by Anne Fraser
CHAPTER SEVEN
SATURDAY arrived clear and warm. Jess woke Georgie up at the crack of dawn and once they’d had breakfast Georgie set about getting ready. Deciding what to wear was a problem. Logan had been cagey when saying where he was taking her. All he had said was to dress comfortably and that they would be having dinner later. Georgie wondered what he had in mind.
Eventually, she settled on a pair of comfortable but smart trousers and a blouse. Hopefully that would see her through most eventualities, but just in case she popped a dress and her favourite cashmere cardigan into her oversized handbag. She knew enough about Logan to suspect that the date would be different.
Her stomach churned. A date. The first she had gone on since Ian. He had been the only serious boyfriend she’d had and they had gone out for years before eventually marrying. Her heart twisted. It felt so disloyal to his memory. When he had died her soul had splintered into a million pieces. If it hadn’t been for Jess she thought she might have curled into a ball and never recovered. But the demands of looking after a nine-month-old baby was probably the only reason she had coped. It had left little time for self-pity. Jess needed her. And so every day Georgie had dragged herself out of bed and forced a smile on her face and cared for her daughter. And slowly, so slowly, the terrible pain had begun to ease, until she thought of Ian only once or twice a day, instead of constantly. Sometimes, when Jess turned her head a certain way, or smiled, she would see Ian, and she’d feel a fresh stab of grief. She hoped he’d be happy that she was beginning to make a new life for herself.
Downstairs in the kitchen, her mother was reading the newspaper. She looked up when she heard her daughter.
‘Okay, mo ghràigh?’ she asked.
Georgie poured herself a mug of coffee and sat down next to her mother.
‘Am I doing the right thing, Mum?’
Mary peered over the rim of her cup. ‘Darling, it’s been more than two years. Ian would want you to get on with your life. You know that.’
‘It feels wrong. As if I’m forgetting about him.’ She glanced down at her hand, at the white band where her wedding ring used to be.
‘You’ll never forget him. How could you when you were together for so long and have so many happy memories? And you have his child. Part of him lives on in her.’
The two women looked at Jess who was on the kitchen floor bent over her colouring book, her little tongue caught between her lips as she concentrated.
‘She looks more and more like Ian every day,’ Georgie murmured. She sighed and drained her cup. ‘I don’t know what I’m getting so het up about. It’s only a date. But, Mum, I can’t help thinking I’m about to make a big mistake. Maybe I should just call the whole thing off.’
‘Whatever for?’
‘Because Logan reminds me too much of Ian. He has the same recklessness that Ian had. It scares me. And then there’s his career. Supposing anything came of this, then what? I can’t see myself as an army wife. Always moving around and living in fear that he might not come back.’
‘His job doesn’t involve danger, does it? I mean, he’s a doctor. Surely they work behind enemy lines?’
Georgie glanced at her watch. ‘Grief. Is that the time? He’ll be here any minute.’ She got up from the table and, bending, kissed her mother on the cheek. ‘I’m getting way ahead of myself, Mum. It’s too late to back out now. And as I keep telling myself, it’s just a date. I suspect that if Logan caught a whiff of something more serious, I wouldn’t see him for dust.’ She looked across at her daughter. ‘Somehow I don’t see him as a family man. I’m just going to take the date at face value and have some fun.’ She stretched. ‘It’s been a very long time since I had any.’
Her mother smiled back. ‘So isn’t it about time you did? God knows, everyone, most of all you, has the right to be happy. We have to find happiness wherever and whenever we can. You know that more than most, Georgie. Life is short.’
Mary’s eyes misted and Georgie knew she was thinking about her father. She bent and kissed her mother’s cheek, hugging her fiercely.
‘Wish me luck, Mum,’ Georgie said, hearing the sound of a car pulling up outside. ‘I’ve got the strangest feeling I’m going to need it.’
