Take My Breath Away

by Lari Smythe

  Chapter 14

  Classes weren't that bad as far as the teachers and curriculum went, but there were always the curious glances, the judgmental nods, oh and lets not forget the outright stairs at my stomach as if I should be showing. Did every girl drama in high school have to be about sex? Jason meeting me outside each class didn't help in the drama department. This semester we were going to read the Scarlet Letter in English and I think I know exactly how Hester Prynne felt. Maybe I should just paint a scarlet letter on the front of one of my tee shirts.

  There were a bunch of boys hanging around the front doors when school was over.

  "Hey," Alex said as we approached.

  "What's up?" Jason responded.

  "We were thinking about heading over to the batting cages," Alex replied.

  "Seriously, it's January."

  "Dude, tryouts will be here before you know it. You're going out for baseball, aren't you?"

  "I guess—football's really my thing though," Jason admitted.

  "Hey, it'll keep you in shape. Guess that means you're cool with Coach?"

  "There's a problem with Coach?" Jason said.

  Matt walked up. "Yeah. He so gave us like this big lecture on responsibility to ourselves and others."

  "When did that happen?" Jason asked.

  "Not long after you split I guess—oh hey, Izzy, didn't see you standing there."

  "Hey, Matt."

  They continued their conversation without me. It really felt like I was invisible.

  "So, yeah, that's cool. I'll meet you guys there. Later."

  I followed Jason to his locker. He fumbled around like he was stalling.

  "What's wrong?" I asked.

  "Nothing."

  "So you're going to go practice with the guys?"

  "You mind?"

  "No, of course not. Do you think it was weird that Matt didn't notice me?"

  "So you can get home alright, right?"

  "You're just ditching me?"

  "It's not like that—it's just I know you don't really need me to drop you off."

  "Fine." I huffed. "About Matt?"

  "What? Oh, it's probably just because you dress down, you don't really do the whole girl thing."

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "You know." He waved his hand from my shoulders to my feet.

  "Nice."

  "I'm just sayin'."

  "Whatever," I said as I exited the side doors without any goodbyes. I went up toward the park and then when I was sure I was alone, headed toward the Faulkner house—no need to spend any more time with Jason's mom than necessary. Jason's comment about me being invisible was the second time in the day someone had commented on my fitting in—the first being Ms. Moore. I was home now, and went straight to my room. I stepped in front of the floor length mirror and had to admit, even though I'd given up most of the Emo get up from last semester I still had that leave me alone look—exclusion. That was the point last semester.

  Things were different now, Jason and I were an item and I could deal with humans—most of the time. So what did that mean as far as how I dressed? I dug through my dresser but everything was just more of the same. The thing though—I had no role model, no one as an example. Copying one of the girls at school was definitely out—Cathy and I had had that Bobbsey Twin's moment once last semester. The women I knew—Elizabeth and Melanie—dressed in the style of the 1800's. I could just see me showing up to school in a hoop skirt. I would be noticed though. The thought made me laugh, but seriously, what was I going to do? Maybe when Jason got home he would help, he seemed to at least have an idea of what I shouldn't wear.