Under The Cherry Blossoms (Fleurs d'Amour Novella Book 1)

by Amali Rose

  A baby.

  I’m having a baby.

  We’re having a baby.

  Bring. It. On.

  My eyes pop open as my phone alarm begins to quietly play on my bedside table, rousing me from my light sleep, and I reach over to silence it before it can wake Ben.

  Rolling over to face him, I smile at the peaceful look on his slumbering face and take this moment to consider what I have to do this morning. I should be nervous, but I’m not.

  Ben arrived home from his business trip yesterday afternoon and after an intimate dinner at Petite Assiette d’Amour, the restaurant from our first date, we came back to my place and made up for the night we missed. Later, as I lay in bed sated and content, listening to the calming sound of Ben’s breathing, my excitement over this morning’s announcement grew.

  I know this man, I know his heart and I trust fully in our relationship. It’s taken me a long time to reach this point, but there is no doubt in my mind that I want this future with Ben.

  Unable to contain my excitement any longer, I bounce out of bed and race to the kitchen to put my plan into action.

  Reaching up to the overhead cupboard, I pull out the mug I purchased yesterday. I hold it in my right palm as I look it over for the hundredth time, my eyes immediately pulled to the message on the bottom of the cup. You are going to be a DAD! is printed in bold, black lettering, contrasting starkly with the bright white mug and I can’t wait to see Ben’s face as realization dawns.

  Quickly making his morning cup of coffee I make my way back into the bedroom and place the drink on my bedside table. Then jumping on the bed, I bounce over to Ben and begin peppering his face with kisses.

  Groaning sleepily, his mouth quirks with a small smile at my attack before he reaches out and grabs me around the waist, pulling me to him and nuzzling my neck.

  “Well, that was a fantastic way to wake up,” he says, his voice muffled.

  Pulling away, I move from the warmth of his body to grab the coffee. “Here you go, I made this for you,” I say, thrusting the drink at him with a big grin.

  “Uh, okay, thanks, baby,” he replies, throwing me a stupefied look and taking a small sip.

  The next five minutes are the longest of my life as Ben drinks his coffee slowly, keeping up a steady stream of conversation. About what, I have no idea because all I can hear is the excited thump of my heartbeat in my ears.

  “Okay, Squeak, what the hell is going on? You’re about to burst out of your skin over there.”

  “Nothing!” I deny vehemently. “I’m just in a good mood!”

  “Right.” That single word is dripping with disbelief. “Whatever you say, babe.” He finally drains the last of his coffee. My eyes widen in anticipation, and then widen even further as I watch Ben place the mug on his bedside table and move to get up without even glancing inside.

  “Wait!” I screech.

  Stopping mid turn, he slowly returns his gaze to me, and even in my state of anxiety, I note the teasing expression on his face. “What’s up, Squeak?”

  “Here.” I shove the now-empty mug into his hands. “I don’t think you got all the coffee. You should check and make sure there’s none left in the bottom.”

  “Okay,” he says, drawing the word out so it contains multiple syllables. He throws me a look that screams ‘I’m just humoring you’.

  As Ben glances down to the bottom of the mug, I kneel on the bed, right in front of him, practically giddy as I await his reaction.

  I see it immediately. The moment his brain registers the words. His eyes shoot to mine and the panic causes an internal flinch.

  “What the fuck is this, Skylah?”

  Skylah. The use of my full name is like a punch to the stomach. I don’t think he’s ever used it. Skye, Squeak, Baby, Babe. Those are my names. Not Skylah.

  “What do you mean?” I question, my voice losing any trace of excitement.

  “What the fuck are you talking about? Is this some kind of fucked up joke?” he questions, brandishing the mug aggressively.

  “I’m pregnant,” I whisper, and I watch as the color drains from his face right before my eyes.

  “What?” The level of his voice matches my own, and if I wasn’t so consumed by my own fear of how this scenario is about to play out, my heart would be breaking for him.

  Suddenly his eyes shutter and it’s as though I’m staring at a stranger. “I’m not marrying you.”

