She wanted to hate those girls, but how could she blame them for wanting an incredibly hot guy like Nate? She reminded herself that she’d drawn the line in the sand in their relationship, not Nate, so she had no right to feel the claws of jealousy as they tore through her heart.
“Hey, can I get some help with my thingy?” A big-busted redhead held the life preserver she’d just taken off in the air and shook it.
Sam was helping a blonde, and the redhead was staring at Nate. Did she really think he’d saunter over and help her? For all she knew, he was a customer. Sheesh!
Jewel turned just as Taylor ran past and joined Patrick and Krissy, and Nate came to her side, bringing with him a heat wave. A bead of sweat formed on her brow. She wiped it away quickly, feeling flustered. He smiled, and her insides went soft.
“Hi.” Nate touched her hip, as if he were going to lean in and kiss her.
“Hi.” Jewel felt pangs of hurt and anger pushing at the warmth that clung to her like a possessive child. She tried to push it away, but it lingered, poking holes in the warmth.
“Hey, Nate.” Ty eyed the girls, while Nate’s gaze remained trained on Jewel.
“Ty.” Nate slid a quick steely gaze to Ty, and Jewel could tell that he was feeling his own bout of jealousy.
That made her even more nervous, which made her angry, because she couldn’t make heads or tails of her feelings right now. She wanted to throw herself in his arms and run in the other direction in equal measure, but she wasn’t sure if the urge to run was driven by the way the girls were eye-fucking him behind his back or because of what he’d told her about Rick. Either way, she was glad when he spoke again, breaking the tense silence.
“You helping Sam today?” he asked Ty.
“Oh, yeah. I just wanted to be sure Jewel had what she needed first.” Ty smiled at Jewel. “You should be all set. Have fun.”
She tugged on the end of the life preserver. “All set.” Except for the hornets swarming in my stomach and the hurt trying to drown them out. Oh, and let’s not forget the way my body thinks we’re in the middle of the desert because Nate’s too freaking hot for me to stand near without my body wanting to capture him and swallow him whole. Then there’s my stupid heart, which loves him so much it’s trying to claw its way out of my throat to get to him. Other than that, we’re all good.
“Great, then I’ll go…” Ty pointed his thumb over his shoulder.
Nate looked relieved when Ty walked away. He glanced over at Patrick and Krissy. “What’s going on there?”
She blew out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “I think they’re arguing about who is going to be in control or something. But don’t worry—they know you are.” The thought of Nate in control made her even hotter. What was going on with her?
“Hardly,” Nate said. He touched her elbow. “Before we join them, are you okay doing this with me here? I can ask Ty or Sam to take over if you want.”
Ty and Sam were eating up the attention of the bikini babes, whom Nate hadn’t even turned once to eyeball. Jewel held his gaze, and even as the hurt squeezed her from the inside out, the feelings she had for Nate kept that ache from breaking through and taking over. She didn’t want Ty or Sam, but she still needed some space between her and Nate so she could think straight. She just didn’t know how to manage the two.
“I don’t want them.” She was surprised at how softly the words came.
Nate smiled, and it reached his eyes. “Good. Thank you.” He placed a hand on her lower back and led her over to the kids.
Even through her shirt his hand seared her skin.
Space. Space. Space.
So far so good.
Sort of.
Her mind was all over the place, but she had hoped she could get through the afternoon without getting upset all over again. Of course it didn’t help that now, in addition to everything else, she was nervous about looking frumpy in her shorts and tank top next to the bikini babes. She could never look like those girls. Her body was straight down from ribs to hips. Too narrow for Jewel’s liking, though she rarely thought about it. Until now. Standing beside six foot two of pure beefcake, with sexy, giggly girls floating downstream and tossing flirty gazes in Nate’s direction, she wished she were a little more…something.
Curvy? Giggly?
She didn’t know and maybe she didn’t even really care that much. Maybe she was insecure because of all the other crap going on. Nate hadn’t taken his eyes off her since he arrived, and he’d seen her body when they were making out and had seemed to like it. A lot.
