Heart of Glass

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  “Eleanor,” my dad thundered.

  “Okay,” I said, completely shattered and still practically vibrating with anger. I slowly pushed my chair back from the table and rose to my feet. “Let me know when I’m welcome again.”

  My dad called my name as I walked toward the front door, but I didn’t pause. I couldn’t stop. The minute I got outside, I vomited everything I’d eaten that day into the hydrangea bushes lining the front porch. Shaking, I climbed onto my four-wheeler and started for my house. By the time I got there, I had two text messages on my phone.

  Ani: Let me know if you need to talk.

  Bram: About fucking time.

  * * *

  “Okay,” Ani announced, pushing through my front door without knocking Sunday afternoon. “I gave you all day Saturday to stew.”

  “Thanks,” I grumbled, leaning back against the couch as I tucked a sleeping Koda more firmly against my side. “Good of you.”

  “This isn’t you,” she snapped, throwing her cell phone at me. I dodged it just in time and it hit the couch arm beside me. “I’ve called you four times.”

  “Didn’t feel like talking.”

  “You’re done.”

  “Say what?”

  She came to a stop between me and the coffee table and put her hands on her hips, looking a bit like a pissed-off fairy about to take flight.

  “You,” she said firmly, “are going to get off your ass, take a fucking shower, and pack a fucking bag.”

  I ignored the order as I took another sip of my beer.

  “You’ve been so fucking worried about what everyone would think,” she said, kicking my bare foot with her boot. “Well, the cat’s out of the bag now. You don’t have any more excuses. Pack your shit and head south.”

  “You’re forgetting a little detail,” I argued. “Morgan’s not interested.”

  She kicked my other foot in frustration, making me yelp.

  “Shut it,” she replied. “That woman’s totally gone for you. Grow a pair and go get her.”

  “You’ve been spending too much time with Bram.”

  “You’re right, I have,” she said smugly. “Because he kept coming back even when shit got hard. And now look at us, we’re the picture of domestic goddamn bliss.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I snickered. “You guys are practically the Waltons.”

  “Trevor,” she said in warning. “If you don’t get up and shower off the stink clinging to you, I’m going to drag the hose in here.”

  “I’m going,” I replied, getting to my feet. “Can you put the pup in his kennel so he doesn’t shit in the house while I’m in there?”

  “Don’t bother trying to lock me out,” she said, scooping the puppy up. “I’ve got a key.”

  “I knew that was a bad idea,” I mumbled under my breath as I shuffled toward my bathroom.

  I’d been sitting in the house, not answering any calls or texts, since I’d left my parents’ house Friday night. My family meant well, but I just hadn’t had the energy or the inclination to talk to them afterward. I was sure that the family rumor mill had been running rampant, and I wasn’t really interested in fueling it.

  If my mom had called, I would have answered. She hadn’t.

  I took a deep breath as I stepped into the shower and turned on the spray. She was pissed, clearly, but I didn’t know how to fix it, and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. Not yet. I’d spent my whole life trying to please her, but I couldn’t budge on this subject and it was tearing me up. I felt like I was being pulled in two opposite directions. If I went one way, I could potentially get everything I’d wanted for my entire adult life. If I chose the other direction, I could repair the rift between me and the woman who’d been my champion since I was seven years old. The decision seemed impossible.

  I let the water run over my head and down my chest as I thought about Morgan. She’d been radio silent since she’d been back in Sacramento. I hoped that it was because she was too busy helping her sister settle in, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case.

  If there was one thing I’d learned about relationships in my lifetime, it was that you made time for the people you cared about. It didn’t matter what was happening in your life—if you had a spare second, you made contact. I hadn’t gotten that from Morgan.

  Now, Bram and Ani were pushing me to go after her, and I was pretty sure that would be a mistake. At what point did chasing her make me a fucking stalker?

  By the time I was out of the shower I still hadn’t come to a decision.

