Dirty Farmer (The Dirty Suburbs Book 6)

by Cassie-Ann L. Miller

  Still, I’ve been staying far away from his bed to avoid further complicating things. But, I’ll tell ya, it’s hard. Every night when he gets up from the dinner table, throwing me one last smoldering glance before heading up the stairs to his room, I just want to throw myself in his arms (in the most dramatic fashion possible) and purr, “Take me with you…” I guess I’ve just got to appreciate the fact that he’s in my life, at all, and make the most of the time we spend together.

  I smile at him. "I'm kind of hoping it's a boy."

  "Boys rule!" He does a corny fist pump. I love seeing him silly and playful. It makes the big, gruff farmer all the more endearing.

  "Did you grow up with brothers or sisters?" I giggle. I take his hand and put it back on my belly. I like having it there.

  His eyes go cold and the joy withers out of his expression. "I have a brother, Zayn. He's a few years older."

  If it were up to Jakob, that would be a dead end in our conversation, but I decide to push it just a little further. I want to get to know him. I'm curious about him, interested. "What was life like, growing up?"

  He puffs out a heavy breath. "Not great, honestly."

  "Care to elaborate?" I ask with a hitched brow. The look on his face borders on pained so I back down. "Y'know what? Never mind. I shouldn't pry," I say. I promised myself that I wouldn't pressure him.

  But he looks into my eyes, and he pushes forward. "My childhood was a struggle. I grew up in Chicago. On the southeast side. My parents were junkies who'd spend their last dollar to get a hit even when their kids were hungry."

  "Oh, Jakob..." I bring my fingers to the back of his neck and stroke him there.

  He tilts his head and places a kiss on my wrist before continuing. "My brother was a little bully. He used to torment me for fun. Until the day I learned to punch back." He chuckles. "I broke his nose with my little fist. He didn't bug me from then on."

  I titter lightly. "Good for you!" I hold up my hand for a high five and his palm cracks against mine.

  His gaze becomes distant as he stares out the windshield. "We patched things up when we were teenagers. I was fourteen and he was about to turn sixteen. Our parents went completely awol. One of the neighbors reported it. We spent a couple of terrifying days in the system." He chokes on his own voice. "That's when Mini stepped in. She and Pops swooped in and saved us. We would have bounced around from foster home to foster home if it hadn't been for them."

  "Ohmygod..." Now it all makes sense to me why Jakob is so protective of his grandmother, why he loves her as much as he does. "Did your parents ever come looking for you?"

  He shakes his head. "Nope. I know that they're around. They weren't dead, the last I heard. But they never came looking for me. Or for Zayn."

  It breaks my heart to hear that parents could just abandon their kids and never look back. The little one growing inside of me is no bigger than an apple and I can't imagine ever giving up on him. I may not have much to offer but my love is one thing my child will never be without.

  Jakob glances over at me, eager to take the spotlight off of himself. "So, what's your story, Little Miss Sunshine? Did you grow up in a castle on the hill?" He smirks. "You look like you grew up in a castle on the hill."

  I giggle, shaking my head. "I wish." I lean my skull back against the headrest. "Where do I even begin?" I gaze up at the vinyl headlining hanging off of the truck's ceiling.

  "Anywhere you want," Jakob says softly.

  I push out a breath. "Okay, my family's from a small town in Pennsylvania. My mother was a teacher. Young, beautiful and madly in love with one of her student's father. She says she did everything in her power to resist him when Grace was in her class but, like I said, it was a small town and they would run into each other often. Eventually, they started an affair. And she got pregnant. She was able to hide my paternity at the beginning, but by the time Faith got to her class, she couldn't hide it anymore. My sisters' mother found out that my mother was sleeping with her husband."

  Jakob just watches me without saying anything. I can't tell what he's thinking and it's really hard to bare the intensity of his stare. The corners of my eyes begin to tickle the way they do right before the tears come.

  "Grace and Faith's mom divorced my dad. My mother thought it meant that he'd live happily ever after with her. After all, she’d waited for him for years. He told her to be patient and when the time was right, they’d be together. But when his wife finally left him, he and my mom were anything but happy. I think they both just felt so guilty, so ashamed. Dad never lived with us. He and mom fought all the time when he came to visit. It was a disaster. When I was about seven, he left for good. He had a few other kids after that. I don't know anything about them. He and I don't really keep in touch."

  Jakob threads his fingers through mine. I can't read his expression but his grip on me is tight. "What about your mom? How's your relationship with her?"

  I sigh. "We try, she and I. We love each other so much. It's so difficult to have a meaningful conversation with her. She's in her own world most of the time. I don't think she ever forgave herself for being a home-wrecker.”

  The tears run freely down my face now.

  My head drops to my chest as my shame streams down in liquid torrents. "I was a mistake. If my parents had the chance to take it back, I wouldn't be here." My lips quiver violently as I speak. "Knowing that hurts so bad." I put both hands on my stomach as I weep. "I don't want this baby to feel like a mistake, too."