  The words explode from his mouth brutally. Cruelly. And the force of them pushes me back off my knees leaving me on my ass.

  “Wha- I… I don’t expect you to.” I barely recognize my own voice as it strains to break free. I reach for him instinctively, seeking the comfort that his touch usually provides me, but I watch in horror as he pulls away and glares at me.

  “I won’t do this again. I won’t be forced into something I never asked for. We were safe. Every. Fucking. Time. This shouldn’t have happened.”

  And suddenly my temper is ignited and I raise myself up and square my shoulders. “What exactly are you accusing me of, Ben? Because it sounds an awful lot like you’re saying I did this on purpose.”

  “If the shoe fits,” he replies with a shrug of his shoulders.

  “How exactly would I do that? Like you said, we were always safe. The condom always came from you. How exactly would I get pregnant on purpose?” My heart sinks as a thought occurs to me. “Unless you think I’m lying to you right now?”

  His hands fly to his hair and he pulls on it, a crazed look of desperation on his face, but he doesn’t answer me. He leaves the question lingering in the air.

  “Get out.” I don’t even think, I just talk. “Get out of my home right now.” For a fleeting moment I see my Ben. Mine. And the anguish radiating from his eyes just about slays me. However, it’s gone before I can even grasp its meaning. My eyes never leave his form as he throws on his clothes and stalks out of the room.

  Standing, I move slowly to the bedroom door and observe him as he makes his escape. My heart shatters as I watch him walk away. But he never looks back.

  My phone buzzes from somewhere on the floor for the millionth time, and I cover my ears to block out the sound. I could get up and silence it, but that would require I move and honestly, that seems impossible right now.

  The incessant buzzing continues and I curse Cassidy’s persistence. The first few messages raised my hopes. Every time I heard the small chirp from my phone, my heart pounded in anticipation, hopeful that Ben had come to his senses and was reaching out. Instead, disappointment crushed me each time I realized it was Cassidy, looking for a rundown of how this morning had gone. The sound of the phone crashing against the far wall when I throw it gives me a certain sense of satisfaction. For a second. Only for a second.

  I close my eyes tightly against the images that are playing on a loop in my mind. Ben’s eyes, and the anger that burned in them, are haunting me. Curling myself up into an even tighter ball, I can’t control the sobs that are wracking my body.

  The front door slams shut, startling me into silence as my breath catches in my throat.

  “I’m coming in so you two better not be naked in there!” Cassidy screeches at the top of her lungs and I hear loud, stomping footsteps making their way toward my bedroom. “Yep, heading to the bedroom. I’m almost there. I sure hope there’s nobody fucking in there.”

  My breath escapes in a gust of sadness and the silent tears continue as I hear the door squeak quietly as it opens.

  “Shit.” The word is whispered so quietly I barely hear it, but suddenly the bed dips and I am wrapped tightly in Cassidy’s arms.

  We lie like this for what feels like an eternity. I allow her to stroke my hair and soothe me, soaking up everything she is offering me until finally, I feel a tiny bit of my spirit return to my body.

  “Cass.” I raise my red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes to meet her pained ones. “He hates me.”

  “Babes, I’m sorry,” she sighs. “If it helps, I’m going
to kill him. I’m seriously going to kill him hard. Like, google the most torturous methods and all kinds of shit.”

  I permit myself a small smile at that and if I wasn’t so angry I’d probably feel bad for him. Cassidy is not to be messed with.

  “What do you need? Tell me what I can do.”

  “I don’t know,” I answer honestly, swiping at the tears that continue to escape.

  “He accused me of trying to trap him, Cass, of trying to get him to marry me by getting pregnant.” As I admit this, I realize that’s the most painful thing of all. That someone I thought knew me, someone I thought cared about me, could accuse me of something I would never do. It’s like a punch to the heart every time I think about it. “How could he think I would do that?”

  “I’m sure he was just shocked, Skyballs, you know he would never think that if he was in his right frame of mind.” She pulls me in tighter, surrounding me with her warmth. “But that’s no excuse, and I’m still going to make a little coin purse out of his balls,” she says into the top of my head.

