by Unknown
“She was mistaken,” I lie, trying desperately to cover my tracks.
“I don’t want to hear it! You know the rules!”
My father marches over and takes hold of my arm so hard that it cuts off circulation. He pulls me behind him so fast that I’m tripping over my dress as I’m being dragged along. He takes the stairs, and immediately I know what will follows. I begin sobbing.
“Please, daddy, I’m sorry. Please,” I beg.
He drags me all the way to my room and throws me down on the bed. Tears fall harder as I watch him unfasten his belt.
This can’t be happening. I’m too old for this kind of humiliation.
“Turn around!” My father shouts. When I don’t, when I beg him again not to, he shouts louder, rattling the walls. “Turn around!”
I flip over on my bed in compliance, knowing the consequences will be worse if I don’t.
I want to sink into the earth and die as I lift up my dress, exposing my bottom (that at least is covered by my underwear).
The belt snakes from the loops of his pants, snapping as it whips free from the last loop and into the air. That noise is one I’ll always hate and flinch from for my entire life, I know it.
My fists grip my comforter in anticipation, tears soaking the side of my face that is resting on it.
The first sting has me gasping out, “One, sir.”
My father doesn’t hold back, each strike getting worse as he hits the same spots. By “eight, sir” I feel blood prick my skin. I hold in my screams. Making noise always makes the belting worse. We’re allowed to silently cry and that’s it.
By the final one, which happens to be my age, I’ve entered another place. A place to help take me away from the pain and humiliation. I whisper, “Eighteen, sir.”
My dad is huffing behind me, breathless from the exertion of whipping his daughter.
The door slams shut behind him. For a long time I’m too exhausted to move. My bottom is past being on fire and painful, and is getting numb. Or maybe it’s me that turned numb.
I don’t move again until night has long descended. I kick off my underwear, knowing my bottom is too raw to have anything touch it. I crawl carefully up my bed, but I still wince in pain. I don’t even have the energy to cry. I keep any fabric from my bottom as I stare blankly at my closet door, reduced to a shell of my usual self. Eventually I fall asleep.
Chapter 15
I avoid visiting Dan. Not because I can hardly walk, but because my humiliation would be too great. I don’t want him to see what my father did; it’s beyond degrading. The only thing my mom had to say was how disappointed she was in me for upsetting my father and going against his wishes.
If I have a daughter, I’ll never let my husband hurt her. Never. I don’t care if she defies every rule we set and is a hellion, nobody deserves to feel this ashamed and embarrassed, and well, broken.
On Thursday morning, Chelsea stops by with her kids like she usually does. She takes note of my sullen demeanor and guides me away while my mom is distracted with the baby. “Everything okay?”
“Of course.” I know the Malone family rules: we don’t air our dirty laundry.
“Talk to me. I noticed you haven’t sat once. Did you do something to upset Dad?”
My throat closes up and I hold back the tears.
Chelsea sighs, “I thought so.”
She hugs me, and I didn’t even know I needed the tender moment until I hold her back and cry. “Please tell me it gets better?” I beg into her shoulder. “Please tell me that it’s not like this once I get married.”
Chelsea affectionately rubs my back, “Dad is unique. Most husbands and fathers don’t hurt their family the way dad does. Aaron has never touched our kids, or me…” she trails off, because we all know Dad hurts our mom too. We’ve heard her whimpering when she’s trying to be quiet, and the days after when she can’t walk.
“What if Josh is the same? I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Set a precedent before you’re married. Let him know what you want from a husband and what you don’t.”
“I can do that?”
“Oh, Hannah,” Chelsea sighs, holding me tighter. “I’m so sorry we haven’t talked about this sooner. You must feel so lost right now with all that’s going on. I should have been here more for you as a sister.”
“It’s fine.” It really is; she has six children, who would have time for anything else?
“Talk to Josh. That’s the point of courting; you need to have these discussions, make sure you will be compatible.”
“Do I even have a choice if we’re not?” From my understanding the answer is no, I don’t.
“Not really, but at least he will know how you feel and you can gauge his reaction. If you truly feel he’s not a good fit, come to me. I’m sure I can figure out a way to make Dad think this is a bad idea.”
I hug her so hard, “Thank you.”
For the first time, I have hope about my future. Maybe it doesn’t have to be so bad.
I still avoid Danny’s that night, but by Friday, as I eat my breakfast, I know I have to get out of this house. If I spend a second longer I might go insane. I miss Sam (and of course Danny). I know I can’t sit comfortably, but I feel somewhat confident that I can get away with it.
“No going to Samantha’s tonight,” my dad orders as he leaves for work.
I try to hide my devastation.
Before he exits, he gives me the biggest blow ever, “And I’m not sure when you can go back.”
That hurts more, and destroys me more, than any belting I could ever receive.
All day long my mom tries to act cheerful, but it just makes me want to throttle her. How can she pretend everything’s so cheery and wonderful?
When my parents go to bed, I know I need to sneak over and let Sam know I probably won’t be seeing her for a while. I try not to think about whether I’ll be allowed Friday nights at all anymore. Why torture myself?
