THE PROBLEM
Humans are too clean. That’s the theory that some scientists have come up with to explain why autoimmune conditions such as Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, multiple sclerosis, and asthma have reached epidemic proportions in the modern world. When bacteria were linked in the 19th century to devastating infectious diseases such as cholera and diphtheria, better hygiene and improved sanitation helped keep them in check. But over the last 60 years, a strange new trend toward chronic inflammatory diseases has cropped up in industrialized nations. And it’s getting worse.
THE SOLUTION
The “hygiene hypothesis,” formulated in 1989 by British doctor David P. Strachan, claims that lack of exposure to infectious agents in our childhood years has made modern humans susceptible to allergies and a whole host of other ailments later in life. Strachan’s theory focuses on the need to expose humans to “good bugs” to strengthen the immune system. Since then, several scientists who have built upon the theory have suggested it be renamed the “old friends hypothesis.” Just who are these “old friends”? They’re certain parasitic worms and other helpful organisms that have co-existed with humans throughout our history.
Recent studies show that people in third-world countries—who are constantly exposed to dirty water, decaying vegetation, and unsanitary living conditions—rarely develop the autoimmune and chronic inflammatory diseases that plague more-developed countries. In effect, our obsessively hygienic life may have eliminated the “old friends” that once regulated our immune system, leaving us vulnerable to a host of diseases. It took millions of years for this synergistic relationship to develop, and less than a century to break it apart.
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The “Cry Translator” iPhone app identifies 5 baby cries: hungry, sleepy, annoyed, stressed & bored.
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WIGGLE ROOM
Some researchers are now testing patients with helminthic therapy, which reintroduces these old friends to the immune system. In one study, doctors have their patients deliberately infest themselves with parasitic worms. Once inside, the tiny worms wriggle around and kick the immune system into high gear, supposedly strengthening its ability to fight disease. So far, say researchers, the results have been remarkable, leading some doctors to believe that worm therapy may benefit sufferers of arthritis, fibromyalgia, heart disease, atherosclerosis, eczema, irritable bowel syndrome, lupus, autism, migraine, and even psychiatric disorders.
But after a century of being told that parasites are bad for us, people are naturally apprehensive when a doctor places a cup full of tiny, slithering red worms in front of them and tells them to drink up. It took researchers at Nottingham University more than three years to recruit 52 candidates for their worm study. In contrast, it took them only one day to recruit 1,500 people for a trial to assess whether flavonoids, found naturally in chocolate, may ward off heart disease. (The researchers might get more test subjects if they were to dip the worms in chocolate sauce.)
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has yet to approve the therapy, so it may take some time—and a bit of “retraining”—before helminthic therapy worms its way into a doctor’s office near you.
THE CADILLAC OF ARMORED CARS
Looking for a luxury armored car? Consider the Russian-made Dartz Prombron Red Diamond Edition SUV. Features: A grenade-proof V-8 engine, diamond-encrusted dashboard gauges, three-inch-thick bulletproof windows, and a tungsten exhaust system. They’ll even throw in three bottles of Russo-Baltique, the world’s most expensive vodka. Most luxurious of all, the seats are upholstered in whale-penis leather. (Those in the know say it’s one of the softest materials on Earth.) Cost: $1.5 million.
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Celebrity phobia: Billy Bob Thornton says he suffers from chromophobia—the fear of bright colors.
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Insurance: DENIED!
Do U.S. health insurance companies enjoy finding any odd reason to not cover you?
CLAIMANT: Peggy Robertson, 39, of Centennial, Colorado, was covered by her husband’s health plan…until he changed jobs in 2007. The family’s new carrier was Golden Rule, a subsidiary of UnitedHealth Group (the largest insurance company in the United States).
DENIED! Golden Rule deemed Robertson an “unacceptable risk” because her second child was born by cesarean section. According to Golden Rule, that increased the odds that she’d need to have a cesarean again, and they didn’t want to pay for it. The only condition under which they would cover her: If she agreed to be sterilized. “It makes no sense,” said Robertson. “I’m in perfect health.” U.S. Senator Barbara Mikulski (D–MD), speaking on her behalf, called Golden Rule’s policy “morally repugnant.”
