Chad had decided that half a loaf was better than nothing. He was wrong and she was determined to prove that to him. Half a loaf was a compromise that wasn’t necessary or even wise. They deserved much more than that, and she was willing to go to great lengths to prove that to him.
He straightened in his chair. “I believe I may follow your suggestion.” He glanced down at the stack of telephone messages in his hand. “You’re sure these can wait until morning?”
“Positive.”
He stood up. “Then I think I’ll take your advice.”
She stepped back so that he could pass her, but not far enough that he didn’t have to brush by her as he passed. She felt him flinch.
Yes. He was vulnerable. But then, so was she. Love created vulnerability and it was all right, so long as the other partner didn’t abuse it. That was what she intended to show Chad, if he would just give her a chance. Their deep feelings for each other were nothing to run away from, but something to run toward.
Jennifer made sure she left at five o’clock and went directly home to her apartment. There was no stopping at the health club tonight, no visiting with her friends. Instead, she did just what she suggested Chad do. She filled her bathtub with water, poured a small glass of wine, put a quiet instrumental recording to play on the stereo, lit a candle and, after stripping off her clothes, slowly lowered herself into the warm and soothing water.
Quieting her mind she began to tune in to Chad. He was quiet, as though asleep. That was all right. He needed his rest. She spent the next hour soaking and relaxing, and silently rehearsing.
By the time she had something to eat and was ready for bed, Jennifer was shaking with stage fright. So much depended on how she did this and how he responded.
She turned out the light and crawled into bed. Forcing her body and mind to relax, she began.
“Chad?”
“?”
“Are you asleep, love?”
She got a sense of drifting clouds and cool breezes. He was very relaxed, but she didn’t think he was asleep.
“I was just lying here tonight, thinking of you, and decided to picture you here in bed with me.”
She felt an electric vibration sizzle between them and knew beyond a doubt that she had his attention. She smiled to herself. “I see you lying next to me, your head on my pillow___”
She felt his energy surge, then retreat.
“I love to pretend that you’re in bed with me, Chad. It makes my life less lonely. Are you tired of being alone, Chad?”
There was no response, but she knew she had his attention.
“If you were here I’d lean over and kiss you, very softly, on the lips. Your lips feel so good to me, Chad. I love their firmness, and the fullness of your bottom lip. If you were here, I would touch my tongue to its surface, and lazily taste your mouth.”
She waited, but got no response.
“If you were here in my bed there would be no need for either of us to have on any clothes. I would want to feel your body pressed against mine.”
“!”
Jennifer smiled. “I wouldn’t want any covers on us, either, and I would want a light on, so that I could see you.. .just as you could see me. I would want to touch you, explore you with my fingertips, to get to know your body as well as I know mine, to place my breasts against your chest and feel the soft downy curls on your chest brush against me.”
“Jennifer!”
“Yes, Chad?” she responded.
“Wouldyou cut that out?”
“What’s wrong, Chad?”
“Not a thing. Not a damned thing.”
“I’m sorry if I bothered you, love. I know how very tired you are and how much you need your rest.”
Silence.
“I’m sure you’re used to having a woman in bed with you. It doesn’t mean a thing.”
More silence.
“It’s different with me, though. I’ve never wanted to go to bed with another man. Only you. Only you, Chad. I’ve been waiting years for you. I used to lie in bed at night and try to imagine what you looked like, but I never could. Now I know. I can see your muscular body, your strong, handsome features, I can feel your soft, thick hair through my fingers, and smell the tangy scent of your after-shave. I can feel your—”
“Why are you doing this?”
“What do you mean? Loving you?”
“Are you trying to make me lose my sanity?”
“Of course not. I love you, Chad.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, but I do. You’ve given me a chance to come to terms with the Chad I grew up with, and the man I’ve known as my boss for five years. I no longer glamorize you, Chad. But that doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“I’m not interested in a physical relationship with you.”
“Oh? You really surprise me, Chad. As long as I’ve worked for you, I would never have guessed you preferred—”
“Damn it, Sunshine, you know better than that.”
“You really had me fooled, you know. The way you kissed me, the way you touched and caressed me—”
“It’s a good thing you aren’t here right now, you know. I would show you my sexual preferences fast enough!”
She grinned. “Is that an offer? Give me your address and I’ll be right there. Wait, I’ll get a pencil.” She lay there quietly, waiting for a response.
“Don’t bother. I am not going to give you my address. You are not coming over here. You are going to leave me alone, do you understand me?”
“Very well. You come in very loud and clear. Can you hear me all right?”
She could feel his frustration, irritation and thwarted sexual desires all tangled in a whirlwind of emotion. The cool, unflappable C. W. Cameron might be able to hide behind that calm facade with everyone else, but he had given her an open pathway to his heart when she was too young to appreciate what he offered. Now there was no way he could close her out.
