Better Off Friends

by Elizabeth Eulberg

  A manager approached. “Is everything okay?”

  The guys all mumbled that it was fine, but Macallan wasn’t going to let them off that easily. “No, everything is not okay. These gentlemen” — she said the word with such disdain — “were harassing your employee, who is, I might add, doing excellent work.”

  “Yes,” the manager, who looked to be around the same age as the guys causing the problem, said. “Hank is one of our best employees. Hank, why don’t you take a break?”

  Hank took his towel and trays from the table and walked away.

  The manager waited for Hank to be out of earshot before he turned his attention back to the table. “I think I’m going to need to ask you gentlemen to leave.”

  They laughed. “Whatever. We were going anyway.”

  As they got up to leave, one of them brushed past me and said, “You need to learn to put a muzzle on your girlfriend.”

  I had been frozen the entire time. Macallan stood up to those three guys while I’d stood there like an idiot.

  Macallan talked a little bit with the manager before he thanked her for stepping in. “It’s great what you did. It’s unfortunate, but it does happen.”

  “It shouldn’t,” Macallan said coldly.

  Once we were back at our table, just the two of us again, I asked, “Are you okay?”

  “No. I hate people like that. They think they’re so much better than Hank. And they probably think they’re better than you or me. What kills me is that those jerks get to walk down the street and nobody ever judges them. I can guarantee you that Adam works a lot harder in one day than those guys ever will in their lifetimes.”

  I’d never seen Macallan so mad. I knew she had very little tolerance for crap, but I’d had no idea how much it would set her off. “You’re right,” I told her. “And I’m really proud of you. I also know to never make you angry. That was something else.”

  A smile started to warm her face. “Sorry. I can’t help myself.”

  “No, I’m serious. That was awesome. I never saw you as the confronting type. Lesson learned.”

  “Only when someone’s being bullied, I guess.”

  “Let’s get out of here. I think this calls for a Buggy and Floyd marathon.”

  “And some more custard.”

  That was the Macallan I knew. “Like I’d say no to you now.”

  She laughed as we headed back in line. I poked her in the ribs. “I’m telling you, no girl back home is as cool as you.”

  Macallan froze again. I immediately looked around to see if the guys were back.

  “You know” — she turned toward me — “I understand that you spent your first twelve years in California, but this is your home now.”

  I wasn’t sure why she was suddenly annoyed at me.

  “I don’t know —”

  She interrupted. “You keep saying ‘back home’ all the time.”

  “I don’t —”

  She slouched her shoulders and did this low voice. “ ‘Yeah, my buddies back home, back home we did this, back home was all like this, and back home is awesome.’ ” I think she was doing an impersonation of me. But I so didn’t talk with that exaggerated Valley accent she was doing. At least I hoped I didn’t. She fixed her gaze on me. “This is your new home.”

  She moved forward and ordered her second custard. And I stood there thinking about what she had said.

  Maybe I was still living in the past. Maybe I hadn’t realized that this move was permanent. Maybe it was time for me to start living in the present, to embrace my new school and my new classmates. Maybe I hadn’t made enough of an effort.

  I had to face the fact that I was now a Wisconsinite.

  I stopped looking at everything, especially school, as temporary. I was going to have to find a way to get comfortable at school and with the guys.

  But first I had the little matter of my date with Emily.

  We were sitting across from each other like we did every day at school for lunch. But this was different. Not just because we were at a pizza place before the movie. This was a date. And it wasn’t any date, it was a date with the hottest girl in school and Macallan’s best friend. This was a big deal.

  Emily always looked pretty at school, but she went all out that night. I almost didn’t know what to do when I met her at the mall. She had on this flowery dress and her hair had one of those sparkly barrettes in it. And every time she smiled at me, I got a little nauseous. Not the I’m-gonna-hurl nauseous, the this-is-exciting one.

