3rd World Products, Inc., Book 4

by Ed Howdershelt

  As I sat down, I said, "That trick worked pretty well. You didn't like him much, did you?"

  Meeting my gaze, Sue said, "No, I didn't. Nor his friend at the bar, who's been making crude, unkind comments about us since we entered. He's decided I'm probably a hooker."

  "Every pub has resident asses, Sue. You're unique in that you can hear what that one's saying over the rest of the noise in here. Would you like to leave?"

  "Not just yet," she said with a small smile.

  I thought, 'Oh, shit,' and glanced toward the bar. Frank was reporting the flaming card incident to his pal. His pal was taking a drink from a mug of beer. The mug suddenly tipped way too far and beer sluiced down the front of him.

  A commotion arose and Frank seemed unable to avoid laughing at his friend's bad luck until his beer also tipped to spill into his lap.

  Sighing, I said, "That's the kind of stuff that'll get you branded as a witch and burned at the stake, milady."

  Smiling pleasantly at me, Sue said, "Let them try."

  The sensation of being watched made me look around the pub. In the mirror above the bar, Vonda seemed to be looking at us quizzically, her head cocked slightly as her eyes glanced from us to the wet guys by the bar.

  "Uh, oh," I said with a matching pleasant smile as Vonda rose from the piano and came around it. "Yellow alert. Vonda may have made the connection."

  Sue's gaze narrowed slightly as she asked, "How?"

  Vonda seemed to hesitate, then she headed toward our table as if circulating among the guests; waving or talking to some and simply smiling at others, but never stopping.

  "No idea," I said to Sue, "But here she comes."

  Yup. When she cleared the last table, Vonda beelined toward our table at a leisurely, strolling pace, her face glowing with a big, bright smile.

  My mind automatically categorized her; forty-plus, five-seven or so, active enough to keep a trim figure, a real blonde unless she dyed her eyebrows to match, attractive as hell in a mellow sort of way, and well aware of her impact on men.

  I stood up as she approached and she held out her hand palm down, almost as if expecting a courtly kiss, so I obliged her that kiss, raising her hand to my lips. The gesture surprised her somewhat. Good.

  "You're Vonda," I said. "This is Sue and I'm Ed. Join us?"

  Pulling a chair out for her, I seated her and asked what she'd like to drink. She smiled as she studied me for a moment, then glanced over her shoulder with her index finger raised. The bartender nodded.

  "Thanks, anyway," said Vonda, "But I don't charge my customers for my drinks." Turning to Sue and extending a hand for a brief clasping, she grinningly said, "That was a very neat trick with Frank's card. How did you do it?"

  "I really couldn't say," said Sue. "Magicians aren't supposed to tell their secrets, you know."

  Interesting. While not claiming to be a magician, Sue had left the door open for Vonda to assume so. On the other hand, I could easily anticipate Vonda's next question.

  "Oh, you're a magician?" she asked, then she glanced at Frank and his friend, who were leaving. Looking back at Sue, she asked, "Could it be that more of your magic was somehow responsible for giving those two jerks a beer bath?"

  "Could be they're as clumsy with their hands as they are with pickup lines," I said as the waitress put Vonda's drink on the table and Vonda said, "Thanks, Sally."

  Shaking her head slightly, Vonda said, "No, they have too much reverence for alcohol. In eight years, I've never seen either of those turkeys spill a drop until tonight."

  "Turkeys?" asked Sue.

  "Wanna-be peacocks," said Vonda. "More like buzzards. They've had drinks thrown on or at them, of course, but they've never spilled a drop on their own."

  After sipping her drink, Vonda asked me, "What do you do, Ed?"

  "I'm kind of retired," I said. "Nowadays I just write a bit to make ends meet."

  "Oooo, an author!" Vonda said grinningly, "What of yours would I have read?"

  "Do you read science fiction?"

  "Nope, 'fraid not."

  "Probably nothing, then. Sorry."

  Vonda then turned to Sue and asked, "And you?"

  "I'm his assistant."

  That made Vonda's right eyebrow nearly meet her hairline as she peered at Sue.

