Shadowgame

by Christine Feehan

  Steam rose around her as Lily forced her body into the hot water. She couldn't comfort him. She couldn't think of any way to take away his pain. He had reached out to her when her father had been murdered. He had been there when she found out she had been an experiment. She could only sit in a gigantic marble Jacuzzi filled with hot steamy water, crying and wondering why someone with her brain didn't have a clue what to do.

  "Lily?" Ryland rested his hip against the bathroom door-jamb, her gown still crumpled in his hand. She hadn't looked at him once since they'd raced out of the hotel. Not one single time, as if she couldn't bear the sight of him. She couldn't have hurt him more if she'd plunged a knife in his gut. "You might as well just understand something right here and now. This is what I do, what I've been trained to do, damn it!"

  She didn't look at him, staring straight ahead. Ryland stepped closer. He was going to have an ulcer before he ever got a commitment out of her. He could see the ugly black and purple bruise forming high up on the back of her shoulder. "Are you listening to me?" The harsh rage was gone from his voice. "I'm not letting you go because you saw me doing something that was necessary. You may as well know I won't. It's a stupid reason for you to give up on us." He brought the red material up to his face, rubbed it against his jaw. He wasn't going to lose her.

  Ryland had no idea how it had happened or when it had happened, but she was so firmly entrenched in his heart, in his soul, he couldn't breathe without her. When she still didn't answer, just sat there with steam curling her hair and tears falling into the water, he sighed heavily, the anger draining out of him. "Don't cry, honey. I'm sorry I had to kill him." His voice was very low and controlled. "Please stop crying, you're tearing my heart out."

  "Get a clue! I'm not crying because you had to kill him, Ryland. I'm sorry he's dead, but he was trying to kill us both. I'm crying for you. I have no idea how to help you." Embarrassed, she threw water on her face to cover the tears.

  He was silent, studying her averted face. "This is all for me? You're crying for me?" That was what she did. Turned him inside out with a few sentences. What was he going to do with her? "Lily, don't do that. You don't need to cry for me." Where his stomach had been in hard knots, now there was a warm glow. He felt like she'd handed him a Christmas present. No one had shed tears for him in a long time.

  Lily heard the note in his voice. Happiness. She felt it in the room in spite of the weight of the guilt he was feeling. That little note allowed her to breathe again.

  She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. Her long lashes were spiked. Beads of water ran down her soft skin, to the tips of her breasts. In spite of the bruises, she was an alluring sight sitting there. Her hair tumbled and curled in the steam. Water bubbled and brushed lovingly at her body. She took his breath away. Stole his heart. She cried for him.

  "I can't think when you look like that, Lily. Why did you have to be so beautiful?" He didn't mean physical beauty, but he couldn't separate one from the other. He was sick at heart with what he'd done. He didn't think the blood of a friend could ever be washed from his hands but somehow her tears had managed to do it. Ryland stared at her, in the middle of what looked like a crystal palace, a princess he didn't deserve but was going to keep.

  "I wish I was beautiful, Ryland. You make me feel beautiful." Her vivid blue gaze drifted moodily over his rugged features. "How could you think I would blame you for saving our lives? I feel what it cost you. I felt it when you did it."

  "I saw your face. You wanted to save him." He blinked away the tears burning unexpectedly in his eyes. His throat felt raw with pain.

  "I saw yours. I wanted to save him for you." She reached out her hand to him. Waited until he took her fingers and settled on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub. "We're connected somehow. And you're right. It doesn't matter if my father found a way to manipulate the attraction between us, I'm grateful you're in my life."

  Ryland brought her hand to his mouth, nibbled on her fingers, resisting the urge to gather her close. She humbled him with her generosity. "Does your shoulder hurt?" He leaned forward to brush a kiss against the vicious bruise.

  "I'm fine, Ryland. What about your ribs? Arly said he cleaned the scratch but you know knife wounds are notorious for infections." She sounded anxious, not at all his perfectly calm Lily.

