Hate to Want You
Page 28
He ran his hand over his head. “The only ones who saw what he was truly like were my mother and me, and I guess Eve, though I tried to protect her from it.”
A chill ran down her spine at the dark, lost look in his eyes. “Did he hurt you?” The words were sharper than she intended, but she couldn’t help herself. The Chandlers and Kanes might have been close, but it was easy enough to miss all the dynamics in your own family, let alone someone else’s.
She felt sick, imagining all the ways Brendan could have hurt his son. She’d borrow Sadia’s knife, and cut the bastard.
“Not physically. He’d yell, throw things. Belittle, manipulate.”
“Emotional abuse. Mental.” Still totally stab-able offenses.
Livvy unclenched her fists, trying to focus past her anger. Nico needed her now. Later. Later she’d hunt Brendan down and start cutting.
“Whatever it was, it’s left its mark on me.” His smile was tight and humorless. “I know I’m not good at expressing my emotions. I’m rigid and I have control issues. I want to do better by you, and I will, but I’ll probably slip up now and again. I’m not perfect either, whatever perfect even means. You’ll have to love all of me, just like I’ll love all of you.”
She ran her hands down his arms to his hands, capturing them in hers. They were strong hands, the fingers long and capable.
You can be strong and have moments of incredible despair. Those moments are not weaknesses. They are simply moments. And they are not you.
He interlaced his fingers with hers, squeezing tight. “I’m not a prince. This is not a fairy tale. This is reality, with all its problems and hassles and issues and absurd family dynamics, and I want you with me. Honestly.”
I deserve compassion.
She was standing on a precipice. There was beautiful water below, the color of Nico’s eyes. Rocks, too, though, hidden underneath. “I’m scared.”
“So am I. Let’s be scared together.” He dipped his head to brush his lips over hers, a delicate ghost of a caress.
“You like predictability and order. I’ll mess your world up.”
He smiled. “Order’s overrated. I don’t care if you leave your clothes all over our bedroom or dishes in the sink or you run off somewhere on a whim for a week. Those are superficial things. The most predictable, dependable thing in my life was always you.”
If she wanted to throw up more road blocks, she didn’t have to look far. “Living here could be a challenge. We have so much history.” Good, bad, and in-between, this town held their past.
“We’ll move.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Uh, what?”
“If you didn’t want to live here, we could move. I’m sure I can figure out something for work.”
He’d walk away from his home and this place for her? Just like that?
She was silent for so long his expectant look turned to concern. “I wouldn’t be happy without you, Livvy. Would you?”
She hadn’t expected him to so casually propose moving away. Livvy compressed her lips. “You’ll fight for us?”
He nodded. “I’ll fight for us,” he vowed.
What if he doesn’t? What if he quits?
Then she’d hurt, and weep. She’d lean on the support systems she’d fought so hard to reclaim and she’d get through it, like she’d gotten through so much in her life already. “There will be problems. There’ll be pain.”
“Every relationship has peaks and valleys. We’ll work through them.”
She took a deep breath, and took the leap. “I want a steady supply of cunnilingus. Not because you feel grateful, but because you actually enjoy it.” She reflected. “Actually, you can feel a little grateful.”
His muscles went taut. Stunned hope flitted across his face. She wanted to weep at the sight of it.
Cool and controlled. Or hot. For a decade, those were the only emotions he’d allowed her to see.
This was beautiful. She’d treasure every feeling he trusted her with, collect them with her own in invisible containers.
“I’ll start now,” he said, his voice hoarse.
She twined her arms around his neck. “Okay.”
He cocked his head. “Okay what? Okay you want oral sex, or okay you’ll give us a shot?”
“Yes. To both of those.”
The brilliant smile that spread across his face had her grinning in return.
With a twist of his body, he had her on her back. He lowered himself on top of her, making a place for himself between her legs like he was home. “You can’t just say okay. Not after I poured my heart out.”
“You want a speech or something?”
“You’re not the only one who needs to be wooed.”
Livvy scraped her nails over the back of his neck. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. That grand gesture was silly and expensive, but you’re right, I adored it. There were times that one night with you got me through every other day of the year. You’re under my skin—literally. We’ll get those matching tattoos, but not today, not next week, not when we’re running high on endorphins, but after we’ve actually faced some problems and come out on top, because we’re motherfucking adults now, not dumb kids.” She paused. “Did I miss anything?”
He rubbed his nose against hers. “Instead of the N for north on my tattoo, can you make it an L?”
She had to clear her throat twice before she could speak. “I think so.”
“Also, I would like to try that whole blowjob thing some more.”
Tenderness ran through her at his deliberately light tone. “We can definitely work on that.”
With his thumb, he carefully stroked a strand of hair away from her cheek. “You make me happy. We deserve to be happy.”
I deserve compassion. “Yes.”
He shifted and traced his finger over the ellipsis on her wrist, making a perfect box shape around the three dots. She had to bite back the purr of pleasure in her throat. “You never told me what this one meant,” he said.
“It’s to remind myself my story isn’t over, even if it feels like life is paused or like I’m wandering.”
He rested his forehead against hers, and for a few brief moments, the only noise was the sound of his breath and hers and the rustle of leaves. Between the layers of clothes and blanket, his cock was thick and heavy against her leg, but he was in no hurry. Neither was she.
They had time.
“Let me be a part of your story,” he finally said.
She released a shaky laugh. “You always have been.”
“Good.” He pressed a perfect, intimate, chaste, life-changing kiss on her cheek. “You’ll always be a part of mine.”
About the Author
ALISHA RAI pens award-winning, sexy, contemporary romances and is the first author to have an indie-published book appear on The Washington Post’s annual Best Books list. She spends most of her time dreaming up sexy heroes and heroines, traveling, and tweeting. To find out more about her books or to sign up for her newsletter, visit www.alisharai.com.
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By Alisha Rai
The Forbidden Hearts Series
HATE TO WANT YOU
The Pleasure Series
GLUTTON FOR PLEASURE
SERVING PLEASURE
The Campbell Siblings Series
A GENTLEMAN IN THE STREET
THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB
The Bedroom Games Series
PLAY WITH ME
RISK & REWARD
BET ON ME
The Karimi Siblings
FALLING FOR HIM
WAITING FOR HER
The Fantasy Series
BE MY FANTASY
STAY MY FANTASY
Single Titles
HOT AS HADES
CABIN FEVER
NIGHT WHISPERS
NEVER HAVE I EVER
Copyright<
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
HATE TO WANT YOU. Copyright © 2017 by Alisha Rai. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub Edition AUGUST 2017 ISBN: 978-0-06-256671-3
Print Edition ISBN: 978-0-06-256673-7
FIRST EDITION
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