  Through my implant, Sue said, "If we say I'm a pilot, she'll ask what I fly."

  I nodded slightly and smiled. Vonda noticed the motion and then peered at me as I tried to look only passably innocent. She turned back to Sue and eyed her appraisingly.

  "An assistant, you say?"

  Sue nodded. Vonda pursed her lips and glanced at me.

  "Sue helps me do stuff," I said helpfully.

  With a hearty snicker, Vonda set her drink down. Her snicker became a low chuckle as I maintained my innocent demeanor. After a moment, she took a deep breath.

  "Ed, I remember people," she said quietly. "You've been in here three times this year."

  "You're thinking of the woman I was with those times?"

  She glanced to see how Sue was taking this turn of conversation, then nodded and said, "Yes."

  "You think Sue's a rental?"

  "I didn't say that, did I?"

  "No, but if you're thinking that, I'd prefer you didn't. Steph, could you join us by walking in the front door, please?"

  Vonda's eyes widened, then narrowed. The front door opened and Steph came in, then walked over to our table. Heads turned around the room as I rose to seat her at the table and spoke.

  "Vonda," I said, "This is the woman you saw me with and neither she nor Sue is a hooker. Steph, this is Vonda."

  "Hello," said Steph, extending a hand.

  Taking her hand briefly, Vonda glanced at each of the ladies, then turned her gaze to me.

  "Are you cops?"

  Shaking my head, I said, "No, not cops, either. We're just friends who sometimes go out together."

  "Then what was she doing outside? Why didn't she come in with you?"

  "She was busy elsewhere. She just got here."

  Looking vastly skeptical, Vonda asked, "And you somehow knew that? How? A radio?"

  "Vonda, can you keep a secret?"

  Shrugging, she said, "That depends."

  Sighing, Sue said, "Forget it, Ed. We don't want publicity; we just want a place where we can dance and have a few drinks, and we can look elsewhere for that."

  Vonda's eyebrow went up again and she said, "Not around this town, you can't. The next piano bar is fifty miles away."

  Sue said, "No problem. We can be there in two minutes."

  "Yeah," I said, "And you'll tip some other jerk's beer and we'll go through the same routine there. What do you think? Should we tell her and maybe be able to come back here without people thinking you're call girls?"

  Steph smiled and said, "That would be nice, I suppose."

  Sue shrugged and said, "It's up to you, Ed."

  "You ladies are a helluva lot of help sometimes."

  As Sue laughed softly and Steph smiled, I turned to Vonda and said, "They aren't quite human, Vonda. Ladies, switch places, please."

  Even as Vonda glanced at Steph, Steph vanished and Sue filled her chair. Vonda jerked in startlement and turned her head to the right. The ladies switched places again and Vonda again saw Sue.

  Vonda froze and scooted her chair back, then almost whispered, "Do that again while I can see you both."

  They did. Vonda's mouth fell open and her wide eyes stared first at Sue, then at Steph, who smilingly passed her hand and arm through the center of the table, the candle, and a drink before she vanished completely for a couple of seconds, then reappeared.

  For a moment I thought Vonda would shriek, faint, or scream, but she closed her eyes, gathered herself, and sat very still for nearly ten seconds as she breathed deeply. When she opened her eyes, she glanced at each of us in turn, slid her chair forward, and took a big sip of her drink.

  "This is real, isn't it?" she asked, but it was more of a s
tatement than a question.

  "Yup," I said. "You and I are the only human beings at this table, Vonda. Steph and Sue are field-generated images that belong to their respective computers."

  "C...computers? Images? But I touched them."

  "Yup. But they're still essentially images and they don't moonlight as hookers."

  Vonda stared at me for a moment, then stifled an almost hysterical giggle.

  "Oh, God," she muttered, looking at Steph, "I'm sorry. I saw you... and you, Sue, and I thought... Oh, hell, I thought... And then she called herself an assistant! Oh, God..."

  "She is my assistant," I said.

  "But... You go dancing with your computer?!"

  "Why not? My girlfriend doesn't mind."

  That made Vonda give a yelp of laughter that turned some heads and made the bartender pay serious attention to our table for some moments. Vonda raised a hand and waved it back and forth and the bartender relaxed visibly.

