Help Me, Hold Me

by Barbara Gee

  Then she’d have to figure out how all the elements of her drastically changed life were going to fit together.

  She wheeled her suitcase to the top of the stairs, hoisted it up and carried it down. As she got to the bottom, she heard familiar footsteps coming through the kitchen. She pulled the case behind her as she went to meet him.

  “Callie Grace Green,” Vince said sternly, planting his feet and putting his hands on his hips when he saw her. “I told you to leave that upstairs and I’d get it for you.”

  She grinned. “You heard Dr. Young say my only restriction is no riding for two more weeks. Otherwise I’m back to normal, and I’m perfectly capable of carrying my own suitcase.”

  “The male in me takes exception,” he grumbled. “Especially when you still have a cast on your arm.”

  She wiggled her brows at him. “I admit the woman in me likes a touch of cave man, but use it sparingly.”

  He took the handle of the suitcase, dropping a quick peck on her cheek. “You ready?”

  “I’m ready to head for the airport, but not so sure I’m ready to get to New Orleans. I’m half eager and half terrified.”

  “Perfectly normal under the circumstances.”

  “I’m also so, so glad you’re coming with me,” she said, putting her hand on his back as they walked through the kitchen to the back door.

  “I’m glad you want me to,” he replied with an easy smile. “I would’ve gone crazy wondering how it was going.”

  Callie locked the door and walked in front of him to his truck. “Gary called and said Howard would like us to stay at his house, but I told him we already had rooms reserved at a hotel. I suppose we can change our minds if things go well, but I want to have an option in case things are tense and awkward.”

  “Sounds like a good plan to me.” Vince opened the back door of the truck and effortlessly lifted the heavy suitcase inside, beside his own. “It was nice of him to offer, though.”

  Callie was silent for most of the drive to Grand Forks, unable to pull her thoughts away from the meeting set for that afternoon. She wondered whether Howard had been devastated by Elliot’s death, in spite of everything his son had done. Callie would understand if he was. Such an awful death would be hard for most any parent, regardless of their relationship.

  Of course, Elliot’s demise had made the news in a big way, but the behind-the-scene details were slow to come out. The detective in charge of the case was keeping everything as quiet as possible until he had a rock-solid case. He knew it was going to be a sensational story, and he wanted to be sure he had it right when it hit the presses.

  Craig O’Riley had been taken back to New Orleans, and without Elliot’s money and clout to protect him, he was finally talking. Naturally he made it seem like he had been a pawn of the merciless Elliot, but unfortunately for him, a couple of the lawyers they’d used were also under investigation, and they had a much different story. According to Gary, O’Riley had been as deeply involved in Elliot’s plots as his boss, and Callie didn’t need to worry about her attacker ever seeing the light of day again.

  The chief of police and his detectives had so far been able to keep the story about little Lila’s abduction quiet. Thankfully the press had enough to keep them busy just digging into Elliot’s personal life and the crimes he’d committed in the name of business. They didn’t yet realize how big the story was going to get.

  Callie knew her existence would inevitably be made public, probably sooner rather than later, but she appreciated having the last three weeks to get over her own shock and prepare for it.

  “You okay over there?” Vince asked, reaching over to wrap his big hand around her elbow.

  She turned her head to the left and looked at him fondly. “I’m good. Just thinking.”

  “It’s gonna be okay,” he said. “Howard’s been really good about not pressuring you. I don’t think he’s going to all of a sudden start making demands. Plus, he still has his hands full dealing with the fall-out from Elliot.”

  She nodded. “In a way I’m glad Dr. Young didn’t want me to travel before now. This way, Howard’s had a chance to process Elliot’s death, and all the awful things he did, without having to worry about putting on a front for me.”

  “I wonder if he knows about Elliot’s plan to get rid of him.”

  Callie cringed. What a horrible, horrible thing for a parent to learn about their child. “I’m sure he’s been told. It’s the biggest betrayal of all. I can’t even imagine how he’s been able to handle all this, especially being so sick.”