  I took an extra big sip of my soda as Emily smiled at me while we waited for our pizza. It was like she was expecting something witty, something more than our usual dissection of the school day.

  “So …” She wrapped one of her loose strands of hair around her finger.

  “So …” was my witty reply.

  She reached her other hand out to me. “I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

  “Me too.”

  Ugh. I swore I knew how to talk to girls. I talked to Macallan all the time. But I became worried that I’d used up all my small talk with Emily at school.

  “I’m thinking of having a Halloween party,” Emily said as her finger kept twisting her hair. I wasn’t the only one who was a little nervous.

  “That could be fun.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, especially since I was thinking that I’d invite all the guys, like Keith and Troy.”

  “Troy’s cool.” And the only guy who really gave me the time of day.

  “Yeah, I feel like it would be good for you to spend some time with the guys.”

  I hated that it was so obvious to everybody how I wasn’t “one of the guys” here.

  I swallowed my ever-shrinking pride. “Thanks.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Even I need to make sure to get in good with everybody.”

  That surprised me. Emily was one of the most popular girls in school.

  She continued. “Especially Keith. Ever since we were little, he was always the one with the biggest circle of friends. He’d have the birthday parties everybody wanted to be invited to. That’s not going to change for him. He’ll have no problems fitting in next year. But the new school is going to be so big. I’m worried about getting lost.” Her voice got quiet and she sank down in her seat a bit. Emily was usually so bright and bubbly, I felt like I was getting a deeper glance. “I don’t know. I guess I’m thinking too much. I like the little circle we have now. And I feel things already changed so much with you moving here. I mean, I see Macallan less.” Emily’s eyes got wide, like she knew she shouldn’t have said that.

  Before I could say I didn’t mean to take Macallan away from Emily, she jumped back in and said, “Not that I —” Then she fumbled for a second. “I like having you here. I hope you don’t think it’s that.”

  “No, I totally get it.”

  “But anyway …” She straightened up, and I knew the conversation was going to go back to the surface as well. “I know one person who won’t have any trouble staying on Keith’s radar next year.” She raised her eyebrows playfully.

  I had no clue who she was referring to. It certainly wasn’t me.

  “Macallan. He used to have the biggest crush on her. He probably still does.”

  I was pretty sure my eyeballs almost came out of their sockets.

  Emily laughed. “Are you shocked that a guy would be interested in Macallan?”

  “No, not at all.” I actually found it strange that she never really talked about guys to me. I figured that was left to her girl friends.

  “Yeah, it was sixth grade. But she didn’t really have any interest in Keith or anything really after her mom …”

  Emily’s unfinished sentence hung over us like a dark cloud. I had always avoided the topic of Macallan’s mom. I knew I was supposed to say how sorry I was if it ever came up. But it never came up. Macallan always talked to me about her dad, her uncle, and school — but she hardly ever talked about her mom.

  “I don’t
know how she holds up as well as she does.” I was surprised not only that these words came from my mouth, but how small my voice sounded.

  Emily dropped her head a bit. “It was awful. It was so awful. I wish you could’ve seen Macallan when her mom was around. She was a different person. She was always smiling and laughing. It’s not like she’s all brooding now, but it was … a lot.”

  I was sure “a lot” was putting it mildly.

  “But I have to tell you, she’s gotten much better lately. Like whenever she starts talking about her cooking classes or the new recipes she’s trying out. And also, I don’t know if you realize how much your mom has helped her.”

  I nodded. It was pretty clear that Macallan adored my mom. It made me realize how lucky I was to have her around. To have both my parents around even though I got annoyed with how much time my dad spent at the hospital.

  “Oh!” Emily started bouncing up and down in her seat. “I’ve got it! I think I should ask Macallan to make some food for the Halloween party. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

  “Yeah, she’ll love that.” I started thinking about all the food Macallan’s been making. “Do you think you can ask her to make those pulled pork sandwiches?”

  “Definitely.” Emily beamed.

