Star Wars on Trial

by David Brin

  Lightsabers, or their plasma variants, simply won't work.

  Does this mean that Lucas is a science lightweight for having created the lightsaber? Of course not. Lucas is using the lightsabers as a device, a type of clue, pointing out to you that what you should be focusing on are not the obviously impossible lightsabers, but the Jedi. The Jedi are more than hooded guys who whisper mumbo jumbo-they have the power to do something impossible, to actually break the laws of physics.

  But how can you break the laws of the universe?

  Of course you can't-not in a real universe.

  But it would be possible to break the laws of physics in a simulated universe if you could access the program creating that universe. This is what these lightsabers are really all about-cluing us in about not only the nature of the Star Wars universe, but by extension, our universe. So we need to focus on the Jedi-they are the device that Lucas is using to reveal the true nature of our simulated reality. What is the other key ingredient of the Jedi? It is, of course, the Force. In the first few episodes of the Star Wars saga, the Force is presented to us as just some sort of mystical thing, little more than a fantasy element. We eventually learn in The Phantom Menace that there is more to it than that.

  Midichlorians.

  These are a form of microscopic life that pervades everything, is collectively conscious and can interact with the Force. The more mi dichlorians one has within him, the greater is his ability to manipulate the Force. Jedi training essentially comes down to honing one's skill in interfacing with these bugs. What the midichlorians imply is that the universe as a whole is conscious, every part of it in contact with every other part.

  Now, of course, any real universe, obeying the laws of physics, would not work this way. When the Death Star obliterated Alderaan, Obi-Wan swooned as he felt all those little midichlorians getting fried light-years away.

  Yes, light-years away-and he felt it instantly.

  Information cannot travel faster than the speed of light. Obi-Wan could have never sensed the obliteration of Alderaan when he did. Again, this is not another scientific blunder, but shows us in no uncertain terms that the Jedi operate outside the physical constraints of their universe, or perhaps I should say, simulation.

  Good.

  Now we're getting somewhere.

  These bugs are a critical clue. We see them in action within the first few minutes of our first Star Wars experience, when Darth Vader stomps aboard Princess Leia's ship, gets a bit tweaked at the incompetence of one of his toadies, and is able to choke him without actually touching him-his will translated into action with the help of the midichlorians.

  This raises an important question.

  If Vader, Obi-Wan, Yoda and eventually Luke can access these bugs, convincing them to talk to all the other bugs, which in turn allows them to levitate robots and starfighters, and flip and fly about during lightsaber battles, why don't they really take advantage of these abilities?

  Forget the lightsabers. If you can lift a fighter out of a swamp by accessing your midichlorians, it would be a lot easier to simply instruct the little bugs to stop an enemy's heart from beating. Job done. The Rebels had the schematics of the Death Star. Why go to all the trouble of using the Force to drop a bomb down the Death Star's one vulnerable opening, when a Jedi could just take control of the Death Star's central power reactor engineer, have him flip a few switches, overloading the whole thing, and cause the Death Star to explode?

  Why can midichlorians be accessed to do only some things?

  Because that is just how a simulation works when you are exploiting its bugs (and this is no pun-bugs in a program and the bugs that are midichlorians are intimately related). Just because you can access the subroutine that keeps your feet planted on the floor, exploit a bug in it and then fly about during a lightsaber battle in no way implies that you can will someone's heart to stop.

  Program bugs are a hit-and-miss thing-seemingly random and unconnected.

  And this is exactly what Lucas is trying to show us. These Jedi are hackers, exploiting bugs in the universe-generating program. It is the only logical reason for the scientific blunders and inconsistent abilities demonstrated by the Jedi.

  This should now be obvious to all of you. But if not, I'll offer up one final Star Wars item that will conclusively demonstrate the nature of the hidden reality of the Star Wars universe and ours.

  BRAIN-DEAD

  What if I told you that I could walk one mile in only half a mile?

  You'd probably politely smile and try to quickly get away from me, wondering if I was simply very slow on the uptake, or possibly deranged. You cannot walk one mile in half a mile, any more than you can compress one hour into thirty minutes.

  The universe simply isn't built that way.

  Or is it?

  Consider the Kessel Run. When Luke and Obi-Wan are trying to make a quick escape from Tatooine, they meet with Han Solo, who boastfully informs them that he made the Kessel Run in the Millennium Falcon in less than twelve parsecs. Now he does not tell us how many parsecs it would take a standard ship, but his boast implies that twelve parsecs is pretty impressive, and we might assume that other ships require fifteen or even twenty parsecs.

  Of course this makes absolutely no sense. A parsec is a unit of distance (3.26 light-years to be precise). Han's boast is equivalent to my boast of being able to walk one mile in only half a mile.