“Hey? Jewel?” Nate touched her cheek. “You’re flushed. Are you okay?”
I don’t know. “Uh. Yeah. Just hot in this life preserver.” Why was she even thinking about her body when she should be thinking about what he’d done to Rick?
“Hey, guys, what’s going on over here?” Nate said to Patrick and Krissy.
“Nothing,” they said in unison.
Nate surveyed the two canoes. “We need one more. Let me grab it.”
“One more? Why do we need three?” Jewel watched him lift a canoe over his head like it was made of air. His lats flared, and that glorious vee pointed straight down the center of his board shorts.
Oh. My.
“These are two-person canoes. Haven’t you guys been out in them?” Nate set the canoe at the edge of the water.
“Not for years.”
“Jewel won’t ever take us, and Mom doesn’t have time.” Patrick scowled at Jewel.
“Well, Jewel’s got a busy schedule, but you’re here now, so let’s get to it.” Nate pointed to one of the canoes. “We put the heavier person in the back. That’s where you have the most control, so Patrick”—he pointed to the back of a canoe—“you take control of this one, and we’ll put Krissy in the front.”
“Whoa. What?” Jewel grabbed Taylor’s arm as she climbed in. “They need an adult.”
“That’s not necessary,” Nate said. “These are really easy to steer, and we’re not going anywhere near rough water. We’re staying around here.”
Jewel’s protectiveness surged to the surface—dousing all her sexy thoughts in the blink of an eye. She did not want the kids in a canoe without an adult. “No, Nate. They could fall in. I’m really not comfortable with this.”
“Come on, Jewel. I’m fifteen, for God’s sake,” Patrick argued.
“And I’m twelve. I could do this alone.” Krissy set her hands on her hips, and they both scowled at Jewel.
Nate stepped closer to her and lowered his voice. With his back to the kids, which she appreciated, he said, “This really is safe. They both know how to swim, and they have life preservers. I’ll stay close by both canoes. If there’s any sign of trouble, I’ll be right there.”
He sounded so confident, and the kids were looking at her like she was a wicked witch, but her gut had tied itself into a knot of worry, with no relief in sight.
She stood her ground. “No. I’m not okay with this. And what about Taylor?”
“She’ll ride with you,” Nate said, as if it were obvious.
“Me? Nate, I don’t know how to do this. I haven’t done it in years.” She backed away, shaking her head. “It’s dangerous. I don’t want them out there without you in the canoe. I thought all of us would go in one together.”
“Jewel?” Nate reached for her hand, and she pulled away. “I’d never let anything happen to any of you.”
You let something happen to Rick. The thought snaked through her body, upending all her worries.
“I can’t. They can’t.” She was trembling. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes went soft. “What are you afraid of?”
Dying.
“Come on, Jewel!” Patrick hollered. “This is going to kick butt.”
“I told you she wouldn’t let us.” Taylor slumped into a seat in one of the canoes. “It’s like the bus. No boats, no buses, and if we lived in Afghanistan, it would be no trucks, too.”
&
nbsp; “Taylor!” Jewel snapped. The image of Rick standing by his truck while bullets riddled his body nearly sent her to her knees.
“It’s okay, Jewel,” Taylor assured her. “I don’t need to go on the canoe. You’re probably right. We’d fall under the boat, and something would kill us just like Daddy.”
Nate’s eyes narrowed, then widened, as if he were putting the pieces of her worries together and could see her innermost secrets. The secrets she’d tried to mask with safe schedules and controlling her environment—and the environment of her siblings.
NATE LOOKED OVER his shoulder at Patrick and Krissy, holding oars and ready to ride. He turned his attention back to Jewel and stepped in closer, wanting her to feel safe. Her mother’s voice sailed through his mind. She’s the glue that holds us together, but she’s also the bars that hold us in. His heart cracked open as her world began to make sense. He reached for her, and when she backed away, he moved in close again and took her hand anyway. He’d seen fear stop soldiers at the worst of times. This was supposed to be the best of times for Jewel and her brother and sisters, and he wasn’t about to let her continue to confine them all. Rick wouldn’t have wanted any of them to live their lives confined by the shadow of his death.
