3rd World Products, Inc., Book 4

by Ed Howdershelt

"No," said Linda. "I just got out of the shower. Good work, Steph."

  "Thank you, Linda."

  "Ed, can you and Steph spare time for a trip to 3rd World's Washington, DC offices this evening?"

  "Sure, Linda. What's up?"

  "Nothing much. It's an errand, really. I was going to send Alexis, but since you're training Dr. Mills, I thought you might want to get in some night flying. Drop by hangar two and see Phil about the package. I'll let him know to expect you."

  With a laugh, I asked, "You mean you haven't already? Oh, hey, do you mind if I take a few minutes to drop Tiger off in Florida on the way?"

  "No problem. As long as the package is there by ten."

  "Call it a deal, then. Anything else?"

  "Nope. Thanks, Ed."

  "Anything for my Fearless Leader. Over and out and all that."

  Linda laughed. "Okay. Bye, bye, Dragonfly." She clicked off.

  Karen watched me work on my steak sandwich dinner for some moments, then picked up her own fork and began eating. Another few moments passed before she put the fork down and settled back in her chair.

  "Ed, you've known Linda for a long time, haven't you?"

  I nodded as I used a piece of bread to sweep up gravy. "Yup."

  "Don't you think there's something odd about making a delivery to the Washington offices in the middle of the night?"

  Shrugging, I said, "Nope."

  Mills looked at me as if she definitely thought so, then she looked at Steph.

  "How about you?"

  "No," said Steph. "The package contains documents that will be shown in court tomorrow."

  "What kind of documents?"

  "I can't say. There's a seal on the briefcase, Dr. Mills."

  Karen's gaze narrowed slightly as she asked, "Then how do you know the briefcase contains only documents?"

  "I peeked at transshipment records."

  "You... 'peeked'? How?"

  "Oh, hell, Mills," I said, "She's a supercomputer who can link into any damned thing on this base. How do you think she peeked?"

  Giving her a 'get real' glance, I rose to take my tray to the bus bins.

  "By the way," I said, "It'll be a straight shot to Florida, then another to DC. Not much scenery other than stars and nothing to do. You don't have to come with us."

  Mills stood up and picked up her tray.

  "No, I'll come along," she said, then she headed toward the bus bins.

  When I looked at Steph, she gave me a wry little smile and disappeared.

  On my way to the bus bins, I keyed my implant. "Elkor."

  "Yes, Ed?"

  "Ask Tiger if he's ready to go home, please. If he wants to look around some more, that's okay, but Steph and I have an errand to run this evening."

  "Yes, Ed."

  I was scraping my tray clean when Elkor said, "He says he's ready, Ed."

  "Good enough. We're going to the flitter, then to hangar two. Where's Tiger?"

  "He's outside hangar two now. I'll have him meet you there."

  "Great. Thanks, Elkor."

  Karen shook her head slightly and said, "I still think it's a little unnatural to be directly linked to two computers."

  "People do lots of things that are a little unnatural these days, ma'am. I hear some people even fly through the air in big-assed machines and talk to each other with little plastic boxes. Wouldja believe it?"

  A few minutes later we were aboard the flitter, which immediately lifted and headed toward hangar two. Tiger and Elkor sat together by the open hangar doors and Steph stopped the flitter so they could hop aboard, then she aimed us at Phil's corner office.

  Phil stepped out when he saw us coming and held up a black briefcase as he said, "Hi, Ed. This is it. Tom Wells gets it. Is that little Tiger?"

  I nodded. "Yup, but not so little anymore, Phil."

  "Is he as smart as Bear was? That little guy used to startle the hell out of me sometimes with his questions. And sometimes with his answers, by God."

  "I'd say Tiger could probably startle you, too."

  Tiger seemed to stare hard at Phil for a moment, then he said something and Steph answered him.

  Steph said, "Tiger said 'this man seems familiar to me'. I told him that Phil fed him and visited with him when he was kept aboard the flitter."

  As Steph translated, Mills looked at me questioningly.

  "I found Tiger just before I went to the asteroid station," I told her. "He stayed aboard Steph for a few days while I was gone and Phil and Doreen helped Elkor take care of him until I got back. Tiger was just a frightened, confused feral kitten back then, and..."

