Never and Always

by Khardine Gray

  However, somewhere along the way, the manner and attitude in which they spoke to each other changed. She took no real notice of it because she felt it was just them being them, but what if there was more?

  “He told me you had a new job and you’d wanted to move out for a while,” she replied.

  Nick bit down on his lip hard and released a sigh of frustration. His eyes hardened, filling with pain, and that immediately answered her question of whether or not there was more.

  “What’s going on, Nick?” She focused on him firmly, waiting to hear.

  He turned away and walked over to the window, resting his hands on the frame. She followed him, took his hand, and pressed hers against his.

  He looked at their hands together and lifted his head to meet her gaze.

  “There’s a lot, Mia. I don’t know where to start, or if I should start. A part of me thinks it’s easier if I don’t say anything.” He looked torn.

  “That’s not fair. Nick, you told me you love me, you said you always have, and if that’s true, please don’t shut me out. Please tell me what’s going on.”

  He sighed again. “Glenn…told me to stay away from you.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath at the revelation. “What? No, no Nick. Why would he do that? Why?” She couldn’t understand.

  “Mia, he probably had every right to. He gave me the first warning five years ago and I listened the first time, but this time I couldn’t.”

  Mia hands flew up to her cheeks, which were now hot. Hot like she got when she was sick and burning with a fever. She felt sick now, sick to her stomach, and she had to stop herself from screaming.

  Five years ago! Glenn warned Nick away from her five years ago? She couldn’t believe it, couldn’t accept it, didn’t want to acknowledge it.

  Her brother, who she trusted so truly, had prevented her from being with the one man she’d always loved. He’d been the reason for her deep heartache over the last month, the reason for her unhappiness.

  “What are you saying to me, Nick?” She shook her head, still not wanting to believe it, but really, it shouldn’t have been that hard because she knew how Glenn could be. She just couldn’t imagine him being this way with them. “You’re his best friend.”

  “Was,” Nick corrected.

  “Why wouldn’t he want me to be with you?” It couldn’t have been something so stupid as their age difference. Glenn’s last girlfriend was six months older than Mia.

  The worry returned to Nick’s face. “He doesn’t think I’m good for you, and he’s right, I’m not. I have a really bad past…” His voice trailed off into a breath and he turned to rest against the window ledge. His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated. “I got into drugs when I was younger, before I even started college. There were some guys I used to hang out with. Guys who were bad news. My parents tried to stop me from seeing them but I wouldn’t listen. That stubbornness cost me everything, it cost me my father.”

  Mia froze and widened her eyes. “Nick…what do you mean?”

  He turned his head slowly to face her and she saw fear in his sharp blue gaze. “It was my fault he was killed, Mia. My fault.”

  “How was it your fault?” She’d been told his father was killed while on duty.

  “He died saving me from being shot. He pushed me out of the way and the bullet got him instead. I went to meet up with my friends and ended walking in on a drug bust up. Glenn contacted my dad because he was worried something was going to happen to me. My dad came to get me and that’s what happened to him. It killed him. I killed him.” A small tear ran down his cheek, which he wiped away quickly and stood up.

  Mia couldn’t take her eyes off him. How could he have gone through so much and she didn’t know. She had no idea that had happened. What a thing to live with. But he wasn’t guilty.

  He seemed surprised when she reached out and touched his arm.

  “I’m so sorry,” she offered. “I’m so sorry. I wish you had told me before.”

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t talk about it. I don’t talk about it. My dad was the best man I knew, Mia. He was everything to me, and because I couldn’t listen he ended up suffering for my stupidity.”

  “No. Nick, you can’t blame yourself for your father’s death.”

  “Mia, can’t you see it was my fault?” Surprise filled his face again. “That’s the kind of man I am. Selfish, stubborn, and foolish.”

  She shook her head at him. “You’re the most selfless person I know. You help people, you use your skills and abilities to do your job in a way that makes you an asset. And that’s just a few of the million great things about you. Your father loved you and that’s why he saved you. I know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. If it was me, I wouldn’t, and it would kill me all over again.”

  He held her gaze and looked like he hung onto each word with hope. She reached up and touched his face, then pulled him down so she could hold him.

  “Thank you. I just wish it never happened.”

  “Me, too, but you have to try and move past the guilt. Can you do that for me?”

  He pulled away so that he could look at her. “Mia…you still want to be with me?”

  “It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” She smiled up at him. “Always.”

  “Always.” Gratitude now brimmed within his gaze. And love.

  He placed a tender kiss on her lips that made her feel whole, but as he slowed she thought of Glenn.

  She stepped out of his embrace and brought her hands together.

  “I’m going to speak to Glenn,” she stated.

  “Mia, you don’t have to go see him. I don’t want to cause more contention between you.”

  “The damage is already done. It’s done, and I’m so furious.” She pulled in a breath to steady her emotions.

  “Let me come with you.”

  “No. This has to be me. I have to do this.” She had to. She needed to confront Glenn by herself. She had to sort this out once and for all.

