His kisses stop, his seduction on hold. He looks me dead in the eyes. "I had to know..." he says quietly.
"You had to know what?" I bark, ignoring the liquid pooling between my legs.
He humps my core in soft soft thrusts. Shame flickers in his eyes and he buries his face in my neck, licking and sucking me again. My nipples tighten for him. My skin shivers.
"I had to know if you still want him..."
My heart breaks a little hearing this big, strong man admit his insecurities. But at the same time, I'm mad, angry that he couldn't just be direct with me.
"Why didn't you just ask?" I hiss at him.
His head shoots up and his eyes crash into mine. It's like the idea never even crossed his mind.
I laugh. "You're ridiculous!" My hand latches onto the back of his neck and I pull him down on top of me, molding my lips to his. "No, I don't still want him.” I take a shaky breath, almost afraid to say, “I only want you."
He inhales sharply, too. "Good."
His fingers hook on the strap of my satin nightie and slides it down my arm. His lips trace a soft path across my skin.
"I'm sorry..." he whispers so quietly I almost don't hear it.
Now his lips dance across the swell of my breasts and he squeezes the soft globes, causing pleasure to roar through me.
"I forgive you..." I moan, keening, pressing my chest to his mouth. "Just promise me that you won't do it again.” He's pulling my panties down my legs now. And I'm trembling, so excited to feel his fingers and tongue exploring my pussy.
He doesn't answer me. He just kisses the inside of my thighs. The need for him to eat me grows more urgent.
"Jakob," I moan.
His tongue swipes across my swollen folds. The sensitive flesh comes to life. "Promise me you won't ever go back to him," he counters.
"Uh-uh. You first." Of course, I’d never go back to Trevor but I won't let Jakob win this fight so easily.
But he's stubborn. And possessive. And deep down, I love it. "This body is mine," he growls, licking into my core. "This pussy is mine. Do you understand me? Promise me you won’t go back to him.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and fight against my growing need for release. "You first." My voice is a wispy breath as he swirls his tongue around my clit, injecting two fingers into my heated core. I can’t bring myself to say the words.
"Lily. Promise me," he insists, curving his fingers and working my g-spot. God, he's good at this.
The pressure builds inside of me as he strokes me and teases me with his mouth and his hands. I work my pussy against his face.
He holds my hips steady against his mouth and right before he assaults me with indescribable pleasure, he roars into my flesh one last time. "Promise me, Lily!"
The orgasm cracks me right down the middle and words come pouring out of my mouth.
“I’ll never go back to him. I’m yours! I promise! I promise!”
“Good…” he whispers, “‘Cause Lily, from this moment forward, you’re mine.”
Chapter 32
Lily
“I’m here! I’m here!” I call out from the bottom of the stairs as I step out of my tennis shoes. My feet are swollen as fuck and the staircase in front of me might as well be Mount Everest. I’m not looking forward to climbing it.
Grace appears at the top of the landing in her bathrobe and slippers. The bottom half of her hair hangs in huge barrel curls while the top half is still a messy pile on top of her head. But she looks gorgeous. I’ve never seen her in makeup before and even though she’s only wearing the palest shade of lipgloss and a bit of mascara, she’s stunning. “Oh, thank god you’re here!” She clasps a hand over her heart. “I was starting to freak out a bit.” She giggles nervously.
That’s an understatement. She texted me 12 times while Jakob was driving me over here.
I arrive at the top of the stairs and give myself a moment to recuperate from what felt like a long, arduous journey. “Are you gonna be okay, hun?” I pat her on the shoulder. The girl looks like she may need a tranquilizer to get through this night.
“Gah!” She shakes out her hands, wearing a big, anxious smile on her face. “I can’t believe I’m this worked up,” she says as we tiptoe past Sebastian’s nursery. “I keep reminding myself that this isn’t a first date. The guy’s already my husband. But that doesn’t seem to help.”
I follow her into the upstairs bathroom where her curling iron sits on the counter next to her tiny makeup bag. “It’s understandable that you’re nervous. You two have been fighting for months and now it finally looks like you might be able to patch things up. A lot is riding on tonight.”
She smiles at me, grateful that I get it. “I want him back…” she confesses softly, “I miss him. I miss the days when we were happy. And I want Sebastian to get his family back.”
I nod empathetically. I understand the feeling of wanting your kid to grow up with his dad around. Trevor has already shown me that he’s not the man for me and I’m totally cray-cray over Jakob, but I still wish that my child could have some kind of relationship with his biological father. Knowing that that won’t happen makes me feel like a failure, like I’ve let him down before he even makes his grand entrance into this world.
“Everything’s gonna work out,” I say with assurance as I think back to the man I met the other day. I have no doubt that Daniel Trotten is committed to putting his family back together. It was written all over his face the night I met him. “He loves you. I could see it when you two were together.”