  But Luke and Obi-Wan don't question this.

  And obviously George Lucas didn't question this-after all, he put it in his film. Now some claim that this Kessel Run business shows beyond any doubt that Lucas is a scientific dim bulb. But giving this just a bit of thought, it soon becomes obvious that the exact opposite is true-this is George Lucas screaming at the audience that not only is Star Wars operating in a simulated universe, but that the audience is also living in a simulated universe.

  Obi-Wan and Luke are not surprised by Han's boast, because they know that in the universe in which they live, such things are possible, that there are bugs in the program that can be exploited for just such effects. But it goes way beyond that.

  Consider how movies are made.

  The production of Star Wars was not a one-man operation in which Lucas did everything from writing and directing to acting to catering to stage design to electrical work to costumes to keeping the porta-potties stocked with toilet paper. It literally takes thousands of people to make such a movie, and before it is released to the public, thousands more will see it, picking it apart, searching for any sorts of errors. Do you think it is possible that of the thousands involved in the production, or the thousands that saw it before its release, not a single one of them knew that a parsec was a unit of distance, and that Han's claim of making the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs was total nonsense?

  Of course not. I'm sure that Lucas was told hundreds of times about this error. But he didn't change it.

  Why?

  Because he'd figured out that it wouldn't be an error in a simulated universe, and was leaving it as the biggest clue of all for his audience. He was telling the audience in no uncertain terms that things are not what they seem, not only in his films, but in the "real" world. An error that massive, one that only a dead brain would not balk at, had made its way into this film. But such an error would be impossible-hundreds of people involved with the production would have caught it.

  It's not an error, but the truth. You can make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, and if you understand the true nature of our universe, you can walk one mile in only half a mile.

  Find the bugs in the simulation-exploit them, start to subvert the programming to create the type of reality you want. But you've got to be careful, need to be sly, since you don't want to alarm the creators of our simulation that you have figured this out.

  So if you're George Lucas, what do you do?

  You make millions-no billions-of dollars on these films, loading them with clues that will lead the careful viewer to
the inescapable conclusion that our universe is only simulated, and then you use your billions to assemble the best programming minds in a topsecret research facility, where security is tighter than anything found in a top-secret government lab, and turn them loose. That place is real and is called Industrial Light and Magic-the secret research facility of George Lucas, supposedly a facility that generates state-ofthe-art movie special effects.

  But now you know the truth.

  Industrial Light and Magic is searching for the bugs in the code that runs our simulated universe. My argument is foolproof, and is the only logical explanation for the nearly endless scientific errors found in the Star Wars films.

  I suspect that with the publication of this essay, one of four things is possible:

  I will be labeled a kook.

  Industrial Light and Magic will kidnap me and bring me into the inner workings of their bug-searching secret research program.

  The aliens running the simulation for our universe will know that the jig is up and will announce their existence by transforming the entire mass of Jupiter into an extra-large version of Jabba the Hutt.

  The aliens running the program for our universe will know that the jig is up and turn off the simulation.

  Good luck to all of us (and I'm not a kook).

  Robert A. Metzger is a research scientist and a science fiction and science writer. His research focuses on the technique of molecular beam epitaxy, used to grow epitaxial films for high-speed electronics applications. His short fiction has appeared in most major SF magazines including: Asimov's, Fantasy & Science Fiction, and SFAge, while his 2002 novel Picoverse was a Nebula finalist and his most recent novel, CUSP, was re leased by Ace in 2005. His science writing has appeared in Wired and Analog, and he is a contributing editor to the Science Fiction Writers of American Bulletin.

  THE COURTROOM

  DAVID BRIN: This argument was most clever and entertaining. Indeed, I have toyed with the "we are living in a simulation" concept in numerous stories, for example "Stones of Significance," which people can download by visiting my Web-

  DROID JUDGE: This is immaterial-

  DAVID BRIN: Exactly, Your Honor! If we exist in a simulation, then the distinction between material, living humans, like me, and immaterial, imaginary creatures, such as yourself-

  DROID JUDGE: No, no. I put up with your asides earlier, when they were relevant. But not this time. Do you have any actual cross-examination questions for this witness?

  DAVID BRIN: Well, yes, Your Honor. Will Mr. Metzger please answer this?

  Again and again, Defense witnesses have posed clever excuses for Star Wars, pointing out that (for example) none of the "Force guys" matter in the end, and this must have been George Lucas's point, all along. Now Mr. Metzger claims that Lucas's real purpose is to engage in a vital experiment, allowing simulated beings to explore the limits and parameters of their software prison!

  Well, well. But if any of these excuses were true, would not there have been at least a hint about it in character dialogue in some of the Star Wars movies?

