Around the Bend

by Britney King

  I am so sorry that I missed your first letter about your dad. You should not have had to find out this way as it was in no way appropriate for someone your age. I now see that this is why he didn’t want to bring you and your sister to the hospital after the accident. He must’ve been so ashamed. You did the right thing by coming to me, and I will be forever sorry that I let you down. But know this... your Dad is not a bad man. What he was doing (masturbation) as I’m sure you well know by this point, is not altogether a bad thing. And I am not making light of the situation by any means, but just know that you must always, always lock the door and consider the effect your actions have on another when it comes to most things in life, particularly pornography. And you wonder where you get your directness from? :)

  I realize that maybe I could or should sugarcoat this given your age, but I’m no longer willing to sugarcoat the truth, Jonathan. I can see that you are too smart and too wise for that. It’s like telling you the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy still exists when we both know that ship has sailed. So from here out, I intend to face things head on, directly, and with the truth—both as your mother and in life as a whole.

  I promise to be open and honest with you, and hope you’ll do the same with me.

  Even if at first it’s just through our writing.

  I love you so much,

  Mom

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jessica awoke in the early morning hours of her ninth day being drug and alcohol-free. Restless, anxious, and unable to fall back to sleep, she picked up her computer and began surfing the internet. When she ran out of web pages to peruse, she checked her email and found this:

  To: JessicaClemens@addressredacted.com

  From: JSC@addressredacted.com

  Subject: RE: Let’s start from the beginning…

  Dear Mom,

  Thank you for writing.

  If we’re starting from the beginning, then you should know that I do not hate you.

  Love,

  JSC

  Jess read and reread the email three times over and tried to come up with an appropriate response before she gave up, closed the laptop, and climbed out of bed. There was so much she wanted to say.

  Instead, she tiptoed out of her room and into the guest room where Myles was sleeping. She stood in the doorway watching the rise and fall of his chest as he slept and pleaded with herself not to go in. This isn’t healthy, a little voice within whispered.

  Jess started to turn and go when his deep voice called out to her. “Can’t sleep?” he whispered.

  And all it took was the lure of that deep voice and she was in. Jess stood a little straighter, walked to the edge of the bed, pulled back the covers, and climbed in. She snuggled into the warmth of him as Myles arranged his body to allow her to scoot in closer. He lifted his arm and ushered her head up onto this chest and wrapped his arms around her and smoothed her hair away from her face.

  “No, to answer your question, I can’t sleep,” she said once settled.

  “Me, either.”

  Jess exhaled. “I feel so raw. So uneasy. Everything just seems ten thousand times more intense… it’s hard to explain…”

  “Are you feeling the urge to use?”

  “I’m not going to say no…” She shifted then snuggled back into his embrace. “Myles?

  “Yeah…”

  “Do you think it’s okay to trade one addiction for another?”

  “I don’t know… but someone wise once told me that we all have something we use to take the pain away…”

  “So then what you’re saying is— that some addictions are better than others?”

  Myles shifted his weight from beneath her and sat up before climbing on top of her. “No. But I would like to suggest a live experiment in order to come to a definitive hypothesis.”

  She chuckled. “That makes zero sense.”

  He rested back, on his knees, pulled her upward toward him, and lifted her shirt over her head. “These things rarely do.”

  Jess tilted forward and kissed him, softly, before pulling back. “Clearly.”

  Myles carefully slid her pajama shorts down her legs as she went for the drawstring on his. He grasped her hand, pulled it away, and gently pushed her backward on the bed. He lowered and kissed her inner thighs all the way up. “I want to take my time with you,” he crooned, looking up to meet her gaze.

  Jess squirmed. “Speaking of that, what exactly are we doing here?”

  He grinned then lowered his head back down between her legs. He tasted her briefly, teasing her before he paused to answer. “We’re taking our time...”

  And if Jess hadn’t been addicted to him before—she certainly couldn’t help herself now.

  Jess awoke to Myles plopping down beside her on the bed. “Rise and shine, sunshine. Get up… it’s time to go.”

  Jess pulled the covers over her head. “What time is it? It looks like it’s still dark outside…”

  “Five.”

  “Oh, God,” she said as she tangled herself up in the duvet and rolled over. “Then why are you waking me up?”

  Myles pulled the covers back and away from her face. “Your training begins today.”

  She pulled them back. “I don’t train.”

  “Oh, you train.” Myles laughed.

  Jess sighed and sat up halfway. “I don’t have workout clothes here.”

  He held an outfit she vaguely recognized. “I had Dean send a few things…”

  Jess rolled her eyes, took the clothes from his hand, climbed out of bed, and made her way to the bathroom. She washed her face, dressed, threw her hair up, and wandered into the kitchen to find him. She felt still half out of it. If she could just have a drink, one drink, she would feel better. Trouble is, one was never enough—and never would be.

  Myles thrust a banana in her direction and then placed a glass of water in front of her. “How are you feeling?”

  Jess pushed the banana back across the counter. “Tired.”

