My Nerdy Valentine

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  "I found a book on sex trivia," Amanda called after her. "It's titled Titillating Trivia. I put a rush on the order." "Good." Gloria kept walking.

  "Do you still want me to look for other toys? I didn't have a chance to do that yet."

  "Yes, please." Gloria started to close her door.

  Amanda couldn't stand it. "Did he admit to sending the fax?"

  Pausing with one hand on the door, Gloria glanced back at her. "Yes, but his story was totally lame. He claimed the fax was meant for his mother. I don't think so."

  Amanda bit her lip to keep from laughing. His mother? Nobody would believe a goofy story like that. Of course, he hadn't had much time to come up with one, and at least he hadn't spilled the beans about the valentine situation. She was grateful for that, because no telling what would happen if Gloria flew into a jealous rage.

  "He sent it to me, all right," Gloria said. "But he wants to play games for a while, so I'll humor him, although he's leaving me really hot and bothered. When the Burnsides arrive, delay them five minutes. I need some time alone." Then she closed her office door with a firm click.

  Amanda stared at the door for a moment before turning back to her computer to look up some sex toy sites. If there were such a thing as sexual Olympics, Gloria would take home the gold. William had won Amanda's grudging respect for not taking advantage of all that throbbing sexuality.

  When the outer door opened, she expected to see the Burnsides, but instead Justin, William's friend, walked in. Yikes. She wasn't supposed to recognize him. So far as Gloria could know, last night had never happened.

  Poor Justin looked the worse for wear. His eyes were bloodshot and he kept sniffing, as if he'd come down with the flu. She couldn't shoo him out when he looked so pathetic.

  "Hey, Amanda."

  "Hey, Justin." She left her chair and walked over to him. "Listen, my boss isn't supposed to know that I have a relationship with William. Well, it's not a relationship, because there is nothing between us, but my boss sort of has the hots for William, and—"

  "No sort of about it. Any woman that sends condoms and X-rated chocolate has major designs."

  "So you know about that, too."

  "Yeah." Justin sniffed again.

  "Well, she'd have a coronary if she thought he was the least bit interested in me."

  "I get that. Listen, if she comes out and finds me here, tell her I'm a customer from Geekland, which is true. She doesn't have to know I'm Will's best friend or that he was with me last night."

  "So you're not here to see him?" She'd assumed he'd stopped by on his way to William's office.

  "Nope. I'm here to see you." Unzipping his coat, he pulled out a box about the size that tissues came in. But this was no tissue box.

  Amanda recognized it immediately—the deluxe version of Barmaster.

  "I feel terrible that I made things worse between you and Will," Justin said. "So this is a peace offering." He grinned sheepishly. "I bought one for myself, too."

  She resisted the urge to grab the box. "You didn't have to do that. You didn't know that I'd told William ... Will... not to come to my workplace."

  "No, but he tried to steer me to a different bar, and I kept insisting it had to be Geekland. So take this. It talks."

  "I know." One of her customers had the deluxe version.

  She'd coveted it for months but hadn't been able to justify the expense.

  "I took the day off. I've been playing with the silly thing since I bought it this morning. After I leave here, I'm heading over to Geekland so I can order something outrageous. I'm in the mood to try new things, do new people."

  She gazed at him. His eyes were bright in his flushed face, as if he had a fever. "Don't take this wrong. I don't really know you. But you look as if you need to go home and go to bed."

  "Nope. 'Fraid not. That would be the sensible thing to do, and I'm finished with being sensible."

  "You could end up really sick." Behind her, she heard Gloria's door open.

  "Don't care." His gaze flicked over her shoulder and he raised his voice. "Well, Amanda, like I said, I thought you could use this new and improved version of Barmaster. You do a great job at Geekland, and you deserve a top-of-the-line model."

  "Amanda, who's our visitor?" Gloria asked.

  "A customer from Geekland," Amanda said. "Justin Haskell. Justin, this is my boss, Dr. Gloria Tredway."

  "Nice to meet you, Justin." Gloria came forward, hand outstretched. "If you're hoping to date Amanda, you're out of luck. She seems to have confused a degree from DePaul University with entering the nunnery."

