As he walked around the building, memories of Rick rushed in again. They’d been so full of themselves, sure that Tap It would thrive the minute they opened the doors. They never gave much thought to doing anything else after their tours were over, and now, as he saw their hopes and dreams painted in red brick before him, he was overcome with the desire to fulfill their dreams for Rick. To do what Rick would never be able to.
He sank down onto an iron bench beside the front door, thinking about their plan. He pulled out his phone, hoping he’d missed feeling the vibration of a text from Jewel, and knowing that was unlikely. There were still no messages. No surprise there, regardless of how much it sucked. Last night had been hell. Making it through today had been grueling. He really wanted to give Jewel time and space to make a well-thought-out decision, but he’d waited six long years to be with her, and now that she was in reach, each minute that passed felt interminable.
Did she know how much he cared for her? Had he pushed her away too many times for her to realize that his love was real despite his hesitations?
He rested his head back and looked up at the cloudless sky.
Could he open a restaurant without Rick? Did he want to? Or would it be a constant reminder of how he’d fucked things up? Could he even consider staying in town if Jewel never found it in her heart to forgive him?
Could he ever forgive himself?
Chapter Fifteen
AT FOUR FIFTY Tuesday afternoon Jewel burst through her mother’s front door and hollered, “Krissy? Let’s go!”
They were going to be late, but Jewel had gotten hung up with a customer while Chelsea was on the phone with a supplier, and she’d had no choice but to stay and complete the transaction. Their one-day spring sale was always crazy, but today it had been a madhouse. She was lucky she could get out at all to drive Krissy. She had no doubt that she was blessed by some heavenly being to have Chelsea for a boss. She always let her leave to take care of her familial commitments.
Krissy raced down the stairs wearing her hip-hop dance leggings and midriff top with a loose scoop-neck T-shirt over top. She looked like a rock star with her blond hair flying behind her. Jewel stifled the urge to tell her she looked too hot for a twelve-year-old and send her back upstairs to change. She knew that this was the standard type of outfit the dancers all wore for practice, but it didn’t make it any easier seeing her little sister looking hot.
“Ready!” Krissy grabbed her dance bag.
“Where’s Tay?”
“She’s doing homework upstairs with Patrick while he plays Xbox. He said to tell you not to ask if he’d done his homework.” Krissy rolled her eyes.
“Ugh. Hold on.” She stomped upstairs.
“Jewel! We’re going to be late,” Krissy complained.
“Thirty seconds is all I need,” she answered as she pushed open Patrick’s door.
“I’ll do it at seven. Mom said I could,” Patrick said before she even got one word out.
“Mom said you could? She’s got class until ten, and I can’t come by and check, Patrick.”
“I’ll do it. I don’t need you checking on me.”
“Really? Remember last week when you forgot to get it done?” Patrick had tried delaying his homework before, and he’d conveniently forgotten to get it done and had had to stay up until ten thirty just to finish it.
Eyes trained on the Xbox, he scoffed, “I’ve done that, like, twice.”
“Jewel! Come on,” Krissy yelled from downstairs.
Jewel didn’t have time to argue. She had to get back to work after taking Krissy to class. “Seven o’clock. I’ll be by after work tonight to check.” She wasn’t sure if she would actually have time to come by or not—and chances were she wouldn’t—but at least the threat might push his butt into gear.
“Get a life,” Patrick said as she headed back downstairs.
Whenever he said something like that, it made her sad to remember how thankful she was every single day for her chaotic life, given that Rick and her father had lost theirs.
After dropping Krissy off at dance class twenty minutes late, Jewel rushed back to work. Chelsea’s was still crazy busy. Even with two other salesgirls helping out, there was a line to the register all the way to the back of the store. Jewel watched the clock as she worked. She had to pick up Krissy at seven and come back to work afterward until closing. At least being so busy kept her from thinking about Nate too much, but as the evening wore on and the clock neared seven, she thought about calling him when she went to pick up Krissy. She had to tell him they would be at Rough Riders tomorrow anyway.
