by Shan
"You know I want you bad right?" Tamar asked as he reached behind me and unzipped the back of my dress allowing it to drop to the ground. I stood in my two piece swim suit feeling shy and exposed. Tamar has seen me naked on several occasions and I had always felt confident knowing my shit was on point but now I wasn't so sure about myself.
"I'm so scared,” I admitted.
Tamar grabbed me by my hand and led me into the hotel room, he swiped all the luggage and other things on the bed to the floor then took a seat on the edge. I stood by with my good arm over my chest unable to meet his stare.
He held out his good hand and motioned for me to come to him, and slowly I stalked into his direction, and stood in between his legs.
"Look at me," Tamar tilted my face towards his so that I could look into his brown eyes. "No matter what I love you, I don't love you any less ’cause of the things that happened to you. I be expecting you to love me a little less ’cause of what happened but not the other way around."
"But I don't love you any less, and being in Beijing made me realize that everything that happened was not your fault. I know you ain't Superman and can't always be there to stop the evils of the world," I didn't realize I was crying until I felt a cold lone tear hit my top lip.
"Nah, I ain't no Superman but you better believe I'll strive to be from here on out. I know I made promises before and allowed them to be broken but that was when I thought I was untouchable. Damn near losing you and coming close to going to jail for the rest of my life made me see that no matter how much money I have or how bad I think I am, I'm not invincible and muthafuckas gonna try me. So shit is gonna be way different, to the point where you may like it."
"I don't care as long as I'm with you and my son; you do what you gotta do to keep us together."
Tamar nodded his head then untied the string from around my top, freeing my breast. He eyed them hungrily then took them into his mouth. I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes, when I did I saw P.J.'s face; that devilish grin he always wore when he rammed himself inside of me.
"Uhhh," I pushed away from Tamar and looked around the hotel room.
Tamar got up and pulled me back to him, positioned me in between his legs again, and found his way back to my nipples. He reached down to his swimming shorts, pulled the drawstring lose, then reached and freed his erection. He stroked himself while continuing to work my body with his tongue.
"Get up here," Tamar commanded. I climbed onto his lap straddling him and wrapping my arm around his neck. "Baby stop shaking. I'm not gonna hurt you."
"I know, I'm trying," I was shaking violently and every time I tried to control it, it only got worse.
"I'm not gonna do nothing. I'm a let you be in control. I just need to feel you right now," Tamar stuck his tongue into my mouth and rubbed my butt with his free hand.
I reached down pulling my bottom piece to the side then raised up enough to slide down onto Tamar's length.
"Mmgh," I gasped at how his hardness filled me up, fitting the inside of me so perfectly.
"Shit, you so fuckin’ wet," Tamar said before sucking on my bottom lip. I tried to take all ten inches of him but couldn't get my muscles to relax enough to do so. I slowly moved up and down on his pole unable to believe how good it was feeling to me, I was actually enjoying this. I thought that I would never be able to enjoy sex again but the more I moved up and down the more of my juices rained down.
"Mmgh, Ohhh....it feel so good." I moaned.
“Aaghhh….” Tamar was biting on my lip while I continued to ride his erection.
"Don't stop, what you doing?" Tamar whined as I collapsed my head into his chest.
"I came already," I admitted.
"Is you serious?" Tamar asked then broke into laughter falling back on the bed. I hit him in the chest with my cast and tried to get up but he held me down.
"Don't laugh at me, it's not funny."
"Baby, you were just sitting here talking about how scared you is and shaking uncontrollably but you cum in less than a minute," Tamar laughed.
"It was more than a minute."
"The hell it was."
"Let me up!" I ordered.
"Hell nah I know you see my shit still solid as a rock. I'm ‘bout to work that ass over real good," He rolled me off of him onto my back careful not to pull out of me. He wiggled his way out of his shorts and stroked me thirstily.
"Slow down," I begged.
