Catching Teardrops

by Abigail Davies

  He’s silent as we walk up the private path between the trees, coming out onto the main road after about five minutes. The morning sun shines down on us, warming the side of my face and I can’t help but wonder if Luke is sweating in his all-black getup.

  I open my mouth, about to ask him just that, but he takes hold of my forearm and brings me to a stop.

  “Tell me what’s around you right now.”

  “Huh?” I frown, looking up at him, but the serious look in his eyes tells me he’s not joking.

  “What’s to your right?” I go to turn my head in that direction, but his hand comes to my jaw, stopping any movement. “Use your instincts.”

  “I erm… There’s a crossing?”

  “Good. What else?”

  Staring into his eyes, I try to see what was there by using my memory. “There’s a man and an old lady waiting to cross.”

  “Well done.” To anyone else that may sound patronizing, but when it comes from Luke in his deep voice, I feel like I did something right for once.

  Letting me go, he tilts his head for me to continue walking and falls in step beside me. “I want you to be comfortable here, but you need to be aware of what is going on around you at all times.”

  I whip my head around to face him. “You think someone could be watching me?”

  “I doubt it, but you can never be too careful.” He halts at the crossing, waiting for me before walking over the road and to the other side. “It’s not just what happened to you, angel. You’re about to be seen in public with me, and without saying too much, there are guys out there who aren’t too fond of me bringing down their operations.” The back of his hand grazes across mine. “So I need you to do the one thing that’s more important than anything else.” He pauses. “I need you to look out for yourself.”

  Biting my bottom lip, I look down at the ground, watching the front of my sneakers with every step I take, wondering if I’m really safe here. I never once doubted that I would be once I was out of that house, but Luke saying it to me like that has me second-guessing everything.

  Will he find me here? And what about the people who want to hurt Luke? Will I ever be safe?

  The countdown until I turn eighteen has been on from the day I turned seventeen, but right now, I can’t work out why turning eighteen was so important. Sure, it’d mean the authorities couldn’t come after me, but will anything else really change?

  I’ll still be looking over my shoulder; still be in potential danger.

  I was a fool to think everything would magically be better the day I turned eighteen, and now as we come to a stop outside a small diner, I stare at Luke, wondering if he was trying to tell me that without actually saying the words.

  “I’ll look out for myself,” I tell him, pushing my shoulders back.

  “Good.” He nods. “When we get back I need to show you a part of the house I didn’t the other day.” His eyes flash. “You see it now.”

  I know what he’s saying, but instead of making a big deal out of it, I push it to the back of my brain and push a smile onto my face—the same fake smile I know he hates. “I dunno about you, but I’m starved.”

  The look in his ice-blue eyes tells me he wants to call me out on it, but before he has the chance, I push open the door, stepping inside the small diner and heading to the first empty table I see.

  LUKE

  I lead Lily down the steps outside, stopping when I get to the hatch door before turning around and facing her. The flashlight she holds nearly blinds me, so I cover my eyes against the brightness causing her soft laugh to travel on the air.

  “Sorry.”

  I grunt in response, pulling out the key to the padlock and holding it in the air between us. “There’s only one key.” Handing it to her, I tilt my head to the door, silently telling her to open it.

  We spent most of the day exploring the small town and talking about nothing in particular, but for the first time in years, I don’t want to leave somewhere. I don’t itch to get away from her, afraid I’ll reveal too much of myself. Instead, I want to stay in this little house with her, nothing around to bother us and no one expecting anything from either of us. But I can’t. I have a life outside of this house—a life she’s not involved with; a life I can’t bring her into.

  Her hands shake as she takes the key from my outstretched one, the flashlight moving toward the floor as she steps forward and opens up the lock.

  “Take it with you,” I whisper, my voice rough and demanding. I need her to understand what she has to do if anything happens and I’m not here to protect her. As soon as I left her the first time, I regretted not telling her about this part of the house, but in reality I knew she wasn’t ready.

  She does as I tell her, pushing open the small doors and hesitating a second before walking forward into the pitch-black darkness.

  “What is this place?” her soft voice asks, the slight terror evident.

  “This is your safe place.”

  She turns to face me as I step inside. “My what?”

  I swallow, the sound loud in the small place as I reach behind me and turn the small light on. It’s low enough to illuminate the small space but not too bright as to warn anyone you’re in here.

  “I made a promise to you, darlin’.” Closing the space between us, I find myself reaching for her. I know I shouldn’t—I should keep my distance, both for her and me—but I can’t help being drawn to her. “I’ll keep you safe, but when I’m not here, I need you to know how you can get yourself to safety.”

  “You think someone can find me here?” Her voice is small, scared—childlike. Fuck. What the hell am I doing? I need to pull away, not get closer.

  “Prepare for everything,” I say simply, stepping away before closing my eyes briefly as I turn around. “It’s not big by any means, but it’s enough to keep you safe until I get here.” Moving toward the doors, I close them, pulling the metal latch over to keep them closed. “Lock yourself in.”