She could text him, but she missed him, and she really wanted to hear his voice.
She finished ringing up a customer and debated calling Nate. She could make it a quick call. Her pulse quickened just thinking about hearing his voice. How could she miss someone this much after being close for only a few days? She knew perfectly well how. Because they may have been intimate for only a few days, but they’d been together on other levels for years. They’d both been repressing their feelings for so long that when they finally had allowed themselves to set their feelings free, they’d filled the air around them, saturated their lungs, and bonded together, becoming a part of both of them that neither could shake.
“Ma’am?” A redhead thrust a wad of cash across the counter.
Jewel shook the thoughts from her head. “Sorry.” She finished ringing up the customer and handed her the purchases. “Thank you for shopping at Chelsea’s.”
Chelsea was running the register beside her. “Go ahead and get Krissy. I’ll get Mira to cover the register.”
Mira had been working the floor all day. She was an outgoing twenty-year-old with pin-straight dark hair cut bluntly above her shoulders and a candy-sweet personality. Jewel was thankful Mira was willing to fill in wherever she was needed.
“Thanks, Chels. Sorry to leave again.”
Chelsea waved a dismissive hand. “Family first. Go.”
Jewel grabbed her purse and raced outside, still thinking about calling Nate. She froze at the sight of a note and a red rose tied to the door handle of the Jeep. She reached for it with a trembling hand.
J, I miss you so much it hurts. I don’t want to sway you into forgiveness. Okay, maybe I do, because I can’t imagine a life without you. I’m sorry. I just had to tell you I missed you. N.
A horn sounded on the road, startling her out of her daze. She climbed into the Jeep with her heartbeat thumping in her ears and her emotions battling in her head.
He sent Rick on the run that took his life.
It was supposed to be safe.
Supposed to be.
What did supposed to be really mean?
Her father was supposed to be out fishing, not drowning. Was there anything in life she could really count on? Wasn’t everything supposed to be something? She was supposed to have a normal teenage experience. She was supposed to go away to college and then start her life. She was supposed to date more than a handful of guys by now, wasn’t she?
Okay, so she never tried to date, and she didn’t really want experience with other men. She wanted Nate. And she’d wanted him for a very long time. Part of her knew that Chelsea was right. She was sure Nate had just been doing his job, but that didn’t mean knowing about it didn’t hurt. She sighed, feeling as though she’d been thinking in circles all day. The truth was, she trusted Nate. She trusted him with her heart, she trusted him with her siblings, and she sure as hell had trusted him with Rick. She knew Nate had loved Rick and that he hadn’t really killed him. But she was terrified she might never be able to look at Nate again without feeling the pain of knowing he’d sent Rick on that fatal mission.
She pulled out her phone, her fingers hovering over the screen. Despite how much she missed him, she wasn’t ready to hear his voice. She knew that once his deep, caring voice found her ears, she’d never be able to make a clear-headed decision. She texted him instead.
I miss you, too,
but I need time. I’m sorry.
She stared at her phone for a long time before finally pushing send and driving to pick up Krissy and take her home.
It was the longest day in the history of man. Jewel didn’t arrive back at her apartment until after ten thirty. She’d called Patrick earlier, and he swore he’d done his homework, and now, after hours of being on her feet and trying not to think about Nate, when he was all she really wanted to think about, she was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. And her ankle was paying the price. She’d thought it was completely better, but as she limped up the stairs to her apartment, she dreamed of ibuprofen. She dragged herself onto the third-floor landing, and her heart softened at the sight of a gift-wrapped box outside her apartment door.
She carried the box inside, feeling warm all over, and sat on the couch. She untied the pretty red bow and unwrapped the pretty paper. Inside the box she found another box with a note attached.
J, I don’t mean to push, but I wanted to be sure you had all that you needed. N.
