Abel 2: Hearts in Chaos

by CJ Bishop

  I don't care what it is, Abel—I'm not letting you go without a fight.

  * * * *

  Muffled voices pushed at the edges of Abel's sleep, and nudged him back to wakefulness. He didn't know if the nightmares had come while he slept. If so, he didn't remember them. But his body ached and his head hurt, throat sore and raw. Some part of him had hoped that yesterday and last night had been the nightmare, and today he would awake to find that Devlin was still a possibility and God hadn't just slapped him down again—this time so hard that he had no will to get up again.

  He rolled onto his side and a fit of coughs hit him, straining his stomach and making his chest hurt.

  “Abel?” Cole seemed to appear out of thin air, his hand pressing to Abel's brow. “You're burning up.” Abel didn't feel hot as he began to shiver uncontrollably. Cole tucked the blankets more securely up under his chin. “Just stay in bed. I'll go get you some medicine, okay?” He kissed his forehead. “Gabe is here, so you won't be alone.” He sank to his heels next to the bed and stroked his fingers through Abel's hair. There was anguish in the man's pale gray eyes that he didn't understand. But rather than voicing it, he simply kissed Abel again then left the bedroom.

  Abel heard him speaking to Gabe, then moments later the door closed.

  The shakes eased off for a few minutes and he started to drift back to sleep when they hit again. He didn't know Gabe had entered the bedroom until he felt the mattress depress behind him then Gabe's arms wrap around him. “Cole will be back soon.” he said quietly. “The medicine will bring down your fever, and help you sleep.”

  I don't want any medicine—just let me die. Warm tears filled his eyes and dripped down onto his pillow, the swell of emotion bringing on another fit of coughs, delivered with hard sobs. Gabe held him tighter and he felt the man tremble, then heard his low sobs.

  “I know what's wrong, Abel.” he choked softly. “I know about Devlin's brother.” Abel shoved his face into the blankets and cried harder as Gabe hugged him securely.

  “I...I can't ever...tell him.” Abel cried quietly. “Promise...you won't tell him either.”

  “He won't stop.” Gabe whispered thickly. “Until someone tells him something.” He pressed his lips to Abel's shoulder. “He's falling in love with you...you're everything to him, Abel. He isn't gonna just walk away without an explanation.”

  Able shook his head slowly. “I can't tell him.” The shakes grabbed him again and he clenched his jaw until his face ached, struggling to keep his teeth from chattering. “I won't.”

  * * * *

  This is so fucked up. Cole's steps were quick as he returned from the market on the corner with a small bag of various cold medicines. He shot a hard look at the overcast sky. You couldn't cut him some slack this one time? Just this one fucking time?

  Cole tore his gaze from the sky in anger and stepped through the entrance doorway to the apartment building—then halted so suddenly he nearly stumbled when he saw the man sitting on the bottom steps of the stairs. “What're you doing here?”

  Devlin rose to his feet slowly. “Gabe said you would call me. And when you didn't...”

  “How...” Cole frowned. He liked this guy, but now was not the time for him to be here. “How did you even know where Abel lived?”

  “I waited outside the club until Gabe came out.” he admitted low. “Then I followed him. He said he needed to talk to you.” he swallowed tight, his emotions bubbling at the surface. “I thought about just coming in last night, but I knew Abel needed to rest.”

  Cole sighed then stepped around Devlin. “He still does. He 's sick.”

  “Sick?” Instant alarm erupted in the man.

  “Just a cold.” Cole assured to allay the man's fears. “But a bad one. He needs to stay in bed.”

  Devlin grabbed his arm when he started to climb the stairs. “Please...I won't bother him...just let me come up. Just...talk to me...tell me what the hell is going on. If I said something, or did something—I have a right to know.” Desperation resonated forth. “Just tell me so I can fix it. I'll do anything, I swear to God I will!”