  "Nope, nope, wasn't looking for a date. Dating's too tame for this boy these days. I'm just looking for cheap, tawdry sex."

  Gloria laughed. "I like that attitude. Good luck with that goal, Justin."

  "Thanks. Well, I need to be going. See you at Geekland, Amanda."

  "Sure." Amanda held up the box. "And thank you for this."

  "No problem." With a wave and a sniff, Justin left the office.

  "What did he give you?" Gloria continued to gaze at the door after Justin had closed it behind him.

  'This."

  Gloria refocused her attention. "What is it?"

  "A deluxe version of Barmaster. It's a little flask-shaped computer that gives you the ingredients and mixing instructions for most of the drinks ever invented. And you can record any new drinks in there, too."

  "A geek gift!" Gloria studied Amanda with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me he's hot for you."

  "God, no."

  "Because you know the rule. Any man who walks in this office is off limits."

  "Gloria, I'm not dating, period. Besides, I wouldn't date a guy who's still reeling from having his fiancée dump him." Then Amanda wondered if she should have mentioned that. Probably not.

  "Really?" A speculative gleam lit Gloria's eyes. "Too bad I already have my Geek of the Week, because a man who's been dumped is ripe for experimental sex. He even admitted as much." Then she waved a hand dismissively. "But I can't do them all, now, can I?"

  "Guess not." But I'll bet you’d love to try.

  Harvey thought foreplay was highly overrated, but Dr. Tredway had spent today's entire session on the topic. Now Louise expected Harvey to waste the rest of the effing afternoon demonstrating how much he'd learned. He'd planned to spend the afternoon at Starbucks, hoping Amanda would come out of the building across the street.

  Louise obviously didn't care that he had other things to do. She wanted orgasms, and she refused to do anything except lie there like a lump while Harvey, his head wedged between her thunder thighs, did all the work. What kind of fun was that?

  Even worse, Louise had taped a picture of some guy named Heath Ledger on the ceiling of their bedroom. Whenever Harvey accidentally did something she liked, she'd cry out Oh, Heath, do that again! It was bad enough that Harvey was the work horse without some movie star getting the credit

  Then he had an idea. If she could call out somebody else's name, so could he. "Mm, Amanda, you taste like ..." He searched for a good comparison. "Like draft beer!"

  Louise sat bolt upright "Who the hell is Amanda?"

  "My fantasy lover." Harvey lifted his head and gazed up at Louise. He had a funny angle from here. Her boobs looked gigantic and her head was small. It was kind of like watching a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on TV. Louise had recently gone blond, so now she was two-toned—frizzy blond on her head and beer-bottle brown on the part Harvey was currently stuck with.

  "Your fantasy what?'

  "You have a fantasy lover, this Heath guy, so I decided I'd have one, too, honey cakes." He used pet names to soften her up. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't

  "Huh. I didn't think you had enough imagination to have fantasies."

  "Well, I do, lambkins." Louise would be amazed at what kind of an imagination he had, especially where Amanda was concerned.

  "And her name is Amanda?"

  "Yes." Harvey felt
the thrill of danger. Louise was a jealous woman, and whenever she got jealous, anything could happen. Being married to Louise was so boring that sometimes he made her mad on purpose, to relieve the boredom.

  "You mean that actress from Boys and Girls'! Amanda Detmer?"

  Harvey thought about telling her it wasn't Amanda Det-mer, that it was Amanda Rykowsky, the receptionist in Dr. Tredway's office. But he didn't want her to find that out until after he'd carried Amanda off, like a pirate. In the meantime, he was having fun with the valentines.

  He had the best one yet to deliver tomorrow, and if he told Louise about it, she'd get really, really mad. As exciting as that might be, he wanted to put it off until he'd completed his plan. "Yeah, Amanda Detmer," he said.

  "I guess that's all right." She flopped back onto the pillow. "But Amanda Detmer would never go with a guy who looks like you."

  "What do you mean, candy lips? I look good."

  "Your nose is too big and your chin is too small. Plus you should color that mousy brown hair, and you're on the scrawny side. You have no muscle definition whatsoever."

  He considered telling her that she was a big pile of blubber who had no room to talk, except that wouldn't get him anywhere except in divorce court. But once she found out that another woman thought he was very handsome and smart, Louise would have a whole different opinion of Harvey Kenton.