  “It sounds like he and Kirk have formed quite an alliance.”

  “Yeah, Gary said Kirk has been a big help in identifying the people Elliot hurt and cheated over the years. Howard is determined to keep making things right wherever he can.”

  “He probably feels like he should’ve realized what his own son was doing.”

  “Mm hmm. Gary said he feels so bad.”

  Vince squeezed her arm. “Seeing his baby girl all grown up will boost his spirits,” he said confidently.

  “You think?” Callie wasn’t so sure. “I’m worried about what he expects. Cowgirl Callie is a long way from Lap-of-Luxury Lila.”

  He laughed. “Good one, babe. But I’ll take the cowgirl every time. I think maybe your father will too.”

  “Hope so.”

  Vince slowed the truck and merged onto the road that would come out at the airport.

  “It’s going to be fine, sweetheart. I feel good about this trip.”

  She leaned over the console and wrapped her arms around his bicep, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. “Well, I feel good about you taking the trip with me.”

  “Come on, where else would I be?” he asked softly

  She sighed contentedly. “I love you, Vince.”

  “Love you back, Callie.”

  ***

  Halfway up the sidewalk, Callie grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop.

  “Wait, Vince. I’m not—I don’t think I’m ready.” Callie felt shaky and nervous. This felt so unreal. Up until a few weeks ago she’d never given much thought to who her father was, or what he was like. That was a testimony to Jeremiah’s love and care, and him giving her a life where she didn’t yearn for a father-figure other than him.

  Now, she was about to meet the man whose genes she shared. A man who had loved her dearly and not parted with her willingly. What were his expectations? Would he be disappointed? Would she?

  As they stood there, twenty feet from the massive front door of Howard’s massive house, in a city as different from Barlow as it was possible to be, she thought he might indeed be disappointed. She had no idea how to live in his gilded world. Maybe she should have dressed up, or at least worn something more luxurious than her simple white slacks and sleeveless navy top.

  “You look beautiful,” Vince said, as if he’d read her mind. He turned to face her, putting his hands gently on her shoulders. “You’re as ready as you’re going to be, sweetheart. Let’s go in and get those first few minutes over with, okay? It’ll be okay after that.”

  She couldn’t stop looking at the house. “Shouldn’t I feel some kind of connection to this place? I lived here for three years, but it feels completely foreign to me.”

  “You were too young. The important thing now is whether you’re going to feel a connection with your father.”

  She looked up at him worriedly. “What if I don’t?”

  “Then you don’t,” he said simply. “Look, Callie, this isn’t something either of you can force. It might be you won’t feel a connection today, or ever. Or you might not feel anything now, but it’ll grow over time, as the two of you interact. Or you might immediately feel something you’ve been missing all these years, even though you didn’t realize it until you saw him.” His smile was gentle. “The only way to know how this is going to play out is to walk in that door.”

  “I didn’t think it was going to affect me like this,” she said, sti
ll unable to make her feet move toward the house.

  “Remember, sweetheart, you and your father are the innocent parties in this. Neither of you should feel guilt, no matter how it turns out.”

  “But what if he looks at me and it’s like, oh, my long-lost daughter has finally returned home to take her rightful place, while all I see is a stranger who’s expecting me to feel something I don’t?”

  Vince smiled. “We can stand out here and come up with possibilities all day long. But like I said, the only way to know is to go inside.”

  She looked at the house again, her eyes narrowing. “There’s probably a butler in there watching us, wondering why we aren’t coming in.”

  He stepped back from her and held out his hand. “Let’s go in and see how it goes. And if you find you want to talk to Howard alone at any point, just say so and I’ll go hang out with that butler for a while.”

  She laughed as she took his hand and they walked toward the intimidating front door together. When they were still ten feet away, it swung open to reveal a tall man in a dark suit. Callie squeezed Vince’s hand as if to say “told you so.” They walked up the four steps and stopped…...and she looked up into eyes the exact same green as her own.

  So. Not a butler then.