Jewel couldn’t help but smile as she opened the box and pulled out a clock with another note.
Now you have time. What else do you need? N.
She clutched the clock to her chest, thinking of the necklace. Had he been giving her time back then, too? He’d said he’d loved her forever. Suddenly she realized that what she’d always had was exactly what she needed now.
You, Nate Braden. I need you.
Chapter Sixteen
WEDNESDAY COULDN’T HAVE moved slower if Nate were on Valium. Mr. B’s hadn’t been busy all afternoon, which gave him plenty of time to think about Jewel. He’d thought it was difficult being apart when he was overseas, but now that they’d come together, even briefly, and she was within reach, being apart was a hundred times harder. He knew she cared for him. He felt it every time they were together. But he also knew he’d dropped a bomb she hadn’t been expecting. Jewel and Rick were much closer than typical siblings. They’d shared a kinship over the caretaking of Patrick, Krissy, and Taylor that many siblings never had to think about. Nate and his brothers and sisters watched out for one another, but the dynamics of their relationships were different from Jewel’s with her family. He understood that, and that was one of the things that worried him most about whether Jewel could ever forgive him. He also knew that even if she did, the guilt he felt would always be with him. It might lessen, as it already had a little after he’d come clean to Jewel and her mother, but it would always be lurking in the shadows, as he’d found out last night when he’d read Rick’s letters again and guilt clung to him like tentacles. He knew the guilt would always be a part of him, but there was a world of difference between being a part of him and consuming him. And the lessening of the guilt gave him hope for the first time in two years. He wished it hadn’t come on at Jewel’s expense, but he knew he couldn’t have ever moved forward with her unless he told her the truth. And the hope he held on to included her forgiveness.
His father came out of the back office and joined him behind the bar.
“How’s it going out here?” He leaned a hand on the bar and ran his dark eyes over Nate.
Nate shrugged and lifted his chin to the few customers sitting at tables by the windows. He knew his father was reading his body language as well as his eyes. Even though his father had been medically discharged from the military, he’d never lost that military mind-set—always assessing, sizing up his environment and those around him. While Nate’s mother handled situations with a soft touch, his father was a straight shooter. Sammy came by that trait honestly. Nate had always fallen somewhere in between. Like Cole and Tempe, Nate kept his emotions fairly close to his chest.
“You’re going over to Sammy’s to meet Jewel and the kids?”
“Yup. That’s the plan,” Nate answered, trying not to reveal his nervousness over seeing Jewel.
His father exhaled. “Ty’s at Sammy’s.”
“Really? What’s he doing there?” Ty was a restless soul, never settling down in one place for too long. Nate imagined that he and Sam had been out carousing last night again, and Ty had probably crashed at Sam’s place and decided to hang out with him for the day, but he remembered the flirtatious smile Jewel had flashed at Ty, and his gut knotted tighter.
“He’s got a few weeks before he goes on his next climb, so he’s thinking about helping Sam do a few renovations on the boathouse.” His father crossed his thick arms over his chest and lowered his chin. “How are you doing, Nate?”
“Aw, can’t complain.” At least I’m trying not to. Nate grabbed a towel and began wiping down the bar.
“No, I guess you can’t. You’ve never been much of a complainer. Have you talked with Jewel yet? About Rick, I mean?”
Nate tossed the towel over his shoulder and met his father’s compassionate gaze. “Yeah, Pop. I did.”
His father pressed his lips into a serious line and nodded. “Good. That’s a good start, Nate. I’m sure it was a pisser.”
“You have no idea.” Nate shook his head. “I thought it was hard living with that guilt in my head, but seeing how it crippled Jewel? That was about a million times worse.”
“I’m proud of you, Nate. Not just for telling Jewel, but for sticking around. I know it hurts to come back here.” His father looked around the bar and nodded toward the windows overlooking the marina. “Seeing all the places you and Rick hung out. Do you remember that old dinghy you two fixed up?”
