by M. K. Eidem
“I don’t understand. We use this machine all the time for rehab.”
“For broken fingers and hands correct?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Burns have to be handled differently. Every muscle has to be worked, equally and systematically or one will overpower the other.” Victoria rakes her hands through her hair.
“Can we send for one?”
“There’s no time, you saw his fingers.” Closing her eyes, she reaches a decision, taking a deep breath as her green eyes bore into Magnes. “I’m going to need all the burionic solution you have. Adjustable pressure syringes with sapophine, turpidian, and afritic in them. I'll need braces to keep his fingers where I want them. Oh, and I’ll need protective gloves, child mediums.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Manual manipulation.”
Magnes pales at the thought. “Do you know what it takes…”
“Yes, everything I just told you. I’ve done it before.” Victoria holds up her hands. “The benefit of having small hands.”
“He’s going to hate you for the rest of his life.” Magnes warns.
“That’s okay, he already does.” Victoria, thinking about her dream, misses Magnes shocked look. This is the right choice. She has to do it. “I won’t do it here, though. He won’t appreciate anyone hearing him. Get it gathered up Magnes, I’ll go tell him.”
“He won’t understand.”
“Not at first, but he will.” Turning she walks back into the exam room.
“What’s going on Victoria?” Lucas watches her hesitate. “The truth.” Guarded eyes meet his.
“You need immediate rehab if you want full use of your hands and fingers. That rehab machine is useless for you.” She gives it a disgusted look. “We’ll have to do manual manipulation.”
“Okay…”
“It’s a long and painful process. Each session will take three to five hours. You’ll need a session a day, then your hands and wrists will be splinted and braced to keep them where we want them.”
“How long?” Lucas swallows hard.
“It’ll depend on how well you respond to the manipulation, two weeks minimum. Magnes is gathering up the supplies.”
“Alright, let’s get started.” Victoria moves, loosely bandaging his hands.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re going to do the treatments in your quarters.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s where I want them done.”
Lucas finally realizes what’s going on.
“You’re doing the treatments.”
“Yes. Magnes isn’t trained for it.”
“But you are.”
“I’ve done it before, yes.” Finishing with the bandages, she looks up to see Magnes entering carrying a bag. Checking it, she looks at him.
“Braces?”
Walking behind her, he opens a cabinet pulling them out.
“Do you want an assistant?”
Victoria gives Lucas a serious look, the fewer people hearing him the better.
“No. I’ll contact you if I need one.” Taking the braces, she puts them in the bag. “Ready Major?”
“The sooner we start, the sooner we’re done.”
In Lucas’ quarters, Victoria heads straight for the bathroom. After sterilizing the sink, she fills it with hot water to warm it and pours in some of the burionic solution. Turning, she finds Lucas watching her, his eyes questioning.
“I need to grab a chair. You are going to want to sit.”
“What about you?”
“I need to stand. What do you want to sleep in?”
“What?”
“Once the treatment is done, you’re going to want to sleep.”
“Victoria.”
“Trust me, you will, so bottoms?”
“Yeah. Victoria.” He waits until she looks at him. “I do trust you.”
Looking at him, even injured, she sees everything she’s ever wanted, ever dreamed about but will never have. Not after this. Nodding stiffly, she turns making sure everything’s organized. Once Lucas is ready, she pulls out the syringe of sapophine, adjusts it to the dosage she wants and puts it to his arm.
“What is it and why?”
“Sapophine, for the pain, you need to let me know when it gets to be too much.” She raises her eyes to his. “I’m serious. We need to control the pain. When it gets to be too much, I can give you turpidian.”
“Hey I’m tough.” Lucas jokes, trying to break his growing tension.
“No one’s this tough.” She doesn’t return his smile as she gives him the injection. “Sit.” Pulling on gloves, she steps in front of him, carefully unwrapping one hand. With one last look into his eyes, knowing that he will never see her the same way again, she turns and lowers his hand into the solution.
“What the fuck!” Lucas tenses behind her. It feels like his hand is in boiling water.
“Relax Major,” she tells him.
“How am I supposed to do that?” He has to force himself not to pull his hand away. “And stop calling me Major! Fuck! What are you doing?” It feels like she’s driving nails into his hands.
“I’m manipulating the tendons, loosening them.”
“Why don’t you just fucking rip them out?”
Victoria’s heart breaks at the pain she’s causing him.
“Talk to me. Tell me about getting back to the fleet after the Challenge. What ship where you assigned to?”
Gritting his teeth, Lucas talks as she works each tendon, each muscle, asking questions when he falters. Trying to keep his mind occupied. When she feels him start to quiver, she looks up. He’s pale and sweaty, his pupils dilated.
“Damn it Lucas! I told you to let me know.”
“Just finish!” Reaching for the turpidian, she gives him the pain medication. Watching closely she can tell when it starts to work. Turning back, she finishes working his thumb. Assessing the entire hand, finding she can move everything properly, she carefully dries and bandages it before bracing it onto the board.
As the sink empties, she stretches her back. Sterilizing it again, she refills it, changing gloves, she unwraps his other arm.