OUTCOME: Robinson didn’t want to become sterile, so she opted out of the coverage.
CLAIMANTS: The Scaglione family of Lake of the Pines, California, applied for group family medical coverage in 2009.
DENIED! According to Blue Shield’s records, the mother, Valerie, suffered from a skin disease called rosacea. “I’ve never had that a day in my life,” she said. Blue Shield also claimed that one of her daughters, Samantha, once had bronchitis. That wasn’t true, either. Valerie figured it was a “glitch in the system” and asked Blue Shield to adjust their records. The company refused and, according to Valierie, wouldn’t say why.
OUTCOME: All five Scagliones—none of whom have any chronic illnesses—now collectively pay more than $2,000 per month for coverage. “That’s way more than our mortgage,” says Valerie. Anthony Wright, director of a consumer-advocacy group, said the Scagliones’ ordeal isn’t unusual: “We’ve seen people who have been denied health insurance for things as minor as heartburn. It’s getting to the point where living is a preexisting condition.”
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Tree-climbing kangaroos can jump to the ground from the height of a five-story building.
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CLAIMANT: One night in early 2008, a 45-year-old woman was at a bar in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, when a man that she had met there gave her a “knockout drug.” She awoke the next day fearing she may have been sexually assaulted. As a precaution, her doctor prescribed an anti-AIDS drug. A few months later, the woman applied for health coverage with a new provider.
DENIED! Upon seeing her medical records, the insurer assumed she had a preexisting condition—AIDS—and refused coverage.
OUTCOME: She was told she could reapply in four years, once it was clear that she was AIDS-free. Today she wonders whether she should have taken the medication in the first place: “I’m going to be penalized my whole life because of this.”
CLAIMANT: Six-year-old Madison Leuchtmann of Franklin County, Missouri, was born without ear canals. In November 2009, the kindergartner was about to outgrow a headband device that gave her very rudimentary hearing. Madison’s doctor said she needed permanent devices implanted inside her ears before she turned seven, or she may never be able to hear again. Cost of the implants: $20,000.
DENIED! Cigna HealthCare refused to pay for the implants, claiming, “Hearing-assisted devices are not medically necessary.”
OUTCOME: The Leuchtmanns are continuing to appeal the decision. As Madison’s doctor fumed, “This is obviously medically necessary. You have a child who has no ear canals!”
CLAIMANT: Jody Neal-Post, 52, applied for insurance with a new carrier. On the application form, she admitted that she’d previously received counseling and medical treatment, including a Valium prescription, to help cope with the emotional fallout from being abused by her ex-husband.
DENIED! Because of the counseling and treatment, the company ruled her too high a risk for them to insure. “I was just flabbergasted,” she said.
OUTCOME: Neal-Post happened to live in New Mexico, one of the few states with strict laws prohibiting insurers from denying coverage because of past domestic abuse. Neal-Post also happened to be an attorney, and she filed an official complaint with New Mexico’s Public Regulatory Commission. She got her coverage.
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Japan’s All Nippon Airways asks passengers to use the restroom before boarding flights “to reduce carbon emissions.”
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CLAIMANT: In 2007 Nataline Sarkisyan was 17 years old and suffering from leukemia. She received a bone-marrow transplant from her brother, but there were complications and her organs began to shut down. Doctors told her parents that she needed a liver transplant—soon—or she would die. Her doctors approved the request to put Nataline on a waiting list for a liver, pending her health insurer’s approval.
DENIED! After several days of deliberating, Cigna refused to cover the cost of the transplant because it was “outside the scope of the plan’s coverage” and Nataline had “little chance of surviving the procedure.” Her doctors appealed, claiming she had a 65-percent chance. Cigna still refused. Nine days after the initial request, Nataline’s family—along with 120 members of the California Nurses Association—protested at Cigna’s Glendale offices.
