Man Enough

by Beth Burnett

  Gram squeezes Danny’s arm. “I think you look perfectly handsome just the way you are,” she tells him. “Not all men have to look like Tony Horton.”

  “Although, they’re sexier when they do,” Gramps adds.

  We’re all laughing. My grandparents are strange, but they’re not as strange as my mother. And they stepped in and raised me when my mother came home pregnant at sixteen, claiming that she had no idea who the father was and, no, there was definitely not a marriage in the works. I wonder about him sometimes but, as a whole, I’m happy with the way I grew up. Who knows, maybe my father would have been some prick who made us all miserable. On the other hand, maybe he’s some loving, caring, ultra-awesome multimillionaire. At any rate, I will never know. I pressed and pressed Leah for years about him and she never wavered from her story that she had no idea who he was. Sometimes he was a roving gypsy, sometimes it was some random stranger at an orgy. Either way, she says she never knew his name and he never knew she got pregnant. That’s fine. I like being a Carter.

  Danny is chatting easily with Gramps. The food is fantastic. There are all sorts of grilled vegetables over brown rice, salads, some interesting tofu potato dish, and what looks like a giant mushroom loaf.

  “Gram,” I say, taking another bite. “All of this food is amazing. I had no idea you had such a wealth of vegan recipes.”

  “I don’t, my darling. I called Sammy’s Catering, you know, the ones who did the wedding reception for Mrs. Darvin’s daughter?” She turns to Danny and says, “Hippies. They got married barefoot.”

  “Gram, you had this dinner catered?”

  “Well, I wanted to be sure. So I called them and said I had a vegan coming for dinner and they were quite happy to help.”

  Danny looks astounded. “Mrs. Carter, I…”

  “Please call me Matilda. Or Gram, if you’d like.”

  Oh great. He’s won over my grandmother now, too.

  Danny smiles at her. “I appreciate all of this. But please don’t feel you have to go out of your way. I will happily eat a salad if there’s nothing else.”

  “Nonsense,” my grandfather interrupts, waving his fork around to make his point. “A man can’t live on salad alone. Frankly, a man needs a steak every once in a while to keep the old blood flowing to the old you know what!”

  “Ernest!” My grandmother feigns shock, trying not to laugh.

  Danny looks at my grandfather, amused. “Well, you just need to make sure you get enough nutrients from non-meat sources.”

  “Mattie won’t let me eat red meat anymore, anyway. She’ll change her tune the first time little Ernie doesn’t want to come up.”

  I bury my face in my hands. Has everyone in my family become obsessed with sex lately? Danny is not helping matters, as he is obviously highly entertained.

  “So, Matilda, are you two vegetarians?” Danny looks intrigued.

  “Oh, not at all. I’m just trying to make Ernest eat better. We eat a lot of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean meats.”

  Danny nods. “That’s good. The more produce you eat, the healthier you’ll be.” He winks at my grandmother. “Your good looks attest to that!”

  I hold back a laugh. What a charmer. My grandmother is giggling like a school girl and batting her eyelashes. I have to hand it to Danny, it’s the first time I’ve seen him flirt with another woman and it’s with my grandmother. No wonder I’m in love with him.

  Gramps leans back in his chair. “I have to say, those hippies sure know how to make a meal.”

  “Gramps, the caterers aren’t necessarily hippies.”

  “Of course they are. The men all had long hair.” He eyes Danny pointedly.

  Danny smiles. “I’m not a hippie. And I don’t think my hair is that long.”

  I reach over and push a strand of hair behind his ears. “I think your hair is perfect that way it is.”

  Gramps grunts. “That’s the end of that, then. The minute a woman decides she likes something, it’s in. Of course, it works the opposite way, too. Remember that when Davey starts complaining about cigars.”

  “Gramps,” I say, laughing. “Danny doesn’t smoke cigars. And Gam just wants you to live forever.”

  Gramps reaches over and takes my hand. “No one lives forever, little girl.”