"I can't, shit baby. I miss being inside of you," Tamar dug his tongue in my mouth and piled his length into my warmth.
"Mmgh! Ohhhhhh!" I screamed.
"You okay?" Tamar slowed his strokes down and licked the tears that were sliding down my face.
"Mmgh, damn keep going."
"You good?"
"Yeah, I'm ‘bout to cum again. Keep going!"
"I came already," Tamar rolled off of me.
"Huh?" I sat up looking at him like he was crazy. "All that laughing you was doing at me."
"I never said I wasn't gonna come quick. Man it's been a long time since I done felt you. Give me a minute you got me feeling dizzy as a muthafucka’," Tamar placed his hand on his forehead and closed his eyes.
"I can't believe you. You gonna just leave me hanging like that?" I asked but he just lay there and didn't say anything. I was about to slap him on my chest until I heard light snores coming from him. "Work me over? Yea right," I said laying my head on his chest and smiled. Things may not be too bad after all.
***
Tamar and I haven't done anything since being in Jamaica for a week, these cast was stopping us from doing any kind water activities like: snorkeling, jet skiing, canoeing, and much more. Even then I really felt like this trip was very therapeutic for me and later found out how therapeutic it was for Tamar. He told me about the hallucinations he was experiencing when he believed I was dead, no one ever knew what triggered the hallucinations except for Keylan who only found out right before we came here. Tamar had committed the ultimate no-no in the drug game which was using his own supply.
He admitted how things ain't always been easy in his life and he was use to hitting a rough patch but this past year has been the hardest and he needed a way to cope; drugs had been his solution. Tamar claimed to not be addicted and can quit anytime he wanted and I just hoped he was right.
Coke was the main reason he'd lost interest in his ex-girlfriend Shalea so I couldn't understand why he chose to do the same thing that turned him away from her but I wasn't going to judge him. My love for Tamar hasn't faded any which only meant that each day I spent with him it will only get stronger; I would be here for him and do whatever I could to ensure that he left that shit alone.
"Baby, who is Diamond?" I asked looking at Tamar's phone. I only picked it up ’cause it hadn't stopped buzzing once in the last hour.
"What...give me my phone," Tamar snatched the phone away from me, powered it off then threw it in his suitcase. He pulled out his second Iphone, powered it on then sat it on the table.
"Who is she?" I asked again.
"Nobody," Tamar answered.
I bit down on my lip wondering if I should press the issue any further, we were having such a good time here and I didn't want to ruin it by starting an argument.
"I fucked her a few times but she ain't nobody special. I haven't talked to her in like a month and a half."
"You must be something special to her the way she blowing you up," I grabbed a hair tie from the dresser and pulled my hair up in a ponytail.
"I'm not worried about her. You figure out what you wanna do today?"
"I want my son. I miss him."
"I told you they'll be down on Monday; I know you can wait two more days. I'm trying to make another one anyway that lil’ nigga gonna mess up my flow," Tamar joked. He grabbed a bag of weed off the table and tossed it over to me along with a swisher sweet.
"I'm not trying to have no more babies, not right now anyway," I said breaking the cigar with my finger nail.
"No I won't either. I've been taking my pills every day."
Tamar sucked his teeth then stalked off to the bathroom and I continued to roll the blunt up as best I could with one functioning hand. I prayed that Tamar wasn't about to trip with me off having no more kids. Tamarion wasn't even a year old yet. What I look like having another baby right now?
"If that's how he feel then cool, I'm not about to beg him to come around. That's his choice," Tamar said then tossed his phone to the bed. He picked up my suitcase and dumped the contents to the floor; I couldn't see what he was doing only clothes flying across the room.
After firing up the Kush, I got up from the bed to see why Tamar was going through my things. Just as my eyes caught what he was looking for I dashed for it trying to seize it from his hands.
"Give them to me!" I screamed grabbing a hold of Tamar's arm. The blunt fell from my lip dropping to the floor, Tamar swung me off of him, and sent me flying to the floor.
