Man Enough

by Beth Burnett

  We walk into a cafe and order coffee. “I met Lynne at a feminist book club way back in the day.”

  “Was it one of those bra-burning, man-bashing type things?” he asks.

  “Of course not. It was just a women in literature kind of thing.”

  “All right.”

  “And the job just happened by accident. I have a Bachelor’s degree in English. I was partway through my Master’s when I realized that I didn’t want to be a teacher. I had always had fantasies about writing for a living, but eventually came to the realization that I didn’t have the talent to do so. And there I was, racking up all kinds of student loan debt, without any idea of what I was going to do after I graduated. So, I dropped out and kind of floated along at various jobs until Andy heard about the job at the Care Center. I applied, I was hired, the rest is history.”

  “How long have you been there?”

  “Seven years.”

  “You must love it.”

  I look at him seriously. “I love it and hate it. I love that we are doing such great things and helping so many kids. I hate that we can’t help them all. I hate that I can’t single-handedly change the minds of all of the closed-minded, ignorant hate-mongers in the world.

  He puts his arm around me and kisses me lightly on the cheek. “You’re doing more than most people do.”

  “Change the subject. Tell me an interesting fact about yourself.”

  Danny thinks for a minute. “What if there are no interesting facts about me?”

  I punch him lightly on the arm. “Come on.”

  “Hmm. Oh, I know. I can play the harmonica.”

  “You can?”

  “True story.”

  “Wow. I wish I had talents.”

  “I’m sure you have talents.”

  “No, I don’t know how to do anything. I can’t speak another language or play an instrument.”

  Danny laughs. “We’ll figure something out.”

  “Danny, what’s your full name?”

  “Daniel Edward Walker. What’s yours?”

  “Davey Carter.”

  “You don’t have a middle name?”

  I blush. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Danny looks intrigued. “Come on, you have to tell me now.”

  I roll my eyes towards the sky. “My stupid mother!”

  He laughs again. “Tell me or I’ll tickle you until you wet your pants!”

  “Oh, that would be romantic!”

  “Davey,” he warns.

  “It’s Thoris.”

  Danny looks intrigued. “No.”

  “Oh yes, I’m afraid so.”

  “Davey Thoris Carter.”

  I nod grimly.

  Danny throws his head back and laughs for a long time, wiping his eyes with the edge of his t-shirt.

  “Are you quite finished?” I ask.

  “I’m sorry, it’s perfect. Why didn’t she name you Dejah?”

  “She was going to. But at the last minute, she met some guy named Davey who chanted over her while she gave birth, and she decided that she would honor him with a namesake.”

  “Wow,” Danny says, grinning.

  “She didn’t want to completely give up the idea, though, so she kept Thoris.”

  Danny smiles and takes my hand. “That’s it. If we end up getting married, I’m taking your name and changing my first name to John.”

  “Well, John and Davey sounds a lot less adorable than Danny and Davey.”

  “Good point. Maybe I should change my name to Dave.”

  “Dave and Davey.” I’m laughing now.

  Danny puts his arms around me and gives me a tight hug. “Come on, Davey Thoris. Let’s go in search of a bookstore. I’m suddenly in the mood for some Burroughs.”

  “Just don’t expect me to dress like her,” I mutter under my breath.

  Danny and I have a wonderful afternoon and we’re laughing and holding hands as we get back to my apartment. I stop in the doorway, surprised. It looks as though everyone has been busy. There are new shelves along one of the walls, and Lynne’s clothes are all folded in them. Her shoes have their own shelf. The entire place has been scrubbed. And Leah’s moussaka smells fantastic. I feel a little swell of love for my odd little family.

  Leah comes out of the kitchen as we enter the living room. “Darlings! Dinner will be served in about a half an hour. Lynne left with Sarah to have a talk. Andy will be back any moment, she’s out getting more fruit for dessert. Have a seat. Danny, would you like a glass of wine?”