Jewel stared at him with her jaw clenched tight and damp, angry eyes.
“Sweetheart, I get it. You’ve suffered tremendous losses, and you’re scared. But, Jewel, that’s your fear, not theirs. Look at them.” He glanced over his shoulder again, fully aware that Jewel did not look in their direction. He knew she probably couldn’t. “They’re not scared, Jewel. Please don’t project your fears on them. They’ll resent you, and you’re too good to them to deserve that.”
“Don’t you dare judge me,” she seethed, and pulled her hand away. “They’re my family, Nate, not yours, and I can’t lose another one of them.”
His heart shattered as she turned away. He couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her from behind. She struggled, but it was a half-willed effort at best, and he wasn’t going to lose her to this or allow her to box herself or the kids in anymore. He loved her too much. He had to help her through.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“I know. We all are, and I know I let you down with Rick, but give me a chance, Jewel. I will not let you down again.” He turned her in his arms and tilted her face up toward him. She shifted her eyes away, and it felt like a kick in the gut. “Jewel, please look at me.”
She did.
“Those kids can’t live like this. It’s not a life, and I know you don’t want them to be shortchanged.” He gathered his courage and said what he knew might push her away—and past her fear. “Rick wouldn’t want it.”
Her eyes went cold.
“Think about it, Jewel,” he said a little stronger. “Do you remember when you came down here with Rick after your father died?”
She tried to pull away. He knew she didn’t want to hear it, but she had to. He held her in place.
“He took you guys out on the water so you would not be afraid to live your lives. You live at the harbor, Jewel. He didn’t want you to be afraid to go in the ocean or the river. He loved you, and I know you love those kids.”
He felt her shaking, and it nearly broke his resolve, but he forced himself to be strong—for her. For the kids. For Rick. And in doing so, he realized that Rick wouldn’t want him to live his life in the shadow of his death, either.
He gazed into her frightened eyes. He saw a thread of trust and love, and in that moment he knew he wouldn’t leave Peaceful Harbor. Not when there was a sliver of a chance that Jewel would find her way back to him. It occurred to him that Jewel had already lost two men she loved, and she might also be afraid of losing him—despite the way she was pushing him away.
He ran his thumb over her lower lip and whispered, “I am not going anywhere, Jewel. I will never let you down again, and if you allow me to take them out, I promise you we will all return to this very bank, and they’ll love you more for it.”
“Nate,” she whispered on a shaky breath. “He trusted you.”
He dropped his chin to his chest and nodded. “He did. I trusted me, too.”
She slid her eyes toward Patrick and Krissy, who were now kicking water at each other. She looked at Taylor drawing in the sand with a stick.
“Rick trusted me, and I never mean to hurt them.” Tears slid down her cheeks.
He wiped her tears with his thumb. “I know that, sweetheart. They know that, too.”
She pressed her forehead to his chest. “I trust you, Nate. I’m just so scared.”
He lifted her chin so he could see her eyes.
“I trust you, Nate,” she repeated, and the pieces of his heart began to reassemble.
He swallowed hard and pulled her in close. “Thank you, Jewel. I won’t let you down again.”
“Hey, what are you two doing?” Krissy yelled. “Hugging? Oh my God. Are you two…?”
Jewel pushed away, but she didn’t answer Krissy. Nate was too worried about Jewel to even try to form a response.
“Go. Get them in the boats before I change my mind.” She wiped her eyes, and the edges of her lips curved up.
For a moment Nate stood stock-still, wanting to hold her and help the kids at the same time.
She nodded, and it kicked his brain into gear. He touched her cheek and smiled, then went to help the kids.
“Okay, let’s get you guys ready. Patrick, you’re heavier, so you take the back of this one. Krissy, you’re in the front. Tay, you’ll be in the front of Jewel’s canoe.” Nate watched Taylor out of the corner of his eye as she approached Jewel and took her hand, then walked with her toward the canoe.
