I didn't actually expect her to show up here. Reyfield isn't one of the fashion capitals of the world.
"You look fabulous," I tell her and she smirks knowingly. After working with her for as long as I did, throwing compliments her way comes naturally to me. Kiss-Ass is the only language she responds to and the only currency she accepts. "How did you even find this place?" I laugh.
She rolls her eyes. "I almost had to strangle my GPS because he did not want to tell me how to get here." Her eyes fall to my belly. "Wait — you're showing!" She rubs a hand over my belly, her face beaming with excitement.
I grin at her. "I'm showing!" I call out to Mini as we climb the stairs. "Mini, this is Siobhan. I worked for her online magazine in Philadelphia." I turn to Siobhan. "This is my homegirl, Mini." I flash Mini a wink and she chuckles under her breath but she seems much more guarded than usual and I don't know why.
"It's lovely to meet you," Siobhan says in a gracious tone as she and Mini shake hands.
Mini just nods and smiles with her eagle eyes peeled to the newcomer's every movement.
"This really is a lovely place," Siobhan says as her eyes flutter around the open pastures and cultivated fields. "Relaxing. Earthy."
"It is," I agree, "Fifty acres."
Siobhan whistles under her breath. "Is it all cultivated?"
"Not all of it," I respond. "Let me find you some sneakers and we'll go for a walk. You've got to see the river. And the cabin in the meadow.”
I disappear into the house and quickly return with my cross-trainers. I find Siobhan totally absorbed in taking selfies while Mini rolls her eyes discreetly int the background. I try not to laugh. Siobhan kicks off her pumps and slides into my sneakers. We excuse ourselves and Mini watches us as we move along the trail leading to the fields. The conversation immediately turns to business.
And I'm not surprised. I know that she didn't drive all the way out here to talk about crop-rotation and organic fertilization techniques.
"So, I need you to come back with me," she announces.
"Siobhan —"
"Okay, before you start listing off all the reasons why you don't want to, hear me out. The blog is moving into print. We're going to have a physical magazine."
“Oh my god! That's so exciting!"
Siobhan catches me up on all that's happened at the blog since my departure. Apparently, Hectic has merged with a media company that is moving some of its most profitable assets into print. It's an opportunity that's unheard of in a world where every other competitor is sticking to digital to cut back on costs. But the media group has deep pockets (not to mention that the owner of the media group is smitten with Siobhan) and doesn't mind experimenting with something that goes against the grain. Especially since their market research shows that it's the way to go.
"Lily — I need you," she stresses. "You're my right-hand man. I can't do this without you. Please. Please come back with me. I'm freaking out.” I’m surprised to hear her say that after all the time that I spent in my thankless, unpaid intern position.
I feel a bit dizzy. I need to get out of the sun so I grab Siobhan by the arm and step into the shade offered by the barn.
I lean against the planked wall. "Hun, I'm really happy for you, but I can’t just up and leave. I need some time to think about it." I touch a hand to my belly.
"I'll make it worth your while financially." Her offer is so tempting. This decision should be easy.
But my mind goes to Jakob. This thing that's growing between us is more meaningful than any relationship I've ever had. We have a connection unlike anything I've ever experienced. I don't want to give that up. Even if I don’t quite know where it’s going. "It's not just about the money," I say quietly.
She scoffs. "You think you can make a life out here for this baby? What will you be able to offer it? There's nothing here for you." She spits up histrionically and goes absolutely crazy when a mosquito sticks to her bold red lipstick.
Just then, Jakob rounds the corner in his cowboy hat and an olive green shirt unbuttoned down the front. Siobhan stops her freakout session for long enough to devour him with her big brown eyes.
"Well, hello there."
Jakob inspects her with a narrowed gaze and a suspicious expression.
"Siobhan — this is Jakob, he owns the farm. Jakob, Siobhan was my boss in Philadelphia."
She reaches for his hand but he holds up his dirt-stained palms to her. "Wouldn't want to mess up your nice manicure," he says bitterly before he dips into the barn, slamming the door behind him.
God, he's so sulky sometimes.
His brush-off doesn't seem to sting Siobhan, though. She fans herself. "Well...guess who's watching cowboy porn tonight? This girl!" She lifts a hand at the confession.
I chortle, grabbing her by the arm. We continue our stroll down to the water. "Focus, Siobhan."
"Right. As I was saying, you can't build a life for your kid out here. But if you take this job with me, I'll make sure you have everything you need. Medical. Dental. A good school district. All those things that mothers care about for whatever reason. Please, hun.” She pulls a bound document out of her purse and hands it to me. I read the cover page. Hectic Fashion Magazine and Blog : Employee Benefits Package.
Oh my gosh, she’s not shitting me about this. I flip through the pages, scanning the literature quickly.
I sigh. "I'll think about it, okay?"
She claps her hands together. "I knew you'd say ‘yes’."
