Man Enough

by Beth Burnett

I look at his back. He doesn’t look very muscular, but his arms felt strong when he was holding me. He’s slender, but kind of solid. He’s bigger than me, which is a plus. I wonder what he looks like naked. “You’re stronger than you look.”

  He looks at me. “I don’t look strong?”

  “No, you do. You just don’t look all bulgy. But your biceps feel pretty hard up close.”

  He walks closer and flexes his arms, making a face. “Which way to the gun show?” he growls.

  I squeeze one of his biceps and rub it approvingly. “Very hard. Your arms are perfectly strong. I stand corrected.”

  He turns back to the stove. “Do you prefer buff guys?”

  I tiptoe up behind him and put my arms around his waist. My fingers slowly stroke his stomach. “No,” I breathe against the back of his neck. “I don’t.”

  He shudders and turns around. His hands are twisting in the back of my hair, as his mouth finds mine again. God, he really is the world’s most amazing kisser. We kiss for a moment, then we untangle and step apart. I can’t read the look in his eyes, he looks so serious. Things are getting intense in here. I need to calm down for a minute. I ask for the restroom and head in to check myself out. Lipstick is gone, but everything else looks pretty good. I smooth down my hair and wander into the living room to browse through his bookshelves. The Vonnegut he was reading the first time I saw him wasn’t an affectation. He has a complete set, all in paperback, all dog eared and obviously well-loved. He has lots of classics, most of them in paperback. He has some new stuff, too, and a lot of authors I’ve never heard of. I love that. And, yes! An entire shelf of Heinlein. This could be love. I grab Friday, one of my all-time favorite books, kick off my heels and curl up in an overstuffed arm chair to read. I am immediately lost in the cyberpunk world of Friday and her adventures.

  “Hey.”

  I look up, startled. Danny is standing in the doorway, looking at me oddly.

  “Are you all right?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “I’m fine. You just look so natural there. I feel like I could be sitting at the computer, working on an article and walk in to find you in that chair.”

  My heart skips a beat. We are moving so fast. This is only a third date and he’s starting to talk about me fitting into his house. I decide to make light of it.

  “I do like how you went out and bought the complete works of Kurt Vonnegut after the first time you met me.”

  He laughs. “That was one of the things that caught my attention when you were on a date with Ted the douche-bag.”

  He sits on the arm of my chair and pushes the book enough to see the cover. “Ah, Friday has to be one of my favorite heroines.”

  “I’ll have to watch my step around you now that I know you’re a Heinlein fan. Obviously, you are into crinkly nipples and spanked bottoms.”

  He laughs. “Heinlein was a pervert, but he was a charming and persuasive pervert.”

  I run my hand over his leg. “It probably depends on your definition of perverted.”

  He smiles and cups my face for a second. “Come on. Dinner is ready.”

  Danny doesn’t have a dining room, so we eat at the kitchen table. We talk lightly throughout dinner, both of us probably anticipating what comes after.

  “You said you had two of your mother’s paintings. Where is the other one?”

  “It’s upstairs in my bedroom.”

  I smile. “Well, perhaps I’ll see that one later.”

  He takes my hand and kisses my fingers then turns my hand around and kisses the inside of my wrist. My whole body moves towards him. He picks up a snap pea from my plate and puts it in my mouth. I close my lips around his finger and suck it gently as he pulls away. His breath catches. I back off and return my attention to my plate, which throws him off balance. He looks aroused and bewildered and it is all I can do to not throw myself onto his lap and tear his clothes off.

  “Davey, that dress does look incredible on you.” He is spending more time looking at me than eating his dinner.

  I smile at him. “I aim to please.”

  He laughs. I take another bite of the stir fry. “This is truly delicious. But I’m afraid I know your secret ingredient.”

  “What? I’m devastated!” He clutches a hand to his heart and looks stricken.

  “Red wine vinegar.”

  “Hmmph. That is only a small part of my amazing marinade.”

  “Okay, okay, I won’t try to guess it all.”

