For Love and Honor

by Jody Hedlund

  She hadn’t changed her mind, had she?

  I halted and released a long breath. I needed to spend this evening with her more than ever. After Foxe’s visit earlier in the day, I realized my time had run out. I had to propose to Lady Sabine soon. Maybe even tonight.

  Her grandmother had wanted me to wait, to give Lady Sabine the chance to get to know me first and to test whether I was worthy. Surely I’d proven myself. The Dowager Lady Sherborne hadn’t found fault with me yet.

  But now time was of the essence. I had the feeling Foxe’s visit today would be the last. The next time, Lord Pitt would come himself, and he’d bring his fighting men.

  I had to secure Lady Sabine’s hand in marriage, along with her fortune, in order to save Maidstone.

  Even though I was still troubled by the prospect of marrying for monetary considerations, I had to admit I’d had a much easier time socializing with Lady Sabine than I’d anticipated. Surely that was a sign that she was God’s answer to my desperate prayers. I hadn’t had to pretend that I liked her. She was smart and interesting, and I admired her a great deal. I’d found myself genuinely enjoying her company, appreciating her keen mind, reveling in her love of art that almost matched mine. I’d relished every moment of our time together the previous night and hadn’t wanted it to come to an end. I’d even surprised myself with my desire to kiss her. The longing had been strong and real and raw.

  I’d have to find a way to kiss her tonight. Surely that would work to soften any resistance she might have and smooth the way to proposing. How would she be able to say no after a long and thorough kiss?

  The door at the end of the hallway finally swung open. Lady Sabine poked her head inside, glanced around, and then, seeing I was alone, stepped into the long hallway. Her maid followed at a discreet distance.

  “My lady,” I said, rushing toward her. She wore a gorgeous full-skirted gown of a velvety green that was so dark it looked almost black in the shadows of the hallway. The color only served to highlight the paleness of her skin. I found that the lily white was incredibly beautiful. And I couldn’t keep from wondering, as I had before, if her skin was as soft to the touch as it looked.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I said. “I was beginning to worry that you’d changed your mind about spending the night in my company.”

  “I did change my mind,” she said with the frankness I liked about her. She tilted her head, her elaborately arranged curls dangling over her ear as though tempting me to whisper there. On any other woman the move would have been a coy invitation. But I’d realized Lady Sabine didn’t play those kinds of games. She was either too innocent or too honest—or perhaps both. “I realized I couldn’t monopolize your time and attention when you so obviously desire to bestow it upon another.”

  I stopped abruptly in front of her and frowned.

  The dark green of her gown brought out the emerald tones in her eyes, turning them as lush as the softest moss on the forest floor. She regarded me critically, apparently waiting for an explanation, although I had no idea what I needed to explain.

  “All day, I’ve been looking forward to this opportunity to reveal my art collection to you,” I offered, hoping my answer would placate her. “In fact, I could think of little else.”

  “So Lady Elaine won’t be joining us?”

  I didn’t understand the accusation in her voice. “Why would she? Lady Elaine puts out a good effort to endure my tedious lectures and descriptions, but she has absolutely no interest in art.”

  “It’s quite clear where her interests lie.”

  “She’s mostly interested in herself.” The moment the words were out, I regretted them. “I shouldn’t have said that. Elaine is a fine lady. An old family friend.”

  “I was going to say that she’s interested in you.” Lady Sabine smiled, and her nose wrinkled, hiding some of her freckles. Although at first I hadn’t been particularly fond of the marring dots, I was beginning to find them rather endearing.

  “She thinks she likes me,” I said, realizing now that Sabine had misunderstood my relationship with Elaine. “But I bore her to utter exhaustion most of the time.”

  “She’s certainly not bored with you, sir.”

  I couldn’t contain my grin. “Do I hear a hint of jealousy, my lady?”

  She started forward down the hallway at a brisk pace, but not before I saw the embarrassment in her expression.

  “Ah, so you are jealous,” I said, striding after her, unable to keep my grin from widening.