OUTCOME: While the demonstrators shouted outside, Cigna agreed to make a “one-time exception” and cover the costly procedure. But it was too late—before the operation began, Nataline died. Her family is currently embroiled in a legal battle against Cigna.
CLAIMANT: Rosalinda Miran-Ramirez woke up one night in 2009 to discover that her nightgown was covered with blood—because she was bleeding from her left nipple! Her husband rushed her to the emergency room, where doctors discovered a tumor and performed a biopsy. Thankfully, the tumor was benign.
DENIED! Blue Shield of California refused to pay the $2,791 emergency-room charges. The company insisted that Miran-Ramirez’s decision to go to the emergency room was “not reasonable” because her bleeding breast did not constitute a “real emergency.”
OUTCOME: Miran-Ramirez contacted a local television station, KPIX-TV in San Francisco, and told her story on the six o’clock news. “I am not a clinical person,” she said, “but if your breast is bleeding, for me that’s an emergency.” Amid all of the negative press, Blue Shield “reassessed the claim”…and covered the ER visit.
MISS LANDMINE
…and other nontraditional beauty pageants around the world.
Pageant: Miss Klingon Empire
Details: Held at the annual Dragon*Con science-fiction convention, this contest features women competing in costume as ridge-browed, long-haired members of the warrior alien race from Star Trek. Talent is also a factor—the 2009 winner sang Blondie’s “One Way or Another” while thrusting a sword at an imaginary foe.
Pageant: Miss Atom
Details: Sponsored by the Russian nuclear power industry as a public-relations campaign to make nuclear power look more attractive, this annual pageant recognizes the most beautiful woman of the year…who also works in a Russian nuclear power plant. The 2009 winner, Yekaterina Bulgakova of the Institute of Research for Atomic Reactors, won an all-expenses-paid trip to Cuba.
Pageant: Miss Landmine Angola
Details: During Angola’s decades-long civil war, millions of land mines were planted around the countryside, and thousands of innocent people have lost limbs by stepping on them. This pageant was created by an artist to bring attention to the plight of land-mine amputees—who are also the contestants—and to teach them to feel good about themselves despite their physical imperfections. Nevertheless, first prize is a prosthetic limb.
Pageant: Miss Navajo Nation
Details: This pageant’s concept isn’t that unusual, but the talent portion is something you won’t see on the Miss America broadcast. In proving their “Tribal Skills,” each contestant has to butcher a sheep. Scoring is based on cleanliness and efficiency.
Pageant: Miss Plastic Hungary
Details: In 2009 Miss California USA, Carrie Prejean, dealt with allegations that the Miss USA organization paid for her to get breast implants. But in the Miss Plastic Hungary pageant, contestants are required to have had some sort of feature-enhancing cosmetic surgery—mere Botox injections aren’t enough. Bonus: The winner’s plastic surgeon also gets an award.
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In a 1997 security test, hackers broke into Pentagon computers. It took 3 days for anyone to notice.
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Pageant: Miss International Queen
Details: Don’t let the name fool you—this isn’t for natural-born women; it’s for transvestites and transsexuals. Held each year in Thailand (where there is a large population of both, though contestants fly in from all over the world), it offers a top prize of $10,000.
Pageant: Ms. Senior Sweetheart
Details: Beauty pageants aren’t just for young women; this one is for ladies age 58 and over. Segments include an interview, a talent portion, and an evening gown competition. It began in 1978 as a fundraiser for a Lions Club in Fall River, Massachusetts, but was so popular that it became a national competition just a year later.
Pageant: Ms. Downhome
Details: A tongue-in-cheek competition for Canadian women, this pageant judges contestants on their “Canadian” skills. Events include baiting a hook, and dancing to fiddle music while holding an open bottle of beer in each hand. There’s also a swimsuit segment, in which each competitor has to carry a fish while wearing a bikini.
Pageant: Zombie Beauty Contest
Details: Female attendees of Comicon, a Phoenix pop-culture convention, dress up in zombie costumes and ghoulish makeup—and ball gowns—to compete for the title. Clever costumes score high points, so contestants are judged on beauty as well as braaaaaaaaaains.