“Are you sure I won’t drown?” Taylor asked with such seriousness that Nate turned, feeling like they might be taking this little boat ride just in time.
Jewel looked right at Nate as she answered. “As sure as I can ever be, Tay.”
JEWEL’S HEART LODGED in her throat the second they pushed away from shore. She couldn’t stop herself from calling out warnings as Patrick and Krissy paddled out to the middle of the river. Don’t go so fast! You’re going crooked! You’re out too deep! Taylor was nearly as bad. Patrick! Come back! You’re too far away! It was Taylor’s frantic hollering that caused Jewel to take a step back and reel in her worries. She didn’t want to project them on her—and she knew she already had. How would she make it through an hour of this? Thankfully, as promised, Nate made sure no one floated too far downstream, and he did a remarkable job of remaining close to both canoes.
Jewel began to breathe a little easier.
Nate was paddling toward her. He made it look so effortless, and his smile brought a curve to Jewel’s lips, too. She was still conflicted, but she knew her love for him hadn’t dimmed, and as he sidled up to her boat, she thought it might have bloomed a little bigger over the afternoon.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Confused but okay.
“I’m doing great, Nate,” Taylor said. “This is so much fun. I hope we can do it again soon.”
That made him smile even wider.
She thought about how much Rick would have loved seeing Patrick take control of the canoe and felt a pang of sadness. She watched Taylor lean over the side of the canoe and wiggle her fingers in the water. Jewel bit back the urge to tell her to be careful. Taylor caught her looking and waved. It felt good to see her siblings having so much fun.
Nate looked over his shoulder at Patrick and Krissy, then turned his attention back to Jewel. “He’s got this, Jewel. He’s a natural.”
When Nate had told Jewel about giving Rick the order for his last mission, she’d felt like loving Nate was a betrayal to her brother, but she knew that if Rick were alive, he’d want this for their siblings. He’d want them to be enjoying life—to be living it—and if Nate hadn’t pushed her, she may never have opened her eyes enough to realize that she was holding them back. Or that she was holding herself back, to
o.
Chapter Seventeen
NATE STUCK AROUND Rough Riders and helped Sam and Ty for the rest of the afternoon, and then they went to Nate’s cabin and cooked burgers out on the grill. Now they were chilling down by the river. Nate sucked back his beer and set the bottle on the grass beside him, thinking about Jewel. He’d asked if he could see her tonight, but she’d said she still needed space. Nate had bought the cabin so he could have privacy, his own space. After hearing Jewel say she wanted space to think, he was starting to hate the idea of space altogether. He wanted her right there beside him. He felt like they’d come closer together today, even if it was hard for both of them, and he wanted to continue getting closer. But he respected Jewel’s needs, and despite missing her, he was having a good time with his brothers.
Hanging out with them reminded him of old times, and he was thankful for the distraction. But still, he couldn’t get Jewel out of his mind. He wondered what she was feeling, what she was thinking. Would she find solace in the space she’d asked for, or would she miss him as much as he missed her? He wanted to be with her, holding her, taking the pain of his admission away and filling her with love and the sense of security she needed and deserved.
He knew he might never get that chance.
“So, what now?” Ty asked.
Nate shrugged. “Dunno. The ball’s in her court.”
“I’m proud of you, Nate.” Sam lay back on the grass and sighed.
“Don’t be. And don’t get any crazy ideas that I came clean to her because of you. It had nothing to do with your tough love.” Nate elbowed him. “I’d already made the decision to tell her, but now I’m not sure what’ll happen. I might have lost her.”
“You know, ever since that kiss on New Year’s Eve, she’s seemed different. At least that’s what Tempe and Shannon said.” Sam took another drink.
“How the hell would they know anything about Jewel?” Nate asked. “And how do they know about the kiss? There were a hundred people there on New Year’s Eve.”
Healed by Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens) Page 14