  “I packed your bag,” Ani announced as I walked out of the bathroom with a towel around my hips. “Jesus, cover up, would you?”

  “You’re in my bedroom,” I replied flatly, grabbing some boxers and a pair of jeans from the top of my dresser. “Leave so I can get dressed.”

  She walked out the door but left it cracked a little so I could still hear her.

  “If you leave now, you can be there by morning,” she said. “I’ll take care of the pup.”

  “I’m a shitty driver when I’m tired.”

  “Then it’s a good thing you’ve been just laying around since Friday night,” she shot back. “Plus, the adrenaline will keep you wide awake.”

  “Why are you so invested in this?” I asked, opening the door as soon as I was dressed. “Why are you pushing so hard?”

  Ani looked startled for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. “I want you to be happy,” she said simply. “It’s your turn.”

  “It may not be the happy ending you’re hoping for,” I replied, throwing my arm around her shoulders.

  “Happy ending,” she snickered, elbowing me in the side. Then she sobered. “If you come back all heartbroken, I’ll have Liz babysit Arie, and Bram and I will come over and get shitfaced drunk with you. How’s that?”

  “Sounds good,” I replied. When we reached the front of the house I found a packed suitcase sitting on the couch.

  “I put every piece of summer shit I could find in there,” Ani said easily. “Not sure if any of it matches, but you won’t die of heatstroke.”

  “Thanks.”

  I looked around the house, contemplating all the things I needed to do before I left. The kitchen was a mess, most of the windows were open, and my living room looked like a tornado of chips and soda had hit.

  “I’ll clean up,” Ani said, shoving my suitcase at me.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “It’s a one-time-only offer, so enjoy it,” she shot back. “Go, before you lose your nerve.”

  Within minutes I’d said good-bye to Koda and I was driving away from the house. It was weird, but with every mile farther from my house and closer to Morgan, instead of growing nervous, I became more and more sure that I was making the right move.

  Chapter 16

  Morgan

  Are you franking kidding me, Ranna?” I hissed, looking around the living room where she’d been storing her stuff. Everything was gone, her clothes, her school stuff, all of it. “I’m going to kill you,” I muttered under my breath.

  I stomped into the kitchen and snatched my phone off the table, calling her for the fifth time since I’d woken up twenty minutes ago and realized she was gone. I’d known that she was feeling hemmed in since she’d gotten to Dad’s house, but I hadn’t imagined that she’d just take off without a word. She was an adult, I knew that, but she had to know Dad and I would be worried about her.

  “Miranda,” I gritted through my teeth when I got her voicemail again. “Where the hell are you? If you don’t call me back I’m going to call the boys and tell them to start looking for you.” I hung up with a vicious push of the END button and slammed my phone back onto the table. If it was anyone else, I would have said I’d call the police, but I couldn’t do that to my sister. Telling her that I was going to send my dad’s group of friends after her would have to be enough.

  Life at Dad’s had taken on a completely different tone since I’d arrived with Miranda in tow
. Etta and I had been happy before, almost carefree as we’d settled in and I’d been able to find a good job so quickly. Once Miranda was added to the equation, though, things had become a lot more difficult. I’d been so worried about her lately that she’d accused me of suffocating her. She was moody and sullen, and while I understood it completely, her moods had still set all of us on edge.

  Dad had been livid when she’d explained what happened to her, and he’d practically closed himself up with us when he wasn’t working instead of hanging with his friends like he normally would. Since I’d lost my position at the shop because I’d bailed with no warning, that meant we were all in the same place. Constantly.

  We’d started to bicker and fight about stupid shit. Etta felt the tension and was more difficult than normal, her thumb rarely leaving her mouth. Frankly, I hadn’t been sure how long all of us living together could last.

  I hadn’t imagined for a second that Miranda would just take off, though. I had no clue how she’d even left, considering she didn’t have a car. Turning in a circle, I tried to see if she’d stashed her things somewhere in the house, but I hadn’t found anything by the time I heard Etta talking in her crib ten minutes later.