  We missed the seven o’clock movie and the one after that. Emily and I kept talking and talking. All the nerves we both felt started to melt away.

  The only other time I got nervous that evening was when we said good-bye. Because I wanted to kiss her. Not just because she was cute but because, for the first time since I’d arrived, I had something to look forward to that didn’t involve Macallan.

  So I kissed her. And she kissed me back.

  I wasn’t going to let any other opportunities pass me by.

  Generally when a guy gets a girlfriend, he usually ends up spending less time with his guy friends. But with Emily it was the opposite.

  Before I knew it, I was starting to hang out with Keith and Troy. We went to the mall to get our costumes for Emily’s Halloween party. We ended up grabbing a few slices and talking about sports. I hadn’t had that much bro time since we left California. I even got excited when Keith picked on me for spending so much time with Macallan without making a move. I took it as a compliment that he was ribbing me. It meant I was in.

  “Have I told you you’re the greatest boyfriend?” Emily pecked me on the cheek as I put up the last of the fake cobwebs in her living room the night of the party.

  “Not today.” I winked at her.

  She laughed before surveying the room for one last inspection before people arrived. We moved the furniture so there was a large area for people to hang out and maybe dance. We had a table set up on the side that had a punch bowl filled with “green slime” (which was basically green-colored punch), and chips, dip, pretzels, candy, and a lot of room left for Macallan’s food.

  Macallan, as with everything, outdid herself. There were mini “mummy” pizzas (where black olives were used as eyes), deviled eggs that had peppers sticking up like horns so the eggs looked like devils, cupcakes decorated with candy corn. And, of course, her famous-to-me pulled pork sandwiches.

  “This all looks amazing, Macallan!” Emily hugged her.

  Our group had decided to dress up with a Grease theme. The girls were going as the Pink Ladies while the guys were T-Birds. Emily was dressed as Sandy, with a leather jacket and all black with red shoes. Her normally sleek, black hair had been curled and teased beyond recognition. If Emily was Sandy, I guess that made me Danny. The guys had it easy; we only had to get white T-shirts and write T-Birds on them. Some of us had leather jackets — I’d borrowed my dad’s old motorcycle jacket from when he had a motorcycle; Mom had made him get rid of it once she got pregnant with me. The girls took pink T-shirts and wrote Pink Ladies in bubble letters and then wore poodle skirts with matching pink headbands and flip hairdos.

  Mr. Dietz, Adam, and Emily’s parents hung out in the kitchen while the party took over the living and dining rooms. Most of the guys who weren’t in our group dressed up as football players or cowboys, which meant a plaid shirt and cowboy hat. It was the girls who’d gone above and beyond: beauty queen pageants, Catholic schoolgirls, or basically anything that required them to dress up and put on a lot of makeup.

  Not like I was complaining.

  “Hey, California!” Keith called out from his station in front of the TV. “You’re up.”

  He threw me a gaming remote and I plunked down next to him.

  We played video games for an hour or so. Every once in a while, he’d give me grief about my accent, my outfit (which was the exact same as his), my hair (which had been short for two months, but Keith had failed to notice), and pretty much anything I said. But I ate it up. This was how Keith treated his friends.

  “Dude, next weekend. My house. You in?” Keith said after I finally beat him at a boxing game.

  I had no idea what next weekend was or what we’d be doing at his house, but I agreed.

  I had a girlfriend, an amazing best friend, and was finally becoming one of the guys.

  Things were starting to look up.

  Don’t think I’m not offended that you were so desperate for some bro time.

  Dude, you know I didn’t mean it that way.

  Dude. You make it seem like I forced you to have tea parties with my dolls and braid my hair.

  You did start spending a lot of time in the kitchen.

  That’s funny. I don’t remember hearing you complain while you were eating all the food I was making.

  That’s because you’re the best cook in the state of Wisconsin. If not the entire culinary world.