  I pause for a beat before whispering, “I fucking love you, Cass.”

  “Language, Balls! Nobody likes a motherfucking potty mouth,” she scoffs. Feeling a small laugh bubbling up, I allow myself a brief moment of respite from the heaviness that has consumed me since the moment Ben’s eyes locked onto the bottom of that ridiculous mug.

  “Okay, babes, time to woman up. Your doctor appointment is at one forty-five, right? You need to have a shower and wash the stank off and then I’ll come with you.”

  Instinctively, my head starts to shake from side to side and I’m about to argue with her when she cuts me off before I can start.

  “Don’t even try it, Skylah. We’re going. Now, are you going to get up by yourself, or do I need to help you?” Remembering the giant bruise I was left with the last time she “helped” me out of bed, I quickly scramble to my feet and head for the bathroom.

  “I’m sorry, what?” my grip on Cassidy’s hand tightens as I try to make sense of what the doctor is telling me.

  “You’re not pregnant, Skye, I’m very sorry.” The sincerity shines bright in Dr. McLean’s eyes.

  The blood rushes to my head, pounding through my ears. It’s now all I can hear and I struggle to catch my breath as the doctor’s words hang in the air.

  “Skye, babes are you okay? Skye, look at me.” Cassidy’s anxious voice reaches my ears but it sounds muffled, as if it’s floating from a long distance. My manic eyes meet hers as I lose the last bit of control over my body and I start trying to gasp in huge gulps of air. My throat is constricting and I begin to panic as I can’t seem to get enough oxygen.

  “Skye!”

  Not pregnant, not pregnant. I’m not pregnant.

  My glazed eyes note Cassidy kneeling in front of me. I see her hands grasping my face trying to pull my focus to her, but I can’t feel them.

  “Skye! Look at me, look at me, babes.”

  I lost him for no reason. There’s no baby. I don’t even get to keep a tiny part of him. Not pregnant. No baby.

  “Breathe, Skye, take slow deep breaths. Deep breaths, Skye.” I hear the doctor’s calm voice calling out to me.

  My chest is heaving, and I’m fighting for breath when Cassidy roughly pulls my face towards her and leans her forehead against mine.

  “Balls, focus on my voice. You’re okay, just take deep breaths and calm down.” Her voice is firm and composed, and I focus purely on that as she repeats the same words by rote.

  Slowly my body becomes my own again, my breathing slows and air fills my lungs. The buzzing in my ears stops as my vision clears.

  I see Cassidy, still kneeling in the same position in front of me and notice the doctor hunched over to my right, rubbing her hand over my back reassuringly. Once I have regained control, both Cassidy and the doctor return to their seats and Cass immediately reaches over, taking hold of my hand and squeezing.

  “If I’m not pregnant, why did the test come out positive?” Even I can hear the note of desperation in my voice.

  “Home pregnancy tests are generally highly reliable these days, however they’re not infallible, and false positives do sometimes occur. Most likely it was a chemical issue.”

  I nod as though I understand. As if my heart isn’t breaking. “I’m going to give you ladies a moment. Please take your time.” She stalks out of the office.

  We sit there in silence, letting the last half hour sink in fully.

  “I wanted that baby.”

  My whisper sounds loud in the quiet room and I feel warm tears trailing down my cheeks.

  “I know you did, Balls.”

  “I lost him for no reason.” My eyes widen in horror as realization dawns. “He’s going to think he was right, Cassidy! He’s going to think I lied about being pregnant!”

  Cassidy takes in my panicked expression calmly. “I don’t think he will, Skye. I really think when he calms down, he’s going to realize how big he fucked up, and come crawling back. Then you’ll make him suffer a bit for being the huge thundercunt he was, before forgiving him and living happily ever after.”

  “And if he doesn’t?” I ask.

  “If he doesn’t? Then fuck the douchedick. Fuck him hard, rough and without lube.” And with that she rises, pulling me out of my seat and linking her arm with mine as we exit the doctor’s office, without looking back.