  "Harvey?"

  "What?"

  "What are you doing down there?" "Nothing."

  "My point, exactly. Nothing. And on top of that, you'll have to start all over. I was working up to a climax, but then you said that thing about Amanda, and I lost momentum."

  That was discouraging. "Can I still say her name, though? I mean, in between using my tongue the way Dr. Tredway taught me."

  "Yeah, yeah. Just get on with it."

  "Okay, sugar tits." He settled into position again. "Amanda, you are so hot." This fantasy lover thing rocked. Now that he could pretend that he was doing Amanda instead of Louise, he didn't mind the work nearly as much. On Valentine's night, he really would be doing Amanda, so this was a way of getting used to the concept.

  NINE

  By the time Amanda arrived for her shift at Geekland, Justin was still planted on a bar stool, and from the looks of him, he was feeling no pain. "Hey, 'Manda." He gave her a lopsided grin. "Hey, Justin."

  Ethan, the bartender she was relieving, looked exactly like the Verizon guy, especially when he wore the Geekland glasses. As a result he had to put up with a lot of "Can you hear me, now?" jokes.

  When he spied Amanda, he came over, put an arm around her shoulders, and led her a little distance down the bar, out of earshot from Justin. "That guy's been picking drinks at random from his Barmaster. So far he's had six different combinations. The last thing I fixed him was a Bahama Mama."

  Amanda winced. "Almost all booze."

  "Yep."

  "Well, he's drowning his sorrows. His fiancée canceled the wedding yesterday."

  "So he said, but it's time to cut him off."

  Amanda made a face. "Thanks for leaving me with that job."

  "You're tougher than me, Rykowsky." Ethan gave her shoulder a squeeze, pocketed his tips and left.

  Cutting off the liquor supply was Amanda's least favorite thing to do, but Justin looked in need of that particular service.

  He'd positioned himself at the bar with a trivia keyboard and he punched buttons at random. When he missed a question, which was most of the time, he laughed hysterically. Not a good sign.

  Leonard hopped up on a stool in front of Amanda. "Finally! I want a Hot Apple Pie, and I didn't trust Ethan to make it right."

  "A Hot Apple Pie? Are you sure? Last time—"

  "My mouth's all healed. See?" Leonard puckered up. Then he crossed his eyes and imitated fish lips.

  She couldn't help laughing, although that would only encourage him, which wasn't good because he seemed to have a crush on her. "Leonard, what's coming up next week?"

  "The finals in a Magic tournament. Want to come and watch me win?"

  "Sorry, no time. So you don't know that Valentine's Day is next week?"

  "It is?"

  "Yeah." She grabbed the Baileys bottle so she could start making the Hot Apple Pie.

  "Is that a hint? You want a box of candy or something?" "No! I just—"

  "See, Amanda?" Justin called out. Then he laughed his crazy laugh. "I missed 'nother one! See how stupid I am? No wonder she dumped me."

  "You're not stupid." She layered Goldschlager over the Baileys. "But it might be time to retire that Barmaster for the night and tuck into a hamburger and fries, maybe a hot cup of coffee." She wondered if that would be enough of a hint for him.

  "Not hungry." Justin went back to stabbing at the trivia keyboard.

  With a sigh, Amanda took out the 151-proof rum and poured it on top of the Goldschlager.

  Leonard lowered his voice. "You're trying to cut him off, aren't you?"

  She nodded.

  I don't think it'll be all that easy."

  "Unfortunately, you could be right." Reaching into her pocket, she took out a lighter and set the top layer of 151-proof rum on fire.

  Leonard stared at it in obvious delight. "Now that is totally cool."

  "No, it's hot, Leonard." She handed him an empty rocks glass. "You'd better snuff it out before you end up burning your mouth on the glass."

  "Hey, gimme one of those!" As Justin leaned in their direction, he almost fell off his bar stool.

  "I think that's a bad idea, Justin."

  "Aw, c'mon." Using the bar as support, he climbed down from his stool and worked his way around to Amanda and Leonard. "You made him one. My turn!"