  Something to help out viewers who are less brainy (or obsessed) than Mr. Metzger, maybe offering a hint?

  ROBERT A. METZGER: Mr. Brin's question is most clever-not the actual question, of course, which will be trivial to answer, but the way he posses the question. He asks if there might be a "hint" to the message in George Lucas's Star Wars about the simulated universe we live in, something for those who are less "brainy" than Mr. Brin claims I am. The not-so-subtle form of his question implies that only an elitist genius could uncover the true meaning of Star Wars, picking up on clues that he wishes you to believe are so subtle that they might not even exist.

  Nonsense!

  If Your Honor wishes, I can produce any number of witnesses who will attest to my lack of brainpower, even producing technical experts who will state that in actuality I am a total dullard barely able to tie my shoes, or wipe away the drool that continually drips from my chin.

  DROID JUDGE: Not necessary, Mr. Metzger. This Court is more than willing to accept as fact your quite obvious mental deficits.

  ROBERT A. METZGER: Most gracious of Your Honor. It is a pleasure to be in a Court of a droid of such brilliant intellect, one who-

  DROID JUDGE: Enough! You've done more than enough to establish the basis of your intellectual inferiority, so please get on with answering Mr. Brin's question.

  ROBERT A. METZGER: Of course, Your Honor. The words of the most well-respected Jedi Knight to have ever graced a galaxy from far, far away will leave absolutely no doubt to the fact that George Lucas has presented the viewers of Star Wars not only a tale representative of a simulated reality, but also the revelation that the viewers' own world is a simulation....

  DROID JUDGE: On with it, Mr. Metzger! Answer the question!

  ROBERT A. METZGER: Certainly, sir. Please consider the revealing scene during which Luke first tests his abilities with his lightsaber against a small training seeker, as he and Master Kenobi escape on the Millennium Falcon from Tatooine. Luke is unable to deflect the seeker's laser beams, continually being stung. Master Kenobi tells him, "Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them. Stretch out your feelings."

  That is no "hint," but a blatant statement about the nature of reality. Kenobi (through whom Lucas is speaking) is clearly saying that your very senses cannot be used to sense the world, and that true reality lies beyond this world, to another place, obviously referring to the true reality outside the simulation. In response, Luke stops trying to "see" the world as presented, but seeks the world beyond the simulation, just like any good programmer, reaching into the code that defines the universe, and he is able to deflect the laser blasts from the seeker. Master Kenobi then offers more wise words, assuring Luke that what he just accomplished was not based on luck. "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck," says Kenobi.

  Well, Your Honor, there can be no denying the power of Kenobi's final words. As even Mr. Brin will have to admit, the very essence of luck is based on the chaotic, random nature of reality-which is quite possibly the most fundamental aspect of what we call reality-its very randomness and unpredictability. But to a master Jedi like Kenobi, who has learned to access the programming that defines the simulation he is in, there is no longer any such thing as luck-every aspect of the simulated reality is defined by the program. Kenobi is stating in stark, all-too-apparent words that the world must be a simulation-that being the only possible consequence of a world without luck-and of course using this so-elegant metaphor to let us, the viewers, know that our own world is exactly such a place. Any further examples would be redundant, and I don't wish to take any more of the Court's time on Mr. Brin's ridiculous stance. In fact, if I might add-

  DROID JUDGE: You may not!

  DAVID BRIN: That was very clever, but does not disprove the charge.

  MATTHEW WOODRING STOVER: What charge? You never made a charge-

  DROID JUDGE: Order! Gentlebeings, restrain yourselves. Whether charges have been made or disproved must be left to the jury. Moving on-

  DAVID BRIN: Your Honor, I'd like to call another witness.

  MATTHEW WOODRING STOVER: Objection! One witness per charge!

  DROID JUDGE: Mr. Stover, you were allowed three witnesses on charge #3-!

  MATTHEW WOODRING STOVER: Is it my fault you bent the rules?

  DROID JUDGE: I will grant the Prosecution another witness on this charge.

  DAVID BRIN: Thank you, Your Honor. My next witness will demonstrate that Star Wars is more like almost anything else than it is like science fiction. I call science fiction writer Bruce Bethke.

  MATTHEW WOODRING STOVER: Objection!

  DROID JUDGE: On what grounds?

  MATTHEW WOODRING STOVER: Bethke's my witness. He can't testify for both of us. What, is the Prosecution gonna' stick a crappy goatee on him and pretend this is Bruce Bethke from the Mirror Universe? Or that a "transporter-beam accident" split him into his "light half" and "dark half"? B
ecause-excuse the rivulets of sarcasm streaming from my chin-we all know that's what would happen in real science fiction....