  Danny and I walk out of my grandparents’ house with enough leftovers to live on for days. We agree to take it back to my place and split it into containers for lunches. He holds my hand as we drive back through town and over the tracks.

  “I truly love your grandparents,” he says, wistfully.

  “Do you have any contact with any of yours?”

  “No, my mother wanted nothing to do with her parents. I think she had some pretty serious abuse issues, but she didn’t talk about it, at least not with me.”

  “Well, you were so young when she died. She probably would have talked to you about it later, if she had the chance.”

  He smiles and lifts my hand to kiss the inside of my wrist again. God, I love it when he does that. It sends chills zinging all up and down my spine.

  “Davey,” Danny says. “You are nothing but goodness and light.”

  I snort. “You don’t know me well enough yet.”

  Danny shakes his head. “I know you well enough.”

  At the house, Danny opens the car door for me and grabs the bags of leftovers. I put my keys in the door and we walk in. A woman screams as Danny freezes in shock, then backs completely out of the house and around the corner of the door frame. I’m whipping my head around to see where he has gone, while part of my mind is trying to process what I’m seeing in my living room.

  “This is a female-only safe space,” says an extremely large naked woman who is sitting in my favorite chair.

  “Danny is fine,” Leah, who is also naked, consoles. “He won’t come in. He’s a sweet boy.”

  I glance around the corner to sneak a peek at Danny. He has one hand over his mouth, his face is bright red, and he’s shaking with silent laughter. I meet his eye and raise my eyebrow. Turning back to the room, I take in the rest of the incredible scene.

  Lynne is sitting on the couch next to a pierced and tattooed, short and slender little baby dyke. I’m guessing that’s the UPS driver. They are both naked. Also on the couch is Dr. Sheila Ward, sex therapist. Naked? Yep. I’ve already determined that my mother and the large woman are naked. So are three other women that I’ve never met. My mind hasn’t quite wrapped around what’s happening here.

  “Davey, say goodbye to Danny and come join us,” Sheila says.

  “And what exactly would I be joining?” I ask hesitantly.

  “It’s a female empowerment exercise!” My mother looks extremely happy.

  “Yes,” the large woman chimes in. “We’re taking back our love of our bodies! We’re learning to accept them the way they are, no matter what society… .”

  “Or men!” The UPS chick raises her fist in the air.

  “Or men,” the large lady continues, “think about us.”

  Sheila nods and opens her arms expansively. “We’re embracing the idea of freedom of acceptance, the power of love, the…”

  “Embodiment of our spiritual beings!” Lynne looks blissful.

  “What does that even mean?” I ask.

  I mean, I agree with the whole movement in theory. In theory. I’m sure this will be another example of my so-called repression, but somehow, I don’t see sitting around my living room with a bunch of naked women as an empowerment exercise. All I can think about, frankly, is why my mother didn’t insist on putting down towels or slip covers.

  “You’re still in time,” one of the strangers says. “Dr. Ward has been talking to us about the media and its negative effect on female body image.”

  “Next, we’re going to address how music videos and corporate advertising leads to rape and other violence against women.”

  I lean back out of the doorway again and look at Danny. He looks at me seriously. “I
’m not saying it’s a bad idea, but just in case you’re not interested in empowering yourself in quite that way, you are more than welcome to sleep at my place tonight.”

  I look into the living room, then back out at him. “I’ll need to get a bag.”

  “I’ll wait out here.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I’ve just finished a luxurious shower at Danny’s house. His bathroom has a huge curved glass block shower with a giant shower head. I stood under the hot water forever, letting the weirdness of the empowerment exercise wash off of me. I’m sure that my mother and Lynne are going to mock me endlessly for skipping out on it, but I just couldn’t do it.

  I wrap myself in one of Danny’s thick bath towels and contemplate my sleeping outfit. Since we aren’t lovers yet, I didn’t want to bring sexy lingerie. On the other hand, I didn’t want to wear big ugly sweatpants to bed with a man I want to impress. I brought a strappy tank top, and a pair of bikini panties. I hold up a pair of yoga pants for several minutes, trying to decide if I should wear them. Finally, I decide against them. A tank top and panties is perfectly adequate. I smooth my hair down, it curls slightly against my face from the rough towel dry. My teeth are clean, my breath is fresh, and my clothes for tomorrow are hung up on the bedroom door. I am ready.