  "Um, Ed," said Mills, "The recordings... Stephanie went with you to the station."

  "Yup. She stayed here, too."

  "Oh. What? Uh, how...?"

  "We made a backup and I took a copy of her to the station. That's who wound up running the place. I came back here and Elkor activated the backup. Now there are two Stephanies, a few million miles apart."

  Tiger hopped to the floor to approach Phil, who knelt to let Tiger have a sniff at his hand. Tiger suddenly yelled again and stretched to rub his face on Phil's hand.

  Steph said, "Tiger said, 'The man who brought milk!'"

  Phil picked up Tiger and ruffled Tiger's chin. Tiger looked solemnly into Phil's eyes for a moment and said something else. Phil looked at Steph.

  "Tiger said 'Thank you', Phil," said Steph.

  Ruffling Tiger's ears and stroking him, Phil said, "Tell him I was happy to help."

  She did so and the reunion continued for some moments before Phil remembered the briefcase by his feet. He gestured at it with a temporarily free hand.

  "You have to sign for it," he said, "I'll get the forms."

  Carrying Tiger, he stepped into his office and returned with a clipboard. I signed for the case and Phil put the clipboard on a nearby crate.

  Phil looked at Karen and said, "Y'know, I didn't think much about cats until I met Bear, but they're damn near as smart as some people."

  Mills gave him a small smile and glanced at me as she asked, "Bear?"

  "My previous cat," I said. "He was with me almost eighteen years."

  "Smart little devil, too," said Phil. "I was sitting in there feeling sorry for myself one afternoon after my fortieth birthday. Ed showed up with Bear and Stephanie and Steph said that Bear wanted to know why I was sad. When I told him, he seemed to think for a minute, then said that since his life was nearly over, he couldn't share my sadness about being in the middle of my life."

  Laughing for a moment, Phil grinningly continued, "Well, I almost told him to fuck off -- excuse me, ladies -- but then I realized that he was right. Then I wondered how the hell a cat would know he was getting old. I sat and talked with him for over an hour. Felt strange as hell doing it, and there were times Steph and Elkor couldn't quite figure out what he was saying, but it was a helluva thing, you know? Talking to a cat? When Ed came back from wherever that day, I was sorry to see ol' Bear go."

  Mills then chuckled as she asked a question that earned her a harsh look from Phil.

  "Are you sure you were talking to the cat, and not to a computer?"

  Phil straightened himself and glanced down at Tiger, then softly glowered at Karen for a moment before speaking.

  "Ma'am, you wouldn't ask something like that if you'd ever talked to Tiger, here, so why don't you try it sometime and then ask yourself that same question?"

  Tiger said something and Steph nodded smilingly as she answered him. When Tiger started struggling to jump down, Phil looked a little perplexed as he put Tiger down.

  "It's okay, Phil," said Steph. "He wants to get something from the flitter."

  Dashing aboard the flitter, Tiger headed to the back and disappeared into the field that surrounded Steph's treasure pile. Tiger emerged a moment later and zipped back to Phil with one of the gold coins in his mouth, which he put at Phil's feet before he sounded off.

  Karen and Phil stared uncomprehendingly, unbel
ievingly at the coin. Phil wonderingly bent to pick up both Tiger and the coin and turned it over in his hand.

  "Holy shit..." whispered Phil, "Is this... Is this thing real?"

  "It's real," said Steph. "I found a number of them and Tiger asked if he could give you one. Please accept it, Phil. It would mean a lot to Tiger."

  "But... Does he even know what this is? Are you sure about this?"

  "He knows that people value them. Yes, Phil, I'm very sure you should accept it."

  Phil shook his head as if to clear it and looked at the coin again before meeting Tiger's steady gaze.

  "I... All right, then," Phil managed chokingly, "Thank you, Tiger. Thank you very, very much, little guy."

  Mills tapped my arm and I looked at her as Steph translated Phil's words.

  "Ed," she whispered sharply, "Where did that gold coin come from?"

  "Tell you later," I whispered back, "Why? You want one, too?"

  She looked flustered as she said, "No! I mean, that wasn't what I meant at all, Ed. I just wondered where the hell computers and cats get gold coins!"

