3rd World Products, Inc., Book 4

by Ed Howdershelt

  "Five suit," I said. "Turned it on just before I ducked under."

  "That's cheating," Toni reiterated.

  I shrugged slightly and grinned so that she'd know the full extent of my remorse and said, "Had to breathe down there."

  Setting my Dr Pepper bottle down, I headed for the bathroom. On the way I keyed my implant and asked, "Steph, are you considering recruiting Sel and Toni for your PFM company?"

  "No, Ed. I have no immediate need of more employees."

  "Understood. Would you have any objections to issuing Sel and Toni demo units?"

  "No. I'll make and deliver them before I excuse myself."

  "Thanks, milady. You're leaving us?"

  "Yes."

  Her flat, one-word answer didn't invite further questions, so I didn't ask them. I finished up in the bathroom and returned to the pool deck. Moments later the screen door seemed to open itself and three small, shining objects zipped into the deck enclosure to land in Steph's slightly extended left hand.

  Two of the objects were standard PFM's, which she placed on the table. The third was a circlet about three inches in diameter that was obviously meant for Tiger. Since Tiger had argued about every collar I'd ever put on him, I expected there to be a bit of a discussion.

  Nope. Steph called Tiger to the table and spoke to him at length in cat-ese. Tiger answered in his affirmative fashion and lifted his chin so Steph could place the collar around his neck, where it constricted slightly for a perfect fit.

  The little guy sat looking at Steph for a moment, spoke again, and put a paw on Steph's hand. He then hopped down and walked to the pool. After staring at the water that barely covered the first step for a moment, he said something, jumped into the water, and jumped quickly out again.

  After examining himself fairly carefully, Tiger seemed very impressed as he said something that sounded like "Waowow!"

  "Wow, hell," I said. "He wasn't in there long enough for the water to touch his fur without using a PFM. He damned near passed himself coming and going."

  Selena giggled and said, "Quick as a cat, you could say."

  Toni said, "Most cats take a rather medieval view of getting wet unnecessarily."

  "This one sure does," I said. I looked directly at Tiger as I added, "Whatta wuss."

  Being unable to give me the finger, he gave me an equivalent ear-flick, then stepped back into the pool. After verifying his waterproofing, he strutted over to hop back onto the table and again voiced his pleasure to Steph. When Sel reached to pet him, her eyes widened in surprise.

  "I can't quite touch him! It's as if there's something between my hand and his fur! Steph, what..? Is that collar like Ed's implant?"

  "Yes, it is," said Steph, briefly describing PFM capabilities while using a field screen to display me in flight. She then handed one of the devices to each woman as she said, "Ed and I thought you might like to have demonstration units."

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  Handing Sel and Toni each a PFM, Steph got to her feet and patted Tiger as she said she had some things to do elsewhere. After a round of thanks and hugs and cheek-kisses from Sel and Toni, Steph vanished, leaving Sue and me to show the ladies how to use their PFM's.

  Sel and Toni stuck the PFM's on their forearms, then spent a nervous few moments joking about what to wear with them and under what circumstances to consider calling up their protective fields.

  Neither woman seemed enthusiastic about having glider or parachute capabilities, but both were well impressed with the protective field and spent almost half an hour 'testing' it in the pool. Tiger participated cautiously at first, on only the topmost pool steps, then paddled around the shallow end a bit.

  At one point Tiger called up his glider and its emerald wings knocked over one of the plastic chairs almost three feet away from him.

  Unlike our gliders, his had no body bag; beneath his feet was a narrow platform with low walls around it. He could stand on it or walk around it, then pull his feet up onto it in the air.

  Tiger looked at me and said something, then looked at Sue expectantly.

  "He wants to know why his 'bird-arms' are so large," said Sue.

  "Well, have fun explaining the principles of flight to him, if that's possible. Why didn't he just ask you? He knows I don't understand much cat."

  "I believe that would have to do with his understanding of our group hierarchy."

  I shrugged. "He still has to get the answer from you." Patting Tiger and thumbing toward Sue, I said, "It's all right to ask Sue directly, Tiger."

  Sue translated and I nodded to affirm her 'words'. Tiger regarded me for a moment, then looked at Sue. She seemed to say quite a lot in cat, after which Tiger flicked an ear thoughtfully and seemed to mull things for a while.