  I walk out of the bedroom and Danny is sitting on the side of the bed. He stands as I leave the bathroom, eying my outfit. “Nice,” he says, lightly fingering one of the straps of my tank top. “I’ll be quick.” He kisses me gently and walks into the bathroom.

  I lie down and pull the covers over me. Now I’m nervous. Are we going to have sex? I don’t know if this is the best time for it. I have to work in the morning. We’ve just had an extremely odd evening. I want him, yes, but I’m kind of tired and not feeling that sexy. I mean, I want our first time to be hot. I want to be a goddess who sweeps him off his feet with her prowess. Okay, that’s never going to happen, but at least I want to have a lot of time to devote to our first lovemaking, so we can spend hours exploring each other. I’m still debating the pros and cons when Danny comes out of the bathroom in loose fitting sweats and a plain white t-shirt. His hair is still slightly damp and it curls a bit at his neck. He sits down next to me, and takes my hand.

  “Do you need anything? A glass of water? A snack? Do you usually watch television before bed? Should I set an alarm?” He looks terribly concerned, so I rush to set his mind at ease.

  “I rarely watch television. I don’t need water or food. I have the alarm on my cell phone set. I’m perfectly fine.”

  He relaxes slightly. I watch as he goes to the other side of the bed and lifts the covers. He moves in close, pulling me against him. I lie my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

  “Davey,” he murmurs against the top of my head.

  “Yes?”

  “Do you want to make love tonight?”

  I freeze. Lifting my head, I look straight into his eyes. “Yes,” I say. “Yes, I do. But I don’t think we should, not tonight. I want to have time.”

  He tightens his arms and rests his lips against my forehead for a moment. “More time to decide if you want to be with me?”

  “No, weenie. More time for lovemaking.”

  “Oh.” He laughs. “Well, that, too.”

  I lean my head back and he kisses me gently. We make out for a bit, then his hands slide down to my waist. He runs one finger under the waist band of my panties as I gasp.

  “Hey,” I say, laughing. “What about waiting?”

  “I’m trying to control myself,” he answers. “But it isn’t easy when you’re dressed like this.”

  I turn away from him and press my back against his chest. He responds by wrapping his arms around me and burying his face against my neck. His lips are grazing my skin, his tongue occasionally flicks out to lick my skin. I move his hand up to my breasts and moan and arch back against him as he circles my nipples with his fingertips. He slides one hand under my shirt and his fingers find my nipple again, this time giving it a slight squeeze. I reach back and grasp his hip, pulling myself hard against him. He pushes me over onto my back and climbs on top of me. Both hands are under my shirt, pushing it up, his mouth goes to first one, then the other nipple, sucking gently, then harder. I curl my fingers into his hair, pressing his face down against my breast. He bites down on one nipple, pinching the other between his finger. He moves one hand down to my panties and slides inside of them. His fingers are brushing lightly over my pubic hair, just letting his fingertips graze over it. I moan his name and curve towards his hand. His fingers start exploring, parting my lips, pressing gently down on my clit, then releasing. He slips a finger inside of me, letting it glide in and out as I gasp his name.

  “Davey, I need to taste you.”

  “Yes, yes, yes,” I can barely whisper the words.

  He’s gone, between my legs, one finger still slipping in and out of me as his mouth moves expertly over my clit and he rolls it around underneath his tongue, softly, so softly I can barely feel it. My hands are grabbing his hair, pushing his face against me, he adds a second finger to the first one and as his fingers move in and out of me, he uses his other hand to grasp my hips and pull me closer to his mouth, his tongue is swirling and I can’t breathe and I’ve lost all sensation in my legs. I shudder and scream and throw my hands back to grab the headboard as I get lost in my incredible climax.

