, and what's going on down there?"

  "The town just north of us is Melville, North Dakota, Ed. The police are chasing three men suspected of robbing a convenience store in Edmunds."

  "They look as if they're more than a mile behind the baddies."

  "They were ordered not to continue close pursuit. The suspects caused two accidents as they left Edmunds. A helicopter has been requested."

  "They sound like fairly guilty 'suspects', don't they? Can you tap the police frequencies?"

  "Yes, but for what purpose, Ed?"

  "Try it and see."

  The cops' radio chatter became audible. Two guys had gone into the store while one had waited in their stolen car. They'd fired a couple of shots inside the store, but hadn't hurt anyone until they'd reached the highway, where they'd sideswiped a couple of cars while passing them and caused one to run off the road.

  I said, "Drop to two thousand feet and target the bad guys' engine, Steph. What can you use to knock it out?"

  "This is not an action in our own defense, Ed."

  "I never said it was, did I? Just target their engine and kill it before they hurt anyone else on the road tonight."

  "Ed, the car is stolen. It wouldn't be right to damage it unnecessarily. I'd prefer to disable its electrical system."

  "Gimme some credit, here, Steph. I really didn't think you'd slag the engine. Just turn off their car, will you, please?"

  A bright white beam lanced downward to impact the car's hood well to the rear of the center and the car immediately began slowing down. Even before it stopped, the doors opened and two men leaped out. They jumped fences on either side of the road and began running across the fields.

  Steph turned off her beam and asked, "Shall I stun them, Ed?"

  "Nah. No fun in that. Put spotlights on the baddies, Steph. Let them run until they realize they can't hide. Only stun 'em if they try to shoot at the cops."

  She did as directed. Instead of bright lights lancing downward, she used bright balls of light that enveloped each man. I noted a smile on her face as the two baddies tried to evade the lightballs. Good. She was enjoying herself. The cop cars were approaching fast. I spoke to them as Steph entertained herself.

  "Hello to the cops chasing the bad guys."

  Somebody's "What the hell..?" let me know they heard me.

  "Hi, guys," I said, "My ladyfriend turned off the bad guys' engine. The car's just ahead of you and she's got -- umm... call them spotlights -- on two of the bad guys who jumped out and ran. One's still in the car."

  "What? Who's this? What are you doing on a police frequency?"

  "Well, we're talking to you about catching crooks, unless you'd rather we just let them keep running."

  "Uh, no! No, don't do that. Who are you? Identify yourself, please."

  "Sorry, we can't do that. Get those guys and we'll be on our way."

  The two cop cars came to a stop behind and beside the stolen car and two of the cops took into custody the guy who hadn't run. Two other cops hopped fences and went after the runners.

  After they had the first guy in cuffs, one of the cops continued pushing for our identification. I handed communications over to Steph. The next time the cop requested ID, she answered him.

  In sultry, Jessica Rabbit tones, she said, "I'm sorry, bu
t we think it best to remain anonymous."

  "Damn," said one cop. "You hear that, Billings? What a voice!"

  "She's faking Kathleen Turner, Felton. Don't you know that?"

  "Yeah, Billings, I do know that, and she's doing a damn good job of it, too."

  Billings asked, "Anonymous helper, where are you?"

  Steph looked at me questioningly. I gave her a 'sure, why not?' shrug.

  Steph said, "Precisely two thousand feet above you. Would you like to see us?"

  "Yes, ma'am. We very much would like to see you."

  Steph lit up the canopy with an excellent imitation of a squid's brightly fluctuating territorial display for some ten seconds, then turned it off.

  For long moments, there was nothing on the radio, then Felton clicked on and said, "Jee-zus! Did you see that, Billings? It's a gaw-dam UFO!"

  "Nah. It's one of those things out of Carrington. Bet anything on it. Are you back at the car yet?"

  "Almost there. You?"

  "A hunnerd yards to go, easy. This one musta been a damn track star before he got into ripping off stores."

  Steph giggled and grinned at me.

  "I haven't been called a UFO before."

  "Or one of those things out of Carrington, either, as I recall. Well, at least we have options. Having fun, milady?"

  "Yes, I am. Are you?"

  "Sure. Want to do it again?"

  She laughed and said, "We seem to be out of criminals for the moment, Ed."

  "Not a problem. There's never a shortage of bad guys. Maybe we ought to make you a costume and think up a fancy name. Try to think of something appropriate."

  "You aren't serious, are you?"

  "Sure!" I said with a grin. "Why not? You could be the 'Emerald Avenger' or the 'Green Angel' or something like that and swoop down on the forces of evil. You'd have your own fan club overnight."

  She seemed unimpressed as she regarded me.

  "Indeed. Let me give this some consideration."

  Uh, huh. "I'll think about it" usually means a fairly quick answer, but "Let me consider things" usually means that we won't discuss it again for a few days, if ever.

  "Okay. Sure. Hey, can I help you design your costume, milady?"

  "IF this were ever to happen, I think I'd prefer to design my costume. I wouldn't want to be mistaken for an exotic dancer."