Someone Like You

by Karen Rock

  “Daddy had to go.” Suddenly Josh’s shoulders shook, and he sobbed. Pain, as sharp as a new blade, slashed through Niall. He was the reason Chris had left Josh’s life, and now there was a real possibility that he wouldn’t be able to make it up to him.

  “I was mad at him before,” Josh continued, “but Bob—that’s what my counselor said to call him—said Dad loved me and wanted to come back home.” Josh pulled back and stared up at Niall with a streaked face. “Before he died, he sent me a puzzle and a note that we’d put it together when he came back. Only the puzzle is still in its box.”

  Niall smoothed back Josh’s wet hair and looked the boy square in the eye. “If I can, we’ll put it together. You and me.”

  Josh snuffled, but his tears slowed. “Really? You’d do that?”

  “I couldn’t think of anything I’d like to do more. Although I bet your mom and Samuel would like to help, too.” If they didn’t allow him to be a part of Josh’s life, then he’d at least plant the seeds for the family to do something together, in honor of Chris.

  “But Mom is always busy, and Samuel is too little. The puzzle has a thousand pieces.” Josh shooed away a bee that flew by them on its way to the flowers.

  “A thousand pieces?” Niall whistled. “We’ll need all the help we can get. Samuel can find the corner and edge pieces, and I know your mom will make time to work on it if you let her.”

  Josh’s eyes brightened. “She always offers to help me clean my room.”

  “Maybe you could make a deal. After cleaning your room, you get some puzzle time together. I know she wants to play with you.” She hadn’t said so in as many words, but he’d seen her wistful expression when he’d come to pick up Josh for class.

  A smile broke out on Josh’s face, and Niall hardly recognized the defiant boy he’d met back on the Fourth of July. “That’s what Bob said. I can’t wait to tell him about what happened today.” And with that, Josh scrambled to the door, punched in a number and pulled it open, ushering them both inside as thunder growled deep in the city’s throat.

  Niall inhaled deeply, feeling the edge of the abyss at his toes, and followed Josh up the stairs. Once he’d dropped off Josh, he’d head to Kayleigh’s apartment.

  Hopefully, it’d be a clean start, his guilt revealed and forgiven. He pictured his future again. Would Kayleigh be there to share it with him?

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  A FUMBLING AT the door had Beth brushing away her happy tears and Kayleigh on her feet. Josh was home. And Niall. Her heart raced as she imagined his handsome face. She’d missed it so much these past few weeks. Since he’d been busy finishing the program for the patent, they’d barely seen each other. But now that they’d sent it in, and she had this incredible news to share with him, they could finally pick up where they’d left off the night they’d kissed near the Brooklyn Bridge.

  “Mom!”

  At the shout, they rushed to the entranceway and pulled up short at a beaming Josh and a grim-faced Niall. Wasn’t he happy to see her? Her quickening heartbeat skidded and tumbled to a halt.

  “Hi, sweetie!” Beth hugged Josh tight, and Niall avoided her eyes and outstretched arms, making her more uneasy. Had his retreat into work been personal rather than business? It seemed impossible after their unforgettable night by the river. His sincerity and openhearted confessions had made her realize how much they both cared. How right they were for each other, as more than friends. Had she been wrong?

  Sam slid down the hall on stocking feet and skidded to a halt in front of Josh. “It’s going to rain, Josh! Oh. Where’d you get that?” He yanked at his older brother’s yellow belt, unraveling it.

  Kayleigh tensed, waiting for the inevitable sibling row, but instead of shoving or yelling, Josh beamed. “I passed my test. You should have seen it. Not everybody made it, but I did, and it’s all thanks to Niall.”

  Was it her imagination, or did Niall wince? He should look happy. Proud. He’d brought such positive changes to this family and to her. Josh had gained control of his temper, and she’d learned to trust her heart.

  Maybe she needed to remind him of all that he’d done, that she still needed him now that the patent was in. In fact, after these past two weeks, she’d realized that he was the one thing she couldn’t live without.

  Kayleigh bent down to kiss Josh, letting her hair fall across her face to hide her worry. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Aunt Kay. I want to tell you everything.”

  “And I want to hear it.” She smiled down at her nephew, thrilled that his anger had been replaced by pride. “But first I need to speak to Niall, okay?”

  After sharing the news with Beth that Chris’s death was declassified, she’d wanted desperately to tell Niall. He was sensitive about the war, but hopefully he’d be happy that she’d get the answers she needed at last.

  She and Beth exchanged a significant look, and Beth led the chattering boys into the living room while Kayleigh joined Niall near the kitchen.

  “It’s nice to see you, stranger.” She reached up to kiss his mouth, but he turned so that she caught his cheek instead. Something inside her wilted a bit. Did he not want to kiss her, or was he just self-conscious with kids nearby? She hoped it was the latter. Please let it be that.

  She dropped down to flat feet and peered up at him. “Is something wrong? We’ve hardly seen each other lately. I know you’ve been busy finishing the program, but now you don’t seem happy to see me.”

  “It’s not that,” he said, his mouth tight and his posture rigid. A proceed-with-caution sign couldn’t have been any clearer.