  “Lila,” the man breathed, his eyes widening as he looked at her. Then he appeared to catch himself and smiled ruefully. “Forgive me, please. It’s Callie, I know that.” He held out his hand and Callie saw it was shaking. “I’m Howard Tate. I’m sorry to practically jump you here on the stoop. I should have let you knock, but I saw you coming and got a little too excited.”

  His admission went a long way toward settling Callie’s own nerves. She took his hand and held it. “It’s okay, I’m glad you’re excited. Um, this is Vince Abbot.”

  “Ah yes, the hockey player.” They shook hands firmly. “Gary Denton has told me about you. Thank you for coming. I’d have hated for Callie to make the trip alone.”

  “Glad to be here,” Vince replied.

  Howard stood back and motioned for them to enter. “I hope your flights went smoothly.”

  Callie nodded. “All on time, and our luggage made it, too.”

  “Good, good.” He closed the front door. “I thought we could sit in the sunroom. It’s comfortable in the late afternoon like this, when the sun isn’t as direct.”

  He led them through a two-story entryway that had multiple doors and arches opening off of it, and a wide, curving staircase at the far end. They turned into a hallway to the left, and ended up in a room in the back of the house, where floor to ceiling windows looked out over a beautiful back yard.

  “Please, sit down,” Howard said. “I can give you a tour of the house later, if you wish, but I thought it would be nice to talk a bit first.”

  As they took seats, Callie and Vince on a cushioned wicker loveseat and Howard in a chair across from them, a smiling woman in her fifties came in with a tray of appetizer-sized snacks. She set the tray on a table between them, along with plates and napkins, then asked whether they preferred sweet tea, water or coffee to drink.

  Callie and Vince both chose the tea, and she went to get it.

  Howard gestured toward the tray. “I told Sophie to make a variety, so we can all find something we like.”

  Vince, seeming totally at ease, filled a plate and asked Howard whether the house had been in his family, or if he’d purchased it himself.

  While Howard answered, Callie had a few moments to study him more closely. Their eyes were the same, and although his hair was more gray than black now, she suspected it had once been the exact color of hers. She honestly couldn’t tell whether they shared other features, but she’d ask Vince later. He’d be a better judge.

  At first glance, Howard didn’t seem sick. He’d carried himself tall and straight on the walk to the sunroom. However, in the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows, Callie could see the sallowness of his complexion, and a tenseness in his jaw that made her think he was trying hard to put on a strong front for them. He was also thinner than she had realized at first, the cut of his suit hiding it well.

  After he told them the history of the house, which had first been purchased by his father, Howard set aside his plate of untouched mini ham biscuits and looked earnestly at Callie.

  “I’m going to just jump right in and say that words can’t begin to express my sorrow for everything that’s happened, Callie. For what Elliot did to you way back then, and also a few weeks ago. Then there’s all the other people he hurt.” He shook his head slowly, his eyes revealing the depth of his pain. “I don’t know how to handle it all, to be frank. I’m having trouble reconciling my joy that you’re alive to the grief and fury I’m feeling. The extremes—I’m not dealing with them especially well, I’m afraid.”

  Callie swallowed, emotion making her throat ache. “I’ve been worried about that. This has been hard on everyone, but especially you. I can’t imagine what it’s been like. I’ve been praying for you, and I hope you know I don’t blame you for any of it.”

  He gave her a weary, rueful smile. “Maybe you should blame me, at least for what Craig O’Riley did to you. I should’ve been more involved. Kept a better eye on Elliot. It’s just—” he broke off and took a sip of the water Sophie had brought him. “After I thought you died, I simply didn’t care much anymore. About anything. Before that, I was involved in every aspect of the businesses. Maybe too involved, at times. At least that’s what Julianne liked to accuse me of.” He shrugged and grimaced, as if the memory of his ex-wife was distasteful. “Anyway, after you disappeared, I simply didn’t see the point. It was an effort just to get out of bed, and going to the office took more energy than I had most days. If it hadn’t been for the people who depended on the Tate businesses for their livelihood, I might have let it all go.”