“Sunshine.. . I’m tired. I’ve had less than four hours’ sleep in the past fifty-six hours. I’m beat. Will you please just go away and leave me alone?”
“Of course I will, love. Why don’t you turn over on your stomach and relax. Just pretend that I’m there massaging the tense muscles in your back and shoulders. Feel my fingers glide over those muscles, and smooth away all of the aches. Feel my—”
“Jennifer Chisholm, that’s enough!”
She lay there quietly in bed, grinning from ear to ear. After a few moments she heard, “Sunshine?”
Jennifer didn’t answer.
After several more minutes went by, he said, “Sunshine, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I just want to be left alone, okay?”
Jennifer turned over and snuggled into her pillows. Not bad for the first night’s work.
She was on the phone when C. W. Cameron walked in the next morning. Without looking up at him she handed him three calls that had already come in for him, while she continued to speak into the phone.
When she hung up, Jennifer went back to the coffeepot and got two cups of coffee. Without saying anything, she placed one of them in front of him and sat down in the chair across from his desk.
He glanced up from the mail in front of him.
“Did you sleep all right last night?” she asked.
“No, thanks to you,” he muttered.
Jennifer was delighted. That was the first time in the office that he had allowed their two separate lives to come together. It was a start.
Over the next several weeks Jennifer set up a loose schedule of contact with him. When he was out of town she would idly let him know when she went out with friends after work. He didn’t need to know how many were in the group. If he thought she was on a date while she commented on what was happening around her, that was his choice.
Her purpose was to let him know that she wasn’t wasting away without him; that she had a full and busy life and that she was happy with her en
vironment. At the same time she let him know she missed him and wished he were there to share some of those good times with her.
He never responded.
Jennifer refused to become disheartened. She couldn’t expect to break a twenty year habit in a couple of months. Time was on her side. Actually, she knew that whether or not he would admit it, Chad was on her side, too.
It wasn’t that he didn’t love her. He was afraid of the commitment. Nothing new about that. Almost every magazine she picked up had an article or two about men and women who were afraid to make a commitment. She could understand and appreciate where they were coming from. If she hadn’t grown up with Chad in her life, she would no doubt feel the same way. But because of Chad, her life was different.
Her commitment was made. That commitment had begun years ago when a teenage boy reached out to her in her loneliness and sorrow and tried to ease her pain.
Now it was her turn to reach out and ease his loneliness and sorrow.
He’d been back home from one of his trips two days when she sent him a message late one night. Jennifer was lying in bed and had been thinking about him. Hocusing her thoughts to project to him, she said, “I wonder what it’s like to sleep with someone, to actually share a bed. Are you used to sleeping with anyone, Chad?”
“What sort of crazy question is that?” was his immediate response.
Good. Many times he ignored her. She must have gotten under his skin with that one.
“That’s not crazy. You’re thirty-seven years old. I’m sure you haven’t spent all that time in bed alone.”
“You might be surprised.”
“I lie here at night and pretend you’re here with me, but since I’m not sure whether you’re used to sleeping on your back or your stomach, or whether you’d curl up to my back or perhaps I’d curl up to yours.. . ”
No response, but she felt his reaction, knew he was visualizing them together.
“I don’t think I’d want to sleep in anything. Not with you here to keep me warm. You certainly do have a way of doing that. Every time you’ve kissed me my temperature has gone up a few notches. I can just imagine what it would be like for your hands to touch and explore me, to—”
She felt a very heated response, but no words.
“Good night, Chad. Pleasant dreams.”
Actually Jennifer had discovered that her plan had somewhat backfired. She was finding that her sleep was filled with dreams of Chad and some of the books she had read came to life with her and Chad as eager participants.
She would wake up and find herself trembling, oftentimes aching with need. The mind and the imagination were the most erotic part of the body. Jennifer had absolutely no doubts on that subject.
And she wasn’t going to be able to continue the torture she was putting them both through. After one particularly graphic evening, Jennifer ended up crawling into a cold shower for several minutes before going to sleep.
So much for trying to use their unique communication abilities to convince him they belonged together.
To make matters worse, once she managed to fall asleep she had slept so heavily she did not hear her alarm go off. Eventually Sam was able to get her awake by tromping up and down her back and meowing until she opened her eyes and saw the time. There was no way she could make it to work on time.
C. W. Cameron was already at his desk, with his cup of coffee, talking on the phone when she came in. That was the first time since she’d been working there that he had beat her in. Of course it was also the first morning she had been late.
He glanced up when she walked into her office, nodded and continued to talk while she hastily put her purse away and sat down. The mail was piled high on her desk and she automatically started sorting it, wishing she’d taken the time to swallow a couple of aspirin tablets before she left home.
Jennifer felt defeated. She had been so hopeful that in some way she would reach the stubborn, lovable, opinionated, tenderhearted, irritable, adorable man she loved. However, at the moment she was at a loss as to what to do. Nothing worked.
