Getting Some Of Her Own

by Gwynne Forster

  Lucas was about to have a moment of truth of his own. He left his Monday morning staff meeting and stopped by his father’s house for a short visit with him as had become his weekly custom.

  “Good morning, Marcie,” he said to Calvin’s wife when she opened the door. “Where’s Dad this morning?”

  “Calvin’s in the den,” she said, as if she denied his right to call Calvin Jackson Dad.

  He walked into the den and, for the first time, his father greeted him with a hug. Startled, he didn’t return the gesture, and when his father stepped back and looked him in the eye with an expression of sorrow, he opened his arms to the man against whom he’d held a gripe for so many years and enveloped him in an embrace. He parted his lips to tell his father that they should bury the hatchet for all time, but when he saw the tears that rolled unchecked down Calvin Jackson’s cheeks, the words wouldn’t leave his tongue. He simply held his father in an embrace.

  “Is it . . . all right between you and me now?” Calvin asked him.

  Lucas fought to rid himself of the lump in his throat. Finally, he was able to say, “I’ve buried the hatchet, Dad, and I don’t waste time thinking about what used to be.”

  “Calvin, I want to see you a minute, but if you can’t tear yourself away, I can say it right here.”

  Lucas glanced toward the door, looked steadily at Marcie’s pursed lips and furor-mottled face, then at his father’s troubled visage.

  “Excuse me, Son,” Calvin said.

  Lucas jerked his shoulder as if to say he had no interest in Marcie, and indeed, he didn’t, except to give her the time of day when he entered her home, a courtesy that she didn’t bother to reciprocate.

  “Listen,” Lucas heard Marcie say from an adjoining room. “You have to wash my face with your philandering by bringing that man into my house whenever it suits you. Wasn’t it enough that you slept around with his mother for years, and now you throw the evidence in my face and in my children’s face. What’s worse, you fix it so that I have to get my allowance in a check with his signature on it. If our friends knew—”

  “Would you please lower your voice? You didn’t have to tolerate my affair with Noreen. You didn’t once mention a divorce. Many is the time when I would have gone out of my mind if I hadn’t had her, but you didn’t even know I was suffering. I had eighty dollars in the bank, and you wanted me to replace your mink with a sable because that was what everybody was wearing. I knew damned well that everybody couldn’t afford a sable coat.

  “Let me tell you something, Marcie, and I want this to be the last time we have this conversation or one like it. When I married you, I was besotted with you, crazy about you. I’d leave home to go to work, and I could hardly think about anything all day except getting back home to you, and maybe that would be the day you would welcome me with love. You knew how I felt about you, and Lord knows you took advantage of it. If I tried to kiss you, you presented your cheek. If I kissed you on the mouth, I’d ruin your lipstick. Sex? Once in a while, you opened your legs and allowed me to relieve myself. Then, you went to sleep. I can’t remember a single time in all these years when you initiated a kiss, not to speak of sex.

  “Oh, you were a master at dribbling out your affection. When I needed you—to talk with you, to have a little assurance that you’d be with me no matter what—where were you? Off someplace building your social kingdom. I hit rock bottom. My business was thirty days from changing hands. I completely lost my self-confidence. If you knew it, you didn’t let on. You sent our children to me with foolish requests for in-line skates, video games. Hell, Enid asked me for a shearling coat with a fox trim when I could hardly afford to pay the electric bill. Why should a seven-year-old have that kind of coat when, a year later, it will be too small? The day I might have given up and declared bankruptcy was the day I met Noreen Hamilton. I told you I didn’t feel like going out, that I was out of sorts and having trouble with the business, but you nonetheless dragged me to a fundraiser at somebody’s house and then ignored me as usual.

  “I was standing alone in the hallway away from the noise and the smell of liquor, Marcie, trying to figure out what I’d do after I watched ten years of my hard work slide down the drain in a bankruptcy court. What would I do with my life? I’d never been so miserable, so far down.

  “This woman walked up to me and asked me, ‘What’s wrong? What’s the matter?’ I looked down into the face of the first person, other than my mother, who had showed any concern for me in years, and I heard myself pouring my soul out to her. That stranger opened her arms, and said, ‘I’m so sorry. I wish I could help.’ I went into those arms, held her and soaked up the compassion she offered. I fell in love with her. I’ve been in those arms ever since, and I will always be in them.

  “To her credit, because she knew from the start that I was married, she avoided me as long as she could, but I pursued her. I didn’t help her raise Lucas, because out of vengeance—because I was hell bent on getting rich and staying atop the social set, and marrying her would have interfered with that—she denied me any parental privileges. She moved to another town to be sure I never saw him or her, but I always knew where they were, how they were getting on and how his life was shaping up. I would give him the heart out of my body if he needed it. And that’s that. You say one more word to me about him, and I’ll give him the key to this house.”

  “Where does that leave me?”

  “That’s up to you. You got what you wanted out of this marriage—financial security and social status. It’s foolish to hope for anything else.”

  Lucas dropped himself into a chair, leaned back and closed his eyes. He had been conceived in love, and his parents had then suffered an unfulfilled love ever since. He’d rather face a question about the foundation of a skyscraper building than decide what to do about his parents, and he knew the ball was in his court.