Pageant: Miss Drumsticks
Details: Held since the 1940s as part of the Turkey Trot Festival in Yellville, Arkansas, this pageant judges women solely on their legs. To make the judging more impartial, most contestants wear turkey masks over their faces.
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Online dating site AshleyMadison.com uses the tagline “Life is short. Have an affair!”
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TRY, TRY AGAIN
These folks prove that perseverance doesn’t always end in success.
• Cha Sa-soon, a South Korean woman, took a written driving test nearly every day for more than four years…and failed each time. Finally, in November 2009, after 950 tries and $4,200 in fees, the 68-year-old woman achieved the minimum passing score of 60 percent. Everyone at the motor-vehicles office cheered. But unfortunately for Cha, she still needs to pass the driving part of the exam.
• Vincent J. Howard, a former parking-meter attendant in the Detroit suburb of Mount Clemens, pleaded guilty in May 2005 to stealing $120,000 from meters—one coin at a time, over the course of 23 years. Police raided Howard’s home and found several thousand dollars’ worth of coins, another $500 in his car, and $2,000 in the city-owned car he drove on his rounds. In addition to losing his job, Howard was ordered to repay all of the stolen money within two years.
• For 30 years, British college professor Norman Sherry worked tirelessly on a three-volume biography, The Life of Graham Greene, about the globe-trotting English writer who died in 1991. Over the years, Sherry subjected himself to dangers and tropical diseases like dysentery and gangrene while tracking Greene’s footsteps. But by the time he finally released the last volume of the 906-page book in 2004, he’d already been upstaged by the writer’s longtime mistress, Yvonne Cloetta, who had just published her biography of Greene. To make matters worse, Sherry’s final volume was panned by critics (the Guardian said it was “badly written, full of lazy assumptions and statements of the crashingly obvious”). Sherry lamented, “I almost destroyed myself writing this book. Now that I’m finished, my life has been taken from me.”
• In 2010 the Society for Research of Paranormal Science forced a German fortune-tellers’ society to admit that nearly all of the 140 predictions its members had made for 2009 turned out to be wrong, including the assassination of Barack Obama and terrorist attacks in Frankfurt and Berlin. The one prediction they got right: the death of Michael Jackson. (That one had been on the “permanent prediction” list for y
ears, so, in this case, persistence did pay off.)
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Five most common GM (genetically modified) foods: corn, soy, milk, wheat, and Canola oil.
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THE RIGHT TO LIE
As kids, we all learned that lying is wrong. We heard it from our parents, family members, teachers, and clergy. Turns out that doesn’t apply to giant corporations and TV networks.
THE INVESTIGATORS
In November 1996, investigative journalists Jane Akre and her husband, Steve Wilson, were hired by the Fox affiliate in Tampa, Florida, WTVT-Fox 13, to produce a series of news stories called “The Investigators.” Fox 13 put together a big promo campaign for the series, with the tagline “Uncovering the truth. Getting results. Protecting you.”
The first idea that Akre came up with was an exposé of rGBH, the recombinant bovine growth hormone sold under the brand name Posilac. A synthesized protein that farmers inject into dairy cows to increase milk production by up to 25%, Posilac was developed by Monsanto, the world’s largest agricultural biotechnology corporation, in 1994. That same year—despite opposition from consumer groups, dairy farmers, scientists, and the Cancer Prevention Coalition—the FDA approved it for public consumption.
FAIR AND BALANCED
Even though Monsanto touted Posilac as “the single-most tested new product in history,” Akre and Wilson did some digging and found that the only study the FDA conducted was a 90-day test using 30 rats. According to its own rules, the FDA cannot state that a product doesn’t cause cancer in humans unless it has undergone a two-year study using hundreds of rats. Not only that, but the FDA ignored the results of an extensive Canadian study that concluded: “Posilac did not comply with safety requirements; it could be absorbed by the body, and therefore, did have implications for human health”—among them, potential early puberty in girls and higher risks of breast and colon cancer.
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader The World's Gone Crazy Page 33