  With more than a little astonishment, Vonda asked, "Your girlfriend doesn't mind?! Computers that look like these, I mean? Are you absolutely sure about that?"

  "Yup. Selena's known Steph for three years or so and she's met Sue. If there was a problem, she'd have said something before now; she's not what anyone would call shy."

  Vonda eyed me for a moment, then looked at Steph, who nodded and said, "Agreed. Selena isn't shy at all."

  "So," I concluded, "Can we come back in here now and then without being the center of attention?"

  Glancing at Steph and Sue, Vonda said, "If you come in with these... ladies... I seriously doubt it. There aren't half a dozen women in this town who can match them for looks."

  "We can deal with that."

  With a grinning shrug, Vonda said, "Well, then, sure."

  One of the waitresses came to the table to whisper in Vonda's ear. Vonda nodded, then said, "Sorry. Duty calls," and rose from the table. I rose with her. After another long look at the three of us, she said, "After I make some change for the bar, I'll have to put in some more time on the piano. It's been interesting. Will you be here when I finish my next set?"

  "I expect so," I said. "You're the reason we came here."

  Vonda smiled and signaled the bartender by circling her finger over our table, then headed for the bar.

  Chapter Sixty-Eight

  After the waitress delivered another Morgan and Coke for me and two ginger ales for Steph and Sue, Steph asked why I brought Sue to Vonda's Place.

  When I gave her a blank look and said, "Spur of the moment. A place to go, a thing to do," she raised an eyebrow.

  "I'd expected you to have a little difficulty accepting Sue after what happened."

  Shrugging, I said, "Guess not. We talked a bit after you left. Things seem fine now."

  "Just like that?"

  "Yup. Just like that. I had reservations at first, but they faded out fairly quickly."

  "Do you have any idea why?"

  "Nope. Not really. My gut thinks she's okay now, so I'm going with it."

  Smiling slightly, Steph asked, "Isn't that a rather imprecise way of evaluating matters?"

  Nodding, I agreed, "Yup. Very imprecise. On the other hand, it's always been right a lot more often than not. Since I don't know spit about Amaran programming, I don't really have much else to go on."

  "My understanding is that a person's 'gut' represents their subconscious mind, Ed. Is that what alerted you to Sue's eyes earlier?"

  "It spotted the anomaly and told me to figure out what was wrong with her eyes, yes. It didn't go into any detail, though. At other times, it's told me not to take a certain trail or not to cross a stream at a certain spot. Sometimes it sends up warning flags about people, places, or things that may seem unfounded at first, but the warnings almost always turn out to have been worthwhile."

  Motion behind Sue caught my attention. Vonda was heading back to the piano. More motion to my left. A guy in his forties was approaching our table.

  "Good evening," he said as he approached. "I'm George Everett. Our Vonda is about to play again and I was wondering if either of you strikingly lovely ladies would honor me with a dance or two."

  Although his invitation had included both ladies, his gaze tended to spend more time on Sue. He sounded British and didn't appear to have had too many drinks already. No 'excuse me' or 'pardon me', but a polite and friendly attitude, and he'd said 'our Vonda', which seemed to indicate that he was a regular in the pub, not that it mattered.

  To me, he said, "If you don't mind, of course," in the manner of an afterthought.

  When I looked at Vonda and she smiled, which meant that she was expecting no difficulties, then I nodded and said, "No, I don't mind. It's entirely up to the ladies. This is Susanne and this is Stephanie. I'm Ed."

  Sue had also noticed that his interest seemed to be in her. With a glance at me, she stood up and extended a hand. He grinningly walked with her to the dance floor.

  "How about you?" I asked Steph. "Care to dance, milady?"

  "Oh, I wouldn't mind," she said. "What does your gut tell you about Mr. Everett?"

  I glanced at Everett. His attention seemed riveted on Sue's eyes as they danced.

  "Nothing much," I said. "He seems okay. Why? Do you know something I don't?"

  "No," she said with a smile. "I was just curious."