  He leans forward and looks into my eyes. “That date with Ted the douche-bag was a first date, wasn’t it?”

  I nod. “Yep, it was a blind date.”

  “Obviously I have nothing to worry about with him.”

  “You have nothing to worry about with anyone.”

  He looks at me closely. “There isn’t an ex?”

  I shake my head. “The last time I dated was… a while ago. Joe. I guess I thought I fell in love, but I’m not sure. At any rate, I trusted him and he cheated on me. I found out when I showed up unexpectedly at his place and caught him in the act.”

  “Sucker punch, huh?”

  “Exactly. I broke up with him immediately. I don’t believe in sticking around after it’s over. We didn’t decide to remain friends or anything like that.”

  Danny laughs. “I’m surprised Andy didn’t cut his dick off.”

  “It was a close call!” I laugh, too.

  “Davey,” Danny says, softly. “I would never cheat. No matter what. There are far more important things in the world than sex.”

  I smile at him. “How about you? You lived with that woman in Seattle. Has there been anyone since then?”

  Danny shakes his head. “And I didn’t live with her. I bought a house there to be near her, but we never ended up moving in together.”

  “And once you moved to Cleveland?”

  He shrugs. “I went on a few dates with a few different women, but nothing ever came of any of them. It’s been a while. I had kind of decided that I should just be single for the rest of my life.”

  I laugh. “I know the feeling. What happened?”

  He looks directly at me. “You did.”

  I look down at my plate. I’m not sure how to respond. This is fast, and I’m fighting the urge to take off. We eat in silence for a while, the only sounds are our utensils on our plates. I keep my eyes mostly down, but I can feel Danny looking at me.

  “Davey, did I upset you?”

  I look at his face, full of concern. “No. I’m not upset.”

  We finish the stir fry and he reaches to take my plate.

  “No way.” I stand up and grab both plates. “It seems only fair that since you cooked, I should clean up.” Danny stands up and presses in close behind me.

  “That’s fine,” he grins. “But there is dessert.” His lips are barely grazing the back of my neck.

  “Dessert? I love dessert.”

  “I made a cherry torte.”

  I turn around and smile at him. “You did not! Is that vegan?”

  “It is. I had to modify the recipe, but I think it will still be pretty good.”

  “Okay, then get out of the way and let me do the dishes.”

  “I don’t like to leave dishes, either,” he says.

  “It takes so little time to wash them. And then you have a clean slate for your next meal.”

  Danny puts away the food while I do the dishes, then we take a small plate with a piece of cherry torte to the living room. We squeeze together in the big armchair and Danny feeds me bites of the world’s most delectable torte. “Oh God, it’s so good,” I moan.

  He sets the plate aside and puts his arms around me. I rest one hand on his thigh, the other on his bicep. We’re looking at each other and the tension is getting unbearable. He runs one of his hands over my shoulder, pulling my dress slightly askew. My heart is pounding and I don’t think I can wait another second when suddenly our mouths are locked together, he’s pulling me onto his lap, I’ve got my arms lo
cked around him, kissing his mouth, biting his neck. He wraps his hands around my waist, fingers digging tightly into my hips. I arch against him as his teeth sink lightly into my lower lip. I swing one of my legs over his to straddle his thigh, he’s pulling my dress up and trying to slide one hand inside of my panties and somehow my dress has been completely shoved aside, his hand is in my bra, his mouth is on my nipple and I’m going to explode and…

  “Stop.” He straightens up.

  “Stop?” I can’t breath. My body is on fire, my dress is around my waist from the top and the bottom and he is telling me to stop? “Danny? What? What am I doing wrong?”

  “You aren’t. Dammit, Davey, I swear.” His breathing is fast and jagged. I know he wants me, I just don’t understand why he isn’t taking me.

  “I don’t understand.” I push my breasts back into my bra, and desperately try to straighten my dress. I’m near tears, though I’m blinking furiously to keep them at bay. I look away from him so he doesn’t notice. He notices anyway. He pulls my face gently around with one hand, the other around my shoulder, pulling me in close, but in a loving manner. He’s still breathing heavy, but the desperate need is gone.