  He eyed her disapprovingly. “You have to eat. It’s a non-negotiable.”

  “I don’t have an appetite,” Jess countered.

  He peeled the banana and held it out to her. “It’ll come back. You just have to help it out a little...”

  Jess relented. She shot him a look, then took a bite, and chewed. “What’s on the agenda?”

  Myles grinned. “Well… I want to see what you’re capable of.” He looked her up and down. “You look like you used to be in pretty good shape at one time.”

  She deadpanned and then swallowed the mouthful of banana she’d just bitten off. “Wow. Because that’s exactly what every woman wants to hear.”

  Myles turned and placed his glass in the sink. “That’s not what I meant. But I spoke with your doctor back home, and he doesn’t see any reason why you can’t do all the stuff you used to do… with a few simple modifications.”

  “Nice to know,” Jess said as she swallowed the last of the banana and tossed the peel in the garbage.

  “Damn it, Jessica,” he raised his voice startling her. “It’s time to get the fuck over yourself already,” he yelled slapping his palm against the counter hard. “I’ve been trapped in this goddamned house for days.” He rubbed his hand. “You’re a little better now, you’re no fucking piece of cake to live with, and if I don’t get out of here, I’m afraid one of us isn’t going to survive. So, if I say we’re going out… we’re going out!”

  Jess’s hand flew to her chest. She doubled over and began laughing hysterically. Myles was throwing a tantrum. Cool, calm, collected, Myles. He’d lost his shit. And she found it hilarious.

  Myles fumed. “What is so funny?”

  She shook her head unable to stop it from coming out. Her entire face had turned red. She waved him off and kept laughing. It had been so long since she’d laughed this hard. So long. Myles went to her, took her arms in his hands, and pulled her upright. He pinned her back against the counter with his body.

  Jess eyed him defi
antly and waited. Without missing a beat, he used one hand to hold her wrists in place behind her back and then used the other to slide her running shorts down. He used one foot to step on them, and with the other, he pushed them across the floor.

  “So it’s going to be like this, huh?” he asked as he sucked her bottom lip between his teeth and then splayed her legs open with one knee. Jess grinned and then nodded ever so slightly as she quickly freed one hand, reached down, and yanked at his shorts, but once again, unable to get the drawstring undone, she gave up, reached in, wrapped her hand around the length of him, and pulled him free.

  Myles eyed his cock in her hand, shook his head and removed her hand and held it behind her back. “Who do you think is in charge here, Mrs. Clemens?”

  She rubbed her chin. “I’m not sure it matters. The end game’s the same either way.”

  “Oh, it matters,” he said, his voice low and stern, before he grabbed her by the hips and lifted her up onto the counter. He intertwined his fingers with hers behind her back and held her firmly in place. He then positioned himself and pushed into her slowly.

  Her breath caught as he pulled out and then slowly thrust into her again, this time harder. Jess gasped with each thrust, each of them harder and faster than the last. Myles watched her expression change, and when he could see that she was somewhere else altogether, almost there, he filled her one last time completely and then pulled out.

  Jess pulled back and searched his eyes, clearly confused. “What are you doing?”

  Myles adjusted himself back into his shorts and stepped back. “Showing you that the end game’s not all the same… and where your inability to take me seriously will get you.”

  She narrowed her brow. “That’s fucked up.”

  “So is laughing at me when I tell you to do something.”

  Jess folded her arms across her chest. “So, does that count as my workout, then?” she huffed pushing herself off the counter.

  He studied her face. Damn, this one was a handful. He shook his head, bent down, picked up her shorts, and tossed them at her.

  “Hardly.

  Out on the beach, Jess collapsed into the sand, panting harder than she had in a very long time. Myles had worked her over until there was nothing left to give. Her lungs burned, her head throbbed, and her body ached. He’d promised to go easy on her the first time she threatened to quit and they’d started out walking along the shore until Myles suggested a slow jog, only he kept picking up his pace and expected Jess to follow.

  Now spent, she spread out in the sand and stared at the sky, trying to catch her breath. Light had just barely begun to peek over the horizon, and as she studied the colors of the sky, Jess tried to remember how long it had been since she’d been outside at this hour.

  Myles stood over her, blocking her view, possibly waiting to see if she would get back up. When she didn’t, he sat down beside her. Unable to breathe very well lying down, Jess propped herself up on her elbows and stared at the expanse of the ocean. Myles opened a bottle of water, took a swig, and then thrust it in her direction. Jess eyed the bottle and then him before she eventually reluctantly took it. Clearly, she was still pissed about the kitchen incident.

  The two of them sat in silence for some time watching as the sun rose above the water and climbed higher in the sky.

  Jess inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it out, her pulse finally returning to normal. “Hey, Myles.”

  He turned to look at her then and raised a brow.

  “Don’t ever fucking do that to me again. If you aren’t going to finish what you start, don’t bother starting it.”

  Myles sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “Fair enough. So long as you understand my point.”