  "No. It could be dangerous." She watched Leonard out of the corner of her eye. He was slowly extinguishing the flame, but the glass would still be hot. "Let it cool some," she warned him.

  Justin edged closer. "Lemme taste."

  "No." Amanda put her arm out to stop him. "It's too—"

  "Lemme taste!' Justin lunged over her arm and grabbed the glass away from Leonard.

  Amanda knocked it out of his hand before he could take a drink and scald himself on the hot rim. Baileys, Goldschlager, and rum went everywhere as the glass tumbled to the bar, where it shattered.

  Justin surveyed the damage through bleary eyes. "Whoop-sie-daisy."

  "Hey, Amanda," Leonard said. "Take a look at the spray pattern on my shirt! The three kinds of booze didn't completely mingle, and I actually have different-colored dots. Awesome."

  Amanda took off her liquor-spattered glasses. "That's not exactly the word I'd use, but I'm glad you're not upset."

  "Heck, no. You can just make me another Hot Apple Pie. Half the fun is watching you make it and light that puppy."

  Tina came by with an empty drinks tray. "Hey, Amanda, I need— Whoa, what happened here?"

  "A whoopsie-daisy." Justin leaned on the bar. His arm was a quarter inch from a jagged piece of glass.

  Amanda panicked. "Don't lean on the bar! There's broken glass everywhere."

  "There is?"

  "Look, both of you back up a little and then stay put. Tina, can you get somebody from the kitchen to help me clean up? And stall anyone who wants a drink until I get re-situated."

  "Will do." Tina hurried away.

  Amanda wiped her hands on a bar rag. Then she carefully picked up the biggest pieces of glass and dropped them in the trash.

  "I need 'nother drink."

  She paused to look at Justin. "No you don't. You need food."

  "Don't want food." His expression turned belligerent. "Want 'nother drink."

  "I could get security if you want," Leonard said.

  "That's okay." She didn't want Justin thrown out of here, not after he'd been nice enough to buy her a deluxe Barmaster. Besides, he was William's best friend, and ... that was her answer. "Justin, what kind of cell phone do you have?"

  He brightened. "The best."

  She'd figured that. A
nerd would be proud of his technology. "Can I see it? I'm thinking of getting one."

  Instead, Leonard took the bait. He leaned forward. "Then you should see mine!" Wiping his hands on his shirt, he unclipped his phone from his belt and handed it over. "The screen's incredible, and I have a list of features as long as this bar."

  "Thanks." She took the phone, flipped it open and pretended to care what she was looking at. "Justin? Can I look at yours, now?" She handed Leonard's back to him.

  Justin shrugged. "Guess so." He unclipped his without wiping his hands. "Catch."

  She caught it one-handed and wiped the stickiness off with her bar towel. Luck was with her, because Ed from the kitchen arrived right then with a bucket of soapy water and several rags. She stepped out of his way, putting him between her and Justin.

  Opening the phone, she quickly clicked on his list of contacts. Sure enough, William was right there. In no time at all she had him on the line. "William, this is Amanda."

  "What's wrong?" He sounded scared. "Why do you have Justin's phone? Has there been an accident? Is he okay? What—"

  "He's fine, but he's really drunk. Can you come and get him?"

  "I'll be right there. Thanks for calling me." He disconnected the line.

  Amanda closed the phone, stepped around Ed, and handed the phone to Justin. "Looks like a good model."

  "Can I get 'nother drink, now?" Justin wobbled a little, as if he might not be able to stand much longer.

  "We'll see." She took a rag and walked around the end of the bar so she could wipe off the stools. "First I need to take care of the backed-up orders. But you can sit down, if you want."

  "Okay." Justin climbed unsteadily onto a stool and watched as she made another Hot Apple Pie for Leonard. Then she took care of several orders for Tina. About the time she'd run out of things to do, William came through the door.

  She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so glad to see someone. That was only because he was here to save his buddy from humiliation, of course. It wasn't William she was glad to see, but the prospect of solving a big problem.

  At least that's what she was trying to tell herself. But she couldn't ignore the appealing picture William made as he walked up to the bar. His dark hair was windblown, his cheeks ruddy, his coat unzipped. Under his coat he wore an old Northwestern sweatshirt and jeans that had been lovingly broken in.