by M. K. Eidem
“Victoria, I can take the night shift. Go sleep.”
“You’re sure?”
“You're exhausted. I’ll call if there are any problems, promise.”
“Yeah, okay I could use some serious rack time. He’s had his pain shot. It should get him through until morning, if not, call.”
“I will, go.” Pushing her through the hatch, he closes it in her face. Walking over, he drops into one of the chairs, assessing his friend.
“You’re looking better than I thought you would.”
Chapter Four
Lucas watches as Dodge flirts with Victoria, sees her smile at him. She never smiles at him anymore.
“Oh I’m just great! Having the time of my life. Thanks.”
“See that bump did nothing to change your attitude.”
“Fuck you Dodge.”
“Yep, same old Hawk.” Lucas tries to make a fist and grimaces. Letting out a deep sigh, he sinks back into the couch.
“This is killer, Nick. I thought I was tough, that there wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, but this… I’ve got at least eight treatments left. I don’t know if I’ll make it.”
“You will. One day at a time.” Dodge nods his encouragement.
“That’s what Victoria says, today is all that I have to get through.”
“Good advice. Take it.”
“I was just talking to Hot Dog. He’s not doing so well.”
“That’s not what I hear.”
“Fuck, Nick, you should have heard him. He was screaming, saying stupid things about Victoria.”
“He has to blame someone, focus on someone. Sounds like Victoria’s it. Once he gets further along in the treatments he’ll start seeing things more clearly,” Dodge says knowledgeably.
“How would you know?”
“You don’t remember, do you?” He raises an eyebrow at Lucas.
“Remember? Remember what?”
“My brother, Tanner. He was in that fire about three cycles back. I was gone for two moon cycles.”
“Shit, I’d forgotten. Is he doing okay?”
“Yeah, he is now. He wasn’t in the beginning. He had seconds on his hands and arms, like you. Stupid kid was pouring fuel on wet wood to make a fire, it exploded on him. It took twelve hours before anyone found him, by then the burns had spread. They lifted him to Camotes.” Nick looks at Lucas. “By the time I got there, it’d been a week. They had him bandaged like you for a week! I had the joy of watching them remove them. His fingers were bent so badly, I couldn’t look at them. They started rehab that day. They were still doing the manual manipulation then. They had to strap him down to do it. The things he screamed. He knew swear words I didn’t even know. They had to restrain me from going in to stop the doctor working on him. Fuck, I wanted to kill that Doctor.”
“Back in his room, he begged me to just kill him. Fuck Lucas, I considered it. How was he supposed to take that? Later, I’m sitting outside, trying to figure out what to do, and Victoria sits down next to me. I unload on her.” Nick raises remorseful eyes to Lucas. “Shit, what was she fifteen, sixteen max? I reamed her as I’ve never reamed anyone in my life. She just sat there and took it. When I was done, she started telling me what was happening, why it was happening, what still needed to be done, if Tanner as going to be able use his hands again.”
“Then she told me they were working on a new protocol, and she’d like to try it with Tanner. It involved the administration of different meds at different times to help control pain, having his hands submerged in a special solution during the manipulation to help ward off infection and speed up muscle regeneration.”
“She was honest with me Lucas. Told me it would hurt like hell. That there was no way around it. The muscles and tendons in his hands were badly contracted. There was no guarantee she’d be able to get them back to normal, but she’d do everything she could. Do you believe that, after I just tore into her, she was still willing to help.”
“That’s Victoria.”
“Yeah it is. Anyway, she took Tanner on. Every day for eight hours, she worked on him. I don’t know how she did it. I never made it through a whole treatment. Couldn’t take seeing him in that much pain. After about three weeks, it was starting to get better and I run into Victoria and Selfridge arguing in the hall. Selfridge was demanding she stop the treatments. I couldn’t believe it! You know me, I jumped in yelling, telling them they couldn’t stop. Selfridge slammed me back, made me look at Victoria’s hands.”