  “Davey, listen. Please.” He’s speaking softly, hugging me close. “I am really starting to care about you. We had a connection from the first moment we saw each other. I felt it; I know you did, too.”

  I bury my face against his neck and nod, not trusting myself to speak.

  He continues. “It’s just … there are things … I mean, I want you to really care about me before…”

  I clear my throat. “I do care about you.”

  “Davey.” He presses one hang against the back of my head and kisses my forehead. “I do want you, you have to know that. I just … I just can’t yet. We need to be sure of each other. We need to be … I just don’t want to risk screwing anything up. I have a feeling you’re going to be a hugely important part of my life.”

  “Danny, I agree that we have a strange connection. But people have sex all the time and still go on to build strong relationships.”

  “We’re not other people.”

  I risk a look at his face. He looks dead serious and a little scared. I run my fingers along the sharp curve of his jaw. Isn’t it just my luck to wind up dating the only man on the face of the planet who doesn’t want to have sex? I can’t claim to understand it, but I do like him a lot, so I decide not to push it. “Danny, all right. But I better go.”

  We stand up and he walks to out to my car.

  “Thank you for a lovely dinner,” I say quietly.

  He looks at me anxiously. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

  I sigh. “I’m not. I promise I’m not.”

  He holds my face in both hands and presses his lips against mine. He still looks scared.

  “Danny, I don’t want to scare you.”

  “You don’t scare me. You’re wonderful. And that is what scares me.”

  I giggle. “True, that’s a major problem for me. My wonderfulness is so overwhelming, it scares people.”

  He laughs, pulling me in for a tight hug. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

  I pull back and give him a quick kiss on the mouth. “I have to work tomorrow. Why don’t we take a day off?”

  He looks a little sad, so I lean in and kiss him again. “Just call me tomorrow, all right?”

  “I will,” he vows.

  I wave goodbye as I drive off. Glancing in my rear view, I see him standing on the sidewalk, lifting his hand. He still looks so serious, and a little upset. I don’t know what to think. I’m confused and upset and completely horny. Usually, I would call Andy to talk about it, but she’s being so weird about Danny. I debate for a few minutes, then grab my cell phone.

  There’s a blast of loud music.”Hey,” she answers. “How was your date?”

  The music stops. “Good and bad. Fantastic and frustrating. Are you driving?”

  “Yeah, I’m on my way home. What happened?”

  “We had an amazing time. Andy, I know if you got to know him, you would see how sincere and sweet he is. We like the same authors, we listen to a lot of the same music. He’s funny, he’s sexy, he’s…”

  “Okay, okay,” she interrupts. “I promised to give him a chance. So why was it good and bad?”

  “We got pretty hot and heavy at a couple of points and he kept breaking it off. I thought he just wanted to wait until after dinner, but after dinner, we were really getting into it and he stopped.”

  Andy pauses. “Sorry, merging on the freeway. So, why did he stop?”

  “He said he wanted us to be more sure of each other before we had sex. He said he could tell I was going to become really important to him and he didn’t want to risk screwing it up by having sex too soon.”

  “How noble,” Andy says, dryly.

  “Don’t be an ass. He was sincere. I just don’t get it. Since when does a guy not want to have sex?”

  “Fuck if I know. My dates always want to have sex.”

  “Everyone wants to fuck you, Andy. I don’t know. It seemed like he really wanted me.”

  “Of course he does, baby. Why wouldn’t he? Maybe he’s impotent and he needs to make sure he can trust you before he tells you the truth.”

  I think back. I don’t recall feeling his erection, but then, I wasn’t grabbing his cock. “That’s probably not it.”

  Andy pauses. “Well, maybe he has herpes or something.”

  “I hope not! But if he does, I would understand him wanting to wait so he could tell me first.”

  “Would you break up with him over that?”

  “No, of course not. We would just have to be careful.”

  “You’re such a saint.”

  “I like him a lot.”

