Living for the Badman (Russian Bratva Book 4)

by Hayley Faiman

  “Jacob,” I whisper.

  “I love you,” he murmurs against my shoulder as his fingers gently brush against me.

  He very slowly, very gently, slides his cock in and out of my core. Tears pool in my eyes with each stroke of him against me and in me.

  “I love you,” I whimper.

  “There will never be another for me but you. I will always be happy with you at my side. The life you give me will be beautiful because you will give it to me,” he mutters.

  I call out his name as I come, my pussy squeezing him as he continues to thrust with the exact same speed, strength, and tempo, never changing. I hear him groan, and then his hand stills against my clit and he spills inside of me with a long, deep, sigh.

  I suck in a breath at the same time his body collapses on top of mine; his chest pressing me into the mattress and his lips gently kissing my shoulder and neck over and over again.

  “I want to stay inside of you for eternity,” he grunts as he starts to tip his hips languidly.

  “Can I keep you just like this, always?” I ask with a sigh.

  “How’s that?” he asks, pulling out of me and rolling onto his back. I reach for him and wrap my arm around his belly as I press my chest against his side.

  “Sweet,” I say, propping myself up and looking down into his eyes.

  “I’m not sweet,” he snorts.

  “Just now, you told me you loved me and that the life I was going to give you was going to be beautiful because it was me giving it to you. That’s pretty sweet,” I whisper.

  He slides his fingers through my hair before he rests his hands at the small of my back, playing with the ends of my hair there. He hums instead of responding with words.

  “You’re willing to marry me and make children with me, something you weren’t sure you ever wanted. That’s pretty sweet,” I whisper.

  “I won’t be sweet when I take my cane to your ass,” he grunts.

  I press my legs together, imagining the way the cane he uses whips through the air and lands against the flesh of my ass. The steel rod stings my skin and sometimes even draws blood. I miss it. I miss the pain and the freedom to just let myself space out completely, to let myself float, and to let Yakov take care of me—my Jacob.

  “Does my pchelka miss my cane?” he asks, tugging slightly on my hair to tip my neck back a little further.

  “I do,” I whisper. “Our relationship is going to be much different than before, but that doesn’t mean that we have to change—everything.”

  “Definitely not. We need to discuss exactly what it will look like once we’re back in the city. I still want you naked at home,” he mentions.

  “What about, as soon as I enter the bedroom, I’m naked, and the rest of the time, I forego undergarments in the house?” I ask, trying to compromise. I don’t think I’ll be completely comfortable being nude all of the time again.

  “Mmm, I like that,” he says as his lips touch mine.

  “Also,” I start to say. I don’t know exactly how to broach the subject.

  “Yes?”

  “Can we look for a new place?” I ask in a rush.

  “Why?” he furrows his brows at my question.

  “I was taken from there, from you. I just…”

  “It holds bad memories. You want the place gone, it’s gone. We’ll go house hunting when we return.”

  “House?”

  “You can’t have a family in the city. I mean you can, but I don’t want to raise a baby in the city. I think the country would be better for us. Maybe Sands Point on a couple of acres,” he murmurs.

  “Really?” I breathe.

  “Absolutely, pchelka.” He nods and I can’t help but grin. It’s everything I ever wanted, with the man I wanted.

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  He shrugs but doesn’t respond to my whispered thanks. Instead, he starts to run his fingers up and down my back as he begins to talk.

  “Kirill is having a dinner party Friday night, we’re attending. I haven’t seen my nephews since I’ve been here. Then, next week, we’ll be headed back to New York,” he announces. I feel my heartrate spike. I thought I had more time.

  “Next week?” I choke.

  “Is this a problem?” he grunts.

  “No, I just—I’m going to miss everybody,” I whisper.

  “You’ll have Sonia and the women in the City,” he says.

  “I’ll be able to go out with them?” I ask with wide eyes.

  “Of course. I meant it when I said that our relationship would change. You are going to be the wife of a Pakhan, your presence should be known, and you’ll be respected,” he explains.