“What?”
“They were raw Lucas. The solution that was helping Tanner hands, was eating hers. Then there’d been a self-termination. A twenty two-cycle intern couldn’t take it anymore. Selfridge was worried about Victoria. Victoria argued back she was fine and would wear gloves, but she wasn’t stopping. Fuck that girl is a sight to see when she’s defending what she believes.”
“Yeah.”
“Anyway, she worked him, worked him hard. Tanner hated her, it never fazed her, or things he said. By the time I left, Tanner was feeding himself.”
“It took him two moon cycles to feed himself again?” Lucas can’t hide his astonishment.
“Yeah.”
“But he understands now why she did what she did.”
“Yeah, but Lucas, while he understands, he’ll never thank her, never consider her a friend.”
“That’s…”
“The way it is. I tried to get him to thank her before I left, fought with him about it. He wouldn’t, so I did for him, telling her that one day he would too. She got this really sad look in her eyes for a minute, then she told me flat out, that no, he wouldn’t. He’d always associate her with pain, and you don’t thank someone for giving you pain.”
“But she helped him.”
“I know. I’m just glad she doesn’t remember me reaming her.”
Lucas looks at his friend, deciding not to tell him Victoria remembers everything.
Victoria finally surfaces at 0700. She’d known she’d been tired but really, ten hours. Climbing out of bed, she heads for the comm. No, Dodge would have called if there was a problem or he had to leave. Turning, she heads for the shower, letting the heat sink into her sore muscles. It’d been a while since she’d done this much manual manipulation. Usually if it was needed, it was only for a treatment or two to get the patient ready for the rehab machine. Looking at her arms, she’s happy to see only a few raw spots, all above the glove line. That was to be expected.
Drying off, she goes to work on her hair. It is always such a pain to get through. Someday she’ll have the nerve to chop it off but not today. When her stomach rumbles, she dresses and heads to get something to eat.
“Hey Chamberlain! Long time no see!” Jager sits down across from her.
“Hey Jager. Yeah, I’ve been busy.”
“So I heard. Helping your brother.”
“He’s not my brother,” Victoria stresses.
“Right… So you free tonight?” Hopeful eyes look at her.
“Don’t know yet. Why?” she asks, taking a bite.
“Got a group going to Emans.”
Chewing, Victoria thinks about it. Might be a good thing for her to get out, give her some perspective, and give Lucas some space. He’s recovering remarkably fast, she’s not sure he’s even going to need fourteen treatments. Looking at Jager, she realizes he’s waiting for her response.
“What time? I’ll try to make it.”
“I’ll come pick you up.” His eager voice has Victoria looking at him. Shit, he was interested. Pausing, she looks at him, really looks at him. He’s attractive, in a blond sort of way. He’s thin and only 6’4”, short for a Carinian, but nice looking and nice too. Maybe it was time for her to start looking back.
“Thanks, but I’m still not sure I’m going. What time and I’ll see if I can make it.”
“2000. I’ll save a dance for you.”
“We’ll see.” Looking at the time, she stands. “I need to get going. Later.”
“What?” Lucas asks after he swallows.
“You talk in your sleep or should I say, swear and bitch.”
“I do not!” Lucas denies.
“Tanner did it too. They said it’s the mind trying to process the pain.”
“What’d I say?” he demands.
“I don’t think you want to know. It’s a wonder Victoria hasn’t gagged you.” Lifting the forc, he waits while Lucas ignores it.
“She’s heard me swear before.” Lucas watches him.
“It wasn’t the swearing, it’s what you were saying about her.”
Lucas pales his mind racing.
“What was I saying?”
“Lucas…”
“If I’ve been talking for the last eight nights, I need to know what she’s hearing.”
“Look, she knows you don’t mean it.”
“Did Tanner? What am I saying?” he demands.