  Chapter 15

  Mia watched Glenn flicking through some files on his desk in the study.

  She just got back in and had a hard time keeping her cool. The more she thought about all that had happened, the angrier she got with Glenn.

  It went back to the same thing when she analyzed it.

  Glenn and her parents were all guilty of not being able to see her capability in managing her own life.

  When her dad tried to get her to go to college and study for the careers he thought would suit her, he never considered what she wanted to do. Since her mother usually went along with her father, Mia thought she was just as much to blame.

  When they went berserk over her using her own trust fund to set up her business, that again told her that they didn’t trust her to make her own decisions.

  Those were all actions that would affect the material things she had in her life and her work, but Glenn had played with her heart.

  That was worse, and what made it even more so damaging was the deceit and lie behind it. All this time he knew how Nick felt about her and he kept it away from her. He kept Nick away from her. She thought about it all on her way here and was finally able to connect everything that happened that felt unexplained. Like her not knowing that Nick had returned from the Marines years ago and was living here. The reason why she didn’t know that Glenn hadn’t told her. He’d had several opportunities to let her know and hadn’t.

  Also, Nick not responding to her letters and losing contact with her when he was away was Glenn, too. Every instance that would have connected them and failed was Glenn. It was all him.

  Glenn looked up as she entered the room and stopped what he was doing to acknowledge her.

  “Hey, where were you all night? I called you a few times.” He looked genuinely worried.

  She walked right up to the desk and stopped in front of him. “I was with Nick.” She just wanted to get straight to the point.

  He raised his brows and immediately
looked annoyed. “Nick? What were you doing with Nick?”

  “I’m not going to tell you that part. I may tell Claire, though, and give her all the saucy details, so if you really want to know you’ll have to ask her.” She’d never spoken to him like that before.

  “Jesus, Mia. What the hell?” His stare bored into her, showing his rage.

  “Yes, what the hell, indeed. Glenn, I used to look up to you. I used to think that you were the one person I could rely on because you could fix everything. But really, the truth is you’re a control freak who tries to bend everyone to your will and threaten them to do what you want.”

  “What has that idiot told you?”

  Mia let out a little sarcastic laugh. “Idiot? You guys are supposed to be friends. Nick is supposed to be your best friend, Glenn. What’s wrong with you?”

  “Mia, he’s not the kind of man you should be with.” He stood up so quickly that the folder fell off the table and all the paperwork scattered all over the floor.

  “Damn you, Glenn. Damn you, I thought you stooped low when you tried to throw me out when I had nothing, but to hear how you threatened your friend and blamed him for the death of his father made me ashamed of you. And to hear how you kept Nick away from me, made me hate you. Me! I know we’ve had our disagreements in the past, and even at the worst times I never hated you until I heard that.”

  That got him. Telling him she hated him got him and stopped whatever he had been ready to lash out at her.

  “Mia—”

  She held up her hand to stop him. “No Glenn, don’t talk. I’ve loved Nick my whole life and you stopped him from being with me. Please try and see what you did. You made him feel guilty for his father’s death, and like he wasn’t good enough to be with me. How could you be so evil?”

  “I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want him taking advantage of you and hurting you,” he tried to explain but she stopped him again.

  “Nick was the only person who’s ever taken care of me. He’s even protected me and defended me against you. Of anyone I could be with, he was the best person. Just for the fact that he could choose me over you should have told you that.”

  He pursed his lips together and sighed. “I was just looking out for you.”

  “No, you were trying to control. That’s what you were trying to do. I’m leaving.”

  “No, Mia, please. Where are you going?” He came around to her but she backed away.

  “We’re done here. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I don’t, please just leave me alone.”

  He looked shocked and sad, but she didn’t want to stick around for any further discussion.

  She left him in the study, went up to her room, and quickly shoved everything into her suitcase. She didn’t even bother to make sure it was packed properly.

  He was waiting downstairs for her, at the edge of the corridor. She caught his eye as she went through the door but didn’t say anything.

  There was nothing left to be said.

  Nick wished he’d gone with Mia.

  He worried about how Glenn would react with her and didn’t want her to go through anything unpleasant.

  He’d sat here waiting and thinking about all that had happened. Not just recently, but over the years. Over the years that stretched back to when he first met Glenn.

  Nick felt torn inside, and while he was still affected with guilt, he was trying to gather the strength he’d gained since his father’s death to give him courage again. A part of him would always blame himself, and would always see his fault in what happened, but then there was another part of him that reminded him of the love and sacrifice made. It reminded him of his father’s words to not blame himself.

  As torn as he felt, he decided he was going to try. He would try for Mia.

  And he guessed he would be trying for his father, too.

  He’d try to accept the sacrifice he made, rather than allow it to destroy him. Or allow Glenn to use it to destroy him.

  His heart skipped a beat as he looked through the window and saw Mia’s car pull up on the drive.

  Just the sight of her filled him with invigoration. She looked up and smiled when she saw him, then raised her suitcase.