“Victoria...” Looking at him, Victoria sees his pain, she can feel it, deep inside and it nearly crushes her because she can’t make it stop, she won’t. This is what needs done if he’s ever going to fly again, for him to have the life he wants, even if it’s one without her. Fighting through the pain, she picks up his other hand.
“It has to be done.” With tight lips, he nods. “Tell me this time when you need a shot.” Slipping his hand into the treated water, she hears him groan.
“So what happened on the Rodham?” When he doesn’t reply she pushes. “Come on Lucas talk to me, I’ll get you through this. I heard rumors it was the party to beat all parties.”
Slowly he starts to tell her about the Carinian equivalent to Earth’s New Year’s Eve. They’d docked at the Space Station Rodham and rumor had it were not allowed to return. Sometime during the telling, Lucas manages to pull himself closer to her. With his bandaged arm on one side, his other in the solution, he rests his head on her back, seeking her silent comfort and strength.
“Lucas.” She’s concerned at his silence.
“What?” Turning, his head comes to rest on her breast.
“Let me help.” Pain filled eyes pierce hers.
“I can’t take much more of your help!” Devastated eyes greet his statement before they go blank. Giving him another shot, she turns back to the sink.
“Victoria…” He’s not so far gone that he doesn’t realize he’s hurt her.
“So Dodge was dancing…” She is not going to cry. She knew this would happen. She’s a doctor for God’s sake. She’s tougher than this. If she’s not, then she needs to rethink her choice of career. It’s a good thing he’d told her his feelings before the accident, otherwise…
Before long, she feels him leaning against her agai
n. Bracing her legs, she takes more of the weight he doesn’t know he’s putting on her. Finally finishing, she repeats the wrapping and bracing of his hand.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
“What?” He asks, his voice slurred.
“We’re done, you need to rest. Come on.” Getting him up, she realizes she should have called for help. If he went down...
“One step at a time, that’s it, almost there. Sit down. There you go. Now lean back. Good.” Once he is situated, she heads back to the bathroom for the afritic.
“What’s that?” Pain filled eyes watch her.
“Something to help you sleep.”
“Don’t want it.”
“Too bad, you’re getting it.”
“Damn it! Haven’t you done enough?” Victoria can’t speak as tears fill her eyes. Giving him the injection, she watches his eyes close as hers finally overflow.
After a long night of readjusting splints, monitoring pain meds, and listening to him talk in his sleep. Victoria is more than ready to call Magnes and arrange for someone to stay with Lucas while she’s in class.
Groaning, he tries to sit up.
“Easy. Here let me help.”
Opening his eyes, he finds fatigued green ones.
“Victoria?” He looks around confused.
“Yeah.”
“What time is it?”
“Early, around 0530, here drink some of this. It’s just water, promise.” She tells him when he looks at her. Drinking, he finds he’s parched. “More?”
“Yeah.” After finishing a second glass he leans back closing his eyes, god he feels so weak, so drained.
“You will be for a while.” Startled he looks at her, he hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud. “Magnes will be over soon. He’s going to monitor you for the rest of the day, help you eat, things like that.”
“I don’t need a fucking babysitter!” Angry eyes meet hers.
“Well you’re damn well going to have one!” Standing, she has to walk away. This isn’t the way to handle Lucas.
“Damn it, Victoria…”
“Look.” Turning back, her eyes are flat and shuttered. “There are things I can’t or you won’t let me help you with. Like using the bathroom, drying from the shower but you’ll let Magnes. He’ll help you with that and help you eat.” She holds up a hand to stop him. “Real food but he’ll need to cut it for you. Feed you. I don’t want those splints moved. Do you hear me? Eat as much as you can. Your body needs it. Rest, your body needs that too. Later tonight, I’ll give you your second treatment.”
Lucas pales at the thought of going through that again. She’d told him a minimum of two weeks, that’s fourteen treatments.
“Don’t think about it, all you have to do is get through today, just today.” She knows what he's thinking.
“Like that helps,” he replies sarcastically.
“It will. Just today, concentrate on today.”
“Where are you going to be today when all this is going on?” he demands, realizing he wants her with him. She comforts him.
“In the classroom, it’s a school day.”
“Victoria, you’ve been up all night.”
“I’m fine.” A knock on the hatch stops him from arguing. “That’s Magnes.” Opening the hatch, she lets him in. Giving both men detailed instructions of what she wants done, and not done, while she is gone she reluctantly leaves.
In the following days, they develop a routine, treatment at night, someone staying with him during the day. Victoria’s getting very little sleep, but she’s pleased with the results she’s starting to see. She isn’t having to splint as strongly between treatments. Lucas is starting to move his fingers on his own without needing as much pain medication during the treatments.
“You’re doing well.” Victoria is on his sixth treatment, glad there will be no school tomorrow.
“Screw that! Fuck! Just cut them off.” Lucas swears.
“So the new laser system…” she prompts.
“What?”
“You were talking about the new laser system on the Blades.” Trying to distract him as she works on a trouble area.
“Who cares!”