  Danny’s smile is in front of my face. I trace his lips with my finger. He kisses me lightly. I can taste myself on his mouth. I kiss him deeply. “Danny, thank you. You are amazing.”

  He shakes his head. “Actually, you are. You’re so soft and velvety. You taste so good.”

  I blush. “Danny, let me…”

  He interrupts me by putting a finger to my lips. “I wanted this to be about you. Next time, we can worry about me.”

  “I love the way you did that kind of…” I motion with my fingers to show him what I mean.

  He raises his eyebrow. “That was when you were trying to suffocate me.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I wail.

  He silences me with a kiss. “I’m not. I loved it. I loved every bit of it.”

  “So did I.”

  “Davey.” He looks at me seriously. I look into his eyes, stroking his hair back from his face.

  “What is it, lover?” I whisper.

  He swallows hard, looks away.

  “Danny? What’s wrong?”

  He looks back at me, serious and scared. “Davey. I love you.”

  “Oh.” I breathe out hard.

  “I just wanted you to know. There’s no pressure. You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know.”

  I wrap my arms around him tight and crush him against me. He holds me back, stroking my hair, touching my face, my mouth, my ears. I close my eyes for a moment. When I open them, he is still looking at me seriously.

  “Danny?”

  “Yes, love?”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He exhales with relief and finally smiles. “Good night, Davey.”

  “’Night.”

  He reaches over me to turn off the light, then curls me back into his arms.

  I’m almost asleep when he whispers in my ear.

  “Davey?”

  “Yes?”

  “It can only get better from here.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “Earth to Davey. Come in Davey.” Steve is throwing paperclips at me from across the office. I look up at him and grin.

  “What?”

  “Girl, come on. We all know you got some last night. The boyfriend drives you to work. You spend the morning staring off into space with that little smile on your face.”

  Erik nods. “Not that we’re complaining. We like sexually satisfied Dave way better than bitter and celibate Davey.”

  “Thanks. That’s very sweet.”

  Steve laughs. “Come on, we want the details.”

  “No way. Get back to work. This
benefit is one month from tomorrow! We have a lot to do!”

  “Oh, yes,” Erik says in a mocking voice. “We can’t possibly take five minutes to talk about the hot sex Davey had with her formerly gay boyfriend last night.”

  I smile at him and flip him off. They can say all they want about Danny’s orientation now. I know the truth. Last night was simply amazing. He was incredible. We slept curled into each others’ arms and when I woke up this morning, it was to see his beautiful smile. He made me a delicious fruit plate with his homemade granola for breakfast. And he packed me a lunch. I could use a house-husband. I wonder if he irons, too.

  Steve interrupts my thoughts. “So, have you said the ‘L’ word yet?”

  “Actually, yes,” I answer. “I accused him of being a lesbian who wants a U-haul on the second date.”

  Erik laughs. “Your mother would be so thrilled.”

  “Come on,” Steve growls. “I’m serious. I want to know if you said that you love him.”

  I look at him, suddenly serious. “I didn’t say it, Steve. But I do.”

  “Oh, God, this is so romantic!” Erik places a hand on his heart.

  Steve nods sagely. “You shouldn’t say it until he says it first.”

  “He already has.”

  “What?” Steve is aghast. “And you didn’t say it back? He’s probably obsessing over it right now. He’ll probably break up with you before the day is over.”

  “Hey!” I throw my stapler at Steve’s head. “He’s not going to break up with me!”

  Ron pops his head in the door. “Is anyone planning on working at all today?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Erik says.

  We all turn to our computers. Ron looks around one more time, then leaves the room.

  “Hey,” Steve yells. “We got an order for ten tickets from Whitmore-Kirby.”

  “That’s where Lynne works!” I say.

  Ron pops his head back into the office. “That’s fantastic. Make sure to add them to the reservations chart immediately.”

  “Will do,” Steve salutes.

  Ron smiles and leaves again.

  I pick up my cell. “Hey, Lynne.”