  I reach down and pull another book from my pile, the repetitive actions of stocking the shelves is calming me, but my movements are slow and stilted.

  It’s been four days since my world imploded, and I’m still trying to make sense of what happened. I had hoped that returning to work today would provide a distraction, but I can’t seem to focus on anything but my own grief.

  I know that I need to get in touch with Ben and tell him there’s no baby. I know the longer I leave it, the worse it’s going to look, but I can’t bring myself to make the call just yet. The accusatory look in his eyes still torments me and I’m not ready to face it again. Not now, when I am mourning what feels like a very real loss.

  A gentle tap on my shoulder startles me and the book I am holding slips from my grasp. Turning, I am shocked to see Mason behind me.

  “Hi, Skye,” he says, giving me a small smile. “I’m sorry to ambush you like this, but I was wondering if you would have lunch with me? If you have the time?”

  I’m taken aback by his request. Hell, I’m taken aback by his very presence. One thing I’ve learned over the last six months is that Mason Alexander is a workaholic, and it’s rare to find him outside of the office. Which can only mean that this is important, and my heart picks up speed as I consider his request. My instinct is to say no. That I’m not ready to hear anything he has to say, but he is studying me with a quiet intensity and I can almost feel him willing me to accept.

  “Okay,” I say with a sigh. “Let me just tell Tanya that I’m heading out.” He nods in agreement and moves to wait by the front door.

  After a brief moment with my assistant manager, I join Mason, and without a word we make our way to the street outside where we are immediately swallowed up by the crowd.

  I let the noises of New York distract me; anything to avoid thinking about the conversation that is looming, as we instinctively follow the path forged by the strangers ahead of us.

  Mason stops suddenly and draws my attention to a small cafe tucked away in a quiet alley. I nod my approval, and we make our way inside. The eatery is quiet and I’m grateful for it, this is not a conversation I want to have in a loud, chaotic environment so I send a silent thank you to Mason for his considerate choice.

  We take a seat and our orders are promptly taken by a perky brunette, who I find myself silently loathing, for no other reason than her happiness makes my misery seem so much more tangible.

  “So, are you his little messenger boy?” Unable to tolerate the silence any more, my voice is tinged with bitterness.

  Mason looks down at his hands. A small smi
le plays on his lips, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. They hold only sadness.

  “No. He doesn’t know I’m here, I promise.”

  “What are you doing here, Mason?” I question.

  “He’s not doing so well,” he replies quietly, and the tone of his voice causes me to flinch, but I try to hold tight to my anger.

  “I didn’t do this to him, Mason, he created this shit storm,” I hiss. “Do you have any idea how excited I was to tell him about the baby? How excited I was about the future I thought we were going to have?” I stop abruptly as I feel my throat tighten and tears threaten.

  “He was an asshole, Skye. I’m not denying that. Fuck, I’m sure that even he knows it. But I’m asking you to cut him some slack. You know what he went through with Amber, can you give him some time? Let him get his head back together? But please don’t write him off.”

  The waitress appears next to the table with our food, and an uneasy silence descends as she places my chicken salad and Mason’s roast beef sandwich in front of us.

  Once we are alone again, I allow Mason’s words to settle, and I can’t help but be reminded of Ben’s words to me, “I’m not your dad, Skye.”

  “I’m not Amber, Mason. I don’t deserve to be punished for her mistakes.” I close my eyes as Ben’s face comes to mind, and I remember the anger that tainted it during our confrontation. “How could he say that? How could he believe I would do that to him?” I whisper.

  Reaching across the table, Mason gives my hand a quick squeeze. “He doesn’t, Skye, but he’s too fucking wrapped up in his own pain to see yours. Listen, when all that shit with Amber went down, it messed him up pretty bad. He had made peace with the future he thought was being forced on him. He had somehow managed to not only be okay with it, but he was excited. He wanted that baby, and he had even convinced himself that he had a future with her.” Mason spits out the word her as if it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. “When the truth came out, he was crushed. I’ve never seen him like that before.” He raises his eyes to meet mine. “Until now.”