  Callie felt his agony, but she didn’t know what to say to make him feel better. When he bent his head and rubbed his eyes, she shared a quick look with Vince, but he seemed equally uncertain.

  After a moment, Howard cleared his throat and went on. “About a year in, I got to the point where I was able to put in half days at the office, most of the time, but even then I had no real desire to be there. Thankfully, I had some good, good people who were able to carry on for me. The enterprises were all healthy and growing, even without my complete devotion. So, I backed off again, and within a few more years, I was only going in for an hour or two a day. I got involved in some charitable foundations as a consultant, and I preferred that work. It felt like I was doing more good. What I didn’t realize was that as I pulled away and allowed Elliot to work his way up the ranks, he was covertly doing his best to gradually dismantle the management structure I’d put in place, so he could do it his way. People tried to tell me, but I refused to see it. I knew we had different management styles, but he was my son, surely he only wanted what was best for everyone.”

  Callie gripped her tea glass tightly, hurting for him. “Elliot was obviously very good at plotting out what he wanted to accomplish, and patient enough to wait for it,” she said softly.

  “Yes. He was. He plotted for over twenty years. And he thought it was all within reach, thanks to my illness.” Howard took another drink and looked at Callie. His eyes were full of pain, but a soft smile curved his lips. “The only thing that’s kept me going these last few weeks is the knowledge that the little girl I thought was gone is alive and well. I don’t know exactly why Elliot didn’t let you drown as planned. Craig told the police it’s because he was very fond of Tabitha, and she begged him to let you live. That could well be true. I do know she loved you, which is why I didn’t question her decision to not come back after you died, not even once. She called and said it would be too painful to be in this house without you, and I understood. I didn’t see it as suspicious at all.”

  “But she betrayed you, too.”

  He nodded. “If only she’d come to me first, told me what Elliot was planning. But she was likely s
cared of him and felt she had only one choice. Elliot and Craig could be extremely intimidating, that’s become very clear.” Howard let out a slow breath, looking more haggard. “At any rate, I can forgive Tabitha for deceiving me, because she did it to keep you safe. The bottom line is that you’re alive, and when I feel like things are too dark to handle, I cling to that.”

  Callie shifted in her seat and looked at Vince before saying what she hoped was the right thing. “I want you to know I’ve had a really great life. I’m not saying that to hurt you—I mean, maybe my life here with you would’ve been even better, I don’t know. I just think it’s important that you know I didn’t suffer. Even though Tabby was killed when I was so young, my grandfather, Jeremiah, gave me everything I needed. He loved me unconditionally, and growing up on the ranch made for an incredible childhood.”

  Howard nodded, swallowing hard a few times. “Gary Denton assured me you had a happy childhood. I’m truly glad. It makes losing you more bearable.” His shoulders slumped a little bit. “It pains me to say this. It makes me feel like the worst father possible but, considering how Elliot turned out, maybe you ending up on that ranch was the best thing that could’ve happened to you. Maybe a life of wealth and privilege would have ruined you, like it did Elliot.”

  The exact same thought had crossed Callie’s mind more than once, although she’d never admit that to him.

  Vince spoke up. “Elliot was a grown man who made his own decisions. You can’t blame yourself for everything.”

  “Not everything, perhaps, but I obviously made a lot of mistakes,” Howard said wearily. “I looked the other way more often than not, and most of the time I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Callie said gently. “It’s always easier to see all we could have done differently in hindsight. Jeremiah used to tell me there was no use dwelling on the ‘coulda shoulda woulda’s.’ What’s done is done, and all we can do is learn from it for next time.”

  Howard grunted. “Only there will be no next time with Elliot. I need to come to terms with that. With who he was, what he was, and my role in it. However, I’ll have plenty of time for that after you’re gone.” He took another drink of water and forced a smile. “I want to enjoy our time together. Get to know each other a little bit. I hate that we’re strangers, but I don’t begrudge you your happy life, Callie. I’m grateful to Jeremiah Green for giving you that. I’m also grateful he told the truth in the end, so I at least had the chance to meet you. Better now than never.”