  “Thank you, Leah, I actually don’t drink wine. But we stopped for beer, do you have room in the fridge?”

  “Here. Let me take it.” I grab the six pack and head toward the kitchen. Behind my back, I hear Danny talking to Leah.

  “I brought these for you.”

  “Oh, flowers! I love flowers. Let me put these in a vase. Please, sit down, put your feet up.” She follows me into the kitchen.

  “Put your feet up?” I look quizzically at Leah. “Pretty sweet words from someone who thinks every man is just out for free sex.”

  Leah smiles as she finds a vase. “I have to admit that he does seem very sweet. There’s something very sincere about him.” She pauses. “Of course, sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

  “Funny.” I grab a couple of beers and go back to the living room. I pass Andy on my way out of the kitchen, she’s bringing the fruit to my mother.

  “Hey Davey-baby, how was your window shopping?”

  I glare at her. “You had better be planning on being nice tonight,” I say in an undertone. “So far, you’re being an ass.”

  Andy shrugs and wanders into the kitchen.

  I walk out to find Danny looking at the photographs on my wall.

  “What’s all of this?”

  I hand him a beer and look at my collection. I’m actually pretty proud of this wall. I collected old black and white photos from thrift stores, and from my grandparents and matted and framed them all. They’re grouped together on a plain white wall. I’ve always loved the effect.

  “Well, some of them are related to me, and some of them are strangers.” I point to a picture in the middle. “That’s my grandparent’s wedding photo.”

  Danny peers at it closely. “You look at lot like your grandmother.”

  I smile at him. “I’ve always thought she looked beautiful in that picture.”

  He leans closer. “You look beautiful right now.” He lips find mine again and I melt into his kiss.

  “Ahem, ahem. So sorry to interrupt.” Andy walks out of the kitchen with a bottle of water and perches on the arm of a chair. Her favorite spot.

  “No problem,” Danny says easily. He looks at me. “May I use your restroom?”

  “Of course.” I lead him to the hallway and point out the bathroom. “Just don’t peek in my bedroom,” I admonish. “Leah has left it a complete mess.”

  I sit on the couch, facing Andy. I’m just eying her, waiting for her to say something. She leans back and takes a sip of her water.

  “Andy?”

  “What?” She’s giving me a wide-eyed, innocent look.

  “What the hell is going on?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t like him. There’s something weird about him.”

  “He likes Star Trek.”

  “That’s weird, but that’s not it.”

  “Well, I don’t think there’s anything weird about him and even Leah likes him. I want you to ease off.” Even though I told Danny he has to get along with Andy if he wants to date me, she has to meet him halfway. And so far, he has been a perfect gentleman to her and she has been an asshole to him. “I really like him a lot.”

  Andy closes her eyes for a second, then looks straight at me. “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”

  I hear the bathroom door open, so I don’t respond. Danny walks into the living room as Lynne walks through the front door and slams it hard behind her.


  “Oh dear,” Leah calls from the kitchen. “That must be Lynne.”

  Lynne flops into a chair and throws her hand up to her forehead. “I can’t stand the drama!”

  I pass her my beer. “What happened?”

  “Same old. She screamed, I cried. I hate that I cry when I’m pissed.”

  I do that, too. It’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re in tears.

  Andy looks serious. “Lynne, what on earth gave you the idea that it would be okay to tell her about the UPS chick?”

  Lynne looks up, tears running down her face. “Honestly, I just don’t know. I was so mad that she showed up here drunk, and I was just so pissed about everything that it kind of slipped out.” She wipes her eyes with her sleeve. “The thing is, I have a lot of good memories of her, too. The way we were when we met, the way she just does things for me without me needing to ask. I’m really confused.” She looks around and notices Danny.

  “Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t think. Danny, I’m sorry. Davey, I’m ruining your date.”

  “No, please, it’s perfectly fine,” Danny says earnestly.

  Andy agrees. “Besides, if Davey was really worried about making a good impression on him, she wouldn’t have brought him here to have dinner with all of us.”