  “I’m sorry,” Calvin said when he returned to the den. “Things aren’t so good between Marcie and me these days. Where were we? Oh, yes, I meant to tell you that my mother told me she was enchanted with your friend, Willis. Later, she called to say he sent her a box of live crabs and two pounds of shrimp from someplace on the Chesapeake Bay. Did she tell him how she loves those things?”

  “If she did, I didn’t hear her. Willis had an unpleasant childhood. My mother spoils him, and Nana sure did her bit.”

  “You’re never going to tell me how Noreen is? I’m so hungry for any news of her, but I don’t question your integrity in this.”

  He sat forward, facing his father, spread his knees and rested his forearms on his thighs. “I . . . over the years, I’ve judged you both, sometimes harshly, but for different reasons. I suppose I’ve been harder on her because she kept me from you.”

  Lucas leaned back, draped his right ankle over his left knee and looked at his father. “I heard every word you said to Marcie, and I realized that my parents have suffered from an unfulfilled love all of my life.” Calvin jerked forward. “What makes me happy right now,” Lucas continued, “is knowing that I was conceived in love. My mother loves you still, and she wanted so badly to visit you before you had the operation and after, but I prevented it, and I wouldn’t let Willis take her. I told her that you were still married and that contacting you would be improper. I’m sorry I did that, and I’m going to tell her so.”

  When Calvin could control the trembling of his lips, he said, “I know that she never married, and I always felt guilty about that. I . . . I don’t know how to thank you for telling me this. Will you tell her I love her, and that I’m sorry I wasted so much of her life and mine, years we should’ve lived together? Will you tell her?”

  It’s not for me to judge. I’ll leave them to heaven. “Yes, sir. I’ll tell her.”

  He watched as his father’s countenance shone with the happiness he felt. “After all these years. How does she spend her days?”

  “For years, she worked as a clerk in the superintendent’s office at the post office. S
he doesn’t need to work now. She volunteers at the library, goes to church on Sunday mornings, and—”

  “Did she encounter any social problems because she wasn’t married when she had you?” Fear of the answer clouded his eyes.

  Lucas thought for a minute about the implications of that question. “I don’t know. She’s never said.”

  “Is there someone who you love? You’ve never even hinted.”

  It was a question that a father would ask his son, and he didn’t find it intrusive. “There’s someone I care about, quite deeply, in fact, but she insists that there can’t be anything serious between us, and I fail to understand why. There’s already been some serious stuff between us.”

  “I see. Maybe she has a secret, something she can’t share with you,” Calvin said. “Does she love you?”

  “Yes. She does. She told me at one of those times when only the truth comes out. Does she have secrets? Probably; now that you mention it. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

  “If she loves you, you can overcome any reservation she may have, that is, provided you want to. Do you like her as a person? What does she do?”

  “She’s an interior decorator and yes, I like her, but I can’t figure out what makes her tick. I will, though.”

  “Be careful, Son. If you push her too hard, you may push her away from you. An interior decorator, huh. That works well with an architect. “

  “I know. It’s a relationship with great potential, although I’ve only recently realized that.” He stood to leave. “Thanks. Talking about it has been helpful. I’ve never discussed my personal affairs with anyone, not even Willis, who’s my brother in every sense but genetic. I’ll see Mama this evening.”

  For the first time since he’d met his father, he didn’t feel awkward leaving him, but put an arm around Calvin’s shoulder, hugged him and left. As soon as he got into his car, he telephoned his mother.

  “Hi, Mama. What are you cooking for supper?” He listened while she made it as interesting as she could. “Smoked pork shoulder, turnip greens cooked with some good old ham hocks, baked sweet potatoes, jalapeño corn bread and bring my own dessert?” He couldn’t help laughing. She was in a good mood, a playful mood, and he could hardly wait to tell her what she wanted so badly to know. “I’ll see you at about six.”

  “Did you visit Calvin today?”

  “Why, yes. I just left him. See you later.” He hung up. How on earth had she handled that unhappiness for over thirty-five years? He wondered what she’d do now. He drove slowly, far more slowly than usual, whistling a favorite tune as an unfamiliar kind of joy suffused him. He hoped Willis was at the building site, because he couldn’t wait to tell his friend what he’d just learned about his parents. He didn’t know when he’d been so happy.

  Susan stood atop a four-foot ladder, measuring the space between the window and the adjoining wall for the drapery that she planned to hang there. “I should have put this ladder closer to the window,” she said to herself when she discovered that she could barely reach the ceiling.

  “Let me do that for you.” She whirled around, startled by Lucas’s voice, lost her footing and tumbled backward. He caught her, looked into her startled face, grinned and said, “It’s a good thing I’m here to catch you. If I hadn’t been, you’d have hurt yourself.”

  How easy it would be to put her arms around his neck and cuddle up to him while he held her as one holds a baby. The feel of his big hands cradling her so gently almost lulled her into a complacency that she could ill afford. Oh, how she longed to give in to her feelings and enjoy that moment in his arms! Reminding herself of the price they might both have to pay, she said, “If you hadn’t walked in here, I wouldn’t have lost my balance. Would you please put me down?”