"I didn't say ‘yes’," I laugh, "I said I'll think about it."
She shrugs a shoulder then aims a camera out at the river. "A girl can only hope." She angles her body toward the water and holds her camera in front of her for a selfie. "Damn, I’m getting some good shots out here!"
Chapter 35
Jakob
Lily sits on the bed next to me, flipping through some thick-ass document that her snooty-ass friend gave her when she was here this afternoon.
Hectic Fashion Magazine and Blog : Employee Benefits Package
“Oh my goodness,” she coos. “Free onsite daycare facilities. Free annual optometrist visits. Free after-school sporting activities. These kinds of benefits are unheard of in the blogging world. This is just crazy.”
I don’t say a thing. I just keep my eyes focused on the fucking infomercial on the TV screen. I knew that Siobhan lady was trouble the minute I saw her with her high-fashion clothes and her ridiculously expensive car. She swooped into town and dropped this opportunity into Lily’s lap. And how am I supposed to compete with that?
Seeing the excitement on Lily’s face is killing me. She wants to leave. She wants to go back to Philadelphia and take this fashion magazine job. Deep down, I know that it’s an amazing opportunity for her and it’s in the best interests of the baby, but selfishly, I want to keep her. I wish this fashion editor woman had never shown up here.
“Wow! Look at the offices!” Lily gushes, shoving the document my way. A picture of a modern-looking workspace glares up at me, taunting me, reminding me that I spend most of my days in a pig pen, surrounded by mud and hog shit.
Yeah, this decision won’t be tough at all for her. I feel like I’ve already lost her.
“And look at that! Look at the size of the staff kitchen! And there’s a rec room—”
I can’t take anymore of this. “Why don’t ya just start packing your bags, Lily?!”
Her page-flipping stops and she turns to look at me. “What’s your problem?”
“I know you want to leave, Lily,” I snarl, “you want to hop on the next bus out of this town and run back to the city. So just do it.”
Her eyes narrow. “I’m not going back to the city, Jakob. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve made up my mind. I’m staying here. With you. Can’t I just admire the information in this brochure without you jumping to conclusions about my intentions?”
“You want to go,” I spit out. “It’s written all over your face.”
She lifts a
brow. “No — I want to stay here. Like I told you.”
I shake my head defiantly. “Follow your heart. Don’t let your guilt hold you back,” I say sarcastically. “Hell, while you’re at it, why don’t you call old Trevor to come pick you up?” I switch off the TV with the remote control and flop down onto my stomach.
Her tongue runs over her lips. She looks like she’s going to cry. “Why are you doing this, Jakob? What are you so afraid of? Stop bullshitting me. Let’s be real for a minute.”
I don’t answer. I just lie there, staring at the pattern on the sheets.
She climbs out of the bed, taking her document with her. I feel her eyes on me, hot and penetrating. “We both know what this is about.” Her voice shakes. “But I’m not Brittany. I’m nothing like her.”
I should apologize. I should pull her back into bed and admit to her just how afraid I am to lose her and the baby. But I don’t do that. Instead, I let her walk out with tears running down her face.
Chapter 36
Lily
Kim seems taken aback when she steps into the ultrasound room and Jakob isn’t sitting beside me. After the fight we had last night, I refused his offer to take me to my doctor’s appointment today. I love him but I won’t have him hurling reckless accusations at me. So, I’m here with Faith, getting ready to see my little munchkin again, this time, in living color.
Okay, I admit it — Siobhan’s job offer is tempting. Very tempting. But I have values. Firstly, I believe in loyalty and in keeping your word. That’s something I take very seriously. Secondly, I believe in family. And I believe that family trumps money and opportunity any day. So yes, I’m turning down this job offer because building a family is way more important to me.
Kim looks at me and smiles warmly. “I see that your husband couldn’t make it today?” There’s a subtle note of disappointment in her tone. Looks like the lab tech has a little crush on my cranky farmer. I can’t even blame her.
I give her a small smile. “No, he couldn’t.”
“Aww,” she says as she sets up her equipment for the 3D ultrasound, “he had to work, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” I say in a tight voice, hoping to keep the conversation from going any further.
Faith gives me a quick, sympathetic glance before coming to my rescue. “Well, Aunty Faith is here to meet my little niece or nephew for the first time and I can’t wait a minute longer. Let’s see that ultrasound!”
Kim laughs and gets busy, squeezing the gel onto my belly and running the wand across my skin. “Today, we’re gonna try and determine the baby’s sex and then I’m gonna take a quick peek at the internal organs. And then, you’ll be all good to go.” Before long, my little one comes into view. Lying on his back, just chilling out with his thumb in his mouth.
Faith clutches her chest and coos. Tears come to her eyes as she squeezes my hand. “Oh my god. Oh my god. That’s the cutest little alien I’ve ever seen.”