  “That’s really funny,” I say, throwing a pillow at Andy’s head. She catches it easily and tosses it back on the couch.

  Lynne stands up. “Let me go wash my face and get ready for dinner.”

  A knock on the door. “I’ve got it,” Leah calls from the kitchen. She comes running into the living room, smoothing back her hair. She opens the door to admit Dr. Sheila Ward. It has been a couple of years since I’ve seen her, but she is instantly recognizable. Bright red hair, cut in a razor sharp, angled line from her chin. Pointy chin, straight nose and big green eyes, hidden by thick, horn rimmed glasses. She’s a cross between a sexy librarian and my second grade teacher. Either way, she’s a little scary.

  Leah puts her arm around Dr. Ward and turns her to face the group. Danny has already stood up and is putting out his hand to greet her. “Dr. Ward, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Dr. Ward smiles. “Please call me Sheila. And you must be Danny. I’ve heard that our Davey is quite taken with you.”

  Our Davey? My eyebrow shoots up. What is this “our Davey” shit? I barely know the woman. I secretly give a prayer of thanks that I didn’t allow her to show me how to find my G-spot. Danny shoots me an amused glance.

  Leah introduces Andy, then they both turn to me.

  “Davey,” Dr. Ward says. “It is so wonderful to see you again.”

  “And you, Dr. Ward.”

  “Davey, call me Sheila. We’re old friends.”

  I suppress a shudder. “Of course, Sheila. Please, have a seat.”

  “Dinner is almost ready,” Leah says. “We don’t have room in the kitchen, but I thought we could use the trays that Andy bought today and sit out here.”

  “Andy.” I turn to look at her. “How thoughtful of you.”

  She catches my sarcasm. “My pleasure,” she says brightly.

  Sheila is looking around. We must seem like one big happy family.

  Danny asks Leah if he can help serve and she bundles him into the kitchen. We all shift around for a while until there are trays and plates in front of everyone. Lynne joins us and no one mentions her red eyes or the earlier scene with Sarah. Danny and I are sitting side by side on the couch, his thigh pressing against mine. I smile at him, and run one finger along his leg. I’m beginning to think this dinner could be fine.

  “Leah, this is delicious.” Danny has taken his first bite of moussaka.

  “Oh, thank you, sweetheart.” Leah bats her eyelashes at him.

  Sheila pipes in, “Danny, what do you do for a living?”

  “I’m a writer.”

  “Oh really? Have you written anything I might have read?”

  “Probably not,” he answers. “I mostly write articles and essays. Boring stuff and…”

  “Like what,” Andy cuts in.

  “Well, I’ve written articles for Southwest Magazine. And I wrote about obesity and the correlation with school lunches.”

  “Do you write under your own name?” Dr. Ward leans forward, looking Danny in the eye.

  Danny nods. “Yes, Danny Walker.”

  Andy smiles. “Maybe I should Google you.”

  Danny nods. “Feel free.”

  I step in. “No one is going to Google you. Don’t be ridiculous. If Danny has something he wants us to read, he’ll bring the magazine in and show us.”

  Leah agrees. “Danny, I spent some time in New Mexico and Arizona with one of my lovers. He sold homemade dream catchers at flea markets. Did you live in the Southwest?”

  Danny nods. “I grew up in New Mexico. At least until I was ten.”

  “What did you write for Southwest Magazine,” Leah asks.

  “I wrote a piece about hot air ballooning.”

  Lynne looks up sharply. “Oh, I have always wanted to do that! Davey and I promised we would go when we turn fifty.”

  “You should. It was amazing.”

  Andy jumps in. “Hot air ballooning and childhood obesity. Any other fields in your expertise?”

  Danny shakes his head. “I’m really not an expert in anything. But if someone wants a story about it, I’ll find out about it and interview people who are experts. I generally won’t turn down an assignment just because I don’t know a lot about a subject.”

  Andy looks skeptical. “Well, I look forward to reading some of your work.”