  “Does everybody know about me, about… everything?”

  “Some people know things. Nobody knows details about anything at all,” he assures me.

  “I know you mentioned it, and you said it out of anger, but I don’t want you to be looked down on because of me,” I whisper.

  It happens so fast, I don’t even realize it’s happened until I’m flat on my back with Yakov braced on top of me. His face is centimeters from mine, and his hips are fitted between my thighs, his cock pressing against my center.

  “What you’ve been through, nobody knows the details but me. I will never be looked down on with you at my side, because you’re stronger than any of those other women. I thought you weren’t. I thought you were weak, or that I couldn’t protect you well enough, so I pushed you away. You’re not weak, not at all. You’re a survivor, and now you’re going to live,” he says before his lips crash against mine, taking me in a rough, hard, brutal kiss.

  “I’m not strong,” I whisper against his lips.

  “You’re the strongest fucking woman I know,” he grinds out as he enters me.

  One of his hands breaks free from the bed and he dips his arm under my knee before he lifts and spreads my leg out wide. All the while, his hips continue to rock in and out of me. My hands wrap around his biceps, and I hold onto him. I’m still sensitive, and every roll of his hips has me gasping.

  “You’re my little bee, but your strength outweighs mine in spades. I would not come back here for you and bring you home with me if I thought you were weak. You’ve been fragile, and I couldn’t see past that for a while, but you are not fragile anymore,” he grunts out as his pelvis grinds against my clit.

  “You’re going to make me come,” I whisper as I lift my head and press my lips to his.

  “Come, then; come around my cock. Strangle me,” he groans into my mouth before he slides his tongue between my lips.

  I whimper as my climax hits me like a freight train and I completely unravel beneath him. Yakov follows me just moments later, and then he collapses on top of me, his sweat soaked body completely engulfing mine.

  “You’re not an embarrassment. I’m not ashamed of you. I’m so goddamn proud of the woman you’ve become and all you’ve overcome. I’m the one who isn’t worthy of you. I’m definitely not deserving of all the chances you’ve given me,” he murmurs as he shifts to the side. Half of his body is still draped across mine, and his fingers drift down my neck and back up to my temple.

  “I have all the strength in the world, as long as I have you at my side,” I whisper as tears pool in my eyes.

  “Rest, pchelka,” he murmurs. His lips brush mine and he settles into me, his body still pressing against half of mine.

  I don’t want to move because I want him to stay like this—always.

  I hear her whimper and it immediately wakes me up. I know what comes next, and it does. She begins to thrash. She’s having a nightmare, and it breaks my heart. Every twitch, kick, and whimper kills me inside. I wrap my hand around her waist and haul her into me before I give her a little shake and call her name. Her eyes pop open and widen before she blinks a few times and then her sweaty body relaxes.

  “Tell me,” I demand.

  “No,” she tries to deny me.

  “Our relationship may have changed, but I’m n
ot relenting and giving you complete control, Ashley. Tell me,” I growl.

  “I can’t look at you if I do,” she whispers.

  The tremble is apparent in her voice, and I give her what she needs. I turn her front away from mine and pull her back into my chest, wrapping both of my arms around her and holding her to me. I close my eyes and listen to the waves crashing against the shore for a moment as she calms her racing heart before she speaks.

  “I was chained, arms together, to the headboard,” she begins.

  “Gregori?” I guess.

  “Dimitri,” she informs. “Well, not him, but when he had me,” she clarifies.

  “Go on,” I urge.

  “Face down, arms chained to the headboard, and completely undressed. I turned my head to the side and saw a line of men. Two by two they came to me. They used my body together; sometimes a third would come in to use my mouth,” she says. I hear her begin to sob.

  I can do nothing but hold her. Dimitri isn’t alive anymore, I made sure of that.

  There is no use in becoming angry because there is nobody to take my anger out on. They’re all dead. So instead of tensing with the anger I feel coursing throughout my body, I hold her in my arms. I let her speak about her hell, and I let her get it all out. I kiss her shoulder, and when she’s finished, only then do I speak.