I laugh. “How dare you! Do you see that face? That’s the face of a future heartbreaker!” Just then, the baby rolls over and faces us, wearing the most adorable grimace I’ve ever seen.
“You know I only mean that in the nicest possible way.” Faith laughs. “That baby is impossibly cute.”
I look eagerly to Kim. “Can we find out the sex?”
She gives me a smile. “It looks like you’re having a boy!”
Faith and I both squeal, holding hands tightly. “Oh my god. You’ve got to name him Rutherford. He looks like a Rutherford.”
I laugh. “No way I’m naming my kid Rutherford. Save that name for your babies.”
She turns up her nose. “I’ve told you — I’m not doing the whole ‘having kids’ thing.”
“Oh, you’ll change your mind soon enough.” I turn to Kim. “I’d bet that women come in here all the time saying, ‘I never wanted to have a baby, but now that I’m pregnant, I’ve never been happier!’ Right, Kim?”
But her eyes don’t turn to me. And her bright, pearly smile doesn’t spread wide across her face. Instead, it’s worry on her brow and fear in her eyes as she leans closer to the screen.
Panic rushes into my blood. “What is it?” I ask anxiously, as I sit up. “What’s wrong?”
She hurries to the telephone sitting on the corner table next to her desktop, picks up the receiver and hits a few buttons. “We need to get the doctor in here,” she demands. “Right now!”
Chapter 37
Jakob
The screen door rattles loudly right as it swings open. Lily steps out onto the porch with a blanket wrapped tight around her shoulders.
“Hey, aren't you coming to bed? I've been waiting in your room for half an hour."
I sit on the wooden steps and keep gazing out at the fireflies. "Not really tired. I'm just gonna sit out here for a while."
Her eyes linger on me for a long stretch. I can feel them. The air is heavy with all the questions she wants to ask. I'm pushing her away and she can feel it. But I don't have a choice. I'm too weak to do things differently.
I'm in love with her. Head over fucking heels.
But I’ve come to accept the truth — there’s nothing here on this farm, in this town, for her and the baby. Eventually, she'll realize that and I won't be able to give her a reason to stay. Her friend showing up here the other day — in her flashy sports car with her high-fashion outfit — just reinforced that for me.
So why drag this out? Why prolong the inevitable? A girl like Lily wasn't made for a place like Reyfield, for a man like me. She belongs in a big city with a man who owns a condo and a stock portfolio. I was fooling myself when I convinced myself otherwise.
Yes, I feel like an asshole for the way I talked to her the other day. I was rude and mean. I hated seeing her cry. I fucked up. I should apologize. But I can’t even bring myself to face her. It hurts too bad.
"Should I wait up?" she asks finally.
I don't look at her. I just stick a blade of hay into the corner of my mouth. "Nah. Go to bed."
I can almost hear her heart breaking in the silence. I may be a selfish bastard for doing this to her but I know that girls like her don't stay. She's too good for Reyfield. Too good for me.
I learned this lesson once. The hard way.
She shuffles her feet, stepping back into the house. And the screen door rattles as it closes behind her.
Chapter 38
Lily
The best of the 70s blares through the pub. Sammie and her husband appear to be beating Isla and her fiancé at an ultra competitive game of darts. Meanwhile, Faith and her man are on the dance floor making out and slow humping the heck out of each other, giving zero fucks about the fact that they’re creeping out the other patrons of Flynn and Murray's Irish Pub.
This is how the good folks of Reyfield get down on a Saturday night.
I sit alone at the bar sipping on club soda and feeling out of place. Just when I thought I’d found my spot in life, I realize that once again, I was wrong.
“Oh Jakob…” I mutter into my drink.
Something has changed between us since that fight we had the other night. I thought we had been growing closer. But now I'm starting to wonder if that was just wishful thinking on my part. I mean, did I really expect him to fall for me? As if relationships weren't complicated enough on their own, I'm carrying another man's child.
Maybe he had a pregnant woman fantasy or a stretch mark fetish for a minute. But whatever it was, it's waning now and he's drawing away from me.
He hasn't invited me into his bed in three nights now and he keeps his distance from me at the dinner table. I’ve felt too wounded to bring it up. What am I supposed to say anyway? "Hey Jakob, I know that I'm a gestating whale but aren't you interested in seeing me naked anymore?"
Pregnant ladies begging for sex? That’s not a thing.
I’ve wanted so badly to tell him about what the doctor saw on the ultrasound but I can’t bring myself to do it. My baby has a heart defect. I’m terrified a
nd sad. I lie in my bed at night, caressing my belly and crying. The doctor is suggesting heart surgery. He said that we can wait until the baby is born or we can perform the procedure in utero. He listed off a bunch of pros and cons. How do I make this decision? I hardly understand a thing that he said because I was so knotted up with anxiety.
How am I supposed to pay for this surgery? How am I supposed to work and care for a sick child?
Dirty Farmer (The Dirty Suburbs Book 6) Page 13