Dirty Farmer (The Dirty Suburbs Book 6)

by Cassie-Ann L. Miller

  "Hi," I say in a small voice.

  I'm still mad at him. He shouldn't have left the way he did. I understand that it was an emergency and that he had to get back to Reyfield as soon as possible. It’s true that he didn't have my new cell phone number so he couldn't have called before leaving but he could have at least left a note on the kitchen table.

  It was Faith who’d called me later that night and told me that Mini had been taken to hospital for an infection and that they'd amputated her legs in an emergency procedure. She'd been all alone. Jakob hadn't been by her side because he was with me. I know he's beating himself up about that.

  But he could have left me a note…

  "How are you feeling?" I ask as I approach her bed and hold her hand. Her fingers are cold and wrap weakly around mine.

  She smiles anyway. "Take off that big sweater and let me see your belly."

  I shrug out of my jacket, grinning through my tears. "I'm huge," I giggle, placing her hand on my stomach.

  She frowns at me. "You're not eating enough. Look how skinny you are. You need to eat, girl."

  "Mini!" I scold and then my voice sobers up. "Now, tell me how you're feeling."

  The air shifts and a wave of emotion crashes into the room as my eyes lock on hers. Then, simultaneously, we burst into tears. I lean down over her bed and scoop her fragile body into my arms, squeezing her against me.

  I hear Jakob vacate his seat and leave the room. I get it; the emotion in here is suffocating.

  I touch the spot where her thighs should be and I sob uncontrollably. “Your legs are gone.”

  She hushes me. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

  How is she the one soothing me? She just got both legs amputated.

  "I'm so sorry," I whisper as I hold the old lady.

  "Sorry for what?" she asks pulling away to watch me.

  "I'm sorry I let you eat that chocolate chip cookie..."

  "Yes, it really is all your fault," she says facetiously, rolling her eyes.

  What a snarky old lady!

  "Mini..." I straighten up and wipe my tears away with the edge of my thumb.

  She sighs. "You're a sweetheart, Lily. I love you to pieces. But you didn't cause this. You didn't shove that cookie down my throat. Nor did you force-feed me the twenty thousand cookies that came before it." She pats my hand. "I need you to understand that."

  I nod weakly even though I'm still weighed down by a ton of guilt.

  "I just wish I could get Jakob to stop hating himself over this. It's not his fault. He's done everything right. When he left for Philadelphia to go get you, I was so relieved that he was finally giving himself permission to live his life. But now I feel like he's right back at square one. Feeling responsible for things that are out of his control. He feels like he’s failed me.”

  Tears are heavy on my lashes. “He’s such a good man,” I say quietly. “You raised him well. You raised him to take care of his own.”

  She nods. “He learned that lesson well. He takes care of his own. He’s been taking care of me ever since his grandfather died. He’s sacrificed so much for me.” She stares off into the distance. “But now, you are his to take care of. You and the baby. I’ve lived my life. It’s time that he live his. Nothing would make me happier.”

  My gaze falls to my feet. “That’s such a big responsibility. A part of me still doesn’t think it’s fair to ask that of him.”

  A sad smile comes to her face. “Honey, you don’t seem to understand. You and that baby are more than just a responsibility for Jakob. You’re his purpose. His mission. You’ve brought him back to life. You’ve put a fire back in his heart. You’re not a responsibility. You’re a joy. He loves you.”

  Some of my uncertainty lifts at her words. “You really think so?”

  She nods with conviction. “I know so…don’t let him go, Lily. He needs you as much as you need him.”

  “I love him, Mini. But I don’t want to need him. Needing a man is scary. When you need a man and he walks away, you’re left with nothing.”

  Her eyes darken with wisdom. “Honey, of course I support you wanting to be independent and strong. You’re about to be a mother. But needing someone doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Don’t shut down true love just for a chance to prove how independent you are.”

  God, she’s right. She’s fucking right.

  Yes, when I showed up in Reyfield I needed to grow up and get a plan. But I was wrong when I told myself that I had to figure it all out on my own, that I didn't need anyone on my team.

  I need Jakob. And that’s okay.

  “Talk to him, Lily. Find a way to work things out. Please.”

  I nod. "I'll talk to him," I promise, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

  Chapter 49

  Lily

  I sit on the porch bench and yank on my boots (which isn't as easy as it sounds since my stomach has ballooned over the past few days). I waddle down the stairs and along the dirt path toward the pig pens where Jakob holds the gate open for the swine to wander off into the pasture. “Go on. Go on, boy,” he prods a lazy one with a playful slap on the back.

  The stench of animal poop travels on the air and I smile to myself because, despite the horrendous stink, it still feels like home.

  When he looks over and sees me coming, he takes off his gloves and rinses off his hands before turning off the water. I watch him pull off his hat and trudge up the grass-framed lane toward me.

  His eyes are guarded and his demeanor is restrained. One look at him and I can tell he's ready for a fight. A realization hits me square in the chest. He's changed his mind. About us. About being a family. He's going to fight me off.