  Sympathy for the man surged through Cole, but he couldn't let the man in the apartment, or near Abel. Not yet. “I don't know if this can be fixed.” Cole murmured sickly. Just when Abel was on the verge of trusting someone's love—this had to happen?

  “What can't be fixed?” Devlin demanded. “Fuck!”

  The man's frustration was understandable and it ripped at Cole's heart. But something like this couldn't just be spoken without careful preparation. And then, only when Abel was ready. And Cole suspected that may not be for a long, long time—if ever.

  “You can't be here right now.” Cole said quietly, hurting for the doctor as much as for Abel. The man was head over heels in love with the boy, and it was killing him to know he had hurt him terribly, and yet not knowing how. “I'm sorry. But until Abel is ready to talk...you can't come around. Here...or the club.”

  “Cole...” Devlin choked. “Please...just tell me what's wrong? Whatever I did...or said...I didn't mean to hurt him. I would never...” He covered his eyes with his hand, biting back the tears, throat working to resist the sobs.

  “I know.” Cole murmured. “And Abel knows it too.”

  “Why can't I just talk to him?” the plea in his voice squeezed Cole's heart and stung his eyes with tears. “Please...just let me say I'm sorry...even if he doesn't want to tell me what I did. At least just let me apologize.”

  Cole wiped quickly at his eyes, and cleared his throat. “You didn't do anything wrong, Devlin. You don't have anything to apologize for.”

  “I don't understand.” he shook his head. “Then what is it?”

  Cole looked at him softly. “When Abel is ready to talk...I'll let you know. I promise. But for now...you have to give him some space. If you don't...” Cole shook his head and whispered, “You might lose him for good.”

  Chapter Three

  Unexpected Emotions

  “Where's Abel?” There was a slight paleness to the young girl's face and she lay back against the pillows, eyes tired.

  “He's down with a cold.” Devlin told her. He tried for his doctor's voice but didn't think he was pulling it off. To his own ears, his words sounded heavy, strained. This girl was sharp, and saw a lot more than the average teenager. “I'm sure he'll be back to visit you in a day or so.”

  Her eyes followed him as he checked the readouts on the heart monitor, then began taking her vitals. The ache inside him pushed up into his eyes and he avoided her stare.

  “You look...sad.” she said quietly. “What's wrong?”

  He shook his head and forced a smile, casting her a quick glance. “No, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong.” Was there a special hell for those who lied to sick young girls?

  Doubt shadowed her green eyes but she didn't press the issue. In fact, seemed too tired to try and figure him out. She picked up her new camera off the table and set it in her lap, fingering the buttons but not turning it on.

  “How do you feel today?” Devlin asked softly.

  She shrugged. “Not so great. Tired.” she whispered. “Kind of sick to my stomach.”

  Devlin rubbed his hand over her hair. “Just try to rest.”

  The camera whirred as she pressed the power button then slowly clicked through the pictures she'd taken, eyes heavy with exhaustion and...a quiet despair. It was common with those who had incurable conditions to have their good days and bad days; at times feeling hopeful, then sinking into hopelessness. This had the feel of a bad day.

  “I like this one the best.” she murmured then held the camera up to Devlin.

  His heart clenched at the picture of him and Abel standing together, his fingers in a peace sign behind Abel's head. That moment...when Abel had looked at him...everything had felt right in his world, and the future...a place of hopeful possibilities. Now it just seemed a distant dream turned nightmare. What had gone so wrong?

  “Did something happen
with Abel?” she asked quietly. “Is that why you're sad?”

  Devlin handed the camera back. “It's complicated, sweetheart.” his throat wanted to close and he swallowed hard. So complicated I don't even know what the fuck it's all about. Savannah had turned her eyes to the camera again, clicking through the pictures once more. “If you like...I could print off those pictures for you on my computer at home.”

  “Really?” she raised her eyes and a faint glow lightened her gaze. It wasn't much, but at this point Devlin would take any shred of happiness from the girl that he could get.