Grace faces the mirror and blushes as she picks up the curling iron. “Really?”
“Really!” I tell her reflection as we lock eyes in the glass. I take the curling iron from her and roll a large section of hair around the hot barrel.
She blows out a heavy sigh. “I’m really glad that you’re here, Lily,” she says softly, “I’m glad that you came to find me and Faith when you landed in trouble.”
My chest constricts when I hear her say that. We had such a rocky start. I put a major burden on her when I showed up. I’m so so relieved that she’s warming up to me.
“I’m happy to be here. I spent my whole life wanting to meet you and Faith. I love being here. And I love this little town. I love the farm. And Mini…”
She fills in the blanks when my voice trails off. “And Jakob?”
My eyes move to hers in the mirror. With hesitancy, I say, “Yeah…I think I love him, too. And not in the ‘oh, he’s such a great boss’ way. I love him. I’m falling for him. Hard.”
“Oh, sweetie, that’s amazing. I’m so happy that he’s being good to you,” she breathes out, a genuine smile lighting her eyes. A sense of warmth washes over me when I see her like that. When I’d just come to town, all of her smiles were tight and forced, she was trying so hard to be polite. But right now, it feels real. I’m sharing a real moment with my sister. It means so much to me.
“He’s been so good to me,” I gush, “and to the baby. He said he wants to be with me, Grace. When he kisses me, it’s so amazing. It’s like turning up the brightness on your computer screen. Everything is clearer, more alive.”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Why do I sense that there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere?”
I sigh as I pick up the final lock of hair and twist it around the iron. “It’s a little bit scary. I thought I could trust Trevor and he bolted on me the second that he didn’t like the direction that things were going. I can’t get hurt again. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“I’m sure that Jakob is nothing like Trevor,” she says comfortingly as she spins around to face me, “He seems like the kind of guy who’ll stand by his word.”
“I know, I know,” I say on a sigh. “I just need a sure thing. Especially since I’m pregnant.”
She nods thoughtfully. “I get where you’re coming from, but love is all about taking a risk, about betting on something that you can only hope is real and true. You’ve got to invest your h
eart if you’re ever going to find out whether you’ve struck gold or not.”
“But what if I’m wrong?” I ask, “What if it’s not love?”
“What do you mean?” she asks turning back to her reflection. She reapplies her lipstick, smacking her lips together.
I appraise her appearance. “You could definitely use some blush.” I grab a makeup sponge and a small compact from the makeup bag. “I got offered a promotion from my old boss,” I tell her as I apply the color to the apples of her cheeks. “I’d be getting paid. Finally. I’d be in the city and I’d be able to afford an apartment.” I sigh, my shoulders falling heavily. “I’d be able to take care of myself and the baby without relying on anyone.”
Her eyes go wide as she understands my dilemma. Yes, I want Jakob. I want to be patient with him. But the clock is ticking in other areas of my life. The countdown to the baby’s birth is definitely on and this job offer is time-sensitive as well. “Oh honey, what are you gonna do?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. My heart is telling me not to take the job. To stay here in Reyfield. With Jakob. It feels so good being with him. But at the same time, my head is reminding me that I got into this mess by putting blind faith in a man to begin with. I would have never imagined that Trevor would do this to me after all that we’ve been through.”
“But Jakob’s nothing like Trevor, I’m sure.”
“I know that…but at the same time, I don’t. A man is a man at the end of the day. That’s what my mom always used to say. Our dad promised her the world and then he bailed when his guilt got the best of him.”
“That was different….” I can tell that she doesn’t want to go into the topic of our parents. It’s still a touchy subject for us. As far as she’s concerned, my mother is the reason her childhood fell apart.
“Tell me what to do,” I beg, “please. I’m so confused.”
She eyes me sympathetically but as soon as she opens her mouth to answer me, her phone starts ringing in her bedroom. “I have to get that,” she says as she hurries out, “I’ll be right back.”
With my sister gone, I drop onto the toilet. My mind continues to race as I empty my pregnant-lady bladder. Can I make a life out here in the suburbs for me and my baby? Or is Trevor right that I should move back to the city? Getting back together with him is out of the question for me. Even if he came crawling back to me on his hands and knees, I wouldn’t want a thing to do with him. But that doesn’t mean that moving back to Philadelphia isn’t the right thing. As much as my mom and I don’t get along, she’d be thrilled to lend a hand taking care of the baby and Siobhan would be flexible with my schedule, I know it. But I can’t just ignore the way I feel about Jakob. I’ve never felt a deeper sense of belonging in my life. I can’t just walk away from that.
I’m still sitting on the toilet when Grace returns to the bathroom. “Oops!” I say impishly, “I totally got distracted and forgot you were coming back.” I wipe up quickly and flush the toilet. “Let’s finish getting you all dolled up.”
But when I look up at her, I see that her mascara is running. Her bottom lip trembles.
“Grace, what’s wrong?”