Georgie was out the door and by the car before Logan had time to get out. She didn’t want Jess to get any more attached to Logan than she already was. Not until she knew where, if anywhere, this was going. On the other hand, rushing out like that must make her look embarrassingly keen to Logan. Cripes. When she had wanted to seem impossibly cool. She sighed inwardly. He would just have to think what he liked. Explanations would only make matters worse.
‘All set?’ Logan grinned, his eyes creasing at the corners. Georgie’s pulse did that curious hippity-hop it always did these days when he smiled.
‘You still haven’t said where we’re going,’ she remarked, dumping her handbag in the back seat.
‘No, I didn’t, did I?’ Logan said obliquely. ‘If I did, it wouldn’t be a surprise.’
As they headed out of Glasgow, Georgie sat back, enjoying the feel of the wind in her hair. It was the first time in years she’d felt carefree and she was determined to enjoy every minute of her day out. For once she was going forget about responsibility and put herself in someone else’s hands. And as for the future? Who cared? She had done enough worrying about that to last a lifetime.
They chatted about music as they drove. He liked jazz, she hated it. She loved opera and he hated it. Surprisingly they both agreed on 1970s rock. Then they discussed books. He rarely read, but when he did it was biographies. She read whenever she could and devoured thrillers.
‘I’ve enough real-life thrills in my life, without having to read about them.’ He smiled but Georgie thought she saw sadness flit across his eyes, though it was gone before she could be sure. ‘Besides, there’s not much time to read. Training for the pentathlon keeps me busy when I’m not working.’
‘How do you train?’ Georgie asked, genuinely curious.
‘It depends where I am. While I’m in Glasgow I go for a run on the hills most mornings before work. After work I go to the pool and swim a mile or two.’
‘A mile or two!’ Georgie spluttered. ‘Tell me you’re kidding! The last time I went swimming I only managed about five lengths before I was a heaving wreck.’
Logan slid a look in her direction. ‘You seem pretty fit to me.’
She blushed under his obvious admiration and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. ‘I was once. When I climbed regularly. But since I had Jess…’ She shrugged. ‘There never seems to be enough hours in the day. I work. I look after my daughter, tidy up, shop, cook. And by the time I’ve done all that, I’m ready for bed.’ God, now she sounded as if she was complaining when her life had everything she wanted. Or so she kept telling herself.
‘That’s why I don’t think I’ll ever have kids.’ Although his tone was light, Georgie had the distinct impression he wanted to make sure she knew he wasn’t into offering her a future. ‘I’m too selfish, I guess. Too used to pleasing myself.’
Georgie felt a crunch of disappointment. The message was loud and clear. But, then, hadn’t she just being telling herself she wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship with this man either? She certainly wasn’t even thinking of the future. Besides, it seemed that they had little in common, except perhaps a love of medicine. Any attraction she felt for him was purely physical, the result surely of almost three years of celibacy? A warmth spread from low in her abdomen. Sex. It had been a long time since she had even thought about it. But with this man she was having a hard time thinking of anything else! Thank God, he couldn’t read minds. But when he turned and grinned at her she began to have her doubts. She could have sworn from the way his eyes were glinting that he had heard every thought as clearly as if she had shouted it.
They drew up in what seemed to be a large empty car park in the middle of nowhere. Georgie was completely baffled. She had imagined a walk in the
hills, a trip to Loch Lomond perhaps, lunch somewhere—but this?
All she could see was what looked like an empty Nissen hut and way over on the other side a number of small private planes. As realisation began to dawn, her heart thumped painfully. Not a plane trip, please, God. And certainly not in one of these tin cans.
But it seemed that was exactly what Logan had in mind.
‘There’s a hotel on an island about an hour’s flight from here, where they have a great restaurant. You can only reach the hotel by boat or plane—it has its own private landing strip. And as I have to keep up my flying hours, I thought it the perfect place for our first date.’