  "Later, then. We need to get underway if we're gonna get that case to DC by ten."

  Phil heard us talking and said, "Oh, hell. I forgot about that. Okay. Tiger," he hugged Tiger and held the coin in his palm as he spoke, "Thanks, little buddy. I really appreciate this."

  I handed Steph and Karen aboard the flitter as Phil and Tiger swapped a few last-minute snuggles, then Tiger jumped down and came to join us. After several more goodbyes and some waving, we got underway and left the hangar.

  Plunking myself into the seat to the left of the pilot's seat, I turned to Mills and said, "You're driving, sort of. I'd suggest that you suggest that we head for my house."

  Mills had been staring at Tiger. She turned to face me and said, "Uh, sure. Okay. Where's your house?"

  Rolling my eyes as if Karen really hadn't quite got the hang of things, I said, "Why not just try asking Steph to take us there?"

  With a dour look at me, she turned to Steph, opened her mouth to speak, and then sat silent for a moment.

  "What's the matter now?" I asked.

  Karen shook her head tersely and said, "I'm sorry, damn it, but I just can't seem to get used to having to phrase orders to a computer in polite terms. Even after all of today, I still actually have to think about it."

  Taking a deep breath, she asked, "Stephanie, would you take us there, please?"

  Steph smiled sweetly as she said, "Of course, Dr. Mills."

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I knew it was coming. The flitter instantly launched upward and toward the southeast at a barely subsonic speed until it reached 10,000 feet, then it accelerated to full speed as it climbed to a hundred miles. Mills sat gripping her seat in openmouthed shock as the stars quickly became much sharper and the sky blackened.

  Steph asked, "Music, Ed?"

  Nodding, I said, "I think it's your turn to choose, ma'am."

  I laughed aloud as bluegrass strings began ringing out 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown' all around us at a middle volume.

  "Do you know this one?" Steph asked.

  "Flatt and Scruggs wrote it and first played it," I said. "Sometime in the sixties."

  Steph made a sour face and said, "Drat."

  I laughed again and asked, "Drat?"

  "Yes, drat. I thought I might finally have found a tune you couldn't identify. You said you didn't pay any attention to country music."

  "Sorry, milady. Maybe next time. It has to happen sooner or later."

  As the music rose and fell and the banjo solo yielded to the guitar solo, Karen stared upward at a veritable cloud of stars and whispered, "Oh, my God..."

  Pulling two beers from the cooler, I opened them and reached to touch her calf with one. She screeched and her gaze jerked downward to spot the brown Ice House bottle by her leg. I held it up for her and after a moment of staring at me, she reached for it with a trembling hand.

  Her eyes left the beer and moved to meet my eyes as her hand wrapped around the bottle, but then her hand clenched tightly around both the bottle and my hand. Her eyes went stark and staring as she gazed past me.

  I glanced back and saw no monsters or demons, only the stars above and the tops of the clouds below, and when I turned back to face Mills, I almost asked her what was wrong before it hit me. While Mills had undoubtedly flown before, commercial planes stayed well below half our altitude.

  "Oh, hell," I said, "Steph, could we have an opaque canopy for a moment?"

  The faux-stainless steel shell instantly formed and cut off Karen's view. Her eyes slowly seemed to focus first on the shell, then on me.

  "Better?" I asked.

  A moment passed before Karen nodded with a tiny jerk of her head. She remembered the beer in her hand and relaxed enough to let me free my own hand from hers, then she took a sip of the beer. The second sip became a draught.

  "Watch her, Steph. She may spew."

  Through my implant, Steph said, "No, she won't. She's receiving theta waves."

  I pretended to watch Karen closely until she turned to look at me glaringly, then I stood up and backed away.

  "Hey! Don't aim yourself at me, lady! I already know what you had for dinner."

  Steph giggled and Mills glared.

  "I'm not going to throw up."

  "Right. Sure. That's what they all say."

  Steph laughed. Mills spared her a scathing glance.

  "I-will-not-throw-up, dammit!"

  She said it rather loudly, even through clenched teeth.

  I edged around the back of her seat to take a seat on the far side of Steph.

  "Sure," I said. "Okay. Mind if I sit way over here anyway?"