  "He doesn't look convinced," I said, "Sue, ask him if he wants to try a quick flight in the yard."

  She did so. Tiger looked at the little yard, then at me. I nodded and flew a hand above the table. After another look at the yard, he stood up and spoke affirmatively.

  Just like that. The little guy had courage the size of Texas or total faith in his friends. Or both. I opened the screen door and he marched outside.

  "Elkor," I said, "The wind is to the south. You could launch him from the fence and I can catch him at this end. If necessary, that is."

  "It won't be necessary, Ed. I won't let him make a bad landing."

  Nodding, I said, "Cool. Thanks, Elkor."

  Selena, Toni, Sue, and I congregated by the screen porch door. Elkor made a Tiger platform, Tiger got on it, and then Elkor lifted it to about twenty feet or so. After some pre-launch instructions from Elkor, Tiger spoke definitively.

  Sue said, "Tiger has activated his p-field."

  "Smart move," I said.

  Tiger spoke again and sprouted a five-foot-wide pair of emerald wings. He looked at us for a long moment, then gave a loud yell and launched himself off the platform. His flight was slightly wobbly as he crossed the yard, but he didn't veer far off course. Elkor's platform followed Tiger closely.

  A few feet from us the nose of Tiger's glider tilted up slightly and his forward progress virtually stopped while he was still about two feet above the ground.

  He spoke and the kite vanished, then he dropped to the ground and strode forward with tentative steps, his tail switching agitatedly back and forth. Do cats get wobbly knees? Probably not, since they can't straighten their legs as humans do.

  Whatever Tiger said to Sue and me rang with excitement. He sat down and seemed to check himself over once, then looked up and around at the rest of us. I knelt to pat him and Selena and Toni followed suit with words of praise and enthusiasm. Sue was the last to kneel to pet him and she spoke cat to him for a moment.

  Tiger almost glowed at her words and the petting continued for another few moments before he spoke to Elkor.

  The platform drifted near him and Tiger got on it. He made another flight from the rear of the yard, then he flopped in the grass and spoke while looking at Selena and Toni.

  Sue said, "He wants to know why you aren't flying, too."

  Toni blanched and swallowed hard, then said, "Uh, well, you can tell him the yard's too small. Or something. Anything."

  I asked, "Toni, do you think we'd let anything happen to you?"

  She looked hard at me for a moment, then said quietly, "Don't pressure me, Ed."

  Shrugging, I said, "No pressure. I just asked, that's all. Sel, do you want to try your wings?"

  Sel looked at Toni and quietly said, "Maybe later, Ed."

  "Would a human demonstration flight help?"

  She shook her head tersely. "No, I don't think so. I'll try mine another time."

  Toni looked sharply at her. "Look, just because I'm chicken doesn't mean..."

  "I know, I know," said Sel, raising her hands placatingly. "But the yard's too small. We'd have to go somewhere with more room."

  "So?" asked Toni. "Go someplace bigger. I may not feel like flying, but I won't mind
watching you do it."

  Selena again shook her head. "No. Later, maybe." She looked at me and said, "I'm not really too keen on this kind of flying, either. Yet. I guess."

  I looked at the ladies and considered lifting myself on a field tower to launch for a quick demo flight, then decided against it. They wouldn't see it as encouragement.

  Tiger seemed mildly confused about the tone of things as he sounded off to Sue. Elkor brought the platform down where he could jump on, then they floated toward the end of the yard. Tiger sprouted his wings again and glided across the yard to land near Sel's feet, turned off his kite, then spoke again.

  Sue said, "He says it's easy and that you have nothing to fear."

  Tiger regarded Selena for a moment, then he rubbed against her legs and flopped across her feet to wash her ankle, apparently deciding that she was in need of comfort.

  Sel giggled, then reached to pick him up and stroked him as she headed for the screen door. Toni grinned at me, then followed Sel. Things seemed on their way to being all better soon. I looked at Sue and she looked back with a raised eyebrow.

  "Tiger seemed to know exactly what to do about Selena's anxieties," she said.

  "It's a cat thing," I replied.

  I held the door for Sue as Elkor morphed to cat form and followed her inside. It occurred to me to ask what I hadn't asked before as Toni deposited herself in a deck chair with Tiger.