Stunned, Georgie only barely registered his use of the word first. What was she going to do? She could cope with the helicopter, but this was different. This was tiny and she would be unable to pretend she wasn’t miles above the ground. She could hardly admit she was terrified at the thought of going up in the two-seater. Logan would have serious doubts about her suitability for the emergency rescue team if she did. On the other hand, she could hardly disguise her fear for the whole journey, there and back. Oh, God, she had the way back to think about too! The whole date thing was turning into a nightmare. Why, oh, why had she agreed to come? There was nothing wrong with the life she had made for herself. Until she had met Logan she had been content, and she hadn’t been constantly challenged.
‘But before we leave I’ve arranged for a tandem skydive.’
This time Georgie’s heart sank to her boots. No way. No way at all was she going to go up in a plane to throw herself into space. He would have to drug her first and wait until she was unconscious before flinging her out. That would teach her to fancy action men. From now on the only men she would date were those whose idea of excitement was a walk in the rain.
Then she realised Logan was laughing at her. ‘I’m only kidding. About the skydiving. At least, today.’ He laid a hand gently on her shoulder and pulled her round to face him. He lifted her chin with his finger.
‘You’re shaking,’ he said. ‘Do you want to tell me why?’
Georgie shook her head.
‘You don’t like planes, do you?’ he said quietly. It wasn’t a question. ‘But you can cope with helicopters?’
Relief made her knees weak. It was better that he knew.
‘I don’t mind helicopters so much, because I can’t see where we’re going. I can make myself believe that I’m still on the ground. But for some reason, the thought of going up in a small plane makes me feel sick. I think it’s because…’ She bit back the words.
‘Because?’ Logan prompted gently.
‘Because I spent two days in a light aircraft helping to look for my husband’s body,’ she blurted. ‘Now I can’t go near one without reliving the whole awful experience. Especially not small ones, like those.’ She pointed at the row of planes sitting on the tarmac.
He squeezed her hand and she saw sympathy in his eyes. ‘You should have told me. Perhaps I could have helped. ‘
‘And have you think twice about having me on the team?’ She shook her head. ‘I can cope with the helicopter. That’s what matters, isn’t it?’
‘But we may have to go with the air ambulance plane at some point. And what if your anxiety spreads to the helicopter? We’re bound to find ourselves in some hairy conditions sometime. I’m sorry, Georgie. I wish you had said. I can’t afford to have someone on the team who could crack at any time.’ He looked genuinely regretful.
Georgie swallowed hard. There was no way she was going to give up her place on the team. She had never failed at anything and she was damned if she was going to start now. Hadn’t she just resolved to face the future without fear?
She stiffened her spine and faced him. The last thing she wanted was for anyone, especially this man, to see her as a wimp.
‘If I can cope with the plane trip, there and back, will you keep me on the team?’
Logan studied her for one long moment. ‘One condition. If it becomes unbearable—before it becomes unbearable—you’ll let me know.’
Georgie raised her hand in a mock salute and managed a smile.
‘Aye, aye, sir. Hadn’t we better get going, then?’
Her heart was in her mouth the whole time Logan did his checks. The plane was tiny, with just enough room for the pair of them, and of course she would be unable to avoid looking out unless she kept her eyes closed the whole time. Impossible. Not without eagle-eyed Logan noticing. She was pretty sure he wouldn’t be satisfied that she had kept her part of the bargain if she did. Cripes. If she had known what he had in mind she would have stopped off for some mild sedatives. But that wasn’t the answer either. No. There was nothing else for it. She would have to grit her teeth and pray.
The worst part was taking off. A wave of nausea brought tiny beads of perspiration to her top lip.
‘You have strong fingers,’ Logan said wryly as soon as they were airborne. Abashed, she whipped her hand off his thigh, but not before she was conscious of steel-like muscles under her fingertips.
‘Years of climbing, I guess,’ she said trying hard to keep her voice light. She hadn’t been aware she had clutched his thigh. One more embarrassment to add to a steadily growing list.
Logan pointed out various landmarks and soon Georgie found that she was beginning to relax. At least, enough for the nausea to pass.
As the flight went on, Georgie felt the tension ease. Soon she was able to peer out of the window. They flew over Loch Lomond and seemed to be following the coastline. Below, she could make out tiny boats and yachts as they sailed into the sea.