  She twisted her pinky ring. “Are you having second thoughts about us?” If he was, it would be her worst insecurities realized. She’d thrown away her list to follow her instincts. Had trusted that he had put her first in his life. “You don’t want to go back to being just business partners, do you?” she half joked, trying to sound light.

  He shifted uneasily, and gave a sort of half shrug that made her heart sink to her toes. With his lids lowered, she couldn’t read whatever emotions his eyes held. Why wouldn’t he look at her? She hugged herself against the cold doubt seizing her insides.

  “You said you were all in. Is that still true?” She turned away and slumped against the counter. “Did you mean it?”

  “Yes. All of it.” His insistent voice soothed her frayed nerves. “But there’s something else.”

  She whirled, hope making her light-headed. Caution had always ruled her, fear its trusty adviser. She shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Something else was bothering Niall, and it had nothing to do with his feelings for her.

  “There’s something I have to tell you, too,” she blurted, weak with relief and excited to share her news. Niall probably wanted to tell her about a programming glitch that was bothering him or something business related. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be as important as what she had to say.

  Niall nodded solemnly, his face sadder than she’d ever seen it. Perhaps when he heard her out, his mood would lift. He’d be happy for her. She was sure of that.

  “The Department of Defense called me. They hadn’t heard back about a declassification appointment to discuss the details of Chris’s death and wanted to confirm it.” Her words tumbled over one another, a spring-fed brook that bubbled from the happiest part of her.

  Finally, closure and peace about what had happened to Chris. Though she knew it would hurt to hear the grim details, she needed to know, to erase the horrors her imagination fed her nightmares.

  She checked her watch. “It’s in an hour, and I wondered if you would go with me. Beth doesn’t want to hear it from strangers, and I don’t want to go alone. I know it’s hard for you to hear about the war and Chris, so I understand if the answer is no.”

  “You might prefer Gianna,” he said, his to
ne off, and she saw that he’d turned pale.

  She gave herself a swift mental kick for pushing him. “You’re right. I should have asked her and not put you on the spot. I know you’d go if you could.”

  He shook his head and handed her a creased letter. “You won’t want me there.”

  “Of course I would, but not if being there would bring back war memories.” Why would he think she wouldn’t want him? She’d leaned on him when her parents had split all those years ago and depended on him when she’d taken the risk on a start-up company. It was impossible to imagine ever not wanting him close.

  “Look at the letter,” he urged, and the defeat in his eyes made her throat tighten.

  She stared down at the Department of Defense’s logo. Was this the missing appointment notice? She peered inside and confirmed that it was.

  Her eyes flew to his, her heart beating so hard it rattled her ribs. “How did you get this?”

  He swallowed hard and seemed to push the words from his throat. “I took it from your apartment the night that we...uh...went to see the Brooklyn Bridge.”

  Her lungs went on strike and refused to pull in air. Her blood followed suit and froze in place. Her brain went along with the rest because she couldn’t make sense of anything. “Why would you do that? You know how much this letter means to me.” Although her words were a soft, jagged whisper, he flinched as if she’d struck him. Hard.

  He swiped a hand across his eyes. “I do.”

  Confusion and hurt mixed in her gut and rose to her throat. “Then why? Is it because you don’t like to hear about the war? Did it trigger a flashback?”

  “Yes, but not in the way you think.” He crossed his arms against his chest and held himself tightly, looking as if he’d fall apart if he didn’t. Pain and sympathy battled each other inside. If only he’d open up and tell her what had happened in Afghanistan, she could understand this high-handed act that had shoved her needs aside for his own. How could he do that to her? It made no sense.

  “Then please explain. I need to understand.” She pressed her fingers to her temples, feeling a dull throb that would turn into a migraine within minutes.

  “Can we talk in the stairwell?” He shot a glance down the hall, and suddenly she was grateful that Josh’s excited retelling of his belt story had drowned out their hushed conversation. Caught up in the moment, she’d forgotten they might have had an audience.

  “Okay.” Thank goodness he’d remembered the kids. Niall was always thoughtful like that. So why, then, had he behaved so insensitively with her letter? She held it to her beating heart, wishing like anything that she’d had it two weeks ago.

  Once they’d seated themselves on the third-floor landing, Niall angled his body to face her.

  “I was with Chris when he died.” His quiet confession seemed to linger in the hallway, her brain refusing to absorb it as she stared at him dumbly.

  “S-say that again,” she breathed when she could, her mind pushing back against what he’d said, not wanting to trust her ears.

  “We were together when I lost my leg.”

  Her hand rose to her heart, as if that futile gesture would keep it from shattering. Her brother and Niall? The two men who meant everything to her...together? Impossible. Yet it was true. Must be true. He’d just admitted it, and there was no reason to lie.

  All this time, Niall had known about Chris, had listened to her talk about needing closure, yet he’d said nothing. Nothing. Her stomach tightened. It was a classified mission, but couldn’t he have revealed something to ease her pain? Worse yet, he’d kept her from learning the truth by hiding the letter.

  She sensed there was more to his story the way she might sense an oncoming thunderstorm, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling at the thunder’s first growl.