  “Yeah.” he smiled warmly. “It would be no problem. You can keep the camera here. I'll just need to take the SD card.”

  Savannah smiled, soft gratitude in her big eyes. “Thank you, Dr. Grant. You're a really nice guy.”

  Chuckling low, Devlin shook his head. It felt good to be called a nice guy. “Well, thank you, darlin’. You're a really nice girl.”

  Her smiled wavered. “When can I go home?”

  “Dr. Jacobs thinks soon.” Devlin told her. “You're recovering from the pneumonia. So...it shouldn't be long.”

  “And then what?” she whispered, her eyes down, lingering blankly on the camera.

  For a moment he didn't know what she meant, then understood. “Dr. Jacobs will set up an appointment with the referral doctor at the AIDS clinic.” his jaw tightened with emotion. He took hold of her hand and sat on the edge of the bed. “They'll take real good care of you, honey. Get you the best treatment. I know how scary all this is...but you're going to be okay. And you're going to live a long life. This doesn't mean your life is over.”

  Tears welled in her downcast eyes and she bit her lip. “When...when I saw the way you and Abel looked at each other yesterday...” her chin trembled and a tear slid down her cheek. “I wished...I could have that too...with someone...someday.” Her breath hitched and another tear followed the path of the first. She looked up at him and his heart broke. “But I can't...can I? I can't ever...be with anyone...or have a family.” She shrugged and looked down, licking her lips. She wiped her face. “I always wanted a family.” she whispered thickly. “It's always just been me and Abel. We've...we've never had anyone else. I just wanted to know how it felt...to be part of a real family.”

  Slipping his arm around her shoulder, Devlin hugged her as she cried softly. “Sweetheart, there's lots of ways to make a family. And don't just assume that—because of this condition—you can't ever let yourself fall in love.” he drew back, his chest tight, breath uneven. “Once love decides it's your time, you might as well just accept it. And once you find it,” he slid his thumbs across her damp cheeks. “You don't let it go—not for anything.”

  More tears welled up. “Are you...letting Abel go?” she whispered. “I know something's wrong...but you said you wouldn't give up on him.”

  “I did say that.” he nodded slowly. “And I meant it.”

  “What happened yesterday?” she asked thickly. “You seemed so...happy. So did Abel. I heard you ask him to go for coffee...”

  Devlin shrugged and stood up, eyes stinging. He looked away and shook his head. “I don't know what happened.” his chest squeezed and throat tightened at the memory of yesterday's events that still had him in a state of confusion.”Maybe we're just not destined to have coffee together.”

  * * * *

  The bedroom door closed quietly and Cole walked into the kitchen. Gabe glanced up from the table, eyes troubled, concerned. “How is he?”

  “Sleeping again.” Cole sighed and poured himself a cup of coffee then sat down across from the man. “For now. His cold is bad, though. Not surprising. He was soaked to the bone when he came in last night and freezing to the touch.”

  A hard breath escaped Gabe and he stared at his cup of cooling coffee, face pinched tight.

  “What?” Cole asked. The man clearly had something on his mind.

  Gabe looked up. “There's something I didn't tell you last night.”

  Uncertainty darkened Cole's eyes. “What?”

  Tapping his fingertips against the sides of his cup, Gabe sighed. “I just told you that Devlin's brother was the same man who...” he licked his lips, hesitating.

  “Yeah.” Cole nodded.

  “But...” Gabe shook his head and ran his hand through his hair.

  “What?” Cole pressed cautiously. What was Gabe holding back? Why wouldn't he have told him everything last night?

  Gabe cleared his throat and met Cole's eyes. “Devlin's brother was...murdered...by a kid from the orphanage named...Jesse.”

  Jesse. Cole's pulse quickened, his heart pounding. “Jesse...” he murmured tight, frowning. “That was...”

  Gabe nodded slowly. “Abel's real name.” he released another sharp breath. “He didn't tell us that part of the story the other night.”