  “Don’t flatter yourself, sir. Your head is quite big enough as it is.”

  I chuckled and held out my arm to her. “I wouldn’t have guessed that you, of all women, would lower yourself to petty jealousy. You seem so above that.”

  “I am.” She took my arm and let me guide her. “If you want to fawn over Lady Elaine, I won’t stop you from making a fool of yourself.”

  “And what if I want to fawn over you?” I lowered my voice. “Will you stop me then?”

  She stumbled slightly before catching herself. “Perhaps you’ll have to try it and see.” She smiled at me playfully, but the challenge sent my pulse skittering much faster than normal. I was certainly not opposed to taking my attempts at winning her affection to a whole new level. I needed to propose to her tonight, regardless. Wasn’t that what I’d decided? It would certainly go better for me if I charmed her beyond her endurance.

  I led her into one of the rooms my grandfather had used to store and display many of the relics. It was one of the larger sanctuaries of the keep, but paneled in warm tones and dark wood, with sconces that provided ample light to highlight all of the displays. A musty scent permeated the air, one that attested to the rich, old history that lay within the four walls.

  Only several feet into the room, Lady Sabine stopped and gasped. Her face glowed with delight as she surveyed the treasures spread out before us. I couldn’t contain a smile at her pleasure, and I realized I savored the thought of sharing each and every item with her. I’d learned she would appreciate their value, she’d listen intently to everything I had to say, and then she’d add her own thoughtful responses. She didn’t have to pretend to enjoy them. Lady Sabine loved the artwork as much as I did.

  I lost track of time again as we made our way slowly through the room. The hours passed, until finally we reached the far end, where we admired an antique cross made of bronze and overlaid with crimson jewels that represented Christ’s blood. We eventually stopped before an altar piece of the Last Judgment sculpted in high relief and carved from elephant ivory.

  For a long moment we both stood speechless and reveled in the intricate work, along with the message the piece conveyed.

  I need to act now, I decided, with a quick glance to the faint light beginning to peek through the shutters I always kept closed in order to keep the elements from fading or corroding the masterpieces. The sun would soon rise, and with it the bustling household. If I wanted to initiate any kind of proposal, now was my chance.

  I reached for Lady Sabine’s hand and intertwined my fingers through hers. She didn’t pull away, but rather let her fingers join with mine as though we were two sides of the carving, perfectly fitted for each other. Amidst the thrill of holding her hand, I almost couldn’t find my voice.

  “Sabine,” I managed in barely a whisper.

  Something in my tone must have alerted her to the change in my thoughts. She stiffened and began to pull her hand away.

  I had to act rapidly or I would lose this moment altogether. I reached for her other hand and turned her so that she was facing me. “Sabine,” I said again, softly. “You’re an amazing woman.” And I truly meant every word. I didn’t know of another woman alive who would have spent hours listening to me ramble on the way she had.

  “You’re not so despicable yourself,” she admitted breathlessly. Her long lashes rested against her pale skin. And when she swept them up and met my gaze with her speckled brown-and-green eyes, the bottom of my stomach
dropped out. I was left somewhat breathless and strangely trembling.

  I didn’t need to force myself to consider kissing her. Suddenly, I was consumed with the need to. I couldn’t think of anything else. Since she was soon to be my bride, what reason did I have to resist the desire?

  I bent in, angling myself to meet her mouth, entirely too eager. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t move away. She only glanced to where her lady’s maid rested in a chair by the door. The girl had stayed vigilant most of the night, had only dozed once or twice. Thankfully, now was one of the times she had her eyes closed.

  Sabine’s gaze darted back to my mouth, and I suspected that she’d never been kissed before. I moved in closer so that my breath bathed her. But then, before she could change her mind as she’d done last night, I laid my lips against hers. Tenderly. Softly. With the same exquisite care that I gave to my most precious possessions.

  She responded tentatively at first. But as I increased the pressure, she did likewise. The wise teachings of my mentor, the Duke of Rivenshire, pushed to the forefront of my consciousness, demanding that I keep the kiss chaste. Reminding me that to go on would only lead to further temptation.