I walk slowly, not wanting the fabric of my clothes to rub too hard against my backside. It’s starting to itch from the scab that formed, but I ignore it.
The house is crowded when I arrive and I weave my way through, looking for Sam. The twins are in the kitchen, so I stop to ask them if they’ve seen her.
“Nope.” Price gives me a side hug, “but I’d watch out for Dan if I were you. He’s in one of his moods.”
Great.
I stop in the hall, torn between checking Sam’s room and seeing if Dan is in his, as I didn’t see him at the party either.
I’m not sure if Dan is ready to see me or if he even wants to see me. The hurt in my heart from missing his face, his smile, everything about him, wins. I knock softly on his door.
“Fuck off!” He shouts.
“It’s me,” I try whispering at the door, but the music is too loud. I decide to risk opening the door.
Dan is pacing his room, making a u-shape around his bed. He doesn’t hear the door click shut behind me, too absorbed in his pacing. His back is to me as he reaches the far side of the bed, and when he turns his head remains down. He doesn’t stop until his eyes connect with my feet, then his head snaps up.
We lock eyes while music blares through the house, outside voices trickling in from his open window. We eventually move together. Dan pulls me into him, holding me against his body, and my arms wrap around him. His hand holds my head to his chest and I can hear the erratic beating of his heart. He takes in a deep breath, his nose buried in the strands of my hair.
When he talks, his voice is strained and gravelly, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I’m the one that should be apologizing.
“I never meant for you to stay away.”
I don’t share the real reason with him; it hurts too much. “You needed space.”
“Not for this long.” Dan cups my face, lifting it up as he looks down on me, “I’ve been having to hold myself back from going to your house and throwing rocks at your windo
w.”
My heart flutters with panic, imagining what would have happened if my dad had seen him.
His eyes bore into mine, “I don’t care how angry or upset I seem, I never need more than hour to myself, okay?”
I nod.
He kisses me softly, but I need more. My hands grip his shirt and tug him in. He moans into my mouth as I ease in my tongue.
“I missed you,” I confess between kisses. I didn’t even realize how much, but now that I’m here in this house I feel like myself for the first time in days.
Dan kisses me harder in response. He walks me backwards until the back of my knees hit the bed and I stumble back. His bed is soft, but I land hard and my dress rubs against my body. A stinging jolt of pain shoots through my body and I let out a cross between a yelp and a cry of pain.
Dan stops to scan me, “You okay?”
No. I can feel my face wincing even though I’m trying not to. I nod my head yes.
Hurt reflects back in his eyes, “That’s the second time this week you’ve lied to me.”
A tear escapes because I don’t want to lie to him, but I’m too ashamed to tell him the truth.
He kisses the tear away, “Please tell me.”
I turn my head away, more tears falling, “I can’t.”
“Hannah,” Dan pleads, the torment in his voice making it worse.
“It’s too humiliating.”
He turns my head and his lips kiss away more of my tears. His tenderness only makes more of them quickly follow.
“Tell me it’s not what I think it is?” His brows have knit together, which is never a good sign.
I don’t want to lie, not again, so I turn my head once more. His head falls to my shoulder, his breathing becoming heavy as his body temperature increases. “When?”
I can tell he’s trying to restrain his anger.
“Tuesday. I got home too late,” I say so quietly that if his ear wasn’t so close to my mouth I doubt he would have heard me.
“Show me.”
“No, please,” I beg. Surely he understands how embarrassing this is for me.
Dan lifts himself back to standing, his anger palpable, “Show me.”
I shake my head no.
He softens his face and tone as best he can, but his brows remain burrowed in fury, “Please, baby, I need to see.”
Tears stream down my face as I slowly turn around, feeling shame and humiliation for the second time this week, except this is worse. Allowing Danny to see what my father did to me makes bile burn my throat as I pull down my bottoms just enough to show him the lashings. I have to be slow and careful not to let the material scrape.
I hear his sharp intake of air.
“Motherfucker,” he breathes out and I feel a rush of air sweep past me as Danny’s feet storm in the direction of his door.
I quickly cover myself, cringing because I do it too fast. I scramble after Danny, whose entire body is redder and angrier than my father’s was that night.
“Boys!” He shouts as he storms into the main area of the house.
I come up behind him and pull on his hand, “Danny, don’t.”
He growls out his words low enough that it doesn’t draw attention, but it leaves no question how he feels, “Have you seen what it looks like?!”
I have. It looks just as bad as it feels, maybe even a little worse.
“He’s not getting away with this! Not this time!” He informs me, and the finality of his posture and tone have my insides going haywire. Nothing good can come from this, but how do I stop him?
“Boys!” Dan shouts again.
They all scamper in from various areas of the house.
“What’s up?” Maddox calls as he comes in from the backyard, pulling up his fly.
Danny waits to answer until they are all close, “We need to go pay someone a visit.”
The twins exchange looks, and everyone puts their game faces on.
Without knowing who or why, they’re all on board. That’s how they are, always having each other’s backs no matter what.
Dan scans the crowded living room, “Where’s Tag?”