Nate smiled. “Sure.”
“I watched you guys working on it that summer. Two teens on a mission, sunup until sundown. You wanted it perfect, and Rick wanted it good enough to use as fast as possible.”
“He wanted to take girls out in it. He was in a hurry.”
“And you believed in making it perfect before setting it out to sea to be slowly damaged by the elements.”
“I learned that from you.” Nate gazed out the window, remembering how he and Rick had argued about when the boat would be considered done. “You told me never to be in a hurry to fail. That the end result should be strong enough to carry anything I did forward, not just good enough to hold it together for the time being.”
“That’s right. I did.” His father’s full lips tipped up. “You made a great team, the two of you.”
“Thanks, Pop.” Nate lowered his eyes, feeling like he’d dropped the ball on his end of the team.
“You were a good leader, Nate. You led those men well, and you led Rick well. Don’t ever doubt that.” His father patted him on the shoulder. “I know I’ve told you this enough times since Rick’s funeral that by now you’re sick of hearing it, but I’m going to say it until you hear it in your sleep—if you don’t already.”
“Pop.” Nate didn’t want to hear his father’s words. He didn’t think he’d ever fully believe them.
Nate’s mom came through the front door like a ray of sunshine on a dreary day, wearing a long skirt and a blousy top. She stopped at a table, smiling as she greeted the customers. Her eyes moved between Nate and his father, and her smile turned to a smirk.
“What have I walked in on?” She kissed his father’s cheek, then patted Nate’s. “You shaved, Natey. It’s nice.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
His father held his gaze. “I was just about to tell Nate that carrying out orders wasn’t like pulling the trigger.”
“Oh, Tommy. How many times are you going to tell him that?” She shook her head.
“As many times as it takes.” He lifted his chin toward Nate again. “Son, get outta here before you’re late.”
Thankful for the break, Nate unclenched his jaw and kissed his mother’s cheek. “See you later, Ma.” He stood in front of his father, pondering his words for the millionth time. “You know what, Pop? Maybe you’re right. It’s not the same as pulling the trigger, but it’s a little like loading the gun.”
Fifteen minutes later, Nate was still chewing on the past as he pulled into the parking lot of Rough Riders. His stomach
dipped when he parked beside Jewel’s Jeep. He grabbed a pad of paper from his glove box and scribbled a note for her.
J, I’m sorry, and I miss you. N. He tucked it beneath her windshield wiper as he spotted Ty walking out of the boathouse wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts and headed straight for Jewel. Nate shouldn’t be jealous of his twenty-six-year-old brother. Ty would never make a move on any woman Nate was interested in, but jealousy was a powerful competitor and Nate lost the battle.
He tore his shirt off and made a beeline for his woman.
ABOUT A HALF dozen giggling twentysomething girls wearing bikinis so small they should be illegal were climbing into canoes. They were carrying on about how scared they were, which Jewel was sure was a ploy for attention from Sam and Ty. To Ty’s credit, he didn’t gawk at the nearly naked girls while Sam was helping each of them into a life preserver, stealthily getting an eyeful. Of course it meant that he got up close and personal with their breasts as he helped hook the clasps.
“Nate!” Taylor ran past Jewel toward the parking lot.
Jewel froze. At least on the outside. Her insides were going all sorts of crazy, heating up and twisting, and her nerves were spinning out of control. She hadn’t even seen Nate yet, but sensing his presence made her long to be in his arms.
Krissy and Patrick looked past Jewel from where they were arguing at the water’s edge by the canoes, and the nearly naked girls were whispering and gawking at Nate. Weren’t Sam and Ty enough for them? Did they really need to try to get Nate’s attention, too? Of course they did, because Nate was hotter than Sam or Ty, at least in Jewel’s eyes. If she had a body like that and were wearing a minuscule bikini that made her look as if she’d sauntered out of a Club Med advertisement, she’d be taking off her life preserver, too.
Healed by Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens) Page 13