  “Do you think you have room for one more?” She gave him a hope-filled smile.

  He couldn’t have felt more thrilled at the thought of having her here with him.

  “Always, baby,” he answered with a bright smile. “Don’t you dare carry that thing up. I’m coming to get you.”

  He rushed down to get her and picked her up, carrying her up to their home where he could have her all to himself.

  It would be perfect, he knew that now. It would be perfect because he would make sure she felt the love he felt for her every moment of every single day they had together.

  Finally, she was his, his to take care of. His to love, his to cherish. Everything would be perfect as long as they were together.

  The next few weeks were bliss and they had an exciting time together.

  He was right. It was perfect. Being with her was like heaven on Earth, and he wondered how he could have ever been without her. His love for her increased every day, and he felt her love for him in abundance.

  It was amazing how different it was with it just being them. They did everything together and they were happy. They had the happiness he imagined they would have, every day.

  Every new day with Mia felt like a dream. A dream he’d wanted for so long and never had. They had fun by themselves and fun with their friends.

  But from time to time she got that far away, sad look in her eyes and he knew she was thinking about Glenn.

  He’d never keep her away from him. Nick would never try and felt it was unacceptable for him to expect her to.

  It was the night before Thanksgiving that he planned to talk to her about Glenn. He’d made her one of her favorite meals and sat her down to talk while they watched re-runs of Bewitched.

  The next episode was about to start when the doorbell rang.

  His first thought was that it was Sawyer, but he was quickly proven wrong when he opened the door and saw Glenn standing before him.

  Nick looked at him, surprised by his presence, and wondered what sort of meeting they’d have.

  “Baby, who is it?” Mia called out and came into the corridor to join him. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Glenn and looked from him to Nick.

  Glenn looked over to her and Nick felt bad when he saw the sadness in his eyes. He’d missed her. It was evident and written all over him.

  Usually Glenn would be either getting the house ready with all sorts of Thanksgiving things for Mia, or they’d be heading to Hong Kong to see their parents.

  Nick would be going to see his mom, but this year she was coming here.

  “Hi.” Glenn spoke first against the awkward silence. “I know you guys weren’t expecting me. I…did some investigating of my own to find out where you guys were staying.”

  Nick raised his brows at the effort. He supposed none of their friends would have told him where they were because they all knew what had happened to drive them apart.

  “Why are you here?” Mia asked.

  He was glad she was talking, because Nick couldn’t. The mixture of emotion that raged through him was preventing him from doing so. It was awful, feeling ripped between remembering Glenn as a friend who he trusted, and one who turned on him. Not to mention that he knew Mia missed him and was affected by not seeing him.

  They’d been living together for nearly three months. In two weeks, it would be three months. That’s how long Mia hadn’t seen Glenn. It was longer for Nick because it was a month before that that Glenn had made his threats.

  “I wanted to see you guys and apologize. Make peace. I would have come before but wanted to give you the time and space to be together, but with it being Thanksgiving tomorrow I couldn’t wait any longer.” Glenn could barely look at them as he spoke. He looked ashamed and sorry.

  But it wa
sn’t enough. Not for him. If Mia wanted to accept him, it was fine, but Nick was feeling too torn up to be in Glenn’s presence.

  “Talk to him,” Nick said to Mia. “You should, he’s your brother. I won’t keep you from him.” Nick turned and walked away from them both but Glenn followed.

  “Nick,” Glenn called after him.

  He went out onto the terrace so he could get some air. But Glenn followed him there.

  “Nick,” he called out again.

  Nick turned to face him. “What do you want from me, Glenn?”

  “I don’t want anything. I have no right to ask for anything. Not even forgiveness.”

  “Damn right,” Nick snarled. “Damn right, because you destroyed me like you promised. But it was in a matter of seconds. You took the one thing you knew would hurt me and blindsided me with it. You knew I wouldn’t care about anything else, and that taunting me with my father’s death would hit me hard.”

  “Yes.” Glenn nodded. “That’s exactly what happened. All I can say is how sorry I am. I don’t expect you to get over it, or forgive me for being so despicable, but I had to let you know how sorry I am. How sorry I am for putting you through that.”

  Mia walked out onto the terrace and came over to take Nick’s hand.

  Glenn looked down at their hands joined together and then focused back on them. “I’m sorry for putting you both through distress. It was unfair and selfish. You look happy, you both look happy, and in love. But then you always did look that way. I just allowed my overbearing, controlling ways to get the better of me. Nick, you’re the very best friend I’ve ever had, and I was horrible to you. Mia, there are no words to express how sorry I am for everything. I miss you guys. I really do. I hope that one day you can forgive me and we can move forward.” He looked at them both, nodded curtly, then turned to walk away.

  “Wait,” Mia called after him. She looked up at Nick and searched his eyes. He already knew what she was going to tell Glenn before she spoke, and it would be okay.

  She looked back at Glenn and brought her hands together. “Maybe we can,” she said to him. “There’s a lot of hurt here, but maybe…we can.”