  Flattery will get you everywhere.

  Don’t I know it.

  Having your two best friends date wasn’t as awkward as I’d thought it would be.

  It was much, much worse.

  The first month was a little uncomfortable. I had to watch what I said about one when I was with the other. Then one of them would pump me for information. Sometimes I had to be the go-between. I was even the third wheel on a lot of the first dates.

  One time I went to get some popcorn before the start of a movie, only to discover them kissing (or, more accurately, sucking face) when I got back. I froze, not knowing what to do. For a split second, I debated turning around and ramming my head against the wall in hopes that I would get amnesia. Instead, I cleared my throat very loudly and they slowly peeled away. Thankfully, the lights dimmed down as I settled back in my seat, so I didn’t have to make eye contact with either of them. I wasn’t sure who should’ve been more embarrassed.

  By the time November rolled around, Levi and Emily were inseparable. They were constantly holding hands and I swear I once saw them rubbing their noses together between classes.

  I tried desperately to not be bitter. It wasn’t that I wanted a boyfriend, but I couldn’t help feel a slight sting when they didn’t want me around. Instead of being a necessity, I was a hindrance. Anytime I asked one of them to do something, they already had plans with each other. And I wasn’t included.

  Sometimes I even wished they would break up. But then I figured that would make things even worse. What if I was forced to pick sides?

  There was no way for me to get things back to normal.

  So instead I spent more time with Danielle. “They’re getting pretty serious, huh?” Danielle asked me as we waited in line to see a movie the week before winter break, just the two of us.

  “Yeah.” I was also getting tired of having to be the happy couple’s spokesperson.

  Danielle hesitated a second. “Don’t you think …” She looked around to make sure we didn’t know anybody. “Don’t you think Emily’s kind of slipped away a bit? I mean, I know she wants to spend time with her boyfriend. Duh. But she’s never strayed this far from us. It’s a bit much, you know?”

  Yes, I did know. And times that by two for me. The only reason I still saw Levi on Wednesdays was that Emily had cheer practice.


  “It is a little much.” I only allowed myself to admit it to Danielle.

  “Although, let’s be honest, you’ll probably have to remind me of this conversation when I finally get a boyfriend,” she said dryly.

  I tried to give her an understanding nod, although that just wasn’t one of my priorities.

  “Speak of the devils.” I followed Danielle’s gaze to the concession stand, where Levi had his arm draped around Emily. She leaned into his side and laughed at something he was saying.

  I really liked Levi, I really did. But he was not as funny as Emily always pretended he was.

  I groaned. “Do you think they’re seeing the same movie as us?”

  Dread came over me that I’d have to watch the Emily and Levi Make-Out Hour instead of the new Paul Grohl romantic comedy.

  Danielle apparently read my mind. “Maybe we can sneak by them and sit toward the front?”

  “Sounds good.” We grabbed our tickets and headed toward the theater with our heads down. I felt my heartbeat pulsing quickly.

  “Hey, guys!” I froze in my tracks upon hearing Emily’s voice. For a split second, I debated pretending to not hear her, but Danielle was already heading over.

  “Hey!” Danielle said cheerfully. “What are you guys doing here?”

  I made a mental note to encourage Danielle to join the drama club.

  Emily laughed. “Seeing a movie, silly!”

  “Really? You didn’t come here solely for the popcorn?” Danielle shot back.

  “We’re seeing The Salem Reckoning.” Emily pretended to get chills down her spine. “Fortunately, I have this one to hold me tight.” She beamed at Levi.

  In the many years I’d known Emily, she’d always refused to watch a horror movie. Even the cheesy, so-bad-it’s-funny kind. But I guessed she’d use whatever excuse she could get for PDL (public displays of Levi).

  “Cool,” Danielle said in a way that you could tell she found it the opposite of cool. “Well, I need to hit the little girls’ room before I watch Paul Grohl be romantic and dashing for ninety minutes.”