  I started to pull back slightly, but she slid her arms around my neck and moved against me. The motion, although completely innocent, was my undoing. I wrapped my arms around her in return and kissed her again.

  I marveled with the realization that this man—this incredibly handsome man—was kissing me. I reveled in the strength of his embrace, the solidness of his chest, and the firm pressure of his lips against mine. I didn’t know exactly how to kiss him back and hoped I wasn’t going about it wrong. It seemed natural to put my arms about him and to let him hold me, although a quiet warning in my conscience reminded me that I needed to be careful about stirring up our desires and awakening intimacies that were intended for marriage.

  At the fleeting thought, I broke our kiss and buried my hot face in his shoulder. Marriage? What had made me think of that? I was horrified to realize how quickly I’d moved from a simple kiss to marriage plans.

  Bennet didn’t attempt to kiss me again, but neither did he make any effort to release his hold on me. Instead, he bent against my ear. “Sabine?”

  “Hmmm,” I whispered, trying to gain control over my rapidly beating heart.

  His lips brushed against the sensitive skin next to my cheekbone. The touch was so feathery soft, I had to dig my hands into his jerkin to keep from falling. Through his garments I could hear his heart thudding a tempo almost as fast as mine. Was I affecting him the way he was me? The thought was preposterous, but nevertheless, I couldn’t stop myself from entertaining it.

  “I wanted to ask you something,” he whispered, his breath tickling my skin.

  “Oh my!” came a startled voice from the doorway.

  I released Bennet and jumped back. Lady Elaine stood in the entryway, her expression wide with surprise. My maid’s head snapped up off her chest and her eyes flew open.

  “Lady Elaine,” Bennet said, straightening his garments, almost as though he was attempting to smooth away any signs of our embrace.

  Was he embarrassed at having been caught with me?

  “I was just finishing showing Lady Sabine my collection,” he offered in a strained voice. “We were almost done.”

  Lady Elaine merely folded her hands in front of her and watched Bennet expectantly. She was attired in a fresh day gown, her hair immaculately styled, and her beauty radiant in the early morning. She looked from my mouth to Bennet’s, and I had to restrain myself from touching my lips, still swollen from our kiss.

  Lady Elaine managed a smile, but its edges were brittle and forced. “I see that you were showing her your special collection. The one you showed me in that exact spot.”

  Guilt flashed across Bennet’s features, and he glanced at the floor.

  My spine prickled, forcing me to straighten. Had Bennet kissed Lady Elaine here as well? Perhaps he made a point of bringing all his visiting ladies here to kiss.

  “Please forgive me for disturbing you,” Lady Elaine said. “I’ll be on my way so that you can finish.” She tossed me what I could only classify as a pitying glance before she glided out the door.

  My maid stood and blinked innocently, clearly having no idea what had transpired between Bennet and me. Thankfully. “Shall we be on our way, my lady?”

  “Momentarily,” I replied before crossing my arms and facing Bennet. I wasn’t leaving until I got an explanation.

  “I’m sorry, Sabine.” Bennet raked his fingers through his dark waves, his midnight-blue eyes distressed.

  “Did you kiss Lady Elaine here in this room?” The question came out hard and cold.

  He didn’t answer right away and instead studied the altar piece as though it contained the words he was looking for. “Yes. I kissed her here once.”

  Although I wasn’t surprised by his admission, it still knocked me in the chest and took the breath from my lungs. I’d wanted so much to believe that somehow Bennet was different than other men, that he’d seen past my exterior to the woman I was inside, that he accepted me and even liked me.

  But apparently, pretty or not, I’d merely been another woman to seduce.

  Weariness crashed over me. I wanted to cross to the chair my maid had vacated and collapse into it. The disappointment of my predicament weighed me down. I longed for him to say that his kisses with Lady Elaine hadn’t meant anything. That he hadn’t felt with her what he had with me. But he expelled a ragged and frustrated breath, which did nothing to ease my own confusion and hurt.