“Daniel cancelled,” she says on a long sniffle, “He had to work. He chose work over family. Again.”
Forgetting completely about washing my hands or even pulling up my goddamn pants, I pull her into my arms. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”
She whimpers against my shoulder. “But I’m done waiting, Lily. I’m done waiting for him to take this marriage seriously.”
As I watch her falling apart, a new thread of doubt begins weaving its way through my stomach. If a man as committed-looking as Daniel can bail on his wife’s last ditch effort to save their marriage then what the hell is stopping Jakob from wrecking my heart?
Chapter 33
Jakob
I slam the calculator down on the kitchen table and my empty coffee cup rattles loudly. Staring out at the cows grazing in the pasture, I pull on my hair in frustration. Every 30 days, it's the same scenario, only worse. The bills show up all at once but the money to pay them always comes up short.
I'm falling deeper and deeper into debt and with Mini's health getting worse, I expect that the bills will just keep on piling. She can't even walk anymore. She's completely confined to her wheelchair. The only thing keeping her from plunging into absolute misery is having Lily's company every day.
Lily...
She's the ray of sunshine who showed up here and made things just a little bit brighter. I need her so badly. I’m terrified of what will become of me if she ever leaves. I can’t let that happen. I’ve got to give her a reason to stay.
She says she’s mine and I want to believe her. I want to believe that she truly wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. I want to be her rock, the person she can rely on. I know that she has fears and insecurities. She’s concerned about the baby and his future. But I want her to know that I’ll be here for both of them. We’re a team.
A family.
And as the head of this family, it’s my duty to provide financially. But as I sit here, looking at this stack of bills and bank statements, I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna pull this off.
But she’s worth it. I’m going to find a way. Just watch me.
Yes, there’s that niggling voice at the back of my head, constantly reminding me that I wasn’t enough for Brittany. I couldn’t make her stay. She took off with the baby and never looked back. That voice tells me I’m a fool to believe that Lily will settle for a small life on a small farm in the long run. She’s a city girl at heart. She always will be. And I can barely afford the electricity bill. I have nothing to offer her to make her stay. It's stupid of me to hope that my calloused hands and my busted-up heart can be enough.
I smother that doubtful voice down. I’m not giving her up so easy. I just have to figure out how to make these numbers work. I’ve got to find a way.
Things will be different with Lily. I’ll do everything in my power to make her happy, to make her want to be here on this farm.
I grab at the bills sitting on the table. With a loud roar, I tear them in half and toss them to the floor.
I’m about to lose my farm but that hardly matters. My main concern is making sure that I don’t lose my Sunshine, too.
Chapter 34
Lily
Mini and I are sitting on the porch. I watch in contented silence as she transforms a roll of yarn into yet another beautiful blanket for the baby.
"I wish I could do that..." I sigh.
Mini smiles without looking up. "I'd be glad to teach you, dear."
My eyebrows furrow. "God, I feel like you've already taught me so much. About cooking and doing the laundry and how to take care of a household. I feel like the only thing I know about being a woman is how to put together a cute outfit."
“Don’t underestimate the importance of a cute outfit,” she laughs. “Style and grace are qualities you either have or you don't. All the rest are easy to learn."
What she's saying does make me feel a bit better but I still feel like I missed out. I wish I had had a normal upbringing and I'd learned the skills I'd need to ‘adult’ successfully. But my mother failed epically at life and instead of trying again, she gave up, she resigned herself to a subpar existence. I don't want to follow in her footsteps. In thirty years when my kid is telling his kids about me, I want him to say that I was strong and tenacious and that I fought so that he could have a better life than I did.
I've done so much fucking up already. I just want to give him a reason to be proud.
A red convertible Audi pulls onto the dirt lane and comes bounding toward the house. I lean forward in my seat, peering out at the vehicle.
Is that Siobhan? Ohmygod, it's Siobhan!
The car comes to a stop right near the porch and my boss — ex-boss — steps out looking like she's got a front row seat in the hottest show at New York Fashion Week.
Is she
wearing a bra top? Yup, she's wearing a bra top with a pencil skirt, four-inch pumps and a Balenciaga purse. On a farm.
"Who's Ms. Fancy?" Mini mumbles under her breath as Siobhan pulls off her sunglasses and sticks them in her jet black, waist-length hair. Shading her eyes with her hands, she squints up at the porch.
"Well well well. Lily Monroe in work boots and ill-fitted flannel. I think I just got shat on by a flying pig."
I laugh as I rise to my feet and descend the stairs, meeting her halfway up the path. "What the hell are you doing here?" I ask, pulling her in for a hug.
She squeezes me back, swaying me from side to side. She must have really missed me because she usually goes for those aloof, too-cool Parisian-style air kisses. "I told you I'd come to you," she says looping her arm through mine and continuing her procession up to the front porch, "Did you think I was joking?"
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