  No. Please. Let me be wrong.

  When we’re arm’s reach apart, he holds out one hand as if to keep me at bay. "Look, Lily. I'm sorry, okay?"

  "No, Jakob..." I already feel the tears tingling at the corners of my eyes.

  "It was a mistake for me to come out to Philadelphia and make promises to you, promises I can't keep —"

  "No, Jakob. No."

  His voice rises above mine. "I'm neck-deep in shit over here. Literally." He gestures at the pig pen. "My bills are piling up. My grandmother is gonna need a physiotherapy and rehabilitation. The hospital is probably going to sue me for her healthcare bills. I have nothing to offer you, Lily. Nothing. I’m sorry.” Emotion bleeds from his eyes as he speaks. He looks away, snatching a tall blade of grass and ripping it to little shreds.

  My heart is bleeding, too, because I just don't understand it. "Don't you still want me?" I ask in a hushed tone.

  He comes closer. "Of course I want you," he whispers back and there's so much pain in his voice.

  If he’s hurting as much as I am then I don't get it. "Why can't we just be together?" I reach for his hand and he pulls away. It hurts so much.

  "Lily..." he groans, his eyes rolling upward in frustration. "I can't give you a life here. I thought I could but I can't. Keeping you here would be selfish of me. It wouldn't be good for you or for the baby."

  "But you love me," I remind him. "You love me."

  "It's not enough."

  "It is."

  Tears drip down my cheek. My heart is laid bare. I just want him to see that we can make this work. We’ll find a way to pay for the baby’s surgery. We’ll find a way to take care of his debt.

  I know it cut him deep when I left and went back to work at Hectic. I was scared. I couldn't see my future so I ran back to what was familiar. That was a mistake. But right here, right now, standing on this plain in waist-high grass with my cowboy right in front of me, I’m confident that we can work through all of our problems. The only thing I'm scared of is not having this man in my life.

  "I promise you, Jakob. I won't leave again." I clasp my hands over my heart, begging him, begging him to believe me. "I'm here. No matter what happens. You and Mini and this baby, we can be a family. Just say ‘yes’. Tell me you want this."

  "It's not that s
imple."

  "Yes, it is."

  "I don't have health insurance. I don't have savings."

  "We'll figure it out."

  "What about daycare and baby monitors and car seats and all that?"

  "I don't care."

  "I can't afford designer purses and all that stuff you like."

  "So what?”

  "Lily!" His roar rips through the air.

  I freeze before him, crying and trembling.

  He throws his arms wide in complete abandon. "This is it, Lily," he yells gesturing at the farmland around us. "This is all I have to offer. Nothing else. No fancy cars or jewelry or any of that shit. All I have is this farm. And these dirty hands. So if that isn't enough—"

  My heart pounds as I take wide strides closer to him, grabbing his wrists. "This is enough! Even if you lost this farm, if you lost every chicken and every tomato wilted on the vine. As long as I could have these dirty hands on my body—" I place a hand on his chest.”— and feel this big heart beating just for me, I'd be the happiest woman in the world."

  He takes a long, shaky breath. “You’re not thinking clearly.” He looks away from me, unable to hold my gaze without breaking. “It must be your hormones.”

  Don’t you bullshit me, Jakob Wilkinson. My hand goes to his face, forcing him to look at me. “You’re the one who said that family isn't about blood. Well, it isn't about money either. It's about love and being there for each other. I'm here, Jakob. I'm not going anywhere.”

  His chest rises and falls roughly as a range of emotions cycle over his features. I should give him some time to think.

  “I‘ve laid my heart out on the line. Now it’s up to you to decide if my love is worth a leap of faith,” I say quietly. “I’ll be in my bedroom. When you’ve made up your mind, let me know.” I turn, heading back up the path toward the farmhouse.

  My knees shake under me. I put a hand on my belly and whisper soft words, reassuring my child that whatever Jakob chooses to do, we’ll be fine, we’ll make it. Because yes, I need him but I’m independent and strong and that’s not going to change.

  When I’m halfway to the house, I feel his fingers circle around my wrist. He spins me around. My heart palpitates as I wait for his words.

  He pulls me against his body and his lips come down on my forehead. “Of course you’re worth it, Sunshine. You’re worth it. And I love you.”

  Chapter 50

  Lily

  When I hear the knock at the door, I leap out of my chair. "Siobhan's here!" I squeal to no one in particular. Jakob and Mini are far less enthusiastic about my friend's visit. Jakob actually changed the subject this morning when I mentioned that Siobhan was on her way. I tried not to let it get to me because I've missed that crazy lady even though Jakob doesn’t seem to see her appeal.

  I throw the door open and we leap into each other's arms. "There's my reformed country girl," she laughs, giving me a tap on the ass.

  I tip my head back to look at her. "Ohmygod! I'm loving the pin waves!" I gush, taking in her glossy, stiffly-moulded hair. The saccharine scent of styling product makes me instantly dizzy. “A bit much for the countryside but still!"