  He knelt beside the tub, reached beneath the bubbling water for her calf. He began a slow, deep massage, working her knotted muscles with infinite gentleness. "Don't worry, Arly scrubbed it with some kind of foul-smelling stuff he called bug juice. It burned like hell. Nothing could be alive, not even the tiniest germ."

  "When I was a child, he swore by that stuff. I think he makes it up in the laboratory like the proverbial mad scientist. Every time I fell down, he swabbed it over my knees and turned my skin a very ugly shade of purple."

  Ryland laughed. "That's the stuff, all right." He felt her wince beneath his massaging fingers and gentled his touch even more. "Tell me about Ranier. What do you think?"

  "He was telling me the truth," Lily said. "I was so relieved. I've known him most of my life and I'm not certain I could have taken it if he had been involved in a plot against my father. Apparently, he received none of the messages my father sent him. Not his letters, or his emails, and not the phone calls. Interestingly enough, the general's aide is a brother to Hilton, the man Colonel Higgens sent to keep an eye on me." She reached under the water, gripped his wrist. "General Ranier was suddenly very worried, as if he were connecting dots to something. I think there's been a security leak for a while and he's suddenly putting two and two together."

  "Maybe. If there's been a problem with a leak, they wouldn't advertise it. The investigation would be internal. No one would suspect Colonel Higgens. His record is impeccable.

  I certainly preferred in the beginning to believe it was your father betraying us all. And General McEntire… it's still difficult to believe that he would be involved in selling out his country. It's a nightmare, Lily. This entire thing has been a nightmare."

  "Do you think Cowlings was a plant? Someone Colonel Higgens placed in the program? I remember when I read his file, he scored low on most of the criteria for psychic ability. I thought he was allowed in because Dad wanted to see if the enhancement would work on someone with little or no natural talent. And it did."

  Her voice had slipped back into her professional, completely interested tone. Ryland knew immediately the discussion had gone from personal to clinical. Instead of annoying him, it made him want to smile. "He might not have been telepathic, but he certainly was able to take command of an inanimate object. That was really great."

  "Lily, you did destroy your father's original notes on the experiment, didn't you? He wouldn't want it repeated."

  The cramps in her leg were slowly beginning to ease under his ministration and the hot water. Lily breathed a sigh of relief and sank deeper into the bubbles. "Dad thought the experiment failed," she pointed out.

  "Only at first," he said calmly. His fingers itched to shake her. "He suspected someone had sabotaged it and he still felt strongly enough to tell you to get rid of his work. You have to honor that, Lily. You can keep the tapes of the exercises in case you need them for the other women when we track them down, but the rest of it, you have to destroy so this is never repeated."

  "It was brilliant, Ryland." She sat forward, her blue gaze alive with interest. "What he did was totally brilliant from a purely scientific standpoint."

  "I volunteered, Lily, the men and I, but you and the other little girls had no choice. What Peter Whitney did to you was totally wrong from a humanitarian standpoint." Ryland's strong fingers encircled her ankle, gave her a little shake. "Think how you felt, Lily, seeing those little girls. Seeing yourself. Think how those women feel now and what they must have gone through all these years. And my men, how they are going to have to guard themselves for the rest of their lives to keep from ending up in an institution. Yes, from the standpoint of a military operation, w
ith the help you're giving us now, the experiment may have been a success. It was very cool, by the way, to be able to divide my energy and fight Russell Cowlings even while I was working with the other side of my brain. But the point is, we have to function as a group. Those without an anchor to draw the excess energy away from them are always going to have problems living a normal life."

  "I know, I know. But Ryland…"

  His grip tightened. "There are no buts, Lily. These men and the women deserved a normal life. They want families. They have to support those families. They don't have your money and this fancy house to help provide a sanctuary for them to live in. I can't believe you're even contemplating the idea to continue."

  Lily gave a small sigh. "I'm not, Ryland. I'm really not. I can't help but find it interesting and rather brilliant." She ducked her head. "I can hardly bear the thought of giving up anything that was my father's. Especially his handwritten notes. They make me feel like he's still here with me."