  “Wait… what?”

  I turn to a wide-eyed Lily, witnessing the shock on her face. “You have to lock yourself in.”

  “I…” She steps forward as she shakes her head before pushing the lock through the metal latch and closing it. “Then what?”

  “Then you call me.” I widen my stance. “You tell me one word.” I make sure she’s listening before I say, “Teardrops.”

  She frowns, the puzzled expression on her face making me smile. “Right. Okay.” She nods, staring at me.

  I wait a beat, stuck in the web of her gaze. My legs beg for me to move closer, my palm itching to touch her soft, pale skin. But I keep my feet planted on the floor.

  “Let’s go through it again.” I take the key from her, finally able to look away from her before opening the hatch and leading her back into the house. “This time on your own.”

  The leaves crunch underfoot, the flashlight not giving much light as I jog the ten feet back to the house. Lily whispers something but I ignore it. I’m doing all of this for her safety, and whether she’s scared or thinks this is ridiculous, she’s still going to go through it again so I know she can do it.

  I stand on the porch, watching her run toward the hatch doors, unlocking them and closing them behind her, hearing the sound of the lock seconds before my cell vibrates in my pocket with her name flashing on the screen.

  Instead of answering the call, I move toward the doors, knocking and saying, “You can come out.”

  The click as she unlatches the doors rings out and then she steps out, locking it behind her and pocketing the key.

  We walk side by side back into the house, and when the fire is lit, heating the small space, I step away from it.

  “I gotta go get ready to head out for a couple hours.”

  “You’re leaving?” she asks, covering herself with a blanket on the sofa.

  “Yeah,” I answer, not giving her anything else as I walk into the bathroom and jump into the shower.

  I’ve never had
to explain my movements to anyone and I won’t be starting now. All she needs to know is I’ll be coming back, not where I’m going or what I’ll be doing.

  After freshening up and putting on a dark pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I grab my leather jacket, pushing the door open and finding Lily asleep on the sofa.

  I stand staring at her for a beat, watching her lips move with each breath she inhales and exhales, her eyelids fluttering as she moves her arm over her stomach. Peace radiates off her, but underneath I know she’s tense, the situation getting on top of her. Finding myself wishing I was staying with her right now has my feet moving toward the door, ready to escape.

  Locking the door behind me, I head to my SUV, pushing my arms through my leather jacket and jumping inside. Leaving the lights off until I’m at the end of the private road, I halt at the end, wondering whether I should be leaving her right now.

  I haven’t heard from Mom since we left her house that morning apart from one text asking me if Lily is safe. I reason if something was going on she would tell me—get ahold of me—but there’s this little voice in the back of my mind telling me something isn’t right.

  Five days since the incident and nothing, not one word. There should be more than that, it’s quiet, way too quiet. But then again, everything is too settled right now. Dean, the mole, Lily’s father. Nothing is going how it’s meant to and I’m the one everyone is depending on to solve it all, when inside all I want to do is get on that sofa with Lily and get a full night’s undisturbed sleep. I can’t even remember what that feels like anymore.

  When was the last time I slept more than three hours without waking up drenched in a sweat from my nightmares?

  I jump in my seat when the ringing of my cell comes over my car speakers, and when I see Charlie’s name flashing, I answer it at the same time as I press my foot on the gas pedal.

  “Hey,” I say, narrowing my eyes on the road.

  “You on your way?” he asks, straight to the point.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in about two hours.”

  “Two hours?” There’s a beat of silence. “Where the hell are you right now?”

  “None of your goddamn business,” I growl back at him, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

  I’m ready to end the call as I push my foot down more, watching the speedometer climb, but when he starts to give me a rundown of everyone inside, I keep my attention focused on him as much as the empty roads.

  “Tonight’s objective is to be seen there, nothing more than that. Just sit at the bar, have a couple drinks, get them used to seeing your face.”

  “Got it.” I click my thumb on the button on the steering wheel to finish the call, relishing in the rock music coming through the speakers.

  Leaning back in my seat, I let the music pour through me, pushing everything—everybody—to the back of my mind.

  After what should have been a two-hour journey but only took ninety minutes, I pull up outside the bar, slipping out of the car and keeping my shoulders back and my face forward.

  There’s nothing worse than going undercover and trying to be incognito. There’s no way I could ever not be seen, so I make sure people see me. See the deadness in my eyes that’s always there, see the anger churning just under the surface waiting for one little thing to set it off. All I need is an excuse; an excuse I never seem to get.

  Shaking the thoughts from my head as I open up the door to the bar, the corner of my mouth quirks up at the sound of Nine Inch Nails coming through the speakers, the chairs all packed with what look like bikers, but when you actually look closer, you can tell the true bikers and the wannabes.

  “Whiskey neat,” I growl at the bartender, standing toward the corner, not letting my back be exposed to anyone. I feel several sets of eyes on me, and all I want to do is look at each and every one of them, warn them to stay away, but instead I keep my gaze roving, not stopping on any one thing long enough to warrant suspicion.