  “You’re awake,” I said cheerfully to Etta even though I was silently fuming. “Did you sleep good?”

  “Yeah,” Etta replied, laying her head on my shoulder as I lifted her out of her crib.

  “Good grief,” I teased. “You’re getting too big to lift.”

  “No me not,” she argued, wrapping her legs around my hips.

  That was another thing I’d begun to notice. Instead of Etta insisting that she was a big girl all the time, she’d begun to hint at the opposite. Sometimes I had to have my dad distract her just so I could have a few minutes to myself on the back patio.

  “You’re right,” I said softly, kissing her head. “You’re still my baby.”

  There was no argument from my sassy two-year-old.

  I changed her diaper and threw the messy one into the full diaper pail while holding my breath. I wasn’t sure why, but I was getting even less done around the house than when I’d been working full time. Everything was messy, the diapers needed to be washed, and I was pretty sure I hadn’t had a shower in three days.

  “Auntie Wanna?” Etta asked as I carried her into the kitchen.

  “I’m not sure where Auntie Ranna is,” I replied, forcing myself to keep it cheerful. “Maybe she went to the store.”

  I was getting Etta some cereal when my phone rang. I answered it before it could ring again.

  “Hello?”

  “Don’t freak out,” Olly said, not even bothering with a greeting.

  “Why would I freak out?” I asked slowly, glancing over my shoulder at Etta. She was watching me, her mouth slightly parted and her thumb stuck in her cheek.

  “Got a call from Frank this morning—”

  I knew what he was going to say before he’d even finished his sentence, but I could still barely believe it.

  “He said he wasn’t comin’ in this week ’cause he was takin’ a trip up the coast.”

  “Son of a bitch,” I murmured, staring at the sink full of messy dishes. “Miranda’s with him, isn’t she?”

  “That’s what he said,” Olly replied. “I figured you didn’t know, since your pops hadn’t mentioned it.”

  “Nope,” I said, smiling at Etta as I passed her on my way out of the kitchen. As soon as I made it far enough down the hallway, I continued. “She left without a fucking word.”

  “Well, at least you know she’s with Frank.”

  “That doesn’t exactly fill me with comfort,” I snapped back.

  I trusted Frank with my life. He was practically family, and I knew he’d never intentionally let anything happen to Miranda. However, their story was a fucking shit show, and I couldn’t think of anything worse for her at the moment than to be snuggled up on the back of his bike for days.

  “He’ll take care of her,” Olly said.

  “Oh, yeah,” I spit back sarcastically. “I’m sure he will.”

  Olly laughed. “Calm down, mama bear,” he said. “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

  He didn’t have any idea what had happened to Miranda in Oregon. None of our extended family did. It was how she’d wanted it, so my dad and I had respected her decision. I was regretting that now.

  “I gotta go,” I replied, not bothering to argue with him. “If you talk to Frances, tell him to call me.”

  “I’ll make sure to let him know you called him Frances, too.”

  “I don’t give a fuck,” I mumbled back before hanging up the phone.

  I debated calling my dad while I gave Etta her breakfast, but decided against it. The longer I thought about it the less I wanted to throttle my sister and Frank. She’d had something bad happen to her, but if I took a step back and looked at it from the outside, I really didn’t have any say in what she did or who she chose to spend her time with. She was an adult.

  While I knew that emotionally she was setting herself up for a fall, I also knew that physically she would be okay with Frank. I’d have to be okay with that, even if I hated it. I just really hoped that when she got back from whatever the hell they were doing, she wasn’t worse off than when she left.

  Sometimes my family was completely exhausting. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with more people than just my dad and sister. How did people with big families do it?

  I drank lukewarm coffee while Etta finished her breakfast, and went about cleaning up the kitchen. I hoped a clean house would help soften the blow when my dad came home to find his youngest had flown the coop.