  His hand tangled in her hair. "I'm sorry, Lily. I know it hurts to lose a parent. You didn't have a mother and I didn't have a father. We're going to make interesting parents when we have children."

  She laughed, dispelling the shadows in her eyes. "I wouldn't know the first thing about children."

  Ryland leaned over the edge of the tub to kiss the top of her head. "That's all right, honey, you can always get books off the internet."

  Lily glared at him. "Very funny. Those books were very informative."

  "I'm not complaining." The smile faded from his face. "I'm sorry about Russell Cowlings, Lily. Nicolas was right, you know. I could have ended it immediately, when I first had my hands on him. I let him go. I kept thinking about his parents, about the way he was in training. And I kept thinking about how you might not forgive me for making a kill. I didn't want it to end that way. Instead, I put you in danger." He caressed her bruised shoulder lightly. "He would never have hurt you like this if I had just done my job."

  "I'm glad it bothered you, Ryland. If it was easy for you, that's when I'd worry." Lily yawned, tried to cover it with her hand.

  "Come on, honey," he responded immediately. "Let's go to bed. We can figure this all out in the morning. Is your leg feeling better?"

  Lily nodded. "Much better, thanks." She shut off the Jacuzzi jets and stepped out, seating herself on the tiled bench to towel off.

  Ryland took the towel out of her hands and performed the task with long slow strokes, rubbing away the small tempting beads of water. "I wish I could supply proof to General Ranier, but I don't have anything but conjecture at this point. That's not going to get me out of a court-martial."

  Lily went very still, her eyes wide. "Maybe we do have proof, Ryland. That disk. It's still in my lab coat pocket. I hung the jacket on the peg by the door inside my office when I came back from the clinic. I didn't take any meds until I was home because I didn't trust anyone. I was hurting so bad I just came home. I wish I had remembered it at the time. How could I have forgotten something so important?"

  "Maybe because someone hit you on the head and knocked you out?" he ventured.

  Lily limped past him back into the bedroom, yanking open the doors to her closet. Ryland frowned as she whipped through shirts on hangers. "I've been meaning to talk to you about this closet. A family could live in it." He took the shirt she was trying to yank over her head out of her hands. "What are you doing?"

  "Going to Donovans to get that tape." She pulled the shirt back to her.

  "Lily, it's four o'clock in the morning. What are you thinking?"

  "I'm thinking Colonel Higgens isn't an idiot and when he discovers Russell Cowling's body in that alcove after he obviously sent him to watch me, Higgens will arrange a little accident or kidnapping or just plain murder at my office. If I go now, I have a chance to get that disk and get out clean. He won't be expecting me to go there. He'll be looking for a way to penetrate the security of my house or use someone I love-John, Arly, or Rosa-to get to me." She wiggled into the shirt, dragging it over her generous breasts. "This is my one chance to get the disk. He doesn't know about it."

  "It's four o'clock in the morning! You don't think that might raise even a security guard's suspicions?"

  She shrugged, selected a pair of slacks, and dragged them on. "I doubt it. I go there at all hours. They all think I'm a little bit crazy." She leaned over and kissed his mouth. "Don't look so worried. I know this is a calculated risk but it's worth it. Higgens doesn't know about the disk. They think the recorder with the disk in it in their possession is all there is. I don't even know if it's anything. It could be blank, but if it isn't, it might be the proof we need against Higgens. It would clear you and the others and General Ranier would have to listen."

  "I don't like it, Lily."

  "You'd like it less tomorrow, in the light of day when Higgens and Thornton have had a chance to regroup and plan. I know Thornton. He's drunk right now and sleeping it off at home. He's nowhere near Donovans. I'm telling you, Ryland, if we want that disk, this is our only chance to get it. Right now."

  "Lily, you can hardly walk."