“You do, it saves lives. Come on, talk to me Major.” Finally giving in, he starts and to his surprise it does help. So does laying his head against her back, listening to her heartbeat, soaking up her calm.
“There, done for the day. Let’s get you up.”
“I can do it myself.” Watching to make sure he’s okay, she stands in the bathroom door but instead of the bed, he heads to the couch.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m tired of lying in that damn bed.”
“Okay.” In the bathroom, she cleans up for the night. Returning, she can tell he’s frustrated.
“What can I do for you?” It’s out before she can stop it.
“You can leave me alone. I am so fucking tired of you being around all the time!” It is killing him. Being around her and not being able to touch her. Never having her say his name. Being treated like a sick child. Watching her wear herself out while he lies in a bed sleeping.
Paling, she sucks in a sharp breath. That cuts, cuts deep. She thought she knew what to expect, she’s done this treatment before, but never to someone she knew, someone she loved. For him to say that...she’s survived so much but she’s not sure she’ll survive this.
“I’ll give Dodge a call.”
“Do that and then get the fuck out!”
Walking carefully to the comm, she connects to Dodge. After confirming he’d be there within the hour, she disconnects. Lucas lays his head back, closing his eyes, shutting her out. Opening them when the comm rings again.
“Chamberlain. Dr Selfridge? No, just finished up the sixth treatment.” Frowning she leans back. “The results?” Lucas watches her mind work, sees the slight smile. “That’s really good, the overall?” Whatever she is being told, she likes then she loses her smile.
“Fine. It’s what I expected. Handling it. If it becomes a problem, you’ll be the first to know.”
Lucas finds he wants to know what questions she’s answering.
“I’ll be doing that shortly, there’s a friend coming over. What?” Now she looks at him. “I don’t know… if you think it will help, I’ll ask.” Putting Selfridge on hold, she looks at Lucas.
“Are you up to talking to Hot Dog? He’s having some problems. Dr Selfridge thinks it will help him to touch base.”
“Give me that thing!” Lucas starts to rise.
“Sit!” The brittleness of her tone has him freezing.
“Doctor? He’s willing. I’ll put him on.” Walking over, she carefully readjusts the headset to fit him, moving the mic closer to the full lips she wants to kiss. Forcing her hands not to linger, she moves away.
“Hot Dog! How you doing man!” Lucas forces his voice to be upbeat.
“Been better.” Is the disheartened reply.
“Yeah, I hear you there.” Lucas agrees.
“So how many torture sessions have you been through?” Lucas raises an eyebrow. This isn’t what he expected.
“Just finished number six,” he tells him.
“I’m on two. Fuck man, I know she’s like your sister and all that, but if she was here I’d happily break her neck.”
“Hot Dog…” Lucas is horrified.
“That fucking manipulation machine she helped design, if the Regulians had it, the Coalition would just fucking surrender!” The rage in Hot Dog's voice has Lucas stunned.
“Come on, it can’t be that bad.”
“Not bad! They put you in this room, hook the machine up and leave you screaming.”
“You’re not getting pain meds?”
“Like they fucking help!”
“You’re not being monitored?”
“Like they care, they try to get you to talk about stupid shit. Tell you to just think about today, worry only about today. Fuck that!” Hot Dog is all but
yelling.
“Listen to them Hot Dog, it works, it helps.”
“The fuck it does. What the hell do they have you doing that you can say that! Are you on some kind of special machine! I bet the great Zafar’s son gets a special machine, that’s why they shipped me out!”
“No Hot Dog, no machine. Victoria’s doing what’s called manual manipulation. It’s what they used to do before the machine.”
“Really! Good! I hope it kills her just like it did that other one!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Lucas’ eyes shoot to Victoria.
“They stopped doing that manual thing because it was too hard on the poor doctors. Some shit about not being able to cope with causing so much pain, as if they know what real pain is. Three cycles ago, one of the interns’ self-terminated over it.”
“What!”
“Yeah, well good riddance.”
“They’re trying to help Hot Dog.”
“Fuck that!”
“Major Zafar?”
“Yeah, who am I talking to?”
“This is Dr Selfridge, I took the headset from Hot Dog. I’d hoped talking to you would help. Victoria says you’re making remarkable progress, handling the manual manipulation extremely well. I know it’s the tougher road to take. I’d hoped you’d be able to convey that to Hot Dog. That he would understand that this is part of the process, but he’s too caught up in the pain right now. I hope this doesn’t set you back, a person’s attitude in the recovery process is as important as the treatment itself. Tell Victoria, I’ll contact her later.” Lucas can hear Hot Dog screaming in the background before she disconnects. Hooking the headset with his brace, Lucas rips it off his head, throwing it across the room.
Picking it up, Victoria sets it on his desk then turns to answer the hatch.
“Hello Lieutenant.”
“Victoria. So how’s the old man?”
“Tired of looking at me, needing some man time.”
“You sure he’s not brain damaged?” Dodge smiles at her. “I’d never get tired of looking at you.”
“You’re such a sweet talker.” She gives him a tired smile. “He’s on the couch. I’m going to go get some things done then I’ll be in quarters. Buzz me when you’re leaving and I’ll come back.”