  Tears stung at the back of my eyes. I’d given my first kiss away to a man who, it would seem, gave kisses as some nobility gave charity. How could I have been so stupid?

  I swallowed my bitterness and blinked away my tears. I never cried, and I wouldn’t start now. I had to remember why I’d come to Maidstone in the first place. I’d waited long enough to do my business. I’d attempted to be sensitive to the Windsors’ delicate financial situation. But now it was time to conclude the visit and be on my way.

  I stalked toward the miniature mosaic set in wax on a wood panel with gold, multicolored stones, and gilded copper tesserae. It was one of the pieces I’d especially liked. It was unique and would make a perfect addition to my own collection. “I’ll purchase this one for fifty silver pieces.”

  Without waiting for his response, I crossed the room toward the terracotta bust of the Virgin. The serene expression had touched me deeply, as though she’d already known in her youth the sorrow she would suffer later as a mother. “I’ll buy this bust for sixty silver pieces, even though it’s likely not worth quite that much.”

  “Neither of those items are for sale.” His footsteps clattered after me. But I didn’t turn to acknowledge him.

  “And that painting of Christ on the roof of the temple, being tempted by the Deceiver.” I pointed to the opposite wall to the delicate fresco, now faded with time but still priceless. “Will you take one hundred fifty?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Then two hundred.” I moved on, the matter settled. My eyes were already appraising the next piece that I’d decided to purchase. “I’ll give you seventy-five for the ivory cameo.”

  “Sabine.” His tone was frustrated. Guilt crept up beside me and whispered that I was being insensitive. But this is what I’d come to do. He had to part with his art at one time or another. Why drag out the inevitable any longer?

  “You name the prices,” I conceded. “You tell me what you want for them, and I’ll pay whatever you wish.” My footsteps slapped briskly against the floor as I moved on to the next item. I was surprised when his fingers closed around my upper arm and pulled me to a stop.

  His forehead was crinkled above his dark, tortured eyes. “Sabine,” he pleaded softly. “Why are you doing this? You know I’m not selling any of my collection.”

  “Fine. You’ve made your point. I’ll pay you well what they’re each worth.” />
  “I don’t want what they’re worth,” he said, then heaved a breath of exasperation when he realized how his words sounded.

  I raised my brow. Then what did he want?

  As if sensing my unasked question, he continued. “I’m not planning on selling anything from my family’s collection. I’d rather parcel off land and sell it first.”

  The seriousness of his declaration penetrated through my frenzy, leaving me entirely confused. “But I’m here to purchase your art.”

  He shook his head. “You’ll have no need to buy any of it since you’ll soon live here.”

  “Live here? Why on earth would I do that?”

  This time, his brow cocked in confusion. “Because your grandmother brought you here to arrange a marriage between us.”

  He was clearly mistaken. “Grandmother brought me here because she knew how much I’ve always wanted to view your family’s collection and perhaps purchase some pieces.” But even as the words came out, I had the sinking feeling Grandmother’s motivations ran deeper than I’d realized. “She thought we might ease some of your financial strain.”

  “Yes, she knew she could help us. But not with a few purchases.” Bennet didn’t say anything more for a long moment as he allowed me to grasp the implication of his words.

  Grandmother hadn’t planned on me buying anything to ease the Windsor financial problem. No, she’d planned on giving them my dowry.

  The thought nearly choked me. Apparently Grandmother had rationalized that the only way I could attract a husband as charming and handsome as Sir Bennet was by bargaining with him. He’d take a plain wife. But in return, he’d receive my vast fortune, which would most certainly help him and his family in their current financial predicament.

  As if reading my thoughts, or perhaps seeing my stricken expression, Sir Bennet spoke quickly. “I’m sorry for the confusion, my lady—”

  “You lied to me.”

  Bennet’s expression turned earnest. “When your grandmother learned that I was looking to arrange a marriage, she contacted us regarding this visit. I thought you knew.”