  "Stop throwing up roadblocks when you know I'm right. There's no way I'm walking into that place a few hours from now. It's now or never." She lifted her chin. It took a tremendous amount of courage to decide to go and she didn't want to have to argue, afraid she might give in when she knew it was a necessity.

  She could see the struggle on Ryland's face. He would have gone in a heartbeat, but Lily was at risk, not Ryland. She touched his arm. "You and a couple of the others can stand by to act if I need help. Cowlings was the only one we knew of who could detect telepathic communication and he's dead. If it's necessary we can use that and also turn the guards the other way so I can get out. We have to act fast, right now."

  Ryland swore softly but nodded his head, knowing she was right. The disk was too important to let go. If it held any information at all, even Peter Whitney's suspicions, it was worth the risk. They would have to chance getting out from under Higgens's military guards positioned around the estate and it was growing lighter. It could be done, but it was trickier. Even Lily couldn't simply waltz outside. The guards would tip Higgens off immediately.

  "I'll let Arly know we'll need the use of the vehicles he has stashed off the property." Ryland capitulated completely. "I'll round up the team."

  "I'm just going to run in and come right back out. You and the others can stay here and if I need help, I'll let you know." She pulled on her watch. "Arly put a mini communicator in my watch. He can monitor me too."

  Ryland called Arly to alert him, as Lily searched for a jacket. "We aren't going to wait here, honey, we have to stay close to you to be of any use." He spoke into the phone in a low voice, hung up, and turned back to her. "Don't give me any argument on this or you aren't going anywhere."

  She rolled her eyes. "I just love it when you get all macho on me. You don't have to worry, Ryland. I'm afraid. I don't want you hurt, but I rather like knowing you're close by. I'm not taking any chances."

  They hurried to beat the rising of the sun, going through the tunnels and once more using their combined strength to direct the guards' attention elsewhere. It was easier as the guards were much sleepier. Nicolas and Kaden jogged to the garage behind the groundsman's cabin to get out two cars. Arly drove Lily the distance to Donovans with the second car close behind, stopping a few blocks from the chain-link fence surrounding the property.

  Arly stopped at the gate, looked bored as the guard shone a flashlight throughout the car and carefully checked Lily's ID. "New driver, Dr. Whitney?" he asked.

  She shrugged. "My security man. Thornton and Colonel Higgens are concerned for my safety." She sounded bored, slightly irritated. "I figured it wouldn't hurt to placate them."

  The guard nodded and stepped away from the car. Arly took the hot little Porsche smoothly into the parking lot and followed her directions to the block of buildings where her office was located. "I should have considere
d that changing drivers might make the guards suspicious with everything that's been going on around here. It's always been John driving the limousine or just me driving the Jag alone." Lily sighed. "If I say get out of here, Arly, don't argue, just go. If they get me, I don't want them to get you."

  "I will, don't worry about me. You just get in and get out fast." Arly looked at her anxiously. "I mean it, Lily, straight to your office and back."

  She nodded. "I promise." Her heart was in her throat. She was definitely not heroine material. At the first sign of trouble she planned to run like a rabbit. Lily glanced down at her leg. She was still limping and the leg was reacting badly. It was her own fault, dancing several dances without resting it in between. Making wild love. Running down stairs. She had forgotten to do everything necessary to keep her leg from giving out and now she was paying the price.

  Lily waved at the guards, easily passing through security. She often preferred working at night just to avoid the sounds of people and the emotional turmoil and energy that always surrounded them. Now, as she heard her own footsteps echoing in the empty hall, she was fixated on the many cameras tracking her progress.

  She could feel panic beginning in the pit of her stomach. A thousand butterfly wings taking flight at once. Her stomach started doing somersaults in time to the frantic beating of her heart. Even her mouth went dry as she stepped into the empty elevator and rode it down to the lower regions where her office was located.

  Only the dim lights in the tracks along the center of the hall lit the interior. Spooky shadows she had never noticed before were everywhere, moving as she moved, as if following her. It seemed impossibly quiet. Lily was tempted to talk to herself for added courage.