  She wished he’d stop grinning, but he didn’t. In fact, his smile broadened. “What way is that to talk to the man you love?”

  “What? What on earth . . .” Her voice tapered off as she remembered the moment when she had exploded in orgasm as he lay buried deep within her. That moment when the words, “I love you,” tore themselves out of her.

  “I’m glad you haven’t forgotten, Susan, because I will never forget it. And don’t deny it. I’m in a good mood, and I don’t want anybody tampering with it.”

  “What brought on this good mood?”

  “I just left my father. How many times have you hugged your father?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe hundreds.”

  “I hugged mine for the first time, and I meant that hug. Later, I heard him tell his wife that he’d give me the heart out of his body if I needed it. He really loved my mother. I am not going to let avarice and hunger for power ruin my life. He realized too late what he’d done. Imagine, loving someone for so many years and not being able even to see that person.” He looked past her. “You know, I’m beginning to suspect that I’m capable of feelings equally deep and lasting.”

  As if he had unwittingly exposed an intimate part of himself, he shook his head slowly. “Is Willis around?”

  “He was. In fact, I’m here because he suggested that I get the exact measurements on this floor.”

  “Good idea, because certain space can lessen a bit the higher up you go.”

  “By the way, Lucas, Enid invited me to a reception she’s giving to show her redecorated house to her friends. I’m obligated to go, so please don’t think I’m being disloyal.”

  “Of course not. If she invited me, I’d go, but there’s not a chance.” His lips brushed hers, and the tip of his tongue probed their seam, startling her, and they opened as if of their own volition. Within seconds, he was possessing her. One of his hands gripped her buttocks and the other plunged into her shirt. His fingers teased and pinched her nipple, and with his other hand, he pressed her body to his own, sending rivulets of heat throughout her nervous system. When, wanting and needing more of him, she twisted against him, he put both arms around her and kissed her eyes, her cheeks and the tip of her nose.

  “I’m trying to work and you—” she sputtered before he interrupted her.

  “I need some loving. If I had you someplace private, I’d go at you till you gave me the loving of a lifetime. That’s how I feel right now.”

  “You’re playing with fire, and you’re inducing me to do the same. And I’ve told you—”

  “I know what you’ve told me. But then you kiss me and hold me the way you did a minute ago. You can’t convince me, because you either don’t believe or you don’t want to believe there can’t be anything between us. Your words are incompatible with your actions, and when I finally know why—and I will—you and I won’t have a problem.”

  “We don’t have a problem now,” she said barely loud enough for him to hear it, because she didn’t believe her words.

  Lucas found Willis in the second building conferring with his head plasterers. “I don’t want stucco. That’s as outdated as art deco. This is a modern building, and it’s going to have modern finishes. If you’re enamored with stucco, it can go in the basement recreation room. And make it cream colored.” He looked up at Lucas. “How’s it going, man?”

  Lucas leaned against a wall and regarded Willis with brotherly affection. It wasn’t necessary to call a conference in order to say, “I don’t want that.” No. Willis had the meeting in order to explain every crossed T and every dotted i. He shrugged. That made the man one of the best builders in the region.

  “I’m going out to see Mom this evening. If you’re interested in smoked pork shoulder, turnip greens—”

  “Speak no further. What time did you say we’d be there?”

  “I said I’d be there at six. You may call her and tell her you’re coming, too. I’ll leave my car at home. Pick me up there at five-thirty.”

  “Right. See you then.”

  Lucas and Willis greeted Noreen as the precious person she was to both of them. “I smelled food the minute I got out of the car,” Willis said when they walked into Noreen’s house.

  Luc
as picked his mother up and twirled her around. “So did I.”

  She gazed knowingly at her son. “You’re in a wonderful mood. I’d like to know what’s got you so high.”

  “Me, too,” Willis said. “He definitely hasn’t been drinking.”

  “I never drink enough to get high. If you want to know my business, feed me first.” He looked at Willis and winked. “This has been some day!”

  “Did you happen to see Susan?” Willis asked Lucas.

  “Who’s Susan?” Noreen asked.

  “Our interior decorator,” they said in unison.

  “Well, did you see her?” Noreen asked.

  Lucas couldn’t keep the grin off his face. For a woman who wasn’t fond of bodies of water, his mother was a genius of a fisherwoman. “Yeah, I saw her. When I walked in there, she was standing on a stool. I was just in time to catch her when she fell backward.”

  “Sure,” Willis said. “Susan is no klutz, so that means you frightened her or something like that.” He finished setting the table. “You know what I’m saying?”

  Noreen put the food on the table. “You’re both trying to talk over my head, but I see right through you. Lucas, please say the grace. I don’t want you to forget the words.”

  “What did you bring for dessert?” Noreen asked Lucas after he and Willis cleaned the kitchen.

  “Yipes, I forgot about it,” Willis said. “We bought cheesecake, but I’m too full to eat it.”

  “So am I,” Lucas said. “Maybe later.”

  Willis made coffee, and Lucas put a coffee service on a tray and carried it to the living room. “Come in here. I have something to tell you, Mama.”