  We danced through four songs, then we headed back to the table and I seated Steph, then joined her at the table and sipped my drink as I watched Sue and George.

  The song was one that inspired close dancing, and Sue's chin almost rested on George's shoulder throughout most of the number. As they turned, I saw George's eyes flick around the room, then meet mine. A gap of sorts formed between him and Sue, and I realized that he thought I might disapprove.

  Switching my gaze to Steph, I asked, "Do you have any reservations about my subbing Sue out to Volunteer Services?"

  Shaking her head, Steph said, "No. Not now."

  "But you did?"

  "Yes, when I thought you might simply be trying to get rid of her. I was concerned about how she'd react to that level of rejection. I was also concerned that you might be reacting to feeling a degree of rejection by me -- knowingly or not."

  Shaking my own head, I said, "Not rejection. I had a sense of abandonment at first, but that didn't last longer than our first few contacts after your emancipation." Placing a hand on hers, I said, "You didn't really leave, Steph, and for that I'm so glad I can't tell you in words."

  "You told me, Ed," she said. "When Linda asked if you love me, you said 'Yes, I do'. I believe I feel the same way about you. Why is love so hard to quantify and define?"

  "Hm. Good luck with that one, milady. I don't have an answer. It just seems to come into existence at some point, then it piles up until you become aware of it."

  George and Sue headed back to our table, and on the way, George signaled a waitress, who nodded. That served to further bolster my impression that he was a regular, and again I wondered why it mattered to me, then I realized that some part of me was simply being cautious for Sue's sake.

  That realization put my thoughts on yet another course as George seated Sue, then tapped the other empty chair and asked, "Would you mind if I join you?"

  I glanced around the table and said, "No, have a seat," after both Steph and Sue gave no indication of objections.

  As the waitress set his drink on the table, George gave her a five and told her to keep the change from a three dollar drink. His usual sort of tip, or was he trying to appear generous?

  After some conversation in which George told us that he was a widower who had come to Spring Hill to visit some friends who'd retired here, he asked how we'd come to be here.

  "I retired here," I said, handing him one of my business cards. "I'm an author and I have a couple of businesses on the internet. Stephanie was my assistant until just recently. Now Sue fills that role."

  "Assistant?" asked George. He turned to Sue and asked, "What do you actually do? Resear
ch?"

  "Among other things," she said. "Most of Ed's books contain references to historical events from within the last thirty years or so. He prefers that his memories of such events are accurate before he changes peoples' names to avoid lawsuits."

  Turning a raised eyebrow toward me, George said, "I see."

  I said, "Yeah, they're mostly just memoirs. Sometimes I'll turn a warehouse into a space station and call it science fiction. Other times I just record my past participations and change the names of everyone involved."

  "Is that really enough? Don't some people recognize themselves in your writings?"

  Nodding, I said, "Some have. None of them have sued me, though, and some of those involved have contributed to the books. My titles 'Anne' and 'Mindy', for example; both women wanted in on the writing and the editing, and I think their input did the sex scenes a lot of good. They didn't feel quite so raw after the ladies reworked them."

  "I suppose they wouldn't," said George. "Women have a gentler touch with such things, as a rule. I'll be returning to Brighton tomorrow. I'll look up your site when I get home."

  Vonda dropped by the table during her next break. George found her a chair and we chatted for a bit, then she said that she sometimes envied her customers in that they could dance while she was stuck at the piano.

  Steph said, "No problem. Tell me which titles you'd like me to play and I'll lend you Ed."

  "You play the piano?"

  I laughingly said, "She wouldn't offer otherwise, ma'am. Name those tunes and I'll see if I can avoid your toes."

  "Indeed," said George. "If he can't, I can. I never realized that the life of an entertainer was one of such drudgery."

  With some reluctance, Vonda finally agreed to let Steph take her place at the piano and named three songs. Steph smiled and nodded, then rose from the table.

  George again danced with Sue and I danced with Vonda. Three songs later, Sue took a seat at the piano and played another three songs as Vonda danced with George and Steph danced with me.

  All in all, it was a good evening that ended only when we all met at the local Denny's for a very early 'breakfast' that concluded around three in the morning.