  Jakob's hand cups my chin roughly. He jerks my face so that I'm looking straight at him. "Don't you ever say that," he growls leaning in to me. "You weren't a mistake. Neither is this baby...You two were made just for me."

  I gasp, my heart swelling at his words. "You don't mean that. You can't. We aren't yours. You aren't responsible for us —"

  He interrupts my rambling. “Shut up!" he commands. And then his lips seal against mine. He kisses me with an intensity that sucks the air out of my lungs and the insecurity out of my mind. Both of his rough hands cup my face and he kisses me like I'm his possession, his property. It feels so right when he takes me like this, when he owns me.

  When we pull away, we're both breathless, hearts raw and open. Jakob turns the key in the ignition and the truck comes to life. We don't say a word to each other as the truck moves along the unpaved road back to the farmhouse. But the air is charged with everything.

  Every promise, every secret, every hope for the future.

  The air is charged with love.

  You weren't a mistake. Neither is this baby...You two were made just for me.

  If this is what it feels like to be claimed, to be owned, to belong to someone, I crave it. I want to be owned forever. By him. I'm willing to give this man every piece of me.

  At the same time, the idea of being abandoned has never been scarier. What if he doesn’t mean it? What if he changes his mind?

  But that night, I push aside my doubts. I go into his room and give my body to him. He fucks me slow with his lips on my skin and his fingers in my hair. I let go of my fear for just a little while.

  Chapter 30

  Jakob

  The next evening, I lock the back door behind me as I kick off my boots and shrug out of my sweater. Lily steps away from the dishes she’s washing and welcomes me home with a kiss.

  And fuck…those lips. Where have those lips been all my life?

  A beep emanates from the computer and she breaks away from me. She heads straight over to check her messages. Over her shoulder, I notice several new instant messages waiting on the screen. An irrational discomfort takes root in my bones as I wonder if any of those messages are from her ex.

  My suspicions are confirmed when she drags the mouse this way and that, scrolling through her messages. “Trevor, you jerk-off…” she mutters.

  Uneasiness scorches my stomach like acid at the mention of that asshole. We haven’t talked about where things stand with him but he’s been ghosting my thoughts
since the day she moved into my house. Because I want her. And I need to know whether he'll be a problem.

  "Twenty-three messages from him," she grumbles waving a hand in the air. "All of them in the past hour. After radio silence for weeks. He's finally ready to deal with me after ignoring me and our child for all this time. What a dipshit!"

  Mini's voice travels down the hallway. "Lily? Can you give me a hand, sweetheart?”

  Lily tears her attention away from the screen. "I'm coming, Mini," she calls out before glancing at me. "Be right back."

  She disappears down the hall to tend to my grandmother and the new messages keep pinging on the computer.

  And I may be a bastard for reading but I can't help myself.

  TrevorBlack1993: Plz answer me.

  TrevorBlack1993: I know ur upset about what I said. I know u don't want to have an abortion. But I think it’s the responsible thing to do.

  TrevorBlack1993: Just come home. We can figure something out.

  My blood sizzles in my veins. That asshole wants her to have an abortion. I still can’t fucking believe it. No wonder she's worried that this baby will feel like a mistake. His own father doesn't even want him to be born.

  TrevorBlack1993: U can't have that baby in Reyfield. U can't make a life for urself out there. U probably won't even b able to find a job. Ur just gonna throw ur whole life away. Stop being stupid. COME HOME NOW, LILY!!!

  TrevorBlack1993: I know ur pissed at me. But b reasonable.

  TrevorBlack1993: babe…

  My blood is full-on boiling at this point. I want to rip this guy a new one. But I have to play it cool because Lily is coming back into the kitchen, wheeling Mini in. The only thing keeping me together is the knowledge that last night, she was in my bed, in my arms. And tonight, that’s where she’ll be again.

  "We're having leftovers tonight," she tells my grandmother. "Roasted potatoes and meatloaf from yesterday."

  Mini smiles. "I don't think I told you last night but the meat loaf was good. And that gravy was delicious."

  It lights up my heart to see Lily beaming as she grabs the food from the fridge and turns on the oven. "Well, I guess I'm not a total screw-up, huh?"

  I come up behind her, bracing her by the shoulders and pressing my lips to the back of her head. "You're not a screw-up at all," I say, "you're perfect."

  That dumbass ex-boyfriend of hers couldn't see it but she's absolutely perfect.

  Mini watches on with a hitched eyebrow. I slide my fingers down Lily's arms until our hands interlace. I throw Mini a wink and she grins approvingly. Lily catches the interaction and bursts into a fit of giggles. "You two are silly."

  Lily and Mini make conversation about this and that over dinner, but I'm not really listening. All I'm thinking is, he wants her back, he wants her back, he wants her back. The pinging of the computer is continuous. Message after message.