  Fuck. “Abel...killed someone?” Cole's mind began to numb. He glanced towards the bedroom and the broken boy inside. To look at him, one wouldn't think he could be a threat on any level—other than sexually, maybe...or on the heart. No wonder the poor kid was so devastated. To confess the truth to Devlin, he wouldn't just be telling the man his brother was a sick pervert—but that the guy had died at his hands as well. “Fuck.”

  “What do you think Devlin's gonna do if he finds out Abel was the one who took his brother's life?” Gabe asked anxiously. “You didn't hear the way he talked about the guy. In his mind, his brother was a fucking saint. Do you really think he would believe the guy would rape Abel? When he's so convinced his brother was all for helping kids?” He rubbed the back of his neck fiercely. “Fuck, man—Abel could go to prison for murder.” He sat back, eyes watering. “That would be the end of him. He wouldn't make it through that. What Devlin's brother did to him...would be nothing compared to what they would do to him in there.”

  Gabe stood suddenly, the chair rocking back, nearly toppling over. He raked his fingers through his hair, tense, eyes filling up.

  “Easy, man.” Cole left his chair. “Nothing is gonna happen to Abel. He didn't kill the guy in cold blood. The motherfucker was raping him. It was self defense.”

  A bitter laugh rolled up Gabe's throat. “And who's going to take his word for it? He's a stripper for fuck's sake. Out there...strippers are just asking for it anyway, as far as society is concerned.”

  “He wasn't a stripper then.” Cole reminded. “He was just a kid.”

  “Do you really think that's gonna matter?” Gabe shook his head. “It's what he is now that people will look at. And all they're gonna see is a guy who bares his ass and makes a living getting men hot and horny. You think people out there don't view all of us as just a bunch of whores already? And then you put that up against the careful reputation Devlin's fucking brother created for himself. Who's going to believe he sexually abused kids?”

  “Listen.” Cole gripped the side of his neck and pulled him closer. “We're not going to let anything happen to Abel. Devlin has no idea that Abel was a part of any of that.” He kissed Gabe. “And he doesn't ever have to know.”

  Gabe closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Cole's brow. “And what about him and Abel?” he whispered. “They're crazy about each other. And it's the real thing. You know Devlin isn't gonna just let this go, or let Abel go. Not without a damn good explanation.”

  “I know.” Cole wrapped his arms around the man's waist and held him tight, taking a measure of comfort in the mere warmth of his body. “But...” his throat tightened recalling the devastation in Abel's eyes last night at the realization that he'd lost Devlin forever. “...it may be a necessary sacrifice...if we want to keep Abel safe.”

  “He won't recover from this.” Gabe's voice thickened with sorrow for the boy. “It wasn't enough that his sister is as sick as she is...the one thing that could've helped him through had to be ripped from him too.” He drew back and his face was wet, though his eyes were hard. “Maybe God does despise us all. He sure as fuck seems to have it in for Abel. Does he take some ki
nd of fucking pleasure in torturing the boy?”

  Stroking his face, Cole shook his head. “I don't know.” he whispered. The man trembled; he was honestly scared for Abel. Cole kissed him again then gently urged him towards the sofa as they both dropped down on the cushions, wrapped around one another. Their tension and fear fueled their passion as they grabbed and pulled at each other's clothes, stripping one another down to nothing.

  A strangled cry wrenched from Gabe when Cole pushed into him with urgency. They clung to each other in desperation, their bodies moving together hurriedly, their grunts and pants and cries escalating, filling up the small apartment. Tears mingled with urgent kisses, fingers clawing slick flesh, gouging, clutching as if in fear of the other pulling away suddenly. They had never been together like this before. Their sex had always been for pleasure alone, to simply make each other feel good. But this...it was different. Cole had never felt so much emotion or passion in Gabe before while making love, never experienced such desperation or need in his touch or his body.