For the first time Jennifer faced the fact that she might need to quit her job. If she accepted that there would never be anything more between her and Chad than their working relationship, she wasn’t sure she could continue.
Jennifer heard her employer hang up the phone but she didn’t look up. When he suddenly spoke in front of her, she jumped.
“Leave that and get your purse.”
The words were quiet but there was no doubt in her mind that he meant every word. She looked up at him, horrified. Granted, she had been considering leaving the agency, but she needed time to find other employment. Besides, how could he even consider firing her for being late, when it was the first time in all her years of working there?
His expression gave nothing away.
Are you firing me? she thought in a rush.
“No,” was the equally quiet answer.
Jennifer got up and reached for her purse. He held out his hand as though for her to precede him. They paused at the receptionist’s desk. “Ms. Chisholm and I will be out for the rest of the day. Please take our calls and tell whoever asks that we’ll both be in on Monday.”
The look of astonishment on the receptionist’s face probably mirrored Jennifer’s own expression. Chad had never before asked her to go anywhere with him. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t asked now.
Trying to keep up with his long stride, she hurried beside him. When he noticed that she was almost running to keep up with him, he slowed his pace somewhat and politely took hold of her elbow. They stopped beside his car.
The sporty lines of his Nissan did not look in any way damaged, she thought as he unlocked the door, then held it open for her.
Jennifer settled in, made sure her safety belt was fastened and waited for him to explain where they were going. And waited. And waited.
When he pulled into the airport she glanced at him in alarm. “Are you going out of town again?”
He waited until she had gotten out of the car, made sure both doors were locked, then took her elbow once again, motioning her toward the terminal. “We are going out of town.”
“But where?” She glanced down at the neat suit she wore. “I don’t have anything to take with me.”
“You won’t need anything,” he assured her blandly.
He kept walking past the ticket counters and toward the gates. They went through the security check in silence; When he stopped at one of the gates and gave his name she heard the announcement of the last call for the flight leaving for Las Vegas, Nevada.
Once again he ushered her through the gate and down the passageway to the plane. He gave their boarding passes to a smiling steward, who pointed out their seats. After making sure she was strapped in, he pulled some papers out of his inside coat pocket, unfolded them and began to read.
“Is Tony still having problems?”
He continued to read for a moment, then reluctantly raised his gaze to meet hers. “Not that I am aware of.”
Clearly he wasn’t in the mood to talk. Well, quite frankly, neither was she. Her head was pounding, her heart was racing, and she didn’t understand what was going on.
They were already in the air before Jennifer realized this was her first flight. She’d been too confused and mystified to give it much thought.
Since Chad had given her the seat by the window, she spent most of her time looking out. Jennifer was determined not to give him the satisfaction of pleading to know what was going on. He paid her salary. If he decided to take her away from the office on one of their busiest days, she supposed that was his business.
Forcing her mind to quieten, Jennifer continued to stare out the window until she fell asleep. She woke up as they were making their final approach to land. Now she had plenty of time to worry about how well the pilot knew how to fly, if all the mechanics had been alert when they checked over the plane, and if anyone would think to notify her mother if something happened t
o her.
Chad obviously knew his way around an airport. Within minutes he had stopped to pick up the keys to a rental car and they were quickly outside.
The weather was much nicer in late October, Jennifer noted with something like relief. She started to make a comment along those lines to Chad when she caught a glimpse of his face. The aloof, thoughtful expression did not remind her of a man who was interested in passing the time by discussing the weather.
Jennifer waited to see where they were going.
Her first surprise was that they didn’t go on the Strip. So they weren’t going to see Tony, she decided. Her second surprise was when they parked near a very official building downtown and Chad escorted her into the courthouse and down the hall to the license bureau.
Her knees almost buckled when he explained to the clerk that they were there to get a marriage license.
Chapter Nine
Contents - Prev / Next The normal busy office sounds of the license bureau made a soothing background for Jennifer’s thoughts, which could best be described as chaotic. She had assumed that the reason for their trip had something to do with the agency. By the time she could find some order to her thoughts, the clerk was asking rapid questions.
Jennifer answered them in a daze. Chad’s composed answers further rattled her. After the money was handed over, Chad took the license and escorted her from the room. By the time they reached the hallway Jennifer had managed to find her tongue.
“Chad, wait!”
He looked down at her with no discernible expression and waited.
“We need to talk about this. I mean, you never—I didn’t expect—We haven’t—”
He held up his hand like a traffic cop at a school crossing. “You don’t have to marry me if you don’t want to, Jennifer. No one is forcing you. If you’d like, we can catch the next plane back to L.A. and—”
“I do want to marry you, it’s just that—”
He took her arm and began propelling her down the corridor. “Then we shouldn’t keep the judge waiting. He only has a few minutes between court hearings.”
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