  For the first time since I'd met her, Mills uttered a really heartfelt swear word.

  "Did you get that, Steph? I want that on record. She called me a nasty name."

  Mills almost hissed at me.

  "Yes, Ed," said Steph. "May I ask what you intend to do with that record?"

  I shrugged. "Well, I'll put it with all the others, I guess. When the pile seems big enough I'll try to find a use for them. Funny, isn't it? When some people freak out, they wind up getting pissed off, too."

  Hefting the bottle in her hand, Karen stared angrily at me for a moment, but she evidently elected not to waste the beer after all. She took a long sip and seemed to gather herself for a few moments, then set her beer down, stood up, and held onto the back of her seat as she took a deep breath, then walked around her seat.

  "Stay in the front half of the flitter," I said.

  "Why?"

  "You could trip on something."

  "I don't see anything back there."

  "Trust me on this one."

  Being too much of a lady to say "Fuck you" or give me the finger, she settled for simply allowing me another of her ladylike glares before turning away and walking very deliberately toward the back of the flitter.

  "Mills, wait a minute."

  She ignored me. Two steps later something stopped her left foot cold and she almost pitched forward to the deck. Hopping to regain her balance, she screeched hissingly and knelt to caress her toes.

  "Told ya," I said.

  "Shut-up!" she hissed. "Oh just please shut up! Damn!"

  I looked at Steph and asked, "Broken or just banged?"

  "Banged, not broken."

  "Good. It's still just a learning experience and not a lawsuit. Hey, Mills, how about coming back up front now?"

  Without letting go of her toes, she yelled, "What the hell's back here to trip over?"

  "Come on back up front."

  "No!" she yelled, looking around almost frantically. She gestured with her right hand in a broad arc and said, "I don't see a damned thing! I want to know what..."

  The back of her wildly swinging hand hit the pile hard enough to dislodge something heavy that clunked when it fell to the deck. Karen forgot about her toes and gaspingly pulled her hand back to clutch it to her
middle as she made all the usual noises of agony and shock.

  "God-dammit!" she screamed, "What..? Oh, Gawd, that hurts! What the hell..?"

  "I tried to tell you not to go back there, ma'am."

  Ignoring me completely, Karen groped forward cautiously, stubbing her fingers lightly against something she couldn't see. She groped some more, then pulled a small handful of gold chain off the invisible pile. As it left the field, the chain became visible and Karen sucked in a deep breath.

  "Oh, my God..!" she muttered.

  "Well, hell, Steph. May as well let her see it all."

  Steph nodded and the treasure pile suddenly became visible as I got up to go back there. Mills stared bug-eyed at the treasure -- her toes and hand apparently forgotten -- until I knelt in front of her, blocking her view. Her eyes met mine. I reached to pick up a gold bar and put it in her good hand.

  The moment I let go of the bar it dragged her hand quickly to the floor. Too quickly, from the sound of the impact.

  "Ow!" said Karen, then, "Oh my God..! It's... It's real!"

  I nodded. "Yup. This stuff belongs to Steph."

  She looked up in surprise and snapped, "What?"

  Thumbing at Steph, I said, "It's hers. Treasure hunting is her hobby."

  "Her..?" She turned to look at Steph. "Your hobby?"

  Plucking the gold bar out of her hand, I placed it back on the pile with a firm 'clunk'. Mills looked at me again and I reached to help her to her feet.

  Standing by the pile and staring at it for some moments, she said nothing. One of the coins rose to hang suspended before her and she reached to take it and study it carefully, then flipped it over.

  "If you like it," said Steph, "You may have it."

  Mills didn't look up from the coin as she said, "Thank you, but dare I ask why you'd want to give me one of your gold coins, Stephanie?"

  Steph rose from her seat and approached us with a questioning expression.

  "Dr. Mills," she said, "Give me a good reason for not giving you a coin."

  Karen met Steph's gaze and said, "I've done nothing to deserve it."

  Shaking her head, Steph said, "That's not quite good enough. Nothing was asked of you, Dr. Mills."

  Holding the coin toward Steph, Mills said, "I don't have a good reason, then. I just don't feel right about taking a solid gold coin for nothing."