  I nearly capsize the whole kitchen table when Lily doesn’t come up to bed with me. Instead, she lingers in the kitchen, eyes glued to the computer screen. I know she's talking to that asshole and it makes my blood thicken with jealousy. I don't care that she's carrying his child. He doesn't deserve her.

  He wants her back but fuck it, I can't let him have her.

  Chapter 31

  Lily

  The moon shines in through the open curtains. I'm sitting in Jakob's bed, leaning my back against the headboard. His head rests on the pillow in my lap and his legs hang over the side. Another infomercial blares in the background as I run the nail file back and forth along his jagged nails.

  My mind is racing as I think about the email that I saw in my inbox today after I deleted the pile of messages from Trevor and his pathetic ass. It was from Siobhan, my boss at Hectic Fashion Blog. She wants me to come back to work for her. Not just to fill my old position as an unpaid intern. She wants to make me an assistant-stylist. That’s a paid position. Apparently she’s dating some sugar daddy billionaire media mogul and he’s injecting a ton of cash into the blog. She’s dead-set on having me on her team. She told me that we need to talk and that she’d fly to wherever I am to make that happen. The money she’s offering me isn’t outrageous but I’d be able to get my own apartment and start buying essentials for the baby. I’d be able to start building a foundation. I’d be able to stand on my own two feet.

  As much as I want to make things work with Jakob, he’s still holding back. He’s not ready to jump in with both feet and I totally respect that. But I can’t just wait idly by for him to make up his mind. There’s a baby on his way and I have to be ready.

  The one lesson I learned loud and clear from this whole debacle with Trevor is that I need to be independent from now on. I can’t just sit back and let a man take care of me because any day, he could just wake up and decide to pull the rug from under my feet…while I’m holding a baby.

  I unscrew the cap of the sweet-smelling cocoa butter sitting on the night table next to me. Using a finger, I scoop out some of the creamy moisturizer and smear it between my palms. I massage small circles into Jakob's damaged hands, applying light pressure. Those big hands are still as rough as ever. I smile to myself. Who am I kidding? I love them just the way they are.

  And his hands aren’t the only things I love.

  I love the way he rubs my feet after a long day, the way he laughs and refolds the fitted sheets every time I screw those up. He’s kind to me. And gentle. He holds my body close to his like there’s no place he’d rather be. He talks about the baby, about plans for the three of us. I think he wants a future with us.

  But then again, I thought the same thing about Trevor. And look where that’s gotten me.

  This is all so confusing. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m finally standing in a place where I belong, where I fit in. But this time, I can’t afford to be wrong. I have a baby depending on me. That’s why I can’t put Siobhan’s offer out of my mind.

  Jakob isn't normally a talkative man, but he's been extra quiet since he got back from the fields today. He hardly said a word at dinner and I don't even think he said good night to Mini before stomping up the stairs into his man cave.

  "Are you okay?" I ask slathering another layer of balm onto his skin. "I feel like you've been giving me the silent treatment all night."

  His stormy brown eyes blink up to me. His jaw ticks but he says nothing. He’s shutting me out.

  "Hey, talk to me," I insist, playfully scratching his scruffy chin. "Tell me what's on your mind."

  “It’s nothing,” he says, but his jaw is still tight and his muscles tense.

  I roll my eyes. “Not buying it, mister. Tell me what’s up. I won’t stop bugging you until you do.” I stick my tongue out at him and he shakes his head, laughing.

  "I read the messages from your ex earlier,” he blurts out.

  His confession surprises me. And I'm not happy about it at all. "You read my messages? Not cool, Jakob." I’m pissed. Heat rushes into my cheeks. I push him off of my lap.

  I have nothing to hide. I’m done with Trevor, no question about it. But still I deserve the respect of not having Jakob reading my messages.

  He reaches for me as I try to climb out of the bed, his long fingers sinking into my thigh. "Okay, calm down, Lily," he demands, but fuck him. He invaded my privacy. I feel violated right now.

  "Get off of me," I say, trying to kick out of his grasp. But with little effort, he flips over and, a moment later, he's hovering above me, pinning my arms down.

  "Listen to me, Lily," he says and there's a little glint of amusement in his eyes as I continue to fight him off. "Listen."

  "You had no right..."

  His lips skim over my neck and a ripple of pleasure skitters through my body, annoying me even further. I'm trying to be mad at him. The least my body can do is cooperate! But no — he nips at my flesh with his teeth and arousal hums down my spine.

  "Lily..." he growls against my skin. "Don't get all worked up, Sunshine." He lifts my left leg and hoo
ks it around his waist. Then, he does the same with my right. Now, his erection is nestled against my pussy.

  The traitorous little bitch drools.

  And he had to call me 'Sunshine' when I'm already trying so hard to stand my ground.

  "You left the computer on. I was nearby. I took a peek." He makes it sound so innocent.

  "You shouldn't have."