"Tamar don't!" I got up ran towards the bathroom but he shut the door in my face and locked it. Pissed off I grabbed the blunt from the floor, relit it, then started grabbing my clothes up and tossed them back into my bag. Hearing the toilet flush only enraged me; angered me to tears. It only made me think of how crazy Tamar went before we moved to Miami; having a baby was all that seemed to matter to him. I figured that now we finally had one that he would be satisfied but obviously he wasn't. I promised Tamar I would give him at least four children before I got pregnant but I didn't mean I would pop them out back to back.
Now that my life was getting back on track it only made me think of unaccomplished goals; school had been one of them and I was really thinking about going back.
"I'll just get some more when I get home," I said rolling my eyes when he came out the bathroom.
"Just shut up before I slap the shit outta you!"
"Yea and I'll slap your ass back!" I rolled my eyes and continued throwing my clothes in my suitcase. Damn, what I say that for? Tamar walked over to me and kneeled down to where I was; he stared at the side of my head but didn't say anything.
"You sure is slick at the mouth. That weed giving you a little courage huh?"
Once I was through putting all my things back in the back I zipped it up and stood up ignoring Tamar. I wasn't trying to fight him so it was just best if I kept my mouth closed and let him feel like he was winning. Tamar grabbed the suitcase from my grasp and kicked it out of the way; he grabbed me by my arm and twisted it. "You want me to break your other arm? Keep talking that hot shit if you want to."
"Let me go!" I screamed. "Let me go Tae!"
Tamar mushed me in my head making me fall back onto the bed; he climbed on top of me and placed his hand around my throat. He leaned down and kissed my lips, then sucked on my bottom lip. My heart was pumping, chest heaving up and down, and sweat dripped from my head.
Tamar removed his hand from my throat, then reached down and removed his dick from his pants. I took that opportunity to try and push him off of me but of course he was too much for my little ass to handle. He pulled my thong to the side and pushed his entire pole into me sending a sharp sigh from my mouth.
"Yea, that's right. Talk that shit now," Tamar said as he rammed his dick into my wet pussy. My pussy was so fuckin’ wet that it felt like I was pissing on myself. "I don't hear you saying shit!"
"You....you make....Ohhhhhh! Ohhh shitttttt!"
"I make you what...what?"
"You make.....making me cum! Wooo, I love you so much!" I panted, wrapping my legs tightly around Tamar's waist as I felt the wave of an orgasm on the horizon.
"That's what I thought," Tamar said before tonguing me down and slowing his strokes down. He grabbed my hand and intertwined with his bringing his eyes to meet mine.
"What's wrong?" I asked noticing that something was on his mind.
"I love you so fuckin’ much. I'm so happy I got you here with me; I never thought this would be happening right now. I thought I lost you ma," Tamar groaned.
"I thought I lost you..." Tamar cut me off by sticking his tongue back into my mouth.
"I want what we got to be official. I ain't never letting you go again, you mine forever Roz." Tamar kissed me again. "Shit, I can't even get out what I'm trying to say it feels so damn good."
"What....what you trying to say?"
"I'm sorry baby, sorry for not being the man that you needed and not doing everything in my power to protect you and my seeds." Tamar groaned and stroked some more.
"Tae, I...."
"Just shut up and let me finish while I got the courage to do so," Tamar said.
He looked into my eyes and I could see water built up into his which made tears fall from mine. I had never felt love so strongly as I was feeling now.
"Roz, on my grandma grave I promise if you do this with me I will die trying to make you happy, I'll never let another soul violate you, or put they hands on you again. As long as I'm breathing you will never hurt again," Tamar sighed then said, "I don't want you to be wifey no more."
I had a confused look on my face, my grinds slowed to none and I tried to release my hand from his grip but he wouldn't let it go. I felt him slide something on my finger and felt him release his seeds into me. He collapsed onto me laying his head onto my chest, it was then he let my hand go and I figured out what he was trying to say.