  "Elkor, why didn't you go to cat mode and fly with Tiger?"

  "I didn't want to embarrass him, Ed. I've discovered that cats are very sensitive about such things."

  "Ah. Well, thanks, Elkor. I'd have probably just taken him up a few thousand feet and let him launch. He'd have figured it out on the way down."

  The remark didn't faze Sue or Elkor, but Sel looked up sharply in startlement.

  "What?" I asked. "Elkor would have been there for him. You know that."

  Their hard looks didn't seem to abate much until they turned back to lavishing attention on Tiger. Elkor hopped onto the table and sat some distance from Tiger and the ladies, first looking at them, then at me. He said nothing.

  I used field tendrils to open the fridge and retrieve a Dr Pepper. Selena looked up as the fridge door opened and closed. She watched the bottle float to my hand and watched me open it and drink, her gaze oddly questioning.

  "Sometimes," she said thoughtfully, "I forget just how different you've become, Ed. Are you still human, really?"

  She was still in a tense mood and I wasn't going to give her an excuse to gather any steam. I gave her a wry grin and sipped in silence.

  Toni put a quieting hand on Sel's arm. That's like telling someone to calm down. It doesn't always work and sometimes makes the other person more reactive.

  Sel sat up straight and asked, "You really would have told him to jump off the flitter, Ed?"

  "Don't start, Sel," I said, "Talk about what's really bothering you, but don't start an argument over nothing. Besides, you saw him go for it out there."

  I could have fed her some calming theta waves, but that's an emergency-only sort of thing as far as I'm concerned. Sel's left eyebrow went up and she stiffened, then straightened.

  Damn. Stage one. Sel always stiffened up before launching a verbal barrage.

  Toni rolled her eyes and again reached for Sel's arm as she said, "Sel, honey, take it easy. He's right. Little Tiger is a real tiger at heart. He'd have been the first one off the flitter and you know it."

  Stage two -- sarcasm -- manifested itself.

  Selena's gaze was sharp as she said, "Oh, yeah! Sure, he'd have jumped! Wanna know why? He'd be afraid that Mr. Macho, there, would think less of him if he didn't, that's why!" Her gaze returned to me as she continued, "It kind of makes you wonder what Mr. Macho thinks of us, doesn't it?!"

  "We already knew how Toni feels about flying in general," I said, "And gliding is a lot more... personally experienced... than flying while sitting in a flitter seat. I didn't expect her to be too enthusiastic right away. If at all."

  Stage three; she found a way to personalize the issue at hand.

  Sel's gaze narrowed. "Her. She. What about me, Ed? Did you really expect me to be very enthusiastic about it? Huh? Did you?!"

  Shrugging, I sipped my drink and said, "Never thought about it, Sel. Tomorrow's another day. Give it a shot then."

  Enunciating clearly, she asked, "And what if I don't?"

  "Then you don't. Sel, hang gliding isn't for everybody. No biggie."

  A good three seconds went by. I could almost hear the gears turning in her head as her gaze narrowed.

  "No biggie?" she mimicked. "No biggie?!"

  "That's what I said. I don't give a damn if you ever fly your kite, Sel. The protective field is more than enough reason to have a PFM, so..."

  Selena shoved her chair back and stood up. Her narrow gaze had become a glare.

  Toni snapped, "Sel, would you just calm the fuck down?!"

  She took a serious grip on Sel's arm and pulled her back down into her chair.

  "Take a goddamned break, okay?" said Toni. "I'm not sure what that was about and I don't want to deal with it! We're supposed to be having fun today."

  Things had actually calmed down a bit when a short beep sounded from the driveway.

  Selena muttered, "Oh, shit," and banged the arm of her chair with a fist before shoving herself up and out of it to head for the front door.

  Toni simply sighed, "Yeah. Oh, shit," and slouched sulkily.

  From the front hall I heard Selena's mother cheerfully say, "Hi! I was just in the neighborhood, as they say."

  Selena said, "Your 'neighborhood' is on the other side of the state, mom. What's the occasion?"

  "Is that any way to greet your mother, Sel? Do I need a special reason to visit?"