“Stupid shit like ‘why don’t you just kill me’ and ‘this is the thanks I get for protecting you’. Shit like that.”
“She never said a word, not one fucking word.” He has to move, standing he paces.
“Did you think she would? I’m sure she’s heard it all before.”
“Not from me. Not about things from her past, things that happened between us. Fuck!” A knock on the hatch saves Dodge for having to say more. Opening the hatch, he finds Victoria on the other side. Perfect.
“What’s wrong?” She pushes past Dodge to find Lucas on the far side of the room, looking pissed a half-eaten meal on the table. “Do you need pain shot?”
“No.”
She looks to Dodge for help. He just shrugs at her.
“He slept through the night. Has had a shower. Ate most of first meal then got pissy.”
“He tends too. What else?”
“I’m standing right here, ask me.” Lucas hates them acting as if he’s not in the room.
“Right,” Green eyes pin him before she turns back to Dodge. “No fever, unusual pain?”
“Not that he said. You look better.” Even Lucas can see she looks rested.
“Feel better, thanks for the help.”
“Anytime. Do you want me back for the night shift tonight?”
“Can I let you know? I’m thinking we might be able to remove the splints tonight.”
“Really! So soon?” Dodge asks.
“Yeah, he’s responding to the treatments really well. How’s Tanner doing?”
“Good, really good, full use.” Dodge looked shocked she remembered.
“That’s good to hear. I’ll let you know by 1600, is that soon enough?”
“That’s fine. Later Lucas.”
“He didn’t think you’d remember.” Lucas watches Victoria closely.
“Remember what?” She walks over to his plate. “You need to eat more.” She reprimands him.
“I’m fine. Tanner, him.”
“Why wouldn’t I remember?” Giving up, she cleans up the plates, putting them on the tray.
“I think it was more hoping you wouldn’t, wouldn’t remember him reaming you.”
“He just needed to vent, it didn’t mean anything.” Turning she looks at him. “So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Moving he stops inches from her.
“Tell you what?” Victoria’s breath catches, she can barely think when he is this close.
“That I’m talking in my sleep.” If he hadn’t been watching so closely, he’d have missed it, the flash of intense pain.
“It’s common, the mind…”
“Is dealing with the pain,” he interrupts. “Yeah Dodge told me. Why didn’t you?” Raising a braced hand, he touches her cheek with his knuckles. Her green eyes widen, before she steps away.
“There was no reason too. You have the right to say whatever you want.” Her throat tightens at his touch.
“Not when it hurts you.”
“I’m fine, Major.” Stepping away, she takes a deep breath. He’s gotten her stirred up she needs to settle, to keep her mind clear and focused.
“Stop calling me fucking Major! You know my name!”
“So you had a good night without additional meds?” She ignores him.
“Victoria…”
“Let it go, let me do what needs done. Please.”
It’s the please that stops him, letting him know she’s more upset then she’s letting on.
“For now, but we’ll talk about it again.”
Not if she can help it, she thinks, she’s not sure she can take him ‘talking’ to her again. Not after the other night.
“Fine, sit.” Pointing to the couch, she gathers her supplies.
Sitting on the table, pillow in her lap, she takes one of his arms. Carefully cutting through the bandages, she removes the splints.
“How are you doing?” Serious eyes meet his.
“It’s fine.” He watches as she carefully removes the dressings, with gloved hands she cups his, lifting it up to scrutinize each wound.
“Bend your index finger.” She orders.
“What?” Confusion colors his reply.
“Bend.” She keeps her eyes locked on his finger. When it moves, she nods. “Now from here.” She touches the middle knuckle. Sweating just a little, he complies.
“How does it feel?” Victoria raises her eyes to him.
“Tight.”
“Just tight?” She wants clarification. “No pain?”
“Not really. It just feels tight, like I’ve never used it before.”
“You haven’t. You have a lot of newly healed tendon and muscle. It needs to be shown what it needs to do.” She repeated the procedure with his remaining fingers and thumb.