  “Yeah. I think I got it. And there’s something else... just so you know… I think this is a really bad idea.”

  He smiled. “How so?”

  “You being in love with me and me feeling like I might be in love with you.”

  Myles face didn’t register the surprise she’d expected. “Well, then we’ll just have to let it be bad until it turns good.”

  “And if it doesn’t?”

  “Then we know.”

  Jess swallowed. Then we know.

  Myles turned his attention back toward the water. “Just let it be what it is, Jessica. Stop over-thinking it.”

  “I’m not sure I know how to do that.”

  He turned back to her. “Practice.”

  She searched his eyes. “I am.”

  Myles stood, dusted himself off, and extended his hand to her. “Come on, let’s go finish what I started.”

  A smile spread across her face as she placed her hand in his. They walked back to the house, hand in hand, and then spent the remainder of the day in bed, learning about each other. About everything bad, everything good, and all the stuff in between.

  Chapter Twenty

  Myles shook Jess’s shoulder. “Jessica. Jessica… Jessica!” he called through gritted teeth.

  He watched as she slowly aroused, awaking with an expression that was halfway between panic and confusion.

  “Your husband is in the living room.”

  She rubbed her eyes. “My who?”

  He sighed and pulled the duvet back. “Jessica, get up.”

  Myles had been anxious to wake her all afternoon. He missed her when she wasn’t around, and the house felt so empty when she was asleep. Even if she were quiet or reading, something about her presence filled the silence. He was becoming too attached, he knew. He had to pull back, but the timing wasn’t right. Especially, not now when she needed him the most. She had laid down for an afternoon nap three hours ago and Myles let her sleep. He knew she still felt a lot of malaise, and most days, could barely make it through lunch before she got that sleepy look on her face, and it wasn’t long after that when she’d retire to her room saying she couldn’t fight sleep any longer.

  Jess stood up and contemplated his expression. “Why is he here?”

  Myles shrugged. “Don’t ask me. He’s not my husband.”

  She shot him a go to hell look. “What I mean is when did he get back from Africa?”

  He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled. “I don’t know. But a good way to find out would be to go out there and talk to him and stop asking me questions.”

  She stared at him expectantly. “Are you going to wait in here?”

  He shrugged again. “It’s as good a place as any.”

  Myles stayed put allowing the two of them privacy. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to listen to what was being said, but he couldn’t drum out the low hum of their voices and heard just about every word.

  “You look like shit.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So, you’re fucking the help now? Good god, Jess, what is wrong with you?”

  “Who are you to judge me? And he’s not ‘the help,’ he’s my friend.”

  “So you’re not paying him then? Or I should say we’re not paying him?”

  “There is no us anymore, Spence.”

  “We’re still married.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “You’re not returning my calls or my emails… and the help that you’re fucking wouldn’t put you on when I called the house phone.”

  Jess crossed her arms and waited.

  “I need the money we discussed.”

  Jess shifted her weight to her other foot. “I’m not giving you the money, Spence.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Come on, Jess. I know you’re angry, but don’t toy with me.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You can’t be serious. I’m your husband, the father of your children—and you’re going to treat me this way.”

  She shrugged. “I’ve consulted a divorce attorney and he advised against it.” She lied though she wasn’t quite sure why.

  “You’re serious?” Spencer searched her face.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Well, tell your atto
rney this—I’m lawyering up, too… and I’ll be expecting alimony and I want custody of the kids… oh, while you’re at it, you might want to inform him of this little affair of yours so he understands it won’t bode so well in the courtroom.”

  “You don’t want custody of the kids, Spencer. This is solely about money and we both know it.”

  He laughed maniacally. “What difference does it make? It’s not like you’re with them right now anyway. The staff is raising them. And has been for some time.”

  “I’m trying to get sober,” Jess scoffed.

  “Yeah, well, that’s one more thing that isn’t going to go over too well in court for you, sweetheart.”

  Myles wanted to break his neck. But he forced himself to stay put.

  “You’re not going to blackmail me into giving you my money or my children, Spencer. I’m here trying my damnedest to get clean. Have I made mistakes? Sure. But you caused the accident, which was the reason for me to need the pills in the first place. And then you walked out when I needed you most. You’re not completely blameless here, Spencer. ”

  “You’re pathetic. Are you actually trying to pin the fact that you’re a junkie on me?”

  “I don’t know why you’re being so cruel. I really don’t. I have forgiven you, Spence. I forgive you for the way you ended our marriage. I forgive you for the accident. I forgive you for walking out afterward. I forgive you for the way you refused to bring the children to the hospital to see me when I needed to see them most. And… for how you handled the situation with Jonathan after he caught you looking at porn. I forgive you for showing up here and making all of these outlandish threats. I even forgive you for squandering our money away. But there’s one thing that has nagged me for some time now, a little question that’s been in the back of my mind that I hadn’t wanted to ask... probably because I was afraid to know the answer, but I need to know… who was on the phone that night? Who was so important that it took me nearly losing my life just so you could continue your conversation?”