  * * *

  Two hours later, I was sweaty, dirty, and had something sticky in my hair when the doorbell rang. Etta and I had been cleaning the house and dancing to Disney music since she’d finished breakfast, and she didn’t look any better. I was pretty sure the sticky substance in our hair was the aftermath of a bag of fruit snacks we’d shared after cleaning the floors.

  “Why would someone bother us?” I asked Etta, throwing my hands in the air. “We’re busy!”

  “Busy!” she yelled back in annoyance, drool dripping down her bare chest. At some point I’d stripped her down and she was in nothing but a leopard-print diaper and a pair of princess slippers. I was biased, but still pretty sure she was the cutest kid in the universe.

  “We need to send them away,” I said, still using an overly exasperated voice as I climbed off the floor.

  “Can I help you?” I asked with a flourish as I swung open the door. My jaw dropped when I saw Trevor standing on the front stoop, a stuffed animal and some flowers in his hands. “Oh, shit.”

  “Oh, shit!” Etta parroted, running toward the door. “Oh, shit! Twevo!”

  “You’re clearly happy to see me,” Trevor joked, his lips twitching in amusement.

  “Twevo!” Etta yelled again, throwing herself at him.

  My heart skipped a beat as I tried to catch her, but thankfully Trevor was already there, dropping the stuffed animal so he could sweep her up against his chest before she tripped over the threshold.

  “Hey, sweet thing,” he said happily as Etta’s grimy arms wrapped around his neck. “I missed you.”

  “God, I’m sorry,” I muttered as I picked the stuffed giraffe off the ground. “Uh, here.” I tried to hand him the toy, but he didn’t reach for it.

  “Cool music,” he said instead, settling Etta more firmly on his arm. “One of my favorites.” He stared at me for a long moment, then swallowed hard. “You going to let me in?”

  I remembered vividly the last time he’d said those words to me, but I didn’t reply the way I had before. My tongue felt glued to the roof of my mouth as I stepped back from the doorway so he could come inside the house. There were cleaning supplies all over the place, the music was still blaring, and I could feel a bead of sweat rolling down my back beneath my T-shirt. I wanted to sink through the floor in mortification.

 
“Mama cleanin’,” Etta said proudly. “Me helpin’.”

  “I see that,” he replied, his eyes twinkling. “It looks like you were eating candy, too.”

  “Fruit snacks,” I clarified, my cheeks heating as I tried to push my messy hair back toward my ponytail.

  “You need any help?”

  “No,” I blurted quickly. “No, that’s okay. We were almost done.”

  Etta started rambling, probably trying to tell Trevor what we’d been doing when he showed up, but neither of us paid very much attention. We were stuck, staring at each other.

  I wasn’t sure why he was there. We hadn’t talked since I’d left his house, and he was the last person I would have thought was at the door. Clearly, I was an idiot, because he was standing right in front of me. His T-shirt and shorts looked clean, but wrinkled, and he smelled good like he’d just taken a shower.

  “I missed you,” he said softly as Etta squirmed to get down.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked as he set Etta on her feet.

  “I missed you,” he repeated, his gaze meeting mine as he rose back to his full height.

  “But—” I shook my head in confusion, but I couldn’t look away from him.

  I’d done a very good job of blocking thoughts of him since I’d been home. Between dealing with Miranda and trying to keep my dad from completely losing it, I hadn’t really had a moment to myself to wallow. I hadn’t let my mind wander in his direction because, honestly, I’d had too much on my plate already. Now that he was standing just two feet away, ignoring him was impossible and I couldn’t believe I’d been able to do it in the first place.

  “I haven’t heard from you,” he said gently.

  “You could have called,” I replied, lifting my hands and letting them fall back to my sides.

  “Would you have answered?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really?”

  “Maybe,” I confessed sheepishly.

  He nodded in understanding but didn’t look away. “How’s Miranda?”

  “Better.” I glanced over to see Etta lying on the floor on top of a couch cushion. “She actually went on a trip this morning with an old family friend.”