  “You are the strongest woman I know, Ashley. You’ve survived hell and yet you’re here, lying in my arms and able to speak about it. Don’t give that nightmare anymore space in your head. You’ve purged it, now let it go,” I urge.

  “Is that what you do with your childhood?” she asks.

  If it were anybody else asking, I would ignore the question.

  “I try not to give it headspace—not any of my childhood, really,” I admit.

  “Tell me a hell you survived,” she whispers.

  “The things those men did to you, I’ve done them to women with my father. I have to live with the fact that I hurt them the way men hurt you. Innocent women that didn’t sign up for it, nor did they want it. Maybe it’s my karma, I don’t know,” I mutter.

  “You’re not Ivan Chekov,” she says sternly.

  “I’m not, but I have done many evil things in this life. Many evil things,” I say.

  “You were a boy. You didn’t have a choice,” she defends.

  “Perhaps not, but I knew it was wrong and I still did it. I still came every single time,” I confess.

  Ashley turns in my arms and cups my cheeks with her hands.

  “You are not Ivan. You felt guilt and you feel remorse, which means you’re nothing like him. He didn’t feel anything even close to guilt or remorse for the pain he caused other people. You’re my hero,” she whispers. I want to balk at her words.

  I am nobody’s hero. And yet, the way she’s looking at me right now—I want to be.

  For her I want to be everything she believes me to be.

  “I love you, Jacob,” she murmurs before her lips gently brush mine.

  “I love you too, pchelka. Can you sleep now?” I ask, brushing the hair from her face.

  “With you at my side, my hero, my knight? Always,” she grins.

  Her smile destroys me, and I nod before she winks and turns back around, settling her ass against my hips.

  I hold onto her.

  I didn’t lie when I said she was the strongest woman I know. She is. Stronger than any man I know, too. That is why choosing to marry her and give her the child she desires is the easiest decision I have ever made in my life.

  I SLIP THE SIMPLE, flowy, shift dress over my body, ignoring my naked flesh in the mirror. My stomach is twisted into knots and I don’t understand why, exactly. It isn’t as though this is the first time I’ve gone to dinner with the Baryshev’s, the Zalesky’s, and the Lasovska’s. However, this is the first time I’m going since Yakov has returned.

  I slide my feet into a pair of wedge sandals and smooth down my hair. I decide to take one last look in the mirror before we leave, and my eyes widen at the sight before me. My cheeks are fuller and pinker than they were just a few weeks ago, and my eyes are bright and shiny. I look—happy. I can’t remember the last time I looked so happy. I remember feeling safe, cared for, even content, but never truly happy.

  “Are you ready, pchelka?” Yakov asks as he steps into the bedroom.

  I turn to face him and watch as his eyes travel the length of my body and then back up to my face, our gazes connecting.

  “You look absolutely adorable. How did I get to be so lucky?” he asks, walking into my space and wrapping his arms around me.

  “I have no clue,” I grin.

  He shakes his head before gently brushing his lips against mine. Then his hands travel down to my thighs and back up, underneath my dress, to grab handfulls of my ass.

  “You’ve got a bit of a smart mouth this evening. Should I punish you for it later?” he mutters as his lips press against the side of my neck before his tongue tastes my skin.

  “Please,” I beg.

  One of Yakov’s hands slips beneath the elastic at the top of my panties and slides between the crack of my ass before his finger presses against my back entrance.

  My breath hitches in a gasp as my eyes widen. He’s never broached taking me there, surely afraid to traumatize me. I’ve been forced anally many times by Gregori, as well as the men Dimitri sold me to.

  “I want all of you, Ashley. You’re mine now, every inch of you, including your delectable ass. I won’t take it in punishment, but I’ll take it soon,” he whispers as he massages me there. It turns me on in a way I didn’t think was possible.

  “Jacob,” I whisper.