  “I couldn’t speak before, but now—” His voice trailed away, and he looked around the dark, narrow space as if lost.

  “I—I don’t understand. You knew, all this time, how Chris died?” Her words were pinched off with pauses punctuated by breathy intakes of air. The answer was obvious, but she needed to hear it again. Might need to hear it several times to believe that it could be true.

  “Yes,” he said in the quiet gloom.

  “And you kept the letter from me so that I wouldn’t find out?” She covered her shaking mouth and stared at him as a desperate helplessness overtook her. She could see the blow coming that would crush her, and was powerless to avoid it. She’d trusted Niall. Believed in him. How could he have done this?

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me what happened.” Her fingers clutched his arm, as if needing to feel something, know that this was real.

  “You’d rather hear it from anyone else.” His eyes burned into hers, his face a splintered mask of pain. Underneath, Niall’s expression was haunted, eyes half in this world, half elsewhere, remembering.

  “No.” She drew in a breath and winced at a tearing pain in her chest. “You were my friend, my business partner and my...” Her voice trailed off, and she let go of his arm, suddenly unsure about touching him. Her emotions were swerving all over this road she’d traveled too many times before. “You owe me the truth. If you care about me, then tell me everything.”

  Her gut twisted into an undoable knot as he began, his voice dragging her into that moment two years ago.

  “I’d been sent to an outpost to fix their computer network, but when I woke, we were under insurgent attack. Bullets and grenades pounded us. We were outnumbered.” When he began, it was as if he was speaking from the bottom of a deep well, his voice floating to her from some faraway place. “Another soldier and I crouched behind a sandbag wall, pinned down. I wasn’t making it out of there. Not alive.”

  “But things didn’t happen that way,” she said in the quiet gloom that descended between them. She shuddered, thinking how close he’d come to getting killed. How many times had she imagined him and Chris in that kind of situation? Prayed that they were safe? But they’d ended up in danger anyway—incredibly, together.

  Niall looked at her sideways, then back down to his clenched hands. “No. I was thinking about my mom. Wondering how long before she’d notice I hadn’t come home. If she’d miss me. Then the commander ordered us to evacuate. The Special Forces had arrived to cover us.”

  “Special Forces?” A cold sweat swept over Kayleigh, and she felt nausea in the pit of her stomach. “That was Chris.”

  Niall looked at her gravely. “I grabbed my gun and ran down the tower steps. At the bottom, a Green Beret slapped me hard on the back and ordered me to move out.”

  “Was it Chris?” Kayleigh choked out.

  “I didn’t know at first, but found out later that it was.”

  She could picture her confident big brother in those last minutes of his life. How sure he must have been that this was just another day on the job. Only it wasn’t. It was his last day on earth, and Niall had been there.

  Niall reached for her, then dropped his hand when she scrambled backward on the step. She ached to be in his arms, but needed to hear this, to deal with it on her own.

  He dropped his hand and continued in a wooden voice, “All hell was breaking loose. Humvees were in the distance. I had to make it there. Then I remembered that I’d left without the company’s hard drive. If the enemy got it, local operatives’ identities would be revealed. I had to go back. As a signal combat officer, protecting information was my job.”

  She nodded, then started as lightning flickered outside the small window in the landing.

  “I ducked out from behind a barrel and made it back,” Niall continued in a voice so low she strained to hear it. “At the outpost again, I passed the tall man overseeing the evacuation.”

  “Chris,” she whispered, her voice waterlogged. Oh, God. Was there ever a time when you were ready to he
ar how a loved one died? No matter how much she needed to know, the truth would stomp her heart flat.

  “He said I was going the wrong way. I yelled that I had to get the hard drive, and he waved me through. In the command station, I tossed everything out of my pack to make it fit, all except one thing that I couldn’t part with.”

  He looked at her, and the expression in his eyes was so full of sorrow that she leaned toward him until she caught herself. This memory had to be hurting Niall, too. He’d nearly died. Had lost his leg. She squeezed her eyes shut against the thought that she could have lost both of them that day.

  “Is that when Chris died?” she forced herself to ask, tears now streaking down her face.

  He shook his head and seemed to struggle to get out the words. It must be hard for him to tell this story. Maybe it was the first time he’d spoken it out loud. But right now, she couldn’t comfort him. He was alive at the end of this tale. Not her brother. Yet a part of her ached to think how she’d feel if it were Chris sitting beside her, telling her how Niall had died.

  “With the information secured,” Niall continued, “I ran back and nearly knocked into Chris. He was the last guy I could see on the field. I’d wondered why he’d waited.”

  She swiped the moisture from her eyes, nearly blind from it. “Because he wanted to protect you. He would never leave until he knew he’d gotten everyone to safety. That’s the kind of man my brother was.”

  Overwhelmed, she shuddered and rocked against the waves of pain crashing through her. Oh, Chris. Why? Why had he always been the good guy? The selfless one? Couldn’t he have, just that one time, left others to fend for themselves? But that would have meant abandoning Niall, and another part of her shook when she thought of what would have happened if Chris hadn’t been there to look out for him. Why wasn’t there a version of this story where both of them could have made it?