  “Maybe he has horribly disfiguring scars all over his body and is afraid to get naked with you.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Next time you talk, just ask him flat out. Maybe he’ll tell you. Or maybe he is just some weirdo who doesn’t want to have sex early in the relationship.”

  I sigh. “He isn’t a weirdo. Either way, I’m extremely frustrated and I can’t even go home and take matters into my own hands because Lynne is on my couch and my mother is in my bed!”

  Andy laughs. “You could come masturbate in my bed!”

  “Ha! You’d like that!”

  “I’d have to turn in my butch card if I didn’t.”

  “Love you, Andy.”

  “You too. ‘Night.”

  As I pull into the parking lot of my complex, my cell rings again.

  “Danny, hey.”

  “Hi. Just called to see if you made it home.”

  “You must be psychic. I just pulled into my parking lot.”

  “I had a wonderful time with you tonight.”

  “I did, too. I really did.”

  “Davey, I’m sorry it ended the way it did.”

  “I guess I understand, Danny. I’m sorry. I was just frustrated.”

  He chuckles. “If it makes you feel better, I am, too.”

  “At least you don’t have your mother sleeping in your bed.”

  He laughs again. “Cherish her while she’s here, love.”

  “I know.” He’s right. I do cherish her. I just wish I could cherish her from afar again.

  “Good night, Davey.”

  “’Night.”

  Leaning my head back against the seat for a minute, I close my eyes and think about his amazing face. I have this lingering anxiety, but it’s only because of Andy’s misgivings. She has me worried that there’s something wrong. I need to trust my own senses, though. I’m not the kind of person who just easily falls in love with any jerk who comes along. I’m a good judge of character.

  I tip toe past Lynne, who is already sleeping, and sneak into my bedroom. Leah is in bed, but she’s not asleep.

  “Hey Leah.”

  “How was it?”

  I curl up next to her and put my head down on her shoulder. />
  “I think I’m falling in love.”

  “Ah, baby girl,” she says, putting her arms around me. “That’s where all of the trouble comes from.”

  Chapter Nine

  “He’s gay!”

  I’ve been working my ass off today, trying to get everything ready for the benefit next month. Steve and Erik have talked about nothing but sex all day today. I told them that I hadn’t done it with Danny, but not the reason why. Obviously, they assume it’s because of me. Why do all men assume that it’s the woman who doesn’t want to have sex? I’m not obsessed with sex, but, dammit, I am ready to go to bed with Danny. And these two have talked about nothing else all day. Who is fucking whom. Who cheated on his boyfriend. New sexual positions they learned from watching porn movies over the weekend. It’s enough to drive a person crazy. I went to lunch with Jack, one of our counselors and all he talked about was sex. Not to mention the young couple that was full-on making out at the table next to us at Polly’s. And now I’ve got Andy calling me.

  “Excuse me?”

  Andy pauses. I can hear her chewing something. “Sorry, grabbing an energy bar. He’s gay.”

  “Andy, you have to be kidding.”

  “Seriously, hear me out. He’s ultra-polite, he’s thoughtful, he brought flowers to your mother, he…”

  “Andy! Come on.” I’m half laughing, half mad. “He isn’t gay. Why would he be dating me if he was gay?”

  “He’s in the closet.”

  “At thirty-five? With no family? And a job as a freelance writer? Yeah, he has a lot to hide! I’m sorry, I just don’t…”

  “Maybe he’s about to come into a huge inheritance and he needs a wife to prove he isn’t gay to his uber-conservative father.”

  “Right? Because that is so realistic.”

  Andy is laughing, too. “Well, maybe he hasn’t realized it yet.”

  “Andy, come on. There’s no way Danny is…”

  She bulldozes over me. “Well, he wouldn’t have sex with you. That’s clue one. And he speaks so softly and sweetly. In fact, he kind of reminds me of Bill, the adorable little guy that dated John from the bookstore for a while.”

  I pause. Actually, I can kind of see the resemblance. But still.

  “He isn’t gay. Trust me, I am immersed in gay. I would recognize it if I saw it.”