  “Do you want me to fuck your ass, Ashley?” he asks crudely.

  I cup his cheeks, the stubble longer than it was yesterday, alerting me to the fact that he didn’t shave—for me.

  “It would feel good?” I ask as he continues to massage my sensitive entrance.

  “Does this feel good?” he asks, quirking a brow at me.

  “Very,” I sigh.

  “I’m your man, and I’ll always bring you pleasure. Even with the pain, you’ll have pleasure. When I bury my cock in your ass, you’ll be begging me for it and more,” he murmurs as his lips move from my neck to my mouth. “I love you, Ashley. I plan on telling you as often as possible so that you never forget it.”

  “I could never forget it, not ever,” I whimper.

  Even if he only said that, the first time and never again, he shows me everyday how he feels. He always has. I never thought I would have the words. I thought my entire life would be him just showing me how he felt without ever speaking his affections. Now—now, I have both, and I’m the happiest girl in the entire world.

  “Do you need to come before we leave?” he whispers against my lips.

  “Please,” I whimper.

  “I should keep you on edge the entire evening,” he chuckles. He removes his hand from my ass and shimmies my panties down my hips before he lets them fall to the floor.

  I start to turn around in his arms, thinking that he’ll want to take me from behind, since he isnt trying to remove my dress, but his hands grab onto my waist and he squeezes, halting my movements.

  “I want to look into your eyes,” he rumbles before he picks me up and whirls me around, pressing my back to the wall. I wrap my legs around his hips and my arms around his shoulders.

  “Free me,” he murmurs as his hands grab onto the outside of my thighs.

  I reach down between us and unfasten his belt, then his slacks, before I pull down his zipper. I reach beneath the waist of his boxers and take him in my hand, stroking his long, hard cock. With my other hand, I shove his boxers down as far as I can. I do all of this in silence, his eyes holding me captive and rendering me speechless.

  “Hands up, pchelka,” he rumbles. I lift my hands to his shoulders as his cock slowly slides inside of me.

  Yakov widens my legs as he presses against me, fully seating himself to the root. I
roll my eyes in the back of my head at the sensation of being so full of him.

  “Eyes on me,” he murmurs.

  My eyelids flutter open at his command, and I try as hard as I can to keep them open, but they end up being half mast.

  “I want you off your birth control as soon as we step off of the plane back in the city,” he murmurs.

  “Yakov,” I gasp.

  “I mean it, Ashley. I’m not waiting any longer to give you what you desire. Just accepting me back was all that I desired,” he announces.

  “Jacob,” I whisper.

  “Quiet, now, and take my cock. I want you to feel me throughout this whole dinner,” he grunts as he withdraws and then slams his hips against me.

  I’m unable to speak again as his dick pistons in and out of me. Each thrust, he presses his pelvis against my clit, and I whimper at the sensation. My back slams against the wall with each move of his hips, and I know I’ll have bruises later.

  Every single ache will be worth it.

  I feel my pussy clench as my body climbs toward its release. Moaning, my head falls back. Suddenly, and without slowing his hips and his cock, Yakov wraps his hand around the back of my neck and squeezes. I lift my head and look at him.

  “I want to watch you come,” he grunts.

  It’s then, with his cool blue eyes focused completely on me, that I lose all control and cry out with my release. My pussy clamps down around him and my fingernails dig into his shoulders. It’s also then that I realize, he truly does think that I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I can see it in his eyes.

  There is no other woman for him but me.

  He loves me.

  When he comes, it’s silent, but his body shudders and his hard breathing fills the quiet room. I cup his scratchy cheeks in my hands and I lean forward, taking his lips in a kiss.

  “I love you, Ashley,” he whispers against my mouth.

  “I love you with my whole being, Jacob,” I quietly murmur.

  He releases me, and a few minutes later, we stand outside of my apartment as he locks the door behind us. We turn, Yakov’s hand wrapped around my waist, and almost run into Mika. He’s standing with a grocery bag in his hand, just staring.