Everybody shrugs, but there’s no denying the nervous glances they shoot each other.
My stomach drops, because I have a fairly good idea where he is.
“Where. Is. Tag?” Dan enunciates each word, clueing in to the fact that something is going on. His eyes skim the house, and realization flares in his eyes. He whips around and storms back towards the bedrooms, “That fucker’s gonna die!”
Once again I’m hurrying after him, begging him not to do anything.
He ignores my plea, throwing open the door to Sam’s bedroom. Tag is on top of Sam, pounding into her, her body wrapped around him as she’s moaning with pleasure.
“Get the fuck off my sister!” Dan shouts so loud the walls vibrate.
“Shit,” Tag curses, getting off as his hand reaches over for a sheet to cover Sam, who then clutches it to her naked body. She is in shock, no words of defense coming from her mouth.
Tag doesn’t have time to hide his naked body before Dan charges, and even though Tag is without a doubt a much larger man, Dan throws him off the bed, fists flying. Tag doesn’t put up a fight, taking every one of Dan’s punches. Sam wraps the sheet around her as best she can and hurries over, screaming at her brother to stop.
Luckily, the boys are there and manage to rip Dan off of Tag, whose face is now a bloody mess. It takes all of them to keep Dan at bay: Maddox and Jerry each have an arm, North his back, and the twins form a wall in front of him.
Tag stands and wipes blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. Price throws him the jeans that were by his feet.
“How long has this been going on?!” Dan shouts as Tag slides them on.
Sam comes between Tag and the shield that’s formed around Dan, still holding the sheet around her, “None of your business.”
“Like hell it’s not!” Dan lunges, but the boys hold him back. “You know the rules!” He fumes.
Tag holds his hands up in defense, “I’m sorry man, but I love her.”
Dan seems taken aback by the response and looks between the two. Sam makes the mistake of coming next to Tag, who places a possessive arm around her and causes Dan to go ballistic, trying to tear through his wall, but he’s no match for the five other men holding him back. “Get the fuck out of my house!”
“Dan, come on. Let’s talk about this,” Tag requests, remaining calm through it all.
“Can you keep your hands off her?”
“No.”
“Then get the fuck out,” Dan responds bitterly.
Tag throws his hands up in surrender, “Whatever. I’m out.” He stops at the door and turns, “You and I have been tight for a long-ass time man, and the fact that you’re just pissing on it without giving me a chance to say my case? Fuck you.”
Sam goes after him, bedding sheet and all.
“Sam,” Dan warns. Sam flips him the bird.
When the boys are satisfied that Tag has left, they let Dan go.
“Not cool,” Tripp scolds.
“What’s not cool is them going behind my back,” Dan is quick to reply.
I raise a brow at him, because really? Isn’t that what we’re doing?
He sends me a look back that says “don’t start.”
“Did you all know about this?” He demands.
None of them will look him in the eye.
He storms off, followed shortly by his bedroom door slamming shut.
The boys argue about the situation.
“Told you we should have said something,” Jerry pipes in. “Secrets never end well.”
“Yeah, but that would mean betraying Tag,” Maddox points out. “Either way, we were screwed.”
They begin filing out the door.
“This blows,” Maddox adds. “What if Dan can’t forgive him?”
Nobody has a response, but they all look troubled by the idea.
I
go to Dan’s room and let myself in without knocking.
“I can’t believe you kept this from me.” Is the first thing I hear after I shut the door. Dan is standing a few inches away with his hands on his hips.
“She’s my best friend.” He may be the man I love, but I will always have a loyalty to Sam as well.
Dan nods, seeming to accept this answer, “How long?”
“I’m tired of being in the middle. You need to talk to them.”
“I’m done with Tag,” he clips.
“Do you really think either one of them would be doing this if it didn’t mean something? They both care too much about you.”
Dan huffs.
“How do you think Sam would feel if she found out about us?” He lets out a grunt but I keep going, wanting it to get through to him, “Wouldn’t you want the chance to explain it all?”
It’s clear he just wants to sulk.
“I have to go,” I say. A part of me is afraid that the longer I’m here, the higher the risk of Dan remembering what he was originally angry about.
“Fine.” He stops me as I’m about to leave, “That means I want you back in my bed tomorrow night.”
I can’t help but smile, and he somewhat offers me one back.
I know we’ll be okay, but I can’t say the same for he and Tag. I know I have to try and do something. Those two are too close for Dan just to throw it away over his best friend falling for his sister. Or maybe it’s for entirely selfish reasons. If I can fix this, maybe I can forgive myself for keeping the same secrets from Sam.
Chapter 16
The next night everyone has already gone home by the time I arrive at the Shepard’s. Sam’s away with Tag and I ache to talk to my best friend to know if she’s okay.
Dan and I decide to watch a movie and cuddle like a real couple. He has me lay on my stomach with my head on his lap and he strokes my hair and back. “I still want to kill him.”
“Tag?”
“No.”
I sigh. I had a feeling who he meant, “I know.”
“This guy your parents want for you? He better not do that or I will be more than happy to end him. More than happy. And if your dad tries that shit again? It’s over.”