"You know I have a hard time expressing myself, this not at all how I planned to ask you to marry me," Tamar said. "The moment just felt right."
"You want to marry me?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yea I do," Tamar kissed me on my collar bone. "I wanna do this right this time around."
"You sure?"
"Damn, Roz yes or no? Stop questioning me and just answer me."
"Yes Tamar," I cried.
Somebody please pinch me, I gotta be dreaming. Things like this just don't happen to me.
21 TAMAR
Family Matters
So things wasn't going quite as planned; I had paid good money to have a candlelit dinner on the beach with just me and Rozalyn, band playing in the background, and a proposal from the heart. Fuck who thought I was being mushy and soft right now; I was just keeping it real. Rozalyn was my heart and you never get a second chance at finding true love. She was young but hell so was I, we was only three years apart. I've never felt so strongly about anything as I did now.
"So, how is she?" My moms Cheryl asked.
"I don't know; she keep everything that happened bottled up and try to pretend like it never happened. She don't talk to me."
"Not good, she can't keep all that bottled up. One day she's gonna explode and everyone's gonna be hurt in the process."
"Well, what I'm supposed to do?"
"Just keep asking her about it Tamar, don't let up. Just let her know that whenever she's ready to discuss it you're ready to listen," my moms patted me on the hand.
"She kind of told me some of the stuff that went on and I walked out on her and didn't come back for a week so I doubt she’ll open up to me anymore," I said pulling into the parking lot of the hotel.
"I know damn well you didn't do that, boy what the hell is wrong with you?" she asked and I knew she was pissed ‘cause she never cussed unless she was mad.
"So ma, you thought about what we talked about?" I asked changing the subject.
"I can't believe you would do such a thing, I wouldn't wanna talk to you either."
"You gonna move to Miami or what? I told you I'm trying to be closer to you and Taylana."
"Then move back home, Tamar."
"Forget it," I got out of the car and grabbed Tamarion's car seat from the back. "Taylana grab his bag and I'll come back and get the rest."
"A’ight," Taylana said.
I turned around to walk to the hotel but ended up face to face with my
moms, "I'm going to move Tamar ’cause you know more than anything I want a relationship with you and so does Taylana. I know that it's entirely my fault the reason we barely speak now but I'm not gonna pass up the opportunity to get know my baby boy better. I love you Tamar and this means a lot to me, more than you know," my moms wrapped her arms around me and cried. I felt bad for hurting her all these years, not keeping in contact with her, rarely visiting, and just flat out ignoring her calls.
"I love you too ma," I gave her a peck on the cheek then led them inside the hotel to the room they would be staying at. I'd rented out the whole floor of rooms for the next week and a half.
Whether Rozalyn knew it or not I planned to marry her before I left here. I already had her friends on deck to come out which is why they didn't visit a couple of weeks ago as planned.
The minute I found out Rozalyn was actually alive I went shopping for a ring; second chances like this didn't happen often so I had to do shit right this time. When she hit me with the graphic details of what P.J. did to her I began to have second thoughts thinking maybe she deserved somebody better than me but Keylan was able to convince me otherwise. I guess he knew I would never let Rozalyn be happy with another man.
Keylan, Taron, Money, Kayla, Dmitri, and hopefully Brandon would be out tomorrow.
I was told that Kevin and Rozalyn's dad, Korey wasn't feeling the idea of us getting married so I could only hope they came around before we actually tied the knot. That was the only family she had besides her sister and I wasn't able to get in contact with her. I would keep trying to get them here but if they didn't it wasn't gonna stop me from going through with it; I just hoped it didn't stop her either.
"Fat daddy!" Rozalyn yelled and ran to us snatching the car seat from my hand.
"You ready?" I asked.
"Yea, let me just hold my fat man real quick," Rozalyn said and took Tamarion out his car seat.