  "You always seem to have one. And you have a tendency to visit without calling ahead. Like now. Remember what you always said about surprise visitors? Is there some reason your own rules don't apply to you?"

  In the reflection of the glass doors I saw Sel's mother push a grocery bag into Sel's arms and bustle past her toward the pool deck as she said, "Here, dear, I brought dinner. Put these things away before they spoil."

  Upon seeing me, she stopped and let her arms drop to her sides as she stood stiffly and said, "Oh. Well, that explains her snit, doesn't it? I should have expected you to be here."

  "Right," I said, "Try to look surprised. It's the weekend, Joanie. You knew damned well I'd be here."

  Joanie looked pretty good at fifty-one and packaged herself to optimize her best-retained features; her face, boobs, and legs. Her beige blouse and tan near-knee skirt worked well with her intermediate, store-bought tan.

  As my eyes roamed her, Joanie's face reddened slightly, but that may have been from irritation more than anything else.

  She remained standing by the door and indicated Susanne as she said to Toni, "Hello, Toni. Aren't you going to introduce me to your lovely friend?"

  Toni glanced at Sue, then at me. I shrugged.

  She said, "Sure. Sue, this is Selena's mother."

  The brevity of her introduction caused Joanie to raise an eyebrow at Toni, but she moved to take Sue's hand and said, "I'm Joanie. Nice to meet you, Sue. Susan, is it?"

  "Susanne," said Sue.

  "Ah. Are you a student, too?"

  With a straight face Sue said, "No, I'm a private pilot."

  Toni glanced at Sue and almost giggled. Joanie noticed. She gave Sue a studious gaze for a moment as she tried to decide whether Sue was joking with her.

  Their handshake ended and Joanie moved around the table to what had been Selena's chair, then moved Sel's drink in front of the last empty chair and started to sit down.

  "Why is this cat on the table?" she asked. "Animals don't belong on tables."

  "He's fine where he is, Joanie." I said. "Why not take the empty chair? Selena was sitting there."

  Joanie stopped in mid-sit to look at me and say, "She won't mind," then dropped
her butt in Selena's chair. She then looked at Tiger with a 'let's-make-things-right' expression and began to reach for him.

  "Touch not the cat," I said, "But with a glove."

  "What?"

  "An old Scottish saying," I said. "In fact, one of the clans uses it as a motto. 'Touch not the cat but with a glove'. If I were you I wouldn't mess with Tiger."

  "Well, you're not me and cats don't belong on tables."

  "If he scratches you..." Toni began.

  Joanie glanced sharply at her and said, "If he scratches me, he'll be off this table a lot less pleasantly."

  I laid a hand on Joanie's arm to prevent her further reach for Tiger and softly said, "Just leave my cat alone, Joanie. He's fine right where he is."

  In a low tone she said, "Take your hand off my arm, Ed."

  "Just as soon as I'm sure you won't touch Tiger."

  "I said, 'take your hand off my arm'."

  Toni gathered Tiger into her arms and ruffled his chin as she said, "There. No more cat on the table. Everybody can relax now, right?"

  Joanie pulled her arm away from my hand and rubbed it as if I'd actually had a grip on it.

  She glared at Toni, then at me, then said, "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't put your hands on me, Ed. Not at all. Ever."

  I returned her glare with one of my own and quietly replied, "Then don't make it necessary, Joanie. Not at all. Ever."

  Leaning back a bit to see through the window into the house, Toni asked, "I wonder what's keeping Sel..? I don't see her in the kitchen."

  Stepping around the doorway, Selena said, "That's probably because I'm not in the kitchen. Mom, you only came over here to start trouble, as usual, and I'm just not up to dealing with it -- with you -- today." To the rest of us she said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to my room now."

  She then spun on her heel and walked away. A few moments later I heard a door slam and lock. Joanie tried to look shocked. Hell, maybe she actually was shocked.

  I said, "I think we'll hit the road, Toni. This weekend is officially fucked up now."

  Joanie's already-sharp gaze narrowed even more at my words, then she said, "I'm afraid your next weekend will be, too, Ed."

  We all looked at her, waiting for an explanation. After a pause Joanie drummed a fingernail on the table and said, "Selena won't be going to the Maryland convention with you. My surgery has been moved to the fifteenth."