Twenty minutes later, they started their descent towards a small island. The sea was cobalt blue, lightening where the water became more shallow near the fringes of the island. The sky was cloudless and Georgie felt relaxed.
Nevertheless she was relieved when they touched down with hardly a bump. Now she only had the return journey to get through. She knew she had all but conquered her fear. Perhaps if she had forced herself to fly sooner, she wouldn’t have had those years of worrying, wondering if she’d ever be able to take Jess overseas on holiday. Fear, she realised, was worse in the imagination than reality.
As the plane came to a halt, they removed their helmets. Logan looked at her expectantly. ‘Well?’ he asked.
‘It wasn’t nearly as awful as I imagined it would be,’ Georgie admitted. ‘In fact, towards the end I was beginning to enjoy myself. It’s such a relief. I hated being scared.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with being frightened,’ he said softly. ‘It’s what keeps us safe. It’s how you cope with that fear that counts.’
Georgie wondered if he were talking from personal experience. She wanted to know more, but instinctively knew that now wasn’t the right time.
The hotel was perched on a cliff overlooking the sea. Despite its remote and inaccessible location, the restaurant was busy. Georgie suspected that many of the boats tied up in the harbour used it as a stopping-off point on their journey up the west coast.
‘I’ve heard of this place,’ she said appreciatively. ‘Never thought I’d come here, though.’
Logan had arranged the hire of a small boat and organised a picnic for their lunch.
‘There’s a small deserted island just over there.’ He pointed to a small chunk of land out at sea. ‘I thought we could take the boat across, have lunch and then go for a walk.’
Georgie had to admit he had picked a perfect day weatherwise. The sun glinted on the sea, turning it to rippled silver. There was a hint of rain to come in the distance, but it would be some time before it reached them.
Logan insisted on rowing across and Georgie was happy to let him. This way she could relax while watching him surreptitiously. He rowed effortlessly, his muscles bunching with the effort. All Georgie could think about was how it would feel to have those arms wrapped around her, holding her tight, and her stomach fluttered nervously.
During their picnic and walk, Logan amused h
er with stories about his days in the territorial army and boot camp, as well as describing a few of the places he had been posted to during his career. She noticed he kept away from talking about his current posting. She could hardly blame him. He would be going back there soon enough. In turn, she told him about some of the fascinating places her father had been posted to. Talking about them made her realise that her dislocated childhood hadn’t been all bad. She had seen and done things she would never have done had her father not been in the army.
The hours sped by and before she knew it they were rowing back towards the main island.
‘This has been wonderful, Logan. Thank you,’ Georgie said, leaning back and raising her face to the gentle sun.
‘It needn’t be over yet.’ He hesitated and for the first time he looked unsure of himself. ‘I made dinner reservations for us at the hotel. But if you’d rather go back…’
She trailed a languid hand in the cool water. She liked seeing this other, less sure side of him. It made him seem more human.
‘Leave paradise before I have to? No way. Dinner sounds lovely.’ Georgie was glad she had tucked an emerald green wraparound dress into her bag in case her date had required something more dressy. She slipped it on in the hotel rest room, refreshed her make-up, brushed her hair until it gleamed and sprayed some perfume on her wrists and neck before joining Logan in the foyer. He let out an appreciative wolf whistle when he saw her.
‘You look beautiful,’ he said as she walked towards him. ‘I wish I had brought something more formal.’ However, he looked completely relaxed and at ease in his jeans and T-shirt.
Their meal more than lived up to its reputation. Georgie had warm pigeon breast to start with then they shared a platter of seafood. It wasn’t the most elegant dish to eat, but they both tucked in with gusto.
‘Here, try a whelk,’ Georgie said, holding out a tiny morsel of the shellfish.
‘Think I’ll pass.’ Logan said, wrinkling his nose.
‘Oh, no, you don’t.’ Georgie laughed. ‘I had to do something I didn’t want to today, so fair’s fair. Now it’s your turn.’