  “I look forward to hearing your opinion,” Danny says softly.

  Sheila takes another bite of moussaka and waves her fork at Leah. “Leah, I knew you were a wonderful woman, but I didn’t realize you could cook, too.”

  Leah smiles happily. “Well, I’ve always loved to cook. I’ve just added to my repertoire over the years.”

  Sheila smiles. “Were you always a vegetarian?”

  “Since Davey was a baby. I lived with a yoga instructor for a while. She was very keen on not eating meat for health.”

  “I didn’t know you had lived with a woman!” Andy is shocked.

  “Not like that, Andy,” Leah says, laughing. “We were friends. And I was between lovers.”

  I nod. “Trust me, if Leah was a lesbian, we would all know it.”

  Andy leans back and crosses her legs. “I knew it when I was eight.”

  “Eight?” Lynne shakes her head. “No one knows at age eight. I didn’t know until college.”

  “Please,” I scoff. “I knew I liked boys at age eight. Jimmy DeMarco kissed me on the cheek in the playground. It was the first time I ever fell in love.”

  Danny smiles at me, then turns to Andy. “Andy, did you have a defining moment, or did you just know you had feelings for girls?”

  “I knew I had crushes on girls, not boys. And I was sporty and strong, even as a kid, so people thought there was something weird about me. But the big moment came when we had a pool party at Tommy Brenner’s house. His mom came out to give us snacks and I just remember looking up and seeing this curvy woman in a black bikini, with a see-through white shirt over it. Her hips were round, her breasts were bouncing as she strode across the lawn.” She puts her hand over her heart and sighs. “I knew I was in love. I knew that someday, I wanted to marry that woman.”

  Lynne laughs. “I had crushes on women, but I knew it was weird, so I just ignored it. It wasn’t until I had sex with Vicki Schilling in college that I realized. And I still tried to stay in the closet for a while after that.”

  Danny grins. “I knew I loved women when I was really young. My mother had this friend, a big, beautiful woman named Rose. She had a loud voice and a huge, throaty laugh. She used to wear this perfume that would make me dizzy. When she’d come to the house, she’d give me a hug, crushing me between her breasts. One day, she was complaining to my mother that there wasn’t a man around who was bi
g enough to treat her the way she deserved to be treated, but I knew I could be that man. I asked her to marry me, but sadly, she said no.”

  Leah looks intrigued. “How old were you?”

  “I was six.”

  We all laugh. Danny leans towards Sheila.

  “So, Sheila, I understand you teach a health class for women?”

  “Actually, it is a sexual health course,” she answers. “I empower women to explore and find sexual awareness, to awaken the goddess within.”

  Danny looks intrigued. “What does that mean, exactly?”

  “Well, last week, we talked about the vulva. You won’t understand this, because your gear is right out there for all the world to see, but a lot of women don’t have even a basic understanding of their own genitalia.”

  “I see.” He looks amused.

  “So we discussed the textbook definitions, and talked about the various bits and parts and then we looked at our own and each other to become familiar with where everything is.”

  Danny is smiling. “I think I have a pretty good idea where the important parts are.”

  Sheila shakes a finger at him. “Don’t be so sure. If that many women don’t completely understand their own vulva, you can be damn sure most men don’t. You would be amazed how many men can’t find the clitoris. Of course, you can’t come to the class because it is a woman-only space, but I will happily send you some diagrams if you’re interested.”

  Danny nods. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, seriously.

  “Or,” Leah adds, “you could convince Davey to come to class with us next Friday and then she can teach you where her important bits are.” She pauses to take a sip of wine, as we all stare at her. “I mean, when you get to that point in your relationship.”

  My face has got to be beet red at this point. I can’t even look at Danny. I concentrate on shoveling food into my mouth as quickly as possible. Danny presses his leg against mine, in what I imagine is a gesture of commiseration. Though, I suppose it’s possible all of this talk about female genitalia is turning him on.