“Good, now try and do this.” Victoria touches her thumb and little finger together. Watching as he tries and can only get them half way. She gives him a brilliant smile, her eyes sparkling.
“That’s great Lucas.”
“What’s so fucking great about it?” He watches her smile disappear. Her eyes go flat. “Victoria…”
“You have movement in every muscle and tendon.” Carefully, she puts his hand down. “Let’s check the other one.”
Lifting his unbound hand, he reaches out to touch her.
“Don’t!” She jerks away. Taking his other hand, she repeats the procedures.
Watching her, Lucas does what she asks, finding he can’t speak. Having her jerk away from him, from his touch, hurts. Hurts more than the treatments she’s giving him, something he never thought possible. She is the only person he will ever love, and she’s pulling away from him.
“You’re progressing well, Major.” With his hands resting back in his lap, she rises putting away the supplies. Looking at the time, she sees it’s already 1200. “Are you ready for second meal? I can wrap your hands and fingers so you can try to feed yourself. I would recommend something that doesn’t involve cutting but it’s up to you.”
The thought of feeding himself, distracts him from whatever thoughts he’d been having as she’d hoped. She really didn’t want to get into it with him.
“I’m ready for that?” Lucas can’t hide his surprise. “Tanner took two moon cycles.”
“I said try.” The smile she gives him is forced. “It’s going to be messy but would be considered therapy.”
“Yeah, I’d like to try. Victoria…”
“Leave it alone.” Returning, she wraps his fingers, hands and arms up to his elbows. “I’ll get the meal. You will not lift anything while I’m gone.” At his look, her eyes harden. “If you do, you could tear a tendon or muscle, they’re still fragile. If you do that, you’re back to the first treatment. It’s that serious.”
Looking at her, he can tell she means it.
“I’ll sit here like a good little boy.” He tells her causing her lips to twitch.
“I doubt you were ever a good
little boy.” Standing, she gets second meal.
Waiting, Lucas can do nothing but think. Think about the explosion. Think about Hot Dog. Think about the treatments. Think about Victoria. Victoria. Sighing, he leans his head back. What is he going to do about Victoria?
He knows what he wants to do. Hell, he’s a man. She’s a woman… a woman. When had he stopped thinking about her as a child? In the maintenance room? After the explosion when she’d breezed into medical and taken control? When she’d done what needed to be done, knowing it was going to hurt. Hurt her. Hurt him. During the treatments? Those fucking painful treatments, when she’d let him lean on her, literally, comforting him the only way she could, knowing she was causing the excruciating pain.
If they just met, here, now, on the Retribution, he’d want her. Would pursue her. Would fall in love with her. So why isn’t he? Because he doesn’t want to be hurt, hurt if she chooses someone else. What if she doesn’t feel the same way he does, if it really is hero worship, it would destroy him. Laughing silently he closes his eyes. Could anything hurt worse than having her jerk away from him?
“It could hurt.” Matthew Zafar looks at his grandson.
“What? Granddad?” Lucas stares into eyes he hasn’t seen in cycles. Glancing around, he finds they’re on the high bank of the lake near the family cabin.
“Hello, Lucas.”
“What’s going on?”
“You’re thinking about taking the leap, it could hurt.”
“What are you talking about?” Matthew gestures to the rope in his hand.
Realizing he’s in his swim gear, Lucas smiles. The Zafar leap. Swing off the bank, across the rocks, into the cool, deep waters of the lake. Every Zafar has done it before entering the Academy.
“It’s a risk, an unnecessary one. You could get hurt.”
“You always say living is a risk.” Lucas looks back to his granddad.
“True. Are you sure that the rope will hold you? What if it breaks?”
“It won’t break.” He tells him confidently.
“How do you know?”
“Because you put that rope there, knowing I would be using it. You’d never do anything to hurt me.”