  “Not seen you here before,” the barman says, his face eager to learn who I am, but with one look, I silence him. Fucker should know better than to try and start a conversation with someone he doesn’t know.

  I down the whiskey in one gulp turning the glass over on the light wood, dirty bar. “Another.”

  He does as he’s told, this time silently, and I can’t help but smirk. It didn’t even take any words to warn him.

  I stand here for over an hour, listening in on people’s conversations and watching as people come inside the bar, order a drink and down it, before heading into the back. I know for sure that’s where everything is happening, so I start to people watch, figuring out who the head of this place is, and when I see one guy sitting on the edge of another four, I know right away it’s him.

  He’s trying to make himself look unimportant, but the way people don’t make eye contact with him, the way the other four seem to steer people around them with a look or a couple of spoken words, tells me it’s him. He’s who I need to get in with.

  A plan starts to formulate, and when I slam down the empty whiskey glass on the bar and walk out of there, I know exactly what I’m going to do.

  LILY

  I place the note on the kitchen counter, letting Luke know I’m going out before I walk out the door. I was still awake at three this morning when he came home, and when I woke up this morning, he was gone again. I’m not sure if he’s coming back today, and even though I want to ask him what’s going on—why he’s coming and going—I don’t. I keep my mouth closed and my feelings locked inside.

  Yawning, I start the walk into the small town. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up to me, and even though I logically know last night was because of Luke showing me the safe place at the back of the house, it didn’t stop my mind from embellishing things.

  So instead of sitting there trying to fall asleep, I did a little research on my cell.

  I’m a seventeen-year-old girl without a high school diploma, and if I want to get into at least a community college and make a life for myself, I need to get my GED.

  Not being able to find much apart from having to speak to the local library, I decided that’s what today’s task is. I need to make plans for the future, not worry about the past. Push it all aside and concentrate on what is to come instead of wallowing in what happened.

  It’s all good and well in practice, but whenever my brain stops pushing it to the back and my eyes close, it all comes rushing forward. Every touch, every lash of pain, every bruise, every drop of bright-red blood.

  There’s nothing to stop him appearing in my nightmares. No Luke. No fight from me. Nothing.

  He can do what he wants there, and however much I will myself to wake up, I never do. I have to endure it all over and over again, only each time is a little different and I never get away.

  Time and time again I’ve wanted to tell Luke, but I don’t want him to know the weak side of me, the side he’ll think is broken. I’m not, I’m still whole. I may have a few fractures here and there, but nothing that can’t be fixed, right?

  Shaking those thoughts from my head, I come to a stop, looking around and realizing I don’t know where I am. I’ve walked and walked, not aware of my surroundings. I curse myself for not listening to what Luke told me yesterday. I need to be more aware, know what’s going on around me.

  Scanning the main street, I take stock of all the people milling around, the shops, and the signs, making sure no one is paying attention to me.

  When I’m satisfied they’re not, I bring up the map app on my cell, typing in the library and starting the six-minute walk there. Only this time I’m aware of everything and everyone.

  I walk up the thirty or so steps when I arrive, pushing open the heavy wooden door and taking a deep breath when the smell of books hits me. I could sit inside this place all day, and that’s when I realize I can do that. I can come here all I want, run my hands along the spines of the books and not have to worry about being home for a certain time.

  I’m
free. I’m finally free to be able to do what I want, and yet something as simple as stepping inside a book’s home makes me understand that. Freedom—something I never thought I’d get.

  “Hey there, lovely.” I startle at the voice, spinning around and seeing a middle-aged woman standing behind the counter beside a stack of books. “Can I help you?”

  “I… yes, please.” I step forward, keeping my cell in my hand just in case. “I was looking up online where I could do my GED and this place came up.”

  She nods, spinning around and grabbing a folder before turning back to face me. “Do you have all the information you need?”

  “I…” I bite down on my bottom lip, shuffling my feet on the floor. “Well, I’m not really sure how it works, or what I have to do.”

  Her small smile gets a little bigger and she leans her arms on the counter. “Okay. So what you need to do is create an account on this website.” She pushes a piece of paper toward me and points at a web address. “Then you have to register and set up a time and date at the local test center.” I look down at the paper and then back to her. “The test center is a ten-minute walk from here.”

  “Okay.” I grip the edge of the paper. “And I can do that here? Register, I mean.”

  She nods, pointing over to the back wall, and when I look over I see several computers.

  “You can use one of the computers.”

  I scan the paper, seeing what other information is on there, and as soon as I see the amount of money it’ll cost for the tests, my shoulders droop. How am I meant to find one hundred fifty dollars? I have some money saved up but it’s all in my bag back in my hiding spot at the house.

  And so is my I.D.

  Tears start to well in my eyes, and when I look back up at the lady, I try my hardest to push them back.

  “Thanks for your help,” I tell her, taking a step back and folding up the paper before pushing it into my back pocket.

  “You’re more than welcome.” Her eyes fill with understanding and pity. I can’t stand the look in them so I spin around and practically run out of there.