  "Isn't it chic!" she laughs, fluffing it with a careful hand.

  "I just got chased by damn chicken!" a man voice explodes from just behind her. I glance beyond her shoulder and see a handsome, sharply-dressed older man in an expensive-looking suit approaching the front stoop.

  That's when I notice about a dozen or so busy-looking people scoping out the yard. Some hold cameras and clipboards. A few of them sport massive headsets. There’s a man speaking animatedly into a voice recorder.

  "Uh...Siobhan, who are all these people?" I ask sceptical that I even want to know the answer to my question.

  She taps me playfully on the shoulder. "The film crew, silly."

  "What film crew?”

  She furrows her brows at me. "Didn't Jakob tell you what's going on?"

  I step out onto the porch and look around at the commotion. "No, he didn't. I didn't even know that you and Jakob were in contact."

  "Hmm..." she says with pursed lips and an arched brow. "Honey, maybe you should get him out here."

  I stick my head into the house. "Jakob, babe," I grunt through gritted teeth, "Can you come out here, please?"

  I need to get to the bottom of this. Fast. I need answers.

  Mini comes out, wheeling her chair onto the porch. Jakob follows her carrying a tray of lemonade and biscuits. A smirk is painted on his lips as he sets the snacks on the porch table.

  "Hello darling." Siobhan leans in and gives Jakob a hug which he reciprocates! — Do I know this man at all? — before turning her attention to Mini. "Well aren't you pretty today, Mini. Got a date or something?"

  Mini rolls her eyes. "Save the flattery. Did you walk with a check?"

  Jakob, Siobhan and Mini chortle like besties sharing an inside joke.

  Now, I’m just annoyed. “Anybody care to tell me what's going on here?" I fold my arms above my big belly and wait impatiently for an explanation.

  Jakob gives my stomach a quick caress. "Sit down, babe."

  With a wary eye on him, I sink into one of the rocking chairs. The man in the suit climbs the stairs and introduces himself as Rick, Siobhan's sugar daddy — okay, he doesn't say, "Hey, I'm Rick, the sugar daddy," but I can put two and two together. Everyone takes a seat and pours a drink.

  Jakob begins to explain how Siobhan showed Rick photos and videos she took the last time she visited the farm. His media company was immediately interested in using the farm as the location for a mini-series that they're shooting, a regency piece about a wealthy, young maiden who escapes the confines of her family's estate and runs off to live in a cabin with a serf who tends to the land. A Maiden Fond of Mischief, it's called.

  Anyway, Jakob has agreed to let them use the fallow land surrounding the cottage for the production. In return, all of our financial problems will be solved.

  "We have a fairly tight production schedule and a large budget. Shooting begins next week," Rick informs us as he slides off his Ray-Bans and snaps his briefcase open in his lap. I can't help the antsy feeling that crawls into my limbs when he pulls out his checkbook and starts scribbling away.

  Mini grins from ear-to-ear, peeking over Rick's shoulder. She throws me a wink and I attempt a scolding glare but burst into excited giggles instead. Siobhan reaches over and squeezes my hand.

  Rick stretches the check out to Jakob who takes it and glances at it. I can see him fighting off the smile creeping up the corners of his lips. "Just need to make sure this figure is fine with my little lady," he says handing the check off to me.

  I read the number and it makes my head spin. But I can't encourage him to accept just based on the money at stake. It wouldn't be right.

  "Babe, can I have a word with you? In private?" I ask sweetly.

  He obliges and just as we're about to excuse ourselves, Rick adds in a desperate tone. "We're flexible about the money, if that's the issue."

  Jakob's eyes glint slyly. "Good to know, Rick." His hand settles on the small of my back and we make our way into the kitchen.

  "It's good, right? They're offering a lot of money." He leans against the stove, folding those strong arms across his chest.

  I sigh, dropping into a kitchen chair. "Yes, it's a lot of money. But I know you. You don't like strangers hanging around. This farm is your sanctuary." My voice holds so much uncertainty. We do need the money but it's not worth it if Jakob is walking around unhappy about the small army that comes along with a film production of this scale.

  One corner of his mouth tips up. "I'm so ridiculously happy, Lily. You're here and the baby is coming soon and Mini's doing great. We're a family. I couldn't ask for anything better. And if I have to rent off a piece of land to make it happen then so what? I don't care. As long as I have my family."

  With a smile ripping clear across my face, I stand and waddle over to him. "Are you sure?" I ask,
snaking my arms around his waist.

  He pulls me close, pressing his lips to my scalp. "I'm sure. One hundred percent. Besides, Rick’s lawyer is drafting up the contract. One of my terms is that his people stick to that side of the property. I don't want anyone wandering around here, disturbing my animals."

  It seems like he's thought this through. Excitement forms in my gut. Maybe we can do this after all.

  I bury my face in his shirt. He smells so freaking masculine. "You think we can get some more money